I turned to see who made the move before I could do it, but I found the sa person I saw in the washroom.
"Hey, you ok?" his voice sounds concerned, but this sure is making even more annoyed than I could ever feel.
I do not know how I ended up becoming like this, but the tone of soone showing concern for made feel hateful. I feel as if they are being sarcastic to .
"Hey", he called out to again.
"Yeah, I’m and you don’t have to act like a hero to when it is unnecessary", I said, massaging my temple.
"What do you an?" he asked again.
"What do you an by what I an? Can’t you understand what I’m saying? I’m not telling you to co and save for god’s sake. I can save myself", I raised my voice.
"Hey, the way you are behaving sure looks concerned to ", he said, coming toward , but I backed off.
This sure drives insane now.
"You wanted to help out right?" I asked out of nowhere.
"Yeah", I replied.
"Ok then, pay back when I helped you out back there inside", I said.
"Didn’t I just now?" he asked.
"No, this is not what I want the repaynt for myself. If you want to help out just lend your precious body which you kept reserved", yeah I’m sure I sound like a slut who goes after every man, but I don’t mind getting hate and then staying pitiful.
I looked at him and said, "You can’t right? Then leave."
I was about to leave when he stopped .
"If it is what you want, I will do it", he said and pulled holding my wrist.
My brain froze at the place while I do not know what will happen now. I don’t even have any thoughts. It’s not like I’m a virgin anymore, but this is sothing I never experienced.
The first ti I left ho, I didn’t tell anyone about my whereabouts nor did my dad force to tell about myself as I was determined. I tried to do lots of things, but nothing benefited . When I first joined a school I again faced those scary stares looking at but I couldn’t even dare to face them.
I dated whoever confessed to , but every ti they made think I didn’t deserve their attention.
The first one I dated was a class topper with glasses. He was a topper but to my surprise, he ca on his own and confessed his feelings to while I said yes without realizing it would be better if I was with one who loves but soon I realized how big a mistake I have made.
He didn’t look at even once.
I didn’t mind that he talked about studying.
But soon he ca to and said he doesn’t love anymore.
"Ayla, I think I made a mistake understanding my feelings", he said.
"What do you an?"
"Ah, as you can see, I am no longer in love with you, but with soone else. I know it sounds absurd, but I think it was only for a mont I felt the urge to be in love with you, which faded easily", he said.
"Didn’t it happen just fifteen days ago?" I said.
"Yeah, I like you, but I don’t love you", he said and walked away.
It took a long ti to process my thoughts, but it only hurt . Then I realized soone from another class is in a relationship with him which made laugh at myself. Like how the sa thing keeps happening to ? How? Am I too easy to play? Am I easy to discard?
I don’t know, but things hurt.
I made myself like a rock when Kylie and Jennifer ca into my life.
I won’t say we are friends, they don’t even know a single thing about and whenever so conversation crashes my parents look at as if I’m the reason behind all this. They think I’m a spoiled brat but who is going to tell him I’m the one in too much pain, not them?
I ca to my senses.
"What are you thinking? Focus on ", he made look at him. I don’t know how I am entangled with my thoughts, but when he pulls out of my thoughts, I find myself in a hotel room while his hands are on my neck, pulling close, kissing my lips as if there is no tomorrow.
I tried to push myself, but it was of no use. The way he was touching made my entire body shiver. I kept feeling chills on my spine, but we both didn’t stop. I could feel he is mumbling soone’s na as if I were soone’s substitute for him too. I too wasn’t in a place to ask to complain when I am drowning in my sorrow, depression and entangled in a first love which I don’t know when I can ever co out of.
He kept kissing and biting my lips. His lips kept rolling inside my mouth entangling our saliva together while he carried up bearing my entire weight on him.
"You don’t have to be so careful", I said while trying to breathe.
"But I will. As you said, I’m repaying the favour so I will return on my way", he said.
I know how cheesy it sounds, but still, it is affecting like crazy. I’m driven crazy by his every touch. But both of us didn’t stop. I didn’t even know his na, nor did I know anything about him. It was certainly a one-night stand for both of us, but this will be morable.
The entire room was filled with my moaning and him calling the na of a certain soone who may be special to him but that didn’t stop us.
That is how the night ended.
At morning
I opened my eyes as the sun’s rays fell on my face. It was damn shiny, making my eyes hurt. I got up from the bed and pulled the curtains and was about to sleep again when I realized it was not my room but the place where I spent the night with this unknown person.
"I lost it", I mumbled.
The person was asleep on the other side of the bed when I got up.
My back gives a hell of pain while the entire body is filled with a hickey from him.
"I’m going nuts", I scread inside.
I picked up my dress and wore it.
I didn’t waste a single minute but ran to my place.
I know everyone kept staring at my face as this hickey was still visible from places and my hair looked damn crazy, making them know how I spent the night with one and how wild it was.
But as if I care about how they think. I give no shit to their thinking.
"Here", I ca out of the taxi and handed him money.
"I don’t have change", he replied.
"Keep the change", I can’t explain how much hurry I’m in.
I ran inside while I didn’t know again that so unexciting thing was waiting for .
As I opened the door, I froze in place. My feet didn’t move, as if soone placed glue under my feet. This is sothing I didn’t want to face, nor want to deal with this.
"Ayla", yeah it is the sa voice.
My heart beating loud as if it could co out at any mont.
"Ayla", Kylie and Jennifer called my na with shock.
"What have you made for yourself? Where were you last night? Do you have any idea how many tis I dialed your number, but it didn’t connect through you and now you ca like this?" Jennifer kept saying.
"Your brother ca last night and kept asking about you so I had to lie that you are doing late-night study at the library and now you ca looking like this. Do you know how bad I’m feeling right now? How could you do this to , Ayla?" Kylie said.
I clenched my fist.
"Ayla", he again called my na.
I didn’t respond to any and kept walking forward when he held my hand, making turn toward him.
"Ayla, I’m still talking to you", he said, keeping looking straight into my eyes.
Ha, he is looking into my eyes. How absurd this is. How could he? Where did he get the guts from to ask while looking into my eyes? Did he forget what he did to ? Did he? If he did, then I’m going to remind him what the fuck he did to ? He should rember this his entire lifeti. I will not let him forget the shit he did.
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