Chapter 94 – Florida Man Proved Innocence after Karen Neighbor Accused Him of Having Intercourse with Horse, Her Husband Did
"Hmm."
"Smash?"
Leo and Taxi gazed at the unconscious people on the first floor. He noticed several familiar faces in the crowd. Xu Nuan, Yao Qiqi, and a few young maidens were defenseless. Han Hao, Han ng, Tiger Swordsman, and disciples of the Life Sword Sect collapsed on the floor and their mouths foad.
"Haiya."
Leo put on rubber gloves and adjusted their sleeping posture. He let them sleep on their sides so that they could breathe easier. In addition, he sacrificed a few years of lifespan to purchase soft pillows for them.
After helping the sick people, Leo proceeded forward. He walked toward the staircase, which was located at the north of the hall.
As Leo took a few steps closer to the stairs, his skin got sowhat itchy. He felt like so sort of mold tried to grow on his skin. Because of the itchiness, Leo brought back his hazmat suit and a gas mask. After putting them on, Leo got more confident.
Taxi tilted his head as he couldn't understand why Leo put on clothes. He believed that it would be better for Leo to be naked so that it would be easier for Taxi to leech on Leo's virgin yang Qi.
"Smash?"
Leo patted his suit to check if there was no leak. When Leo was ready, he walked up the stairs and got to the second floor. Taxi also followed him even though the small staircase was not made for a horse.
The second floor, third floor, and the following floors contained nothing. However, the stairs of every floor were located on the opposite side of the hall. Thus, Leo and Taxi had to walk across the halls every ti he headed to the next level.
After walking through five floors, Leo got annoyed. He lightly jogged and picked up the pace. Taxi saw it as a challenge. He neighed and charged ahead, accelerating through the halls and stairs.
Ignoring the insignificant pressure from the pagoda, both man and horse proceeded through the first 49 floors in minutes. However, when they reached the 50th floor, Taxi and Leo stopped racing.
They stood in front of a large unicorn statue. The figure raised its front two legs high as if it was about to leap across a ravine or an obstacle. The hind legs and its body were more muscular and larger than Taxi. However, the majestic icon of every unicorn was half broken as the statue's horn was missing.
Leo admired the art and walked around its foundation. While he was at it, he stroked the smooth surface of the silver-like tal that was used as a square foundation for the figure.
On the other hand, Taxi gazed at the statue in a daze. It brightly smiled and neighed.
"SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!!!"
Leo frowned and looked at the weird unicorn, "Wut da hail? Are you insane? This is a statue, not a sex doll. You cannot smash a rock statue's ass, or your PP will be scratched, Haiya."
"SMAAAAASSSHH!!"
"…"
For so reason, Taxi got overexcited. Leo frowned and looked at the statue's face, wondering what the weird horse liked about it.
Then, Leo understood why – The horse statue's eyes moved, and it stared at him.
CRACK
The stone horse statue changed its posture. Instead of raising its two front hooves, it stood firm and faced directly at Leo.
"Surprise boss fight?" Leo smirked. He expected so action as he was bored running.
BOOM
Betraying Leo's expectation, the statue imploded, condensing into a white marble ball the size of a thumb. Then, it floated in front of Leo.
"Hah?!" Leo's disappointnt was imasurable, and his day was ruined. He turned to Taxi, asking him about the marble, "Hey. Do you know what this is?"
Taxi widely grinned, "Smash!"
"…"
"Smash!!"
Leo rubbed his temples. He wondered if Taxi literally ant it, so he brought it closer to his eyes to take a closer look. Leo pulled off his mask and helt so that they wouldn't get in the way.
PLOP
As soon as the marble got close to Leo, it dissipated into gas. Then, the gas directly entered Leo's nostrils and mouth, becoming one with his body.
Leo snorted and licked the ceiling of his mouth. The gas tasted like low-quality cocaine he used to have when he was young. It brought him bad mories and reminded him of the darkest era of his life.
"Haiya. I'm glad I died and quit those. I was so stupid back then. I even snorted MSG when I was drunk. What was I thinking?"
While Leo's ADHD kicked in and made him absentminded, the system gave him a notification ssage.
"…"
Leo dully stared at the na. Then, he glanced at Taxi. The latter brightly smiled and showed Leo his teeth.
"Smash? XD"
Leo pursed his lips and deeply sighed. At long last, he finally understood its language.
"No, Taxi. I ain't gonna rub it on your back or your crack. Get your mind out of the gutter, damn horse!"
"… Smash. D:"
"And no. You can't rub it on either. That's gay and wrong AF."
Leo rolled his eyes as he gave up on Taxi's perversion. He proceeded to the next floor. However, as he got minor emotional damage from the language, Leo was no longer enthusiastic about speed-running the pagoda anymore.
.I think you should take a look at
.
The tower climbing process was slow after Leo stopped running. He took his ti, walking across one hall after another. A few hours later, Leo and Taxi reached the 100th floor.
Once again, Leo and Taxi found another unicorn statue. They also spotted two cultivators there, resting and ditating under the statue.
As Hua Jiashan and Dongfang i noticed Leo's presence, they opened their eyes and gazed at the newcor. But upon seeing a 9th-stage unicorn next to Leo, they were surprised.
"Isn't that… Thunder Unicorn?! How is it here?!" Dongfang i stood up from her wheelchair, but she got lightheaded. The elder fell back on her chair and rubbed her forehead.
Hua Jiashan stood in front of Dongfang i. He confronted Leo.
"Sir Florida Man, I don't know that you'd be here, too. But why are you with that Thunder Unicorn? Do you know that Thunder Unicorns are dangerous species? They always leech one's virgin yin or yang until they die! They will never leave until either you lose your virginity or deplete your Qi first."
Hearing that Taxi would go away if he lose his virginity, Leo's expression turned dark. He coughed and feigned ignorant.
"You don't have to worry about that. I… have so experience."
"Is it?" Hua Jiashan narrowed his eyes, not believing in Leo.
"It is. You get the wrong idea."
"Hmm."
Hua Jiashan looked back and forth between Taxi and Leo. He didn't think that was the case there as Taxi didn't seem hostile to either Leo or them. Moreover, Hua Jiashan and Dongfang i used to have a lover, and they weren't pure. Therefore, the unicorn could kill them at any mont.
"Smash?" Taxi sneered at Hua Jiashan as it sensed the hostility in the latter's eyes.
Once again, Leo rolled his eyes, "No, you cannot put it in his virgin crack."
"Smash! XD"
"Also, no. I will never join your twisted orgy! Jesus Christ, you need help!"
Leo facepald. He was ashad of his new pet's behavior, and he didn't know what to say to Hua Jiashan and the elder lady stranger.
anwhile, Hua Jiashan was sharp. He noticed Leo's familiar tone and his ability to communicate with the unicorn. Seeing that Leo had it under control, Hua Jiashan was relieved.
"I see that you've managed to ta the thunder unicorn. Congratulations," Hua Jiashan saluted.
"Ta him? More like he's a stalker. This mofo wants nothing but beastially actions."
"…"
Hua Jiashan and Dongfang i were taken aback by Leo's openness on this topic. In the cultivation world, the locals were similar to traditional Asians - Commoners and cultivators were more usually reserved in this matter, and they rarely discussed it in public.
Hearing Leo ntion the topic made them uncomfortable. Still, they pretended that they didn't hear it as they were afraid of Leo and the horse.
Dongfang i saluted and introduced herself, "Hello, sir. My na is Dongfang i. You must be Immortal Florida Man that I heard about. Thank you very much for taking care of Xu Nuan and her disciples."
"Don't ntion it," Leo waved his hand as he didn't want to chat. He looked at the statue behind them.
Again, the statue's eyes fixated on Leo for an unknown reason. Leo looked back and briefly competed in a staring contest.
RUMBLE
A few seconds later, the statue moved.
"WHAT?!"
Hua Jiashan and Dongfang i turned around and realized that the statue moved. The forr pushed the wheelchair away from the marble horse.
BOOM
The statue imploded, reducing to a small marble. Once again, it floated in front of Leo, waiting for him to take it.
As Leo had one before, he didn't hesitate to accept it. He put it closer to his nose, wondering if it would turn into cocaine again.
POOF
Leo wasn't disappointed. It vanished into gas, and he inhaled everything. This ti, it tasted and slled like wasabi. The sll hit his brain and his eyes. He shut the eyelids and massaged his nose, resisting the exploding spiciness.
The torture continued for five minutes. However, it was worth the trouble.
DING
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