Leo’s POV
"C-Caelindra..."
I muttered, barely able to say her na, and the next thing I saw... her sword was on my neck.
Before I could even breathe, everything turned dark... My vision fell apart like an old T.V. shutting down, sparks of light flickering, then gone.
I... I died?
...
What did I do?
Caelindra... my pride.
I... I... all this ti, I searched for her.
I searched through endless nights, clawed through pain and doubt, only to find where she was, only to bring her back to the place I swore we’d call ho... Our ho.
I knew... deep down, I knew she wasn’t the sa anymore. Yet this fragile, pathetic heart of mine whispered lies... no, not lies, but desperate hopes.
It told that sowhere inside, my Caelindra still remained.
Sowhere in there, waiting for to call her na.
How could I be sure?
I don’t know... I never knew.
It was just— even when our connection was severed, even when the bond shattered, I still felt it.
I truly felt it... she was there, drowning in a calm ocean. Not thrashing, not screaming, but sinking quietly as if she had given up. She could swim back. She could breathe if she only reached for the surface. Yet her arm was outstretched, asking for help.
So I went for her... to search for her... to find her... and... and...
I never understood what love was.
What it ant to be held.
What it ant to be protected.
What it ant to be guided.
She was the first woman who ever stepped into my life.
Sure, maybe it was her duty, her responsibility, yet within that duty I saw more.
I saw a girl... no, a woman, who stood behind when no one else did. Who reached into the cracks of my broken self and steadied when I swayed.
She guided when I was confused, when I couldn’t endure, when my chest was full of anger I couldn’t control. I lashed out at her, spitting words, thinking I was so hurt and greater a human than she was.... But I never once understood the storm she endured alone.
Even then, even when my pride scread louder than reason, she didn’t take it to heart.
She just... just guided , with a quiet patience, with eyes that looked at as though I wasn’t hopeless.
She saw as if I could still understand her. As if my words, my tantrums, my pathetic rage, were nothing more than the cries of a lost child.
She protected ... Again and again, she protected .
Even until the very last mont, she chose over herself. She gave her life for ... for , a useless boy who could not do anything right.
A boy who could only steal scraps, stumble through failures, and stare at n who looked down at as if I were nothing more than a bug beneath their boot.
If Pride... if she were still here, I know she would have cut Sakura’s parents’ throats without hesitation.
She wouldn’t have sat there, silent, listening while my pride was crushed. She would have stood, fearless, blade in hand, and reminded the world who she was. Yet that ti... that ti I was utterly powerless.
I shouted at my family—the ones who were trying to help . I raised my voice against them, but when it ca to those bastards who sneered, who looked down on , I had nothing.
No strength... No courage... No voice.
As if they were the truth not my own family and friends!
Haha... so pathetic. Just like she said... I was so pathetic!
Nothing had changed back in the orphanage. None of it ever changed. It was .
Always .
Leo.
The sa loser who was destined to lose everything.
The darkness flickered before , curling and twisting like smoke, and as I looked up, I saw... my life unspooling before .
Each mont reeled past my eyes.
They say when you die... You see your past.
Ha... I smiled weakly, lips trembling, as I saw it all. The things that happened to .
The things I wanted to forget... The things that never left!
I was a child who was discarded by my parents when I was born... I was already at the orphanage’s gate.
I saw an old woman picking up, cradling with tender care that not even my parents gave ... she held close, whispering things I could not yet understand, but her warmth told everything.
She cared so much that I grew attached to her almost instantly, clinging to her voice, her hands, her presence.
"Leo! Stop running in the hall!" she shouted.
Yet, I giggled and ran even more, circling around her, "Mother, catch if you can~!" I patted my butt with a cheeky smile.
"Brat!" she barked furiously, her voice sharp enough to make jolt and dash away even faster.
"Oh God, help ~ Mother’s angry~" I cried out with a gleaming smile as I bolted down the corridor.
When I glanced behind , I saw her standing there. She shook her head with disappointnt. "Ah... what do I do with this child?" she murmured. Even though her face wore an annoyed expression, her lips betrayed her, curling upward in a reluctant smile.
Life was fun... really fun, even if I didn’t have parents, even if I didn’t get the things most children received.
I... I was content with what I had.
That’s what God gave !
God wouldn’t let a child suffer, right?
He loves all of them equally.
Yet sowhere deep in my heart, a hollow ache stirred whenever I saw children around getting adopted. Their faces lit with happiness, eyes glowing as they proudly announced their new families to everyone.
Every ti Mother finished teaching lessons, I would slip away and stand at the gate, waiting... hoping.
Watching for soone to co.
If a couple arrived, I thought I would be the first one they noticed, right?
It would be easy for them to pick if I acted like a good boy, smiling, polite, and obedient.
A perfect little child.
Don’t mistake , I did love my Mother... but I... I wanted sothing she could never give.
I wanted soone who loved only .
Sure, Mother loved , but she loved all her children equally... And sowhere inside, I hated that.
Call selfish or cruel if you want, but I... I just wanted a family that poured all their love into , that gave everything without sharing it with anyone else.
A family that held tighter than anyone else, so tight that I would never fear being left again.
"Hello! There are so many kids here... how about taking one with you?" I shouted, my small face pressed between the iron bars of the gate as I called to the adults passing by.
The Gatekeeper sighed, weary, as if he had dealt with this scene too many tis before. He leaned back and closed his eyes, choosing to ignore .
Seeing no man or woman approach, I puffed my cheeks and shouted again.
"You can buy one and get two free!"
I raised two tiny fingers with all the confidence of a salesman, grinning.
The people finally turned to look at . But instead of smiling, their faces twisted in shock, even horror.
I tilted my head, confused.
Why horrified?
That would help us, right?
Why shock?
The gatekeeper flinched as he shouted, "You brat, what the hell are you shouting?! I am going to call the Mother!" He barked and raised his stick as if ready to beat .
"Shit!" I yelped instinctively.
"Language!!" he roared again.
Anyway... soon, I got the interest of soone.
"Hey, hello cutie~"
I froze. A couple was walking through the gate. My heart jumped, and I imdiately bead with a wide smile, bowing my head as properly as I could.
"Welco to our humble orphanage!"
The gatekeeper’s lips twitched. I heard him mutter sothing under his breath, definitely about .
Probably calling a little devil again.
"Oh?" The couple looked surprised, taken aback by my manners.
Perfect—that’s what I wanted. I rushed forward and proposed myself as their guide, tugging them along with eager hands. I talked and talked, filling the silence with stories about the orphanage, about myself, about anything that might keep their eyes on .
Especially telling them about the other children’s bad habits... heheh~
"You are so sweet~ What’s your na, child?" the woman asked with a beautiful smile. Her voice was soft, kind, the kind I imagined a mother would have.
"M-My na is Leo," I said with an embarrassed tone. This was the first ti a couple had asked for my na.
Am I... am I going to get a new family?
"Leo? So sweet," she said as she reached down and pinched my cheeks.
Hehe... my cheeks burned hot as my little body twisted shyly.
She turned her head toward her husband, who nodded silently, as if approving sothing only they shared.
My heart squeezed.
She then asked in a curious tone, "What about that friend of yours? The one who rarely speaks, the shy one?"
"Oh? His na’s John. He only speaks to because I talk to him a lot. He’s a silent guy and... Bomber~" I giggled at the end and grabbed my nose.
She looked at with a big smile before nodding her head and walking toward her husband. The two leaned close, whispering into each other’s ears, their voices too low for to catch.
My lips curled up on their own. My eyes turned misty. My heart beat so fast I thought it might burst. My legs trembled beneath . I could barely contain my happiness... barely!
"YAY!!—"
I couldn’t control it. The shout slipped out of . They turned and saw , and instead of frowning, they chuckled... It was warm, as if they found endearing. My cheeks burned even hotter.
That evening, I packed everything I had into my little bag.
"Oh, you’re going now?" my friends asked, voices heavy with disbelief.
"Yup! John, I’m getting adopted—unlike you, Bomber~" I teased him with a grin.
"Are they good?" he asked softly, his eyes searching mine.
"Yup!" I answered without hesitation, hugging my bag tighter.
"Are they rich?"
"Yup~"
"Do they buy many chocolates?"
"Yup~ Yup~"
"Do... you not see us anymore?"
"Yu..." I turned to my friends who were staring at with teary eyes, their small hands clutching their shirts as if holding back the fear of being left behind.
"Of course not... I would never do that." My voice trembled as I forced a smile, even though my chest felt heavy.
"T-That’s what others who left before said too."
"..."
Yeah... once you leave this place, others were forgotten like an old toy tossed into the corner.
But I would never do that. I clenched my tiny fist so hard my nails pressed into my palm.
"I would never do that... I will visit every Sunday to play with you all, I promise... John." I raised my pinky finger, the gesture shaking, and made a promise with all of my friends here.
My heart swore it louder than my lips ever could.
"Also bring big chocolates, okay?"
"Hha... of course, of course!! John," I nodded with a smirk, trying to look brave for them.
Everything was going perfectly...
Yet,
"Sorry, Leo... they adopted another child," Mother said with a painful expression.
I blinked, stunned, as the bag on my back slid down to the floor. My throat tightened. My eyes grew misty before I even realised it. I scratched my head desperately, forcing out a laugh, "H-aha... I... I see... I... I..."
But the tears wouldn’t wait.
They spilled... down my cheeks.
"M-May I know the reason, M-Mother?" My voice cracked, small and shaking.
I rubbed my eyes with my palms, saring tears across my skin, but no matter how hard I tried, my vision kept getting blurred and blurred again until I could barely see her face.
Mother imdiately kneeled down in front of with her weakened body and hugged tightly. She didn’t say anything, but the silence hurt more than any answer could.
My nose kept running, my breath hitching, my chest heaving against her arms.
"M-Mother... did I do sothing wrong?"
"No, dear." Her voice was faint, trembling, like she was holding her own tears back.
"Did... snifffff... did I anger them sohow?"
"N-No."
"T-Then... sniff, sniff... then... why?"
She bit her lips until they turned pale, but she didn’t say anything at all. She only hugged tighter, her arms shaking as though she feared I might shatter if she let go.
"I-Is Leo... not a good boy, Mother?"
My lips quivered as I looked at her eyes and begged... begged for the answer I never understood before, begged for the truth that would stop the ache in my chest.
"Aw... Leo!" She cried then, her voice breaking, hugging tighter and tighter, as if her arms alone could stop from drowning in the emptiness that had opened inside. And... and...
..... That was the last ti I saw her crying... The very next day, I stared at the ground as the funeral went on for my mother.
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