For soone who goes to such great lengths to avoid danger, committing honourable Subaru might seem a little out of character.
Just as Claire had suggested, only losing one of our group was a more than reasonable price to pay for surviving a very unpromising situation. Count yourself lucky and move on with your life, would be my advice if soone had asked for it.
And yet, I didnt like it. Claire had almost known things were going to end up like this, she even gave the long goodbye. It was like she was doing a favour. It rankled.
Theres sothing about getting an unwanted gift and then being expected to be thankful that has never sat right with . Imagine if you left soone house-sitting while you went on holiday, and when you ca back, they had redecorated as a surprise.
They didnt ask you, and the new look was their taste, not yours. Would you thank them?
When they got upset at your lack of gratitude for what had taken them a great deal of effort (the mirrored ceiling in your now black and red bedroom wasnt easy to install) would you assure them you were hugely appreciative of their wonderful unasked for gift?
No, of course not. Its a massively presumptuous and inconsiderate thing to do. If you want to buy a shitty jumper for Christmas, thats fine. Ill pretend to like it. But if you take the money out of my wallet to buy that jumper, fuck you. That isnt a present, thats taking the piss.
Taking control away from soone is a power move, even when its done unconsciously. The gift theyre really giving you is the gift of feeling obligated.
I didnt doubt Claires intention to do the right thing, but its no coincidence they pave the road to Hell with those things.
My death was quick if not entirely painless. At so point, I hope to be able to take an injury without bursting into tears, but then again, I dont necessarily want to experience so much pain I get used to it. Thats a lot of nipple clamps.
A sharp twinge burst into an explosive bloom of agony. A spasm wracked my body, and I heard a scream that seed very far away, but recognisably in my voice. Then darkness.
I opened my eyes to find myself surrounded by more darkness, except here I could see myself when I looked down. Dressed the sa but no signs of cuts or gaping wound. In my hand was a glowing sword.
If Jenny had stuck that in my hand before I died, she must have moved very quickly. It was almost as though she knew what Id do before I did. But that was very unlikely, I told myself.
I looked around. Not much to see. No exit.
The other problem with my ti travelling escapades was Checkpoint Yuqi. Before I could get back to the past, I had to deal with the gatekeeper. And she probably wasnt going to be happy to see .
Hey! I called into the endless void. Can we get this over with? I have things to do and only an infinite amount of ti to do them in.
Why are you here? whispered the non-existent wind. All alone, without your girlfriend to save you Sha. I was looking forward to a rematch. You, Ive already beaten, and beaten, and beaten.
Why is it people always assu if you have a strong girlfriend you must be the weakling? I have my strengths. Probably.
Open a door to the past, Yuqi. I know what to do, now.
No. Yuqis disembodied voice swirled around . We had won. We had won, you piece of filthy excrent. And now you want to do it all again. No. No. Nooooo.
Yeah, but dont you want the good ending.
That was the good ending! scread Yuqi. A flicker of blue electricity crackled to my right. You think you can save everyone? Naked girls at your feet, clinging to your thigh, is that what you were hoping for, Colin? Thats not how this works. You arent repeating the sa loop over and over. Dont you understand? Only you get to relive the past. Everyone else is left to complete their own tiline. You just left them to their fate.
Youre lying, I said, although I didnt sound very convincing.
This was sothing I had already considered, although Id tried very hard not to. What if jumping back in ti didnt make the universe stop and rewind, what if it I just jumped into a parallel universe and started a new one?
I could have left Jenny alone with both and Claire dead. That Jennys life would go on while I restarted my life with another Jenny in another universe.
Which brings up an even more pressing issue. Is it considered cheating if you fuck the sa girl over and over in different parallel dinsions, or is it incredibly romantic? Only Stephen Hawking knows for sure, I guess.
Like I said, I had considered it, and had decided it couldnt be true. Partly because it was so uncomfortable to think I was simply abandoning the others every ti I went back, but mainly because there was one constant in each ti loop other than .
If there were multiple tilines, how co theres only one you? I said to Yuqi.
There was no reply from the void.
You said soone betrayed you, but how did they do it? Even if soone told the masters you could go back in ti, how would they be able to do anything about? They cant travel back. They cant tell their past selves to wait for you on the mountain range where youll appear and capture you.
What are you saying? hissed Yuqi from behind sowhere.
Im saying it had to be soone that could travel back, like you could. Like I can. We have the power, so could soone else. Maybe the person who gave us this ability.
No, said Yuqi. He isnt here.
I dont know. Maybe it isnt him. But whoever it is, they had to go back and their actions had to affect all tilines. Thats not very likely. Makes more sense if theres only one.
Was that true? It sounded right, but I was winging it, trying to convince Yuqi. It didnt really matter what the true nature of ti was since there was nothing I could do about it. If I had left nurous Jennys to carry on without in nurous separate existences, so be it.
The important thing was to get Yuqi to let go back and make sure I got it right this ti. No fucking way was I doing this shit again.
There was silence. Was she thinking about it? Had she gone? Was she preparing to attack?
I lifted the sword and readied myself. I hoped the Crouching Tiger flying-about-shit would work for as well as it had for Jenny.
Think youre so smart, dont you? The voice ca from behind , the breath blowing against my ears. The hairs on my neck rose from the static. Think you know better than everyone else.
I turned around. She was standing there, a mass of tentacles, two large eyes, and one horn flickering like a light about to need replacing. One horn. Jenny had cut the other one off. There was only one Yuqi; this one. There was only one Jenny. I would get back to her.
No. I dont think I know better than everyone else. I only think I know better than you, Yuqi. I have a plan. You have a plan. Which one do you think we should go with? , the guy whos got us closer to a way out than anyone else? Or you, the one stuck here for sixteen years, acting like a ntal?
Yuqi widened her eyes and glared at . She opened her mouth and the stars glead at . Then she began laughing. And kept laughing, which was disconcerting.
Whats so funny? I asked, a little annoyed. I was going to go easy on her, you know, because she was a chick (deep down). But she really deserved a damn good thrashing.
You, she said, still giggling. Think you know it all, then go ahead. Show .
A door of white light opened beside her. Then another opened on the other side. Then another, and another. Soon, there were dozens of them.
You want a way out? Here, all the exits you could ever want. Im sure they all lead to the sa place, no need to worry where you might end up. Go on, prove wrong. Her laughter rolled over in waves.
I hesitated. Was I really wrong? It wouldnt be the first ti. Which of these doorways would take to where I wanted to go?
Can you see through these portals? I asked.
Whats the matter? You sound scared, Colin. Oh no, what if you arent perfect, however will the rest of us cope? More laughter. Sure, we were on opposing sides, but there was no reason to be so an.
You dont know whats through any of these doors, do you?
No, said Yuqi. I wont know until you go through. Exciting, isnt it? I cant wait!
The sarcasm was even more irritating than the torture. Fuck it. I chose a door at random and stepped through it.
I expected to find myself falling. There was a slight sensation of vertigo, like when youre lying in bed and suddenly feel everything drop away, but that was all.
The world ca into focus around . I was standing on a wall. Battlents of a castle. It was night. The sky was black and filled with stars. I actually recognised themthe tiny ones like swirls of glitter, the patterns made by the larger onesI had stared at them enough over the last few months. I was back in Flatland.
In my hand there was a wooden sword. I had carried it here with sohow. I checked my pockets. I found a plastic crucifix and a vial of blue liquid.
There you are, said a voice from behind . I turned to find Claire standing there in an elaborate gown. Only she was older. A woman. Whats the matter? You look like youve seen a ghost.
I didnt know what to say so I just flapped my lips wordlessly.
And why are you wearing those clothes. I dont think Ive seen you Oh, God, this is it She covered her mouth with her hand.
She was a lot prettier now. Her nose didnt seem quite so big; perhaps shed grown into it.
I dont know where I am? I said. Or why you arent dead.
She lowered her hand. Youre ho. Or it will be, one day.
Oh. I looked around. It was a huge castle. Whats it called?
I dont know, said Claire. Youve never been bothered to na it.
Sounded about right. From what she was saying, I had leaped forward and this was my own future. Which could prove handy. She already knew what had happened to get us here. I must have succeeded in bringing her back, and she could tell how.
Which would be a paradox, but what would ti travel be without one of those?
Its the sort of thing sci-fi writers love to put in a story and then never bother to explain. Like just pointing out the possibility of a paradox is enough.
A boy is visited by his older self in a ti machine, who teaches him how to build a ti machine. He grows up, builds a ti machine, goes back and tells his younger self how to build a ti machine... so who worked out how to actually build the machine?
The gap in logic cos from the limitations of our puny brains. The sa reason we cant visualise infinity, or grasp what could have existed before the big bang, or understand what God is. The architecture of our minds cant sustain the concepts, even though we can recognise they exist.
It didnt really bother . As long as Claire could give a cheat sheet on how to sort things out so I ended up with my own castle, Id be happy to go with the flow.
You told this would happen one day, that youd visit on these castle walls. She stepped closer. God, you look so young. She reached out a hand towards my face.
I flinched backwards. Easy, tiger. I already have a girlfriend. I do still have one, right?
Claire laughed. Sure. You think you could ti travel your way out of her clutches?
That made smile. I didnt know if this was real, or only a possible futuremy knowledge of ti travel from books and movies suggested all sorts of possibilitiesbut it was nice to think there was a good ending out there, if I could find my way to it.
So we all died, did we? asked Claire. Thats why you went back that last ti?
I was glad to hear this would be my last ti. Dont you know?
No. You always refused to talk about it.
Really? I would have thought Id milk it for all it was worth.
She laughed again. There was none of her usual uptightness. You changed after that. A little. We tried to get you to tell us the full story, but you were adamant. She narrowed her eyes and stared at sothing above my eyes. After a few seconds I realised she was trying to read .
Still cant get through that wall.
What wall? I asked.
I cant read your mind because you wont let . Youre the only person whos ever been able to do that. I bet theres a lot of interesting stuff back there.
It was my turn to smile. Interesting. Yeah. Not the word Id use. So, are you going to tell what I need to do?
She shook her head. You made promise not to.
Why would I do that?
She shrugged. Im just following orders.
Im sure I had my reasons, but still, what a dick I am. Can I have a clue?
When have you ever listened to anything Ive had to say? She said it with no animosity; she was being playful. Id never seen her like this. The irony of her words made laugh. Ignoring her was what had brought here.
I looked over the battlents. There was a courtyard below. People and small fires; voices and laughter drifted up. I guess knowing this is possible is enough. I just hope I can find my way here.
Well wait for you, said Claire. Always.
The sword in my hand began to glow. Caire seed to beco less tangible, although maybe it was who was fading. She raised a hand to wave goodbye. She looked so happy.
Was it a dream? A delusion? It was hard to tell. It didnt really matter.
I closed my eyes for a second. When I opened them, I was surrounded by glowing doors. One of them had to be the right one.
I stepped forward and lurched like that last step you thought was there but wasnt. I staggered and landed on my backside. I was on a beach, a familiar one. Nekrol. This is where Wyndam had dropped us off, but I was alone and not wet. What was more surprising though was the sky. It wasnt a white sheet, it was blue. Or at least bluish-purple.
I stood up and looked around. Nothing else seed out of place until I climbed over the rise. Instead of flat scrubland, there were acres of wheat and corn. Dotted around, I saw people working the fields.
This was definitely a different Nekrol to the one I had known. I didnt know what I was doing here or where I was supposed to go, so I set off for the only place I knew of and hoped it was still there.
It took a couple of hours to get to the shack. I knocked on the door and a young man I didnt recognise answered. Yes?
I didnt know what to say. Does Loran live here?
The young man who was around my age, although bigger and tougher (which pretty much sums up everyone my age) looked at strangely, then he turned and shouted, Loran, soone for you.
A teenage boy ca running to the door. He stopped when he saw , confused.
It was definitely Loran, but he was a kid. I was in the past. Way, way in the past.
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