DESTINED MATE : SWEET ALPHA PHEROMONE Chapter 86 - GRUVV’s POV

I was counting the days in my head since I opened my eyes that night, I could hear one of the nurses screaming so the other nurses and the doctor on duty rushed into my room.

I blinked my eyes, feeling an intense pain in the back of my head, not to ntion the oxygen mask on my face, I felt hot and sore all over my body. I could hear them calling my na, but my throat wasn’t working, voice can’t ca out of my mouth.

I want to ask, "Where’s Shiloh?"

But my body was so weak that I fell back asleep, the next day I woke up at noon. From the window the sun had risen and was shining brightly. I blinked again and Father approached , he holding my hand tightly, our eyes t, those blue eyes that I had missed since childhood now looking at .

I closed my eyes again that day, I was dreaming when I was so small. I was five years old when Cross was already sixteen, we were eleven years apart. The little often played alone in the playroom made especially for as my fifth birthday present from dad and Father, so many toys were scattered, the room look so ssy, but there was only a nanny to keep company.

Every morning, I saw Cross in his school uniform coming down the stairs with a face that didn’t always look okay. I sat in the high chair, to my right Father was preparing food for , while to my left dad was cutting hot waffles on a white plate. Cross would sit opposite , give a quick glance and eat his breakfast in silence.

I was a quiet child, that’s what Father said when we were eting with a therapist one afternoon, "He was so quiet, he never cried or whined. Not like Cross when he was so little, is there sothing wrong with this child? I’m worried."

The old man looked at , asking Father for permission to talk just the two of us. Inside the room, the old man asked many questions, I looked at him deeply, observing his old and wrinkled face, his white hair that looked so hard, unkempt, the man had a distinctive sll that I didn’t know where it ca from.

"Gruvv?" He called out to , shifting my focus. "What are you thinking about?" He asked softly, I pointed at his white hair.

"How co your hair is white?"

He was silent for a mont then laughed, "There are many things why my hair is white, one of them is because of age. Do you understand?"

I shook my head, not understanding.

"Because I’m old." He said while smile so wide.

He asked again but my focus was already shifted to another direction.

I rarely saw Father, I was always left behind every morning by him after he took to kindergarten. I would be picked up by my nanny after school, then I would play, bathe, have a snack and have dinner with the nanny again.

The next morning, I will et Father again at the dining table.

Father looks so handso and cool, he looks dashing with a big body, his blue eyes always catch my attention. However, I don’t have the sa eyes as him. I have the sa eyes as dad and Cross. I like his big hands, holding mine. I like his chest that I can lean on, and his big hands hugging my body, I like the sll that I always sll whenever our bodies are close together.

I always kept those feelings to myself, I never told Father that I wanted to be with him. My nanny said that Father and dad was busy with their work, as a good boy, I should wait.

"I don’t want Gruvv to learn martial arts! He’s still a kid!" I heard Father yelling from the den, I was seven years old. I had just gotten back from school and with my nanny right behind , I ran into the den, wanting to show off to Father that I got a 100 in today’s lesson.

My steps stopped when I heard the shout.

"You sent Cross to learn martial arts too early, he didn’t like it, Cross cried every ti he ca ho from training. Gruvv is different, he never cries or even whines. Don’t you know how frustrating that is? That boy is too quiet even though his therapist says there’s nothing wrong with him! I’m worried for him!"

I flinched at Father’s words, my nanny covered my ears, carrying away from the room. I didn’t know what was wrong with , I never cried, never whined, I didn’t want to be a bad son for Father, I wanted to wait for him to finish his business so he could co back to play with .

"Gruvv, I and your dad made this room for you! Father will accompany you to play if you are a good boy!"

I always rember Father’s words and try to be a good boy like he wants.

I asked Father to learn martial arts while we were having breakfast, I could see his blue eyes widen. Cross who was sitting across the table also looked surprised, dad stroked the top of my head with a big smile.

I always tried to fulfill Father’s wishes, for his attention. I always waited so Father would play with in that room until I was eleven years old and Joshua was born. His eyes were blue, beautiful, just like Father’s. He looked handso and beautiful at the sa ti, Joshua was always crying and Father was always there for him. Father was always hugging him, kissing him, Father was always by his side.

"Josh, why are you always crying? Why aren’t you be a good boy for Father?" I asked Joshua who was chewing a rubber toy in his hand, I had just back from martial arts training and dad was asleep in the chair next to Joshua’s crib.

Surprisingly, unlike who was being nice, despite crying every day and not acting like a good boy, Joshua always kept Father by his side. At that mont I ca to the conclusion, ah, maybe I’m not that important.

I focused on my routine, look at how Father loved Joshua so that without realizing it I also loved my brother as much as Father loved him. I always pursued many achievents so that Father would co into my room and say, "Gruvv! You always make proud!" While stroking the top of my head. That was enough.

I wanted to make him proud.

When Ford killed himself and I had to go to juvenile prison, I felt like a fool, I had definitely disappointed Father. He would hate , he wouldn’t love , I was acting like a brat. What happened inside the juvenile prison, Ford’s death broke from the inside, when I could no longer sll the pheromones, I knew I had disappointed Father more than I could imagine.

I stayed away from him, I tried not to see him alone.

I didn’t want him to express his disappointnt in .

When I was with Shiloh, the feelings that I had always harbored slowly back, the strong desire to have soone. All the selfish feelings I had been harboring to have Father completely just for , were replaced with the feeling of wanting to have Shiloh completely for . I didn’t want him to leave my side, I wanted to be with him.

Because after all this ti I waited for Father to be by my side, there was soone else who was now by my side, looking at with his eyes, the sense of being needed, the sense of being wanted made greedy.

"Father..." I called out to Father when I opened my eyes for the umpteenth ti, I counted the days in my head, it was the tenth day. My oxygen mask has been removed, but I still can’t sit up and my body still hurts all over.

"Gruvv..Gruvv..I’m here.."

The room was so quiet, I couldn’t sll anything other than Father’s pheromones. He holding my hand tightly, his eyes looking at with worry, the sound of the monitor echoed in the room.

"Why you doesn’t ever accompany to play in the playroom?"

"What?"

I looked at him, "I’ve been a good boy like you wanted, why don’t you ever co play with in the playroom?"

I could see his lips trembling, his blue eyes seemingly welling up with tears, he was crying, he pulled my hand away, burying it in his face.

"Gruvv, I love you, we loves you, let’s get up. You have to wake up from your dream, I’m sorry I never played with you in that room."

I don’t know why Father asking to wake up from my dream, I’ve woken up, I’ve opened my eyes, I just want to ask the thing I’ve been keeping. I know, my greed has taken Shiloh away from because of my desire to have Father only for myself who was never fulfilled. I made Shiloh hurt while he was with .

"Ti of death, 5.11 PM."

I could still hear that voice inside my head and I was too scared to ask, I was afraid that when I woke up fully, the reality would hit . The fact that, Shiloh was no longer with .