Chapter 290
Translator: yun
I spotted the bird disappearing into the distance. I was told that it would not be seen by other templars because it had been specially veiled by divinity.
My eyes hurt watching the bird getting further away. I recalled the man who reminded of the azure blue sky.
Just then, I was struck with a throbbing headache.
“Hmph!”
I couldn’t breathe. I could feel my tilting body being supported by soone.
“Princess!”
Their sounds drifted away. It was as though I had fallen into water while my vision dimd and light escaped my surroundings. The pain I was now experiencing was unlike what I had before.
“In any case, you seem to be suffering a lot from ‘awakening pains’. The stronger your powers, the more intense those pains would be and the more torturous your nightmares beco.”
Why were Pontus’ words ringing in my ears right now?
“Do you know why your awakening has been delayed? You clearly have the powers of a god but you have yet to awaken them. Even though this was supposed to happen before you reach adulthood… The Power of the Lord and the Power of Death. It is because you have both these powers.”
My arms pointed weakly towards the ground. Light flickered in my dimming vision. The diary was emitting a brilliant beam of light.
“… She is… awakening…!”
“Contain… it…!”
The voices around , including that of Soricks, ta and others, were sounding further away from . While Pontus’ got closer. As if he was making sure I wouldn’t forget.
“The powers of different gods each have different conditions for awakening. You’re an unprecedented heir of two gods which is why you are taking twice as long to fulfil the conditions required for both gods. But I can feel that your awakening is not too long off.”
I could feel sothing pulling on my mories.
“The conditions you’ve currently yet to fulfil are that of the ‘Power of Death’.”
“The Power of Death?”
“Yes. But those conditions will also be achieved soon.”
As he talked about the conditions I had yet to fulfil that day, Pontus had lowered his gaze. Discomfort could be then seen cracking his hardened expression for a mont. Abel turned away from with an even more agitated expression. Now, I understood what their reactions signified.
–The Power of the Lord; The condition for its awakening was to suffer through death.
My countless deaths flashed across my eyes. Amidst the fras containing each of my deaths, a woman raised her head. She looked like but without a scar on her cheek. It was the diary.
–The Power of Death; The condition for its awakening is loss, the loss of a loved one.
“Why?”
–Because you will only know the weight of death after losing soone to it. But you took too long for that, Ashley.
The diary slowly approached .
–You had gone through your deaths before you could begin to understand loss.
Her hair shrunk in length before darkening in colour. Before I could fully comprehend it, the diary was now smiling at in the form of ‘Ahn’.
–You couldn’t co to terms with deaths of people who weren’t yourself. That’s why your Power of Death had always been unstable. Always.
The Power of Death granted immortality, the ability to not feel pain even when I got hurt. But, though faint, I did feel pain.
—Ashley, co to terms with your loss.
I narrowed my eyes.
“You want to co to terms with the deaths of those I failed to protect? Why? That doesn’t an they will co back to life.”
Ahn then shook her head at . No. She was telling to admit it. The fact that I couldn’t save a lot of people. There were so people who my hand could not reach.
Fleon.
I called out my dead brother’s na.
“I still won’t be able to save him even if I am to die now, right?”
–… Yes.
Tears that had been unable to fall till now then flowed down my cheeks.
“Why do I just keep losing? All I’ve gained keeps being taken away from too. Why…”
The diary did not respond. She did not console . Neither did she bla . I wondered why she might look human but she didn’t look human.
“Once I have powers, will I beco strong?”
I murmured with my face covered.
–Yes.
The diary responded clearly.
–You could have been stronger if you had lost Dane Lowell and Ray Aquita as well though.
“You quantify my losses. When I’m already having such a hard ti just by losing Fleon.”
My tears slipped through my fingers. They fell to the ground with thuds.
“Alright. Better than nothing. Will I be awakening like this?”
Slowly, I removed my hands. I smiled with my tear-stricken face.
“Tell . Will I no longer be afraid of being killed by Castor or fear that his sword will strike ?”
–Yes.
“Will I still be able to see the future?”
–Yes.
“I see. I can’t believe I’m getting powers when I look like this. Alright, I should give it a go.”
I muttered with determination.
The diary strolled over before lowering their back. She still had Ahn’s appearance.
–There is still one thing missing.
“One thing?”
–You do know that I am a fragnt of Rusbella’s, the real ‘Ashley Rosé’, soul. Ashley.]
The diary whispered without any expression. And yet sohow, I couldn’t help but to feel worry from her face.
–If you awaken like this, you might get gobbled up by Rusbella when you et her one day. Because I was there during your awakening.
I paused for a mont. I stared at the diary as if I had just heard sothing outlandish.
“Why… are you telling that?”
The diary did not answer. She stared off to a far distance for a mont before returning her gaze again.
–What you need to remain yourself even after your awakening is your na.
“My na?”
–Nas anchor existences in place. What is your na, Ashley?
“It’s just that, Ashley Rosé…”
I trailed off at the end of my sentence. Because the diary shook her head.
–Do you rember your real na?
Thud. My heart dropped.
I recalled the na of the animation character who had forgotten her na and could not find her way ho. But now even TV was unfamiliar to . So much ti had passed that even modern culture was unfamiliar to . I had forgotten. My previous life, my friends, my job and my na.
“I’ve forgotten so how can I rember it?”
Tears were falling as they clouded my vision.
“I can’t recall the faces of my beloved family and I can’t even rember what I used to look like! The place I used to live in is fading from my mories! So, how can I rember my na!”
This was unfair. As if I had been forced to lose them, once I found out, I realised that I had forgotten everything from so point on. And now she wanted to rember? An unfamiliar world and an unfamiliar period of ti. I had died persistently so as not to be an outsider here. She shouldn’t be doing this to . She couldn’t.
–You haven’t forgotten.
The diary caressed my shoulders. She spoke clearly, emphasising every syllable.
–You, have never forgotten.
Slowly, she raised her head. With Ahn’s appearance. Her short, bobbed hair, dark eyebrows, small nose with a neither high or low nose bridge, burton lips and her plain quiet face.
“Is this who I am?”
Tears rolled down one of my cheeks.
“So it is.”
I lifted my hand to clasp one of the diary’s cheeks. I swept my hand down her neck before brushing my fingers against her eyebrows.
–Rusbella made it so that you would forget your na. But you haven’t forgotten.
“My na..”
–Divinity represents the origin and the desire of gods. It is a force of earnest desire. That is where your power stems from as well.
Slowly, the colour of her hair changed from its ends. White papers were being filled up one by one.
It looked like a flower in bloom. My mories were like buds blossoming into flowers. I was 27 years old, had an office job, went to a lot of bars but could not drink well.
I had a friend whose na was made up of only one syllable. I was married young and suffered a lot because of it.
I had been an only child, my mother disappeared from my life when I was young and I had a father.
My father then died of an illness. Which was why I hated the sll of hospitals. I pitied the patients there.
My life unfolded before like a map. This was the life I had lived. My life had been so rich that each and every aspect of it was precious to .
“Ahn.”
I mumbled slowly to myself. Within the card that fluttered above my clothes, I flashed a broad smile as if it passed.
“Ji-ahn.”
“JI-ahn, you and I both had miserable lives. Do I still have to go through with it?”
“Ha. Hahaha.”
I burst into laughter. The mont I felt bad for the life in which I died in vain, the mont realisation dawned upon , I knew.
“If I accept this power, I wouldn’t be able to return, right?”
A helpless outsider was forced to make a choice after learning the truth. Would I return or stay here? But I didn’t even have a choice.
“Because I love it here.”
I no longer feel wronged. Even if I had been given a choice, I wouldn’t have gone back. I slowly uttered my na.
“Lee Ji-ahn.”
–Ahn, that’s a pretty na.
“You told to call you ‘Ahn’.”
The mories of my previous life had dissolved into light like a fountain. The lights of my mories dispersed before turning into purple butterflies.
Before I realised it, I slowly smiled before looking at my long hair and long limbs.
Penne did say once. What did it feel like to awaken? Well, he thought it felt a lot like a flower blooming. Be it man or woman, buds that had been growing from the soil had finally blood.
My body felt heavy. It might have been because of the weight on my heart. But it felt like sothing had been released and spread across the world.
“So, this is divinity.”
This was a flower that blood atop sorrow. The tears from the tip of my chin dropped.
“I am a templar.”
I had beco an adult.
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