From the New York Tis, Tuesday, June 9:
LIFE FOUND NEAR TWO NEARBY STARS
HOUSTON, TX—On Tuesday, NASA reported the existence of life on two worlds in our stellar neighborhood. The stars Epsilon Eridani and Sigma Draconis each host a rocky world with oxygen in its atmosphere. The worlds are in the "Goldilocks Zone"—neither too hot nor too cold for liquid water to exist on the surface. In short, those worlds may be habitable by human beings in the future.
Neither world appears to have intelligent life, though that is based on a very preliminary survey that lasted only an hour. The Guranaki lor, the star freighter hired by Nick Tomsun, visited 67 stars and observed 214 planets in only four days. Hundreds of nearby stars are still awaiting preliminary survey, so it may be weeks before Epsilon Eridani b and Sigma Draconis d are examined more closely in a follow-up mission.
Arican astronauts Jason McAffee and Penelope Schmidt were aboard the mission. They are the first human beings to visit most of those systems, and only the second and third people to visit any other stars after Tomsun...
PARTIAL CURE FOR SCHIZOPHRENIA ANNOUNCED
BOSTON, MA—The nonprofit organization Cure This World has announced that Doctor Sana Vickall, the Goldaskian physician aboard the starship New Hope, has developed a cure for so forms of schizophrenia. As with diabetes and Parkinson's disease, Dr. Vickall has identified additional variants beyond the classifications used by human dicine. The cure treats what she has nad Type A and Type B schizophrenia, while Type C remains a challenge for the good doctor. The process to mass-produce the cure using only human technology is still under developnt, but it is hoped that the cure will be made available in a matter of weeks or months.
As with the fourteen other cures for diseases recently announced, the patent application is held by Vanessa Harburg and licensed to the Cure This World Foundation, on behalf of Dr. Vickall...
MORE CORRUPTION FOUND IN NYPD, LAPD, COURTS
New York, NY—New evidence has implicated several more officers of the NYPD, LAPD, and nearly a dozen federal judges. As in the first corruption cases announced earlier this week, the source of the evidence has not yet been revealed. Speculations by observers, officers, and others continue to grow that the Visitors are sohow involved in these indictnts. So of the accused claim that the evidence may have been fabricated by the aliens to discredit them.
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Several NYPD mbers, however, each speaking under condition of anonymity, have declared the opposite. One officer declared, "It's about damned ti. A lot of us knew what was going on, but we couldn't do a damned thing about it. It's really impressive how the cases seem to keep landing in the laps of the good cops and the fair judges. If the aliens are behind it, they are doing us a huge favor. You gotta wonder how much more corruption they've found that even they can't touch because they can't find enough honest people to lead the prosecution."
Similar sentints have been found in the LAPD, though there overall seems to be more hostility to the Visitors over the revelations. It has not yet been confird that the Visitors are responsible. Captain Geh!aoa denies any knowledge of these events, and as one pundit put it, "She's just a college kid. You can tell she ain't lying by the ears."
VISITOR SHUTTLECRAFT EMPLOYED IN FLOOD RESCUE EFFORTS
DELHI, INDIA—Over fifty people, including dozens of young children, were unexpectedly rescued from severe flooding in the area of their school by a Visitor shuttlecraft on Tuesday. The commander of the shuttlecraft, a fazzab alien nad Gomgom, insist that the ship's exterior was fully sterilized, and no contamination risk was posed.
"We were passing by, and wanted to help. Our species share a love of our young." When asked how they happened to be in the area, Gomgom did not respond. The shuttlecraft engaged so form of stealth and departed, and its current location is unknown. Those rescued wish to express their gratitude...
DEBATE OVER EARTHQUAKE ASURES CONTINUES
TOKYO, JAPAN—The Pacific Council for Earthquake Mitigation continues to be deadlocked over the proposed plan to have the Visitors attempt to mitigate the earthquake reported as imminent in the Western Pacific off the coast of Japan. Critics point to the recent practice maneuvers by the New Hope, which were clearly erratic, as evidence that the Visitors cannot do all that they claim. They argue that intervention runs the risk of moving up the tiline for the quake, leaving less ti for evacuation and potentially increasing the loss of life as a result.
The earthquake window has been updated to so ti between June 29 and July 5. The predicted magnitude is still 9.3 to 9.6 on the Richter scale. So people who have the option have already relocated to higher ground, while many millions remain at risk...
VISITORS INVITED TO APPEAR ON LATE NIGHT SHOWS
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Jeffry Doolittle Live is the latest show to expressly invite Visitors to appear on the program. While most of the Visitors seem to keep busy schedules, several Ooafans are reportedly in negotiations to appear in the near future via video from orbit...
NEW THEORY OF LANGUAGE PROPOSED AT HARVARD
CAMBRIDGE, MA—A team of linguistics professors at Harvard University have announced early results in analysis of the primary Ooafan language, Kthufu. Led by Dr. Damian J. Pritchard, the group has been reportedly working around the clock to compare Kthufu to human languages. Despite it only having been six days since the Visitors arrived, the linguists already propose two new parts of speech as well as a new theory of idiom...
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