I felt tired and old. How many years had I lost this ti? A hundred? I let the ball of light dim a little, before I passed out.
A gentle hum filled the air. It wasnt a soothing sound. There were maybe a dozen or so of the tiny flying piranha, although it was hard to tell with them moving back and forth so rapidly. Their bodies glowed and they left trails and afterimages as they moved.
If they moved close together, they would form a ball of light, which was what I had seen, I guessed. Or maybe it was sothing else entirely. The great thing about speculating is that it helps take your mind off all the sharp teeth.
You wont leave here alive, said the Golden God. I could tell which one she was because she glowed in a much darker, more intense fashion. If you do as I say, perhaps I will give you a quick death. Her voice wasnt sharp or threatening, it was soft, gentle and uninflected making it feel like no matter the subject, she would speak in the sa effortless, impersonal manner, like it didnt really matter to her what I chose to do.
She was the only one who didnt move. She hung in the air above , about the size of my hand. For reference, I have quite small hands, not at all manly or brutish. I always felt hard done by to not get big, powerful fists. If I had big hands, I could have learned to play the piano and done impressive things regarding key changes on a guitar. I wouldnt have, but at least Id have had the option.
I didnt believe a word coming out of the Golden Gods tiny, razor-tipped gob, of course. If she could just bully into doing what she wanted, she would have done it already.
And who are you supposed to be? The fucking fairy queen?
Yes. I am Aldia, Queen of the Fairies, rightful ruler of this world.
I hadnt expected to be right and hadnt prepared any follow up questions.
Okay, well, nice to et you. Im Colin, I hope we can get on. Fat chance. What is it you want? And why are you even in here? Im fine with the abridged version. It was tempting to tell her to fuck off, that was my go-to reaction when soone threatened , but what if her plans aligned with mine? People get too worked up about the lack respect they get shown. The job is to get what you want, not get treated like a princess while you get it.
Nobody had attacked . The mini-Luftwaffe were silent and angry but they hadnt started any strafing runs, so I was feeling like I was doing pretty well.
This is our land, our world. You are thieves and tyrants. Her eyes glowed red, which looked cool but not very intimidating. If she could get them to blink on and off one at a ti, at least then shed be able to signal a turn. You made a grave mistake coming here.
Please, I make twelve grave mistakes before I get up in the morning. This is nothing special. Have you any idea how often Ive been threatened with death since I ca to this stupid world? Not to boast, but Ive actually died a number of tis already. Its overrated as a form of intimidation. If you need to get out of here, how will killing help?
She glared at , which told I was right.
Yeah, thats what I thought, so please cut the shit. Believe , if you want to claim this world as your own, I wont stop you. Ive no interest in fighting over who gets to take the dog turd ho.
The atmosphere turned raw and prickly. They seed to be uncertain of how to get to do their bidding, like if they blew their one shot theyd never get another, but all they needed to do was ask. How bad could it be? The death of every living creature that wasnt a fairy? I an, its not the ideal scenario, but you dont start negotiations with your best offer.
The problem with desperate people is that they look at everyone as competition. It makes it much harder to believe people will help without being forced, because you certainly wouldnt.
I want my ho back. I want my people to be free again. I want you and your kind to et a cruel and painful fate that lasts a thousand years and ends in your utter destruction. She was speaking quickly and nervously. She had been calm enough before but so sort of dam had broken, like she was sure I wouldnt help, so she was free to be as abusive as she wanted.
If she killed , I obviously couldnt give her what she wanted. If I left, there was no way to get to co back.
You could have had it all, said Aldia. Everything you ever dread of.
No, I said, I couldnt. People are always offering things they cant deliver because they think you wont be able to prove otherwise, as though only a ti machine can catch a lying piece of shit. Guess what? Your face is all the proof anyone needs. But youre all dead, arent you? Even if I let you out, you dont have bodies to go back to.
We arent bound by the sa laws as you. We can take any form we wish.
If that was true, who else were they capable of being? Joshayas habit of pretending to be other people could an he was really a fairy, too.
So, all the old gods were fairies? Even Joshaya?
We tried to give you people what you wanted, in return for what you no longer needed. But you hunted us and slaughtered us and wanted everything for yourselves. I wasnt sure if what she was telling was true, but it did sound like us. Only the children escaped, only the ones we hid.
And the rest were killed?
You tried your best, but you could not suppress out existence completely, so you trapped us in here.
Hey, can we dispense with the you business? I had nothing to do with it. I like people even less than you do, believe . In case you havent been keeping up on current affairs, my main opponent isnt you, its my own people. Why the fuck you think you have to rely on to get you out, I have no idea. If you dont like it here, why dont you leave?
There is no way out, she said with bitterness, waving a hand at the darkness.
Of course there is, I said.
The atmosphere changed, I could feel it. Hope had entered their thoughts.
And in return, you would want what? Who was she kidding? No way would she honour any deal with . Still, if soone offers to make your dreams co true, you might as well put in a request. Would feel pretty dumb if this was the one ti sobody actually ant it.
In return, I want you to leave the fuck alone from now on.
Thats it? She sounded utterly incredulous.
You could also put on a bathrobe once in a while, I said. They were all naked, but small enough so I could pretend they werent really.
You mock .
I certainly fucking do. Now move out of the way. I raised the intensity of my light once more and began looking around for a way out.
Wesley had found an exit using my light, so it stood to reason I could do the sa. It wasnt that easy, though.
After about half an hour or so I could feel the doubt growing around . Not my doubt (that was always at a steady maximum), the fairies. While it was expected, it wasnt helping. I was able to take threats of death and torture in my stride, but feeling like I was being judged as useless was altogether harder to cope with.
Can you stop following around like that? I suffer from performance anxiety and all the negativity you guys are emitting is putting off.
Jenny had always claid I was at my best when the chips were down, but that was when things were moving too fast to think. Currently, I was creeping around the dark, trying to find so invisible stairs.
The fairies, who had silently watched fumble around, drifted away from , like they had so business floating around in the vicinity, nothing to do with .
From what Id understood from when Wesley had found the exit, my light not only made it possible to find the doorway out of here, it made it exist, too. Sothing to do with being observable only when observed.
I likened it to that thing about if a tree falls in the woods, and theres no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? Obviously, the answer is yes, but physics reckons sotis maybe not. You being there can be the difference.
What are you doing? asked the Fairy Queen.
I could understand her uncertainty. I probably looked like an idiot, even more so than usual.
Looking for the door.
The door? said the Fairy Queen.
At the top of so stairs.
There are no stairs here, she said with complete confidence. She had been trapped in here so ti, so she probably felt like she knew the place better than .
My foot hit sothing and then sothing else a bit higher. I began to rise into the air like a mi climbing a ladder, only not as despicable. I had done so terrible things in my life, but at least Id never pretended to be trapped inside a glass box.
I opened an invisible door at the top.
The fairies were stunned. It was a nice feeling, to confirm that suspicion people have hidden in the back of their mind that they are really the dumbest person in the room. Even if I was still the second dumbest, thats not much consolation to the guy in last place.
Youre letting us leave?
Thats right, genius. If youd just asked in the first place, we wouldnt have had to go through all this nonsense. Go on, buzz off.
And you want nothing in return?
We could shake hands. Its what civilised people do, but I wont insist. The culture shock might be too much for you.
Its great being better than people, makes them feel like complete shit.
They fairies hesitated a mont, and then took their chance to leave, flowing past one after the other.
I gave them a mont. I didnt want to bump into anyone I knew on the way out.
When I returned to my body, there was no one there, inside or out. Everyone had gone and left behind. Story of my life.
No Joshaya waiting for in one of his guises, no Laney coming to the rescue. There was also no sign of Wesley or Richina in my mind.
They left, said the little version of , who, unfortunately, was still there. They didnt say where they were going.
Fine by . The sooner they all turned on each other and forgot I existed, the better.
My plan was simple chaos. With things in a big old crazy ss, no one would notice sneaking off. Maybe Id go back to the island and top up my tan. Actually, they probably wouldnt be happy to see back. Perhaps I could settle on my own island. If Flossie lent a dragon, I could probably find one to my liking. Deserted.
I returned to the temple entrance. The place was empty, even the gift shop. There was, however, so noise coming from outside. All out war? Fairy against man, a fight to the bloody death? Ti for my innate invisibility to finally co in handy. Sneaky sneaky, no one would even notice heading into the sunset.
I crept out of the entrance, ready to slide into the nearest shadow, and was t by a huge crowd. It looked like the whole of Gorgoth had turned out to greet my triumphant return. Thats what it looked like.
What it actually was, was an army of the dead. Every one of the temples undead inhabitants were standing in front of , skin pale grey and vulnerable to lanomas, eyes glowing in rather a familiar fashion.
They stood facing the temple, like they were waiting for sothing. I instinctively looked over my shoulder. Sadly, no one was there.
Colin, co, accept the fruits of your labour, said a tall woman with fiercely red eyes. The voice was the Fairy Queens.
Can I co back and get it later? Fruit doesnt really work with my low carb diet..
You will be my consort, general of my army and, after so training, master of my vulva. I already didnt like the terms of employnt. You have proven yourself as the saviour of the fairy race. To defeat the humans, we need soone who understands them, who can foresee their actions, and who hates them as much as we do. With you as our weapon, they will be struck down.
Sounds good, but Im a bit busy. Could we push it back till Tuesday? I could et you back here. I was trying to let her down easy because in my experience and I dont want to co across like all won are the sa naked birds tend to get the hump when you turn them down.
She wasnt listening. Accept my boon. I wasnt sure what her boon was, probably located sowhere near her vulva. Ive never been very good with female anatomy. Accept it or join the rest of this world as it is devoured in the Feast of the Fairies. The people all smiled, their mouths full of fairy teeth.
Typical. I spend my whole life never getting invited to anything, and the one party I do get invited to
I wasnt the sort of person who was easily swayed by threats and teeth, but this was a hard situation to get out of. There were thousands of bodies, each with a fairy pilot. Where had they all co from? It had only seed like there had been a dozen or so with the queen. At least I now knew what Joshaya was collecting so many dead people for.
I could leave my body and float around in the adjacent world, but then what? And if Joshaya could move around there, wouldnt the others be able to do so, as well?
Looked like I was going to have to play along for now and wait for an opportunity to escape. Until then, all hail Colin, King of the Fairies.
End of Book 8
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