According to Gullen, I was the most powerful Visitor who had ever co to this world. According to Angel Rose, my powers were negligible (later updated to a cause for concern). Who do you trust in these matters?
Bear in mind, Marisa Toi won an Oscar for My Cousin Vinny, so the idea that there are these experts who decide whats good and bad on our behalf is sothing of a misnor.
So people have better taste than others, so have a deeper understanding of a subject and can highlight quality work, but the only thing we know for sure is that none of those people work in A and R for any of the big record labels. The only reason theres a best album of the year is because its a useful marketing tool. There is no best song, this or any other year. People like to be guided in the direction of popular shit so they dont feel left out, but then people like to vote for politicians based on a good head of hair.
The sword assessed on various readings it took, which only reflected my condition at a particular point in ti. My abilities tended to be inconsistent. Wildly so. Perhaps Angel Rose wasnt yet aware of what I was truly capable of. Maybe no one was.
Gullen, on the other hand, had a lot of experience to back up his assessnt. But why tell ? I assud he would only do so it if it benefitted him in so way. While I quite liked him, I didnt trust him. He was certainly my favourite fascist, and Id be interested in seeing how he asured up against the Fairy Queen when it ca to running things smoothly (over the bones of your enemies).
Not that I approved of Gullens proclivities for torture and silencing dissent, but as a leader myself, I could appreciate so of the benefits. You have to be able to separate the art from the artist, otherwise how could you enjoy the works of the greats, all of whom were terrible people. Oscar winner Woody Allens movies are better than his foibles, at least the early funny ones are.
I dont think people can fully appreciate what its like to be a leader, in art or in business or in war. As soon as you start relying on others, you have to use your judgent in how to get them to do what you want. How to get them to do it properly, rather than the half-arsed attempt they would like to give you.
Theres a long-standing understanding that morals have very little to do with anything when its not a ga. You can afford to be sporting on a court or a pitch, but that sort of nonsense in an actual battle arena will ruin your life, and the lives of everyone youre responsible for.
People like to think theres a natural order to these things. Survival of the fittest. Triumph of the righteous. Rise of the machines but order isnt natural, its enforced. Chaos is the default condition. The universe is entropy.
We are re blips in ti, the gods are ant to be eternal. You would think that would give them ti to get their shit together.
Joshaya wasnt happy about his new role as town bicycle. Everyone got to use him as they saw fit, with no consideration for where he wanted to go. He might toe the line for now, but that kind of treatnt was eventually going to produce blowback. You cant piss off a god forever, they get all wrathful and moody. I read a book about it.
How do you train a god?
Technically, Joshaya wasnt a god, he was a fairy, but sa diff.
He was a ridiculously powerful being who could bend the laws of physics to his whim (or to my whim). By that definition, I was a god, too, but I lacked the kind of ego you need to think others should do what you thought was right. They shouldnt do what they thought was right, either, but thats because they were idiots.
My plan was to get Joshaya to raise an army of fearso warriors and monsters, use them to back up Caim as he vied for global supremacy, and then peace out when everyone was dead. I didnt intend to put too much pressure on Joshaya so that when he did finally breakdown and start throwing around plagues of locust and raining frogs and whatever other bizarre teorological events gods considered a signature move, it would be with soone else at the helm. Take them to the precipice, let soone else push them over.
The ogres finished singing and headed off into the mountains. Gullen marched off with his troops and didnt leave anyone behind to keep watch; I got Flossie to check from the air. Dudley had been tasked with locating the Elf who I felt might co in useful. I was reluctant to get people to fight if they had no interest in doing so, like the ogres, but if they were going to get involved anyway, I considered it okay to try and get them to fight for rather than against . Solid principles to live by.
The windswept and craggy field we were in didnt seem like the ideal place for a battle, but supposedly it had been a grand affair.
Who fought here? I asked Caim. Just people?
No, said Caim. There were monsters and giants, too. Visitors and natives. Huge war machines rolled through this valley and crushed everything in their path, and were then smashed to pieces by the raw power of airborne wizards.
Alright, JRR, no need to turn it into a sweeping epic. Joshaya, how many prospective recruits have we got here?
Joshaya closed his eyes and shivered. Thousands. Many, many thousands. I could feel him searching for a way out.
And will they retain any powers they had when they were alive?
Not at first, said Joshaya. They may return in ti. It all takes ti, he added pointedly.
And how many do you think you can summon before, you know, system failure?
Joshaya opened his eyes and gave a look that suggested he wasnt impressed by how casual I was being about his certain demise.
First this body will wither and die, then my true form. Once that is gone, nothing can bring back.
Jesus, Fairy Queen on one side, Drama Queen on the other. Well, that sounds like you should be good for the first couple of hundred, right? I turned to Caim who was going to be our guide. To start us off, I want you to find the biggest thing here and bring it back. Just one, okay? A big boy.
Joshaya sighed morosely.
People have unreasonable expectations of gods. They need them to be perfect, infallible, when clearly theyre not.
Even our God back ho, who we all place on a pedestal, whether we believe in him or not, has made mistakes. Logic dictates that he therefore cannot be infallible. Why is that so hard to grasp?
The Christians and Muslims both accept their God is the sa as the Jewish one. No one disputes it. But that ans He tried his luck with the Jews, and then went for a do-over at least once, if not twice. Does that sound like soone who got existence together in six days? I cry foul.
Jews, on the other hand, could claim the other two major religions are pulling a fast one, infringing on a six thousand year old copyright. What about our rich heritage, they cry. They should shut up and not bring attention to it. They are, after all, descended from idiots.
Anti-semitic? No, indisputable fact.
Let prove it not only beyond a reasonable doubt but also any unreasonable ones, too.
Moses said, Yo, my chosen ones, Im going up this mountain, be gone about five, max ten, just chill here dont do anything I wouldnt do. Im paraphrasing. No golden calf, no cavorting, you get ? Dont look at like that, I know what you mashuganas are like. No golden calf for any reason. We good? Okay. Off Moses goes to get a couple of tabs from a guy he knows.
Cut to: Moses returns to find exactly cavorting around a solid gold calf.
Whaaaaa?
That is not the way the Chosen People are ant to behave, this the opening to an NBC sitcom.
Joey, Ive just cleaned and tidied, dont make a ss while Im gone.
Sure, Chandler, you can trust .
Cut to: Chandler cos ho to find Joey hanging from the light fitting and the living room full of live penguins.
Whaaaaa?
Admittedly, the golden calf routine (a classic bit) did set the Jewish people up to be the greatest cody writers of all ti, but handpicked by God for being special? Special Olympics special, maybe.
God is working by trial and error and in an environnt of pure RNG. It doesnt take much brain power to work out He doesnt know whats coming next, either.
Created us in his own image, did he? Then why are none of us happy with the way we look?
You dont need a theology degree to see the subject is not omnipotent, not omniscient.
Your God doesnt love you, doesnt even know you, or care. Your gods dont care, either. And neither do I. This whole, let be your subservient follower in exchange for bonus points in luck is clearly gambling addiction speaking, not devotion to the divine. None of the guys up here in the pantheon are going to enable your bullshit by fixing the odds in your favour. At that point, it isnt praying, its begging for handouts. Try getting off your knees and do sothing yourself, you lazy fuck.
Joshaya set to raising the dead, reluctantly and with the face of a teenager forced to visit grandma on the night his mates are having a party.
There was no party for Joshaya to go to. He was under my power and he knew I wasnt going to let him wriggle his way out of the task Id set him. This whole fascism thing was starting to make sense to . Nobody wanted to do the crappy jobs but soone had to. Not , obviously, so I guess it has to be you. Ti to design myself a new flag.
Joshayas first summon was a dium-sized animal, sort of looked like an elephant without a trunk. It was hard to tell what it was for sure with the skin sticking to the bones and the face all mushed in. Ti had not been kind. Is it ever?
The creature rose out of the ground where Caim had indicated, turning over the turf as it climbed out of its shallow grave. It made a loud wing sound and didnt seem that happy to be back. Once it was free of the earth, it shook its body and staggered about, not really knowing what to do. Welco to the team.
Bigger, I said to Caim. I need sothing like, humongous big.
Joshaya tried again. This ti he pulled up a humanoid creature. Not as big as the giant wed faced on the way to Monsterland, but close. An entire hill cracked open to let it out. The giant had a slight zombified look to it, which was good. Gave it a nacing air, as long as it wasnt vegan. The giant saw the elephant thing and stumbled towards it. The two embraced like old friends, bits of skin slaking off as they hugged. Very touching and disturbing at the sa ti.
Perfect, I said. Can you assu control of the giant and use its body to fuel for the rest.
Joshayas eyes widened. You an yes, yes, that might work.
What a beautiful example of colleagues pulling together, hm? I help him to survive this ordeal, he treats like Androcles.
Why hadnt he figured this out, you might wonder? If he could take over any body and use it to power the nurous resurrections required of him, you would think the solution was pretty obvious. I told you, not infallible. Quite the opposite in fact. Your God made you, didnt he? What more proof do you need?
Not that I had any interest in pleasing Joshaya. He was an unmitigated disaster who would fuck over when he got the chance, preferably from behind when I was asleep. My true intentions were sowhat more direct.
You should take control before he gets too used to being in charge of his own destiny. Might make him tetchy.
Joshaya nodded. Arthur collapsed. I slipped into the adjacent world.
The vine growing out of Arthurs head had detached itself. It was floating across to where the giant was, hanging down like a string of shit from a goldfish. Or in this case, a fairy.
I could see it now, flying slowly towards its new host.
It only took a second to confirm how Joshaya made the transfer. When I returned to my body, I looked at where Id seen the fairy and I spotted the disturbance in the air. It was small and it was invisible. Sneaky piece of shit.
In a pure RNG universe, you play the cards youre dealt, and if the last card is the one your opponent needs and not the one you were counting on, you lose. Simple as that. But there are ways to improve your odds. Not all RNG is fixed. It changes as you add and subtract variables. One thing that can help you is to know what is in your opponents hand. Even if it beats what youve got, you can still win if you know that. Knowledge is power, but sneaky knowledge is god-like.
The giant shifted its body and stretched as Joshaya acclimatised himself to the new host. Of course, my suggestion would an sacrificing the giant, but fuck him. He was already dead when I got here.
Over the next few hours, the dead rose all around us. Hundreds of them. Then thousands. The giant eventually collapsed into dust, but by then we had found another one. My army was almost ready. Next, Fengarad. I wondered what Jenny was up to, and if shed be pleased to see .
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