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Black Spire (4)
Najin recalled the day he first met Merlin.
To be honest, it was the worst first impression imaginable. From Merlin’s perspective, Najin was just an arrogant brat who had insulted Arthur, and from Najin’s perspective, Merlin’s demeanor left him wondering if this person was truly the legendary Archmage.
Merlin had openly displayed her hostility.
And Najin had simply watched her do it.
The only difference between then and now was that Merlin’s eyes were no longer shining.
‘No, there is one more thing.’
Back then, Najin had been wary of Merlin, but he wasn’t anymore.
‘Because there’s no need to be.’
Najin abruptly flopped down onto the ground. Knowing that Merlin disliked looking up at people, he lowered his posture to match her eye level so she wouldn’t have to lift her head.
"..."
Merlin narrowed her eyes and glared at Najin.
It looked as though she was just about to snap at him not to look down on her, but since Najin had lowered himself before she could speak, she looked as if the words had been stolen right out of her mouth.
"I had only heard stories about Merlin being the greatest wizard, but I’d never actually seen it for myself."
Najin spoke while gazing out at the frozen earth.
"I see now that you deserve the title. It looks like over a hundred stars have fallen."
"It’s 381."
"Oh. So, in terms of constellations, that’s roughly 60?"
"Around that many, yes."
Merlin let out a sigh.
A white puff of breath scattered into the air.
"I thought I told you to run away. Why are you still remaining here?"
"Because I was curious about what kind of person the greatest wizard really is."
"What a ridiculous kid. You risked your life and came all the way here just because you were curious about something like that?"
Merlin laughed at Najin’s answer as if she found it absurd. That hollow chuckle soon turned into a sneer.
"So, how is it?"
"How is what?"
"That 'Greatest Wizard' title. Now that you see the reality, how is it? Not much to look at, right? You must be disappointed."
Merlin scoffed.
"Greatness, Stars, Mystique, the Ten Circles, and all that... in the end, it’s all useless. If you can’t achieve the one thing you truly want, what meaning does any of it have?"
"That doesn’t sound like something a person who fought over a hundred Constellations and buried sixty of them should be saying."
"This is just venting. It’s a meaningless consumption of emotion. Doing this changes nothing."
Merlin murmured as she looked out over the land that had been turned to ruins and frozen solid. Her eyes were still empty. Hollow eyes that could feel no value in anything at all.
"..."
Najin had seen eyes like that before.
"You."
He had seen them far too many times.
"You intend to die."
"..."
Merlin remained silent, and Najin peered deep into her eyes. They were eyes he had seen plenty of times. Najin knew very well what choices were made by those who viewed the world through such a gaze.
He had seen it to the point of nausea in the Underground City.
Eyes that felt no value in life. Eyes that had gone empty because they could find no reason to live, no reason not to die, and no lingering attachments whatsoever.
"Is it that obvious?"
"Yes."
"Yeah, you’re right."
Merlin did not deny Najin’s words.
"If you know, then go. It’s not a sight I want to show to others."
"......"
"I said go."
Najin didn’t move. He simply sat beside Merlin, wordlessly gazing at the frozen ground. Watching his profile, Merlin eventually let out a small laugh.
"You’re a funny kid."
"You look like you have a lot to say. If there’s something you want to say, go ahead."
"To you? We just met."
"Wouldn’t it be easier to talk comfortably precisely because we just met? You don’t have to worry about what I think."
That is true, Merlin murmured, letting out a long breath.
"Actually..."
"Yes."
"People call me a hero, they call me a savior. But I’m nothing like that. I have never once thought that I wanted to save the world."
It was an inner thought she had never revealed to anyone at the Round Table.
Merlin began to confess the story she couldn’t tell the people she was closest to—precisely because they were close. She figured it didn’t matter anyway, since this was the end.
"I didn't care about any of that. Really, I didn't care at all."
"Then what was important to you?"
"Reality."
Merlin added.
"A reality more beautiful than a dream."
She murmured softly.
"This is a secret, okay? Though, I suppose secrets don't matter much when I’m about to die. Half the blood flowing in my body is that of a fairy."
"...A fairy?"
"Yeah. Among fairies, I’m one of the Night Fairies. To put it simply, we are fairies who live within dreams."
Merlin looked at the world with hazy eyes.
"In a dream, you can create anything you want. Truly, anything at all. So, is there any need to live in reality while leaving a perfect dream behind? That is what my kin thought."
So they chose to live in dreams. They had no reason to leave a dream where everything existed just to go out into reality. Reality was filthy, muddy, chaotic, and full of pain, whereas dreams were incomparably beautiful.
In that case, did one really have to live in reality?
Was there a reason to endure such pain?
They couldn’t find an answer to that question. And so, the dreaming fairies became fairies that lived within the dream.
"However."
However, Merlin said.
"Half of me is a fairy, but the remaining half is human. And that half refused to live in a dream. Because humans are a species that lives in reality."
One of Merlin’s eyes was hazy.
But her other eye was clear.
"I wanted a reality more beautiful than a dream. I wanted to see things I couldn’t see in dreams, things I couldn’t even imagine. And Arthur and the Round Table showed those things to me."
A gentle smile hung on Merlin’s lips as if she were recalling the past. But that smile didn’t last long.
"It was fun, but eventually, it ended."
Merlin’s eyes became hollow.
"The Round Table fractured. The knights betrayed us. Those who were comrades lifted their swords to kill one another. And Arthur, he made a sad expression. Then he left the Round Table behind and left all alone. As if he had been alone from the very start."
Her voice trembled.
"‘Don’t follow me, Merlin. This is the end of my journey. You knew this, didn’t you? That this is the conclusion I would choose. Use your Mystique to put a period on my story.’ That is what Arthur said. He said that and left. And then, he ended the story however he pleased. Selfishly, completely selfishly!"
Merlin scratched at her forearm with a trembling hand.
"Even if I want revenge, I can’t. I cannot enter Camlann. Because Arthur, who sealed that place, decided it so. Why on earth? Why..."
As if she couldn’t bear it without scratching at something.
"He promised me."
Merlin muttered weakly.
"He promised me that he would show me a utopia I could never paint in a dream. But he broke that promise. Aren’t knights beings who always keep their promises? Why..."
Why, Merlin bit her lip hard.
"Why did he leave me behind and go alone?"
She opened her hand.
There were twelve stars shining there. Merlin grasped the twelfth star, the one shining most brightly.
"In the end, this is my destination."
The Star of Finality.
"Everything points to the end of the story. So, is there any reason for me to live longer?"
The Star of Finality.
Her Mystique, the 'Period'.
"So I should end it."
"..."
"Arthur looked at me and asked me to protect the world, but why should I? This world has no value to me anymore. It’s gone now. What does it matter if it perishes or not?"
Merlin sneered.
"What do you think? I’m more terrible, selfish, and nasty than you thought, right? Are you sorry? That your fantasy has been shattered."
At Merlin’s mischievous grin, Najin shrugged his shoulders and answered lightly.
"I’m sorry, but I didn’t really have any fantasies about you."
"...What?"
"I’m in a situation that’s a bit too difficult to harbor fantasies."
No matter how history described Merlin as a great hero, if you were stuck with her for 24 hours, it was impossible to maintain any illusions.
"So, are you planning to commit suicide?"
"Are you planning to stop me?"
"If I try to stop you, would it work?"
"Well. I don’t think so."
"Then I will keep you company."
Najin stood up from his spot.
"It’s okay to have someone to talk to on your final journey, isn’t it? If need be, I could even be your guide."
"A guide?"
"Because I have a star like this."
The Star of Requiem twinkled above Najin’s hand.
Merlin let out a hollow laugh when she saw that star.
"Are you saying you’ll guide me to the afterlife or something?"
"If you need me to."
"That’s ridiculous. I am the guide, you know?"
"Even a guide sometimes needs a guide."
Najin extended his hand to Merlin, who was sitting down. Merlin looked up at Najin. She hated looking up at anyone, but for some reason, right now, it didn’t feel unpleasant.
"Yeah. You’re not wrong."
Merlin took Najin’s hand and stood up.
The dream would break and reconnect repeatedly.
Whether it was the floor showing the most intense memories or the floor showing the most painful ones, no matter which floor they stopped at, Najin continued to dream a single dream.
Blink.
Whenever he closed and opened his eyes, he was in the frozen land. Looking to the side, Merlin was there. Amidst climbing the tower, the dream continued.
"You know."
Merlin spoke as she walked toward somewhere.
"I hated the Mystique I possessed. A Period... doesn’t the name itself sound ominous?"
"Does it?"
"Yeah. Ending a story. Finishing things. It felt like it implied death, so I didn’t like it. I tried not to bring it out if I could help it."
Those who have chosen death often walk lightly because they no longer feel the weight of life. Merlin was the same. Her steps were excessively light.
"When my kin were all killed by the Witch, I had this thought. Ah, perhaps my Mystique is a curse. I thought maybe I had put a period on their stories."
Her voice was also light.
Walking lightly, speaking lightly, she even revealed her secrets lightly. Not because she trusted Najin or considered him important, but because she felt it no longer mattered.
"So I really hated it. I detested it."
She laughed.
"But now, it’s lovely."
"..."
"The moment I realized my Mystique, perhaps I had already anticipated an end like this."
Placing a period. Ending the story. Concluding it. Arriving at the destination. Murmuring such words, Merlin laughed lightly. Najin listened to Merlin’s story without saying a word.
Tak.
Merlin walks and walks. Casting down all the false, filthy stars visible to her eyes, using her Mystique unsparingly to bring them down, she walked.
Tak.
The stars crashed down.
Tak.
Everywhere she took a step, shooting stars fell. Stars falling one after another filled the night sky of the Outland. Witches trembled in fear, and Constellations with even slightly murky light suppressed their starlight to avoid catching Merlin’s eye.
Just as they feared the Witch of Camlann.
They felt fear toward Merlin as well.
And so, where Merlin stepped, only silence remained. Only the sound of Merlin’s voice and the footsteps of Najin walking beside her echoed out.
"I told you. It’s venting."
Merlin laughed.
"There are quite a few guys I want to kill before I go. I don’t think I can close my eyes peacefully until I snuff them all out. So, I plan to grind up all my stars to bury them."
She slaughtered witches, drowned demons, and plucked out dragon scales to mount as trophies.
"The thing I want to kill the most is inside that Camlann, but unfortunately, I can’t enter there. What a shame."
She called it venting.
But to Najin’s eyes, it looked far from that. Because the more she wielded her power, the more Merlin was rotting away on the inside. She spoke of death, but she also looked as if she was begging for someone to stop her.
Merlin was slowly going mad.
"Aaaah..."
Perhaps, she had already gone mad. Merlin walked endlessly like that. Najin couldn’t stop her. He had only volunteered to be a companion, after all.
"Ah."
Then one day.
"Merlin."
Someone appeared to block Merlin’s path.
It was a one-armed knight, a knight who was a complete wreck. The knight looked exhausted enough to collapse at any moment, appearing as if he couldn’t even stop a child.
"..."
But that knight stopped Merlin.
He knelt before Merlin.
"I inform you, the next master of the Round Table, that I have completed the final order given by the King, that I have fulfilled my duty."
With his one remaining arm, he lifted a single sword. The moment she saw that sword, Merlin’s eyes widened. And it was the same for Najin.
"The return of the Holy Sword."
The Holy Sword, Excalibur.
Only then did Najin realize who the knight before his eyes was. The knight who protected the Round Table until the very end. The oldest knight, and the first knight to follow Arthur.
One-Armed Bedivere.
The knight known to have retrieved Excalibur from Camlann and returned it to the lake. He offered Excalibur to Merlin.
"Please, accept the return of the Holy Sword."
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