Chapter 813: Your Existence Is A Mistake
Vanitas’s eyes flickered faintly as she continued, her voice almost distant, as if she was dragging mories out from a place she’d rather keep buried.
“After the universe placed you in my belly, Kafka…after I was finally pregnant with you, carrying primodorial energy beyond asure, I knew it was only a matter of ti before you ca into the world.”
“And you see, normally, when a True God gives birth, a phenonon occurs. Sotis golden rain falls in the heavens, sotis celestial flowers bloom from the clouds, sotis a chorus of voices echoes through the realms.”
“And the greater the phenonon, the greater the child’s potential. It is said to be a reflection of the future strength of that newborn.”
Her lips curled upward, pride shining in her eyes as though she were reliving it.
“But when I gave birth…the phenonon was like nothing anyone had ever seen. It was so vast, so powerful, that it drew the attention of every single True God. Even those who had secluded themselves for eons.”
“The entire heavens shook. The sky turned purple and blue, as though the cosmos itself bled into the firmant. The sound of bells rang across creation, oceans roared, divine beings wailed in fear…It was chaos, a magnificent chaos.”
At that, Seraphina gave a slow nod, her voice asured.
“What she says is true. I was in ditation within my palace when it began. I felt the entire realm quake, sothing impossible in a celestial plane. I heard the cries of divine beasts. The waves at Grand Doola rose like mountains, the sky split with light.”
“I rushed out, as did the others, and we all followed the source…to her temple.” Her eyes softened slightly. “We realized then that Lady Vanitas was giving birth. And we all knew, without doubt, that the child she bore would be the strongest of us. Stronger than any demi-god born before.”
Vanitas smiled faintly, her pride returning.
“To tell you the truth, I already expected you to be extraordinary, Kafka, but even I was astonished. The heavens themselves declared it and I couldn’t stop imagining how I would keep you above all others, how I would show you off to the gods who once irritated with their boasting.”
“At last, I understood why they were so proud of their children. For the first ti in my life, I wanted to be a mother.”
Kafka found himself smiling faintly despite everything. Her words ward him, stirred sothing in his chest he wasn’t used to feeling when it ca to her. To hear her speak of him with such pride, it was strange, but comforting.
But then, suddenly, the brightness in Vanitas’s eyes dimd. The pride drained away, replaced with a shadowed look. Seraphina too grew silent, lowering her gaze, as though she knew what was coming.
Before Kafka could ask what was wrong, Vanitas spoke, looking at the ground with a nervous and somber gaze.
“But all those emotions of excitent and happiness changed the mont I actually gave birth to you. They all disappeared, leaving with nothing but a feeling of disbelief…utter disbelief at what had happened. I-I just couldn’t believe what I had given birth to.”
Kafka’s heart sank. His chest tightened and his voice ca rushed, agitated. “What do you an? What went wrong? Was I…wrong sohow? Was I disfigured? Sickly? A weakling?”
“No. Nothing like that.” She shook her head quickly, a faint, ironic smile on her lips. “From the mont you were born, I felt it, you had limitless potential. You were perfectly healthy. Stronger than any demigod should ever be.”
“In truth, you were exceptional, more exceptional than any child I had ever seen and even as an infant, your face was striking, beautiful, beyond words. You were…perfect.”
He froze, confusion furrowing his brow.
“Then what? What was so wrong that you couldn’t accept ?” His voice grew harsher, trembling with agitation. “What was it that made you feel disbelief? That made you abandon ? What was wrong with ?!”
Vanitas stared at him, torn apart by his words, and at last forced herself to answer. She lifted her gaze, eting his eyes with a fragile steadiness.
“I-It wasn’t what you think. There was nothing wrong with you.”
“The truth is…it was because you were born a boy. It was because you were born a boy and not a girl that I c-couldn’t accept you.”
Kafka blinked, his his eyes going wide in disbelief as he thought of a million reasons as to why he may have been abandoned, but never did he expect it to be sothing as simple as this.
“Yes, as shaful as it is to admit, Kafka.” She whispered, sha flooding her voice. “It was because you were male. I imagined it so clearly, my pride, my legacy, my perfect reflection. But when I saw you…a boy, it felt like a mistake.”
“Like the universe had betrayed . Like the whole world was laughing at in that mont and it felt wrong to then, as though everything I had hoped for had crumbled in an instant.”
Kafka stared at her in stunned silence, his breath uneven. Then a bitter laugh escaped him.
“Wait…That’s it? You abandoned because I was a boy? That’s the reason?…D-Do you even hear how absurd that sounds?”
His voice cracked as he pressed her further.
“I an, babies are born either boys or girls. It’s not complicated. So, how could you not expect it? How could you not ever think…I don’t know maybe the coin of gender flips to the other side and you might get a boy instead.”
“…And more then that, how…how could you possibly abadon for sothing so aningless?”
He asked with a desperate look in his eyes like he craved the answers hee wanted as for the first ti since the conversation began, Kafka felt sothing worse than confusion, he felt betrayed.
All this ti, all the unanswered questions, all the pain of abandonnt, only to find out it was because of sothing so absurd, so shallow, so cruel.
To be thrown away like garbage just because of his gender, it broke sothing inside of him. His lips trembled as he tried to laugh it off, but the bitterness in his eyes betrayed the storm inside.
And seeing this, Seraphina imdiately stepped forward, sensing how dangerous his thoughts were turning as she knew he had misunderstood the situation. So, to clear it up, she raised her voice quickly, firmly, her tone sharp but reassuring.
“It’s not what you’re thinking, Kafka…It’s not what you’re thinking at all.”
Her interruption drew his eyes to her, his expression stormy. She t his glare head-on and continued, voice steady.
“Lady Vanitas didn’t abandon you because she wanted a girl and got a boy instead. This isn’t like the mortal world where families sotis foolishly prefer one gender over the other…No, it’s much deeper than that.”
“It’s more in the sense that you were never supposed to be born as a boy at all and should’ve been born a girl instead…But because of the phenonon that occured, it led to such a unfortunate future for you and your mother.”
Kafka froze, his frustration colliding with confusion.
“What…? What do you an by that? You’re talking like my existence itself was so kind of mistake. Like I wasn’t ant to be here. Do you hear yourself, Seraphina? How the hell am I supposed to understand that?”
But Seraphina didn’t back down. Instead, she nodded gravely, her eyes narrowing with the weight of the truth.
“That’s exactly it, Kafka. Honestly…yes, you’re existence itself is honestly sothing that shouldn’t exist and is honestly a miracle.”
His breath caught, and he could only stare at her as she pressed on.
“Before you misunderstand again, listen carefully. Every single True God above the heavens is female. And every demi-god born to them has always been female.”
“From the dawn of creation, not a single male has ever walked among them. Not one. That is the order of the universe itself.”
Kafka’s lips parted in shock at this new piece of information, his fists clenching at his sides, while Seraphina continued, voice carrying a solemn cadence, like she was reciting a law older than ti.
“You see, at the beginning of all existence, there were two primordial powers. You may call them Yin and Yang. From Yang—the male principle, ca the frawork of the universe. The planets, the stars, the oceans, the living matter, even humankind, all of it sprang from Yang.”
“But from Yin—the female principle, ca the guardians of the universe. The True Gods. They were born to preserve, to balance, to safeguard the cosmos itself. And so every god has always been born female, because they are the embodint of Yin itself.”
“That is why we do not call ourselves goddesses. There are no male gods to distinguish from, so we are simply gods.”
Her words shook him. Kafka staggered a step back, his mind reeling. “So…you’re saying…that I…a male…I should never have been born?”
Seraphina nodded gravely. “That is what shocked everyone. That is why your birth was seen as an on. For countless eons, never had a male child appeared among the heavens and when you were born, the True Gods themselves froze in disbelief. To them, it was unnatural, even terrifying almost as if your presence was a harbinger of disaster.”
Her gaze shifted to Vanitas, who had been silent all this ti, her head bowed, her eyes clouded with old sha. Seraphina’s voice softened.
“But the one most shaken…was Lady Vanitas herself.”
Kafka slowly turned to look at his mother and she avoided his eyes, her lips pressed thin, her shoulders trembling faintly.
“She had so much hope in you, so much pride before your birth.” Seraphina’s tone softened, but her words struck deeper. “She imagined showing you off as her greatest triumph, her most dazzling creation…But when she saw that you were male, her pride shattered.”
“She couldn’t reconcile with it. To her, who had always held herself above all others, who always sought perfection, it was as if the universe mocked her. That is why she looked at you not with love, but with disbelief and confusion.”
“So…you pushed away.” Kafka gave her a twisted smile, though his eyes burned with pain as he stared at Vanitas. “You treated like an accident. Like sothing that should never have existed.”
Vanitas flinched, but forced herself to nod, her tone hollow. “Yes…that is the truth. As ugly as it is, my pride wouldn’t let accept you. In that mont, everything I felt as a mother shattered. I could not hold you. I could not cherish you. And so…I abandoned you.”
The words were knives to his chest. Even though he had already suspected it, hearing her admit it, hearing her say she felt relief when she cast him away, was unbearable. His body trembled, his knees weakening beneath the weight of her confession.
And yet, she wasn’t finished. She swallowed hard, her eyes brimming with regret, and added,
“There was more, Kafka. When you were born…you were born with a title. Sothing no demi-god had ever received at birth. That alone proved you would one day surpass every expectation. But the title that ca with you…” Her voice faltered, but she forced herself to continue. “…was the Incarnation of Lust. A male child, bearing such a title…I could not see it as anything but despicable.”
“Even though I knew, deep down, that if I raised you, you would beco soone extraordinary, stronger than even , I couldn’t bear it. My pride rejected you. And so I…cast you down into the mortal world.”
She looked at him, her eyes filled with a new kind of pain.
“I honestly want to lie right now and say that I did so with a heavy heart, that I was sad…But honestly.” She said, her voice cracking. “The mont I dropped you down to the mortal realm, so that you would stay there, I honestly felt relieved.”
“…It felt as if a big burden had co off my shoulders.”
Her confession struck him harder than any blow. Kafka’s vision blurred with tears, his chest constricting as though the air itself had abandoned him. His knees buckled, and for a mont he wanted to collapse, to let the grief crush him whole.
Because now he knew. He had been cast away not because of weakness, not because of fate, not even because of hate, but because his very existence defied everything the heavens had ever known.
And worst of all, the mother who should have loved him unconditionally…had felt relief when she let him go.
The truth broke him, and at last, the tears he had been holding back spilled down his face as the weight of it all consud him…
Thank You Baerys for the Golden Tickets
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