Black Spire (3)
Merlin's voice was trembling.
Najin could neither crack a joke like he usually did nor give an immediate answer. The Merlin he had seen in the dream was unfamiliar, and the Merlin standing before him now felt just as strange.
"It is not an important matter. You have already fulfilled your role just by bringing that child this far, haven't you? Whether you are here or not, Anton will climb the tower. You have done your part by guiding him here. Since this trial is too difficult for me, I cannot keep the promise. Can't you just say that, listen to the information about La Mancha, and leave?"
Merlin pleaded while clutching Najin's sleeve. She continued speaking as if she were pretending to be fine, pretending that nothing was wrong, and acting as if she were merely offering a rational opinion, but...
"Hm? Please? Hm?"
She could not hide the trembling in her voice.
Najin looked at Merlin without a word.
Her shaking eyes, her wavering voice, the agitation, fear, and confusion. The emotions flowing from Merlin crashed against him like waves.
"..."
There had been a few times when Merlin got emotional. It was also not the first time their opinions had clashed. However, this was the first time he had seen her trembling in fear.
Why? What exactly was that memory?
"Everyone has them."
Come to think of it.
"There are memories everyone wants to keep buried. There are points in time we don't want to uncover, memories we hate to even recall, let alone speak of."
Merlin had said something like that once.
"You ask if I have them too?"
"Of course I do."
Najin looked down at Merlin. Merlin looked up at Najin. Enough time had passed since they started traveling together that they could roughly read each other's thoughts just by meeting each other's gaze. And the moment she saw the look in Najin's eyes, Merlin bit her lip tight.
"You have no intention of going back."
"..."
"Why? Is this really that important? Is the promise with that guy named Anton that important? More than my request..."
"It is not because of Anton."
Najin cut Merlin off.
"Rather, it is because of you, Merlin."
"What?"
"You know everything about me, Merlin, but I don't know you. I don't know much at all. I don't know what you were like in the past, what kind of person you were, or what happened to you."
Of course, he had read about her in fairy tales and heroic sagas. However, most of the stories there were omitted or missing, and it was difficult to understand Merlin's life with just a few lines of text.
"I just want to know."
"..."
"We are companions, after all. If wanting to know more about my one and only companion is excessive greed, then yes. I will go down as you said, Merlin."
Merlin mumbled with her lips.
"If you say it like that, what does that make me?"
"What does it make you? Merlin is just Merlin."
Najin chuckled, and Merlin swallowed her breath. Letting go of Najin's sleeve, Merlin tightly gripped her own sleeve instead.
"I obtained the 12th star after Arthur died."
She spoke with her head bowed.
"I hated the 12th star, and while I don't remember it clearly, I just hated everything. I think... I couldn't stand anything I saw because it all looked like garbage."
It was a voice lacking confidence. Merlin had once said that she had cut out the memories of that time herself. She continued speaking while fumbling through the blanks in her memory.
"I don't remember what I tried to do or what I was thinking, but I am sure of one thing."
Merlin raised her head.
Her blue eyes stared at Najin.
"I probably tried to end it all."
End it? End what?
"With the Mystique I possess, the one I hate the most."
A period. The Mystique that Merlin possessed.
"So I don't want to recall the memories of that time. If I tried to use the Mystique I hate and loathe the most, it means I was already out of my mind."
"..."
"I don't want to recall it, nor do I want to show it to anyone. It is a memory I just want to keep buried forever. That's probably why I cut it out."
She didn't know why the tower had dragged out a memory she must have excised, Merlin sighed deeply.
"You will be disappointed. You might even scorn me. Because back then, I was cruel, had a foul personality, and my head was filled with terrible thoughts, so I had gone crazy. I might even try to kill you."
So I don't want to show you.
I wish you wouldn't see that.
Even if you have to see it someday, I wish it wasn't now. Merlin's voice was filled with fear as she said those words. Seeing Merlin at a loss for what to do, Najin silently touched his chin.
"..."
Several minutes passed.
Since Najin did not open his mouth even after several minutes, Merlin became anxious and spoke cautiously.
"What are you thinking about?"
"I was thinking about just what you would have to show me for me to scorn you, Merlin."
"Wha...?"
"I thought about it."
Najin shrugged his shoulders.
"Unless you joined hands with a witch and massacred humans, I don't think I would scorn you. Did you do something like that?"
"No. It probably wasn't that..."
"Then there shouldn't be anything. Nothing to make me scorn you."
"But I might have done something terrible?"
"Well, there must have been a reason for it, right?"
It was an answer that was almost refreshing.
While Merlin was flustered, Najin spoke.
"People can lose their minds if they get angry enough. I thought about the situation back then, and I think it would be stranger if you didn't lose your mind."
Arthur had died. The Round Table had fractured. In the midst of that, with Arthur disappearing beyond Camlann, demons and witches began to run rampant. Najin, having considered the situation from Merlin's perspective, gave a short answer.
"If it were me, I think I would have lost it and beaten down everything in sight too."
He would have done the same.
"..."
Merlin was silent.
She opened her lips to say something, then closed them repeatedly. What Merlin eventually squeezed out was a short question.
"Really, you won't scorn me?"
"I told you, there is no way that will happen."
Only then did Merlin nod. She still looked anxious, but she didn't hold onto Najin any longer.
"It is terrible."
After a little time had passed, that was the first thing Anton said after waking from his dream. As if he had a nightmare, Anton sighed deeply enough to make the ground sink, wearing a tired face.
"They said they would show me my most terrible memory, so I thought I would dream of my heart being pierced by Lapis, but it was not that at all. I suppose it can't be a nightmare if Lapis appears."
"What kind of dream did you have?"
"A dream of the day the Quixano family fell."
Anton Quixano touched his forehead as he spoke.
"I told you that I am from the same family as Quixote, or rather, Alonso Quixano, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did."
"I was from a pretty successful family, despite how I look. Naturally, there were several territories under our family. There were many troupes staying in the territory, so there was never a quiet day. It was a flamboyant family in many ways. Was that why?"
Anton smiled bitterly.
"Even when it burned, it was spectacularly flamboyant. Oarsman, have you ever eaten 'Perennial Stew'? Or seen it?"
"You mean that thing in the tavern? The one they keep boiling for decades?"
"Right, that. The stew where the ingredients inside have become so mushy from boiling so long that you can't even recognize them. That is exactly what our family's territory became."
One day a witch appeared, and the territory burst into flames.
True to a witch who dedicates her life to inflicting pain on humans, the flames they raised did not extinguish easily, nor did they burn quickly.
Slowly, sluggishly, over the course of several days.
Anton recounted that the damned witch burned the territory over several days with heat just low enough not to kill them instantly.
"She didn't burn our vocal cords until the very end, so the screams never ceased. That is how the Quixano territory became a mushy stew, and my family and retainers all melted away screaming. The only ones who survived were me and my uncle."
Three days that were nothing short of agonizing.
Anton muttered about the memories of those three days.
"I could hear the screams. I couldn't do anything. I was a Sword Seeker at the time, but the martial power I had built up my whole life was useless. My younger brothers died. Even if he had no talent for martial arts, he was a smart guy who always gave me advice, asking, 'Hyung-nim, what will you do without me?'..."
He didn't give me advice until the end.
"Brother, please save me. Please, at least my daughters, he muttered. That guy had young daughters. So I crawled, tracing the hallway with my fingers to save at least those children. I crawled and crawled again."
I was stupid, Anton scoffed.
"Even I, a Sword Seeker, felt like I was going to burn to death, so how could little children stay alive? What I saw after crawling for a long time were corpses that had melted so much their forms were unrecognizable."
"..."
"Well, I had those kinds of dreams. Mmm. My stomach is churning."
"Was the territory burned by a witch, Captain?"
"It was. Who was it? Was it the Witch of Scorching Heat? I think it was something like that."
Anton, who had been muttering like that, looked at Najin and grinned. As if he knew what he was going to ask.
"I lost everything to a witch, so you're wondering why I love a witch. That's the look you have."
"It is similar."
"It wasn't like that from the start. At first, I resented them. I swore I would kill every single witch in the world. I became a Transcendent while catching and beating down witches like that."
But there was no end to it.
Anton rubbed his heart and said.
"Hatred, revenge, they are ultimately fire. They need firewood to burn. But after burning like that for a long time, the firewood ran out. From then on, I went around catching and beating witches half out of obligation. Yet I couldn't see the end. Ah, I thought, at this rate, I will eventually be killed by a witch."
Anton placed his hands on his knees and slowly stood up.
"And the one I met then was Lapis. She gave me a reason to live when I was going around killing witches indiscriminately. While tapping the head of the exhausted me who had collapsed."
You live such a hard life.
Hey kid, I've lived like that, and there's no answer to it. It's no fun living like that. You live a shitty life and die a shitty death.
Ah, I know from looking at your eyes.
Those are the eyes of someone who won't listen to a damn thing. You want to keep burning, don't you? Fine, then, well...
"Muttering like that, she plucked out my heart."
" ...Pardon?"
"Ah, don't be surprised. She had great hand skills, so she knew how to pluck out a heart without killing the person. Anyway, shaking half of my heart in front of my eyes, Lapis smiled."
I will be your firewood.
Didn't you say you already killed the Witch of Scorching Heat? You need new firewood, right? Then use me, who took your heart, as your firewood. Won't life be bearable if you have something to burn?
"It was quite an absurd first meeting."
"It is intense."
"Right? I told you she was an intense woman. I could talk for a good 400 years just about her, but I shouldn't do that. Since she will be waiting at the top of the tower."
Anton took a step forward.
"Let's keep climbing. We can't keep a lady waiting, can we? Let's go, Oarsman."
Although fatigue was evident on his face, Anton hastened his steps as if there was no time to delay. The two stepped on the stairs and headed toward the top of the tower.
The 2nd floor of the Black Spire.
When he closed and opened his eyes, Najin was standing on frozen ground. White breath rose when he exhaled.
"..."
Najin silently looked around. It was the same place as before, but there were a few differences. There were places where the ground was not just pitted but completely split apart, and fallen stars were embedded irregularly all over the place.
Dozens of constellations were shattered.
Hundreds of stars were stuck in the ground.
Najin turned his head to look at the center of the frozen ground. There stood Merlin, breathing roughly with her arms hanging limp. Covered in blood and in a mess, Merlin was grinding her teeth.
Around her, the corpses of constellations were piled high. There were dragons with torn wings and severed heads, demons frozen alive, and witches with their hearts plucked out and eyes gouged out lying sprawled.
Those who were dead, or those who would die soon.
Every single one of those lying around like bugs were powerful enemies against whom Najin could not guarantee victory even if he risked his life.
Grind.
Merlin survived against them. She faced hundreds of constellations single-handedly, and not only did she survive, she slaughtered most of them. Looking up at the sky, shattered stars were falling endlessly.
Broken stars fell like rain.
On the frozen ground where the rain of stars poured down, Merlin burst into laughter. She looked up at the sky and laughed maniacally. She cried while laughing, and raged while crying. Grind, the sound of gnashing teeth rang out eerily.
"It's over."
Now, it's all over.
Muttering that, Merlin sank to the ground. Letting out a hollow laugh, Merlin bowed her head. Watching that sight, Najin moved his feet.
Thud.
At the sound of footsteps echoing on the frozen ground, Merlin turned around. Merlin smiled as she watched Najin walking toward her.
"You haven't gone yet?"
Thud.
"I think it would be better if you didn't come."
Thud.
"Can you not hear me?"
Ignoring Merlin's words, Najin eventually approached right in front of Merlin. Merlin's empty eyes and Najin's eyes, shining platinum, met.
Meeting her gaze, Najin inadvertently thought.
‘Come to think of it, it seems it was like this when I first met you too.’
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