AVELINA
15th October 2003
Dominic stayed with Braelyn at the hospital until she recovered. They said she almost died. I don’t know what happened in the hospital but Dominic can’t stand the sight of anymore
I really crossed the line this ti. Dominic won’t even look at since the accident. He cos to the villa a few tis back to grab sothing. He didn’t even glance at or reply to any of my questions.
He only gave a perfunctory hum. I got angry and lashed out, asking why he wasn’t answering . Why didn’t he want to tell anything about Braelyn?
He stopped for a mont and stared at directly. Dominic told I didn’t have to pretend to care. He understood my condition was special and I would never love her. He was sorry for forcing things.
I was stunned by his reply. I didn’t know what to answer but the way he said it cracked sothing in . I was a really bad mother, wasn’t I?
He hasn’t co back ho since that day, nor has he been answering any of my calls. He has been giving the silent treatnt.
I wouldn’t bla him, I attempted to kill Braelyn. From what Agnes told , if Dominic had co a little later than he did, she would have died for real.
The water got into her lungs and she had to be moved to a central hospital for ergency surgery. All those days he didn’t co back ho were because he was staying by her bedside waiting for her to open her eyes again.
Agnes visited them every day. She said Braelyn woke up 2 days ago, but sothing is wrong. She didn’t know the specifics and Dominic refused to tell her
I am really sorry. I didn’t an it. It just happened that mont she made the comnt about pushing, all that ca to my mind was that Nadia was taunting
She was my daughter and not Nadia....
Maybe I can fix this. I am ready too. Maybe I should pay her a visit in the diary.
If this is all in my head, that ans only I can fix
*******
17th October 2003
I can’t sleep. I should not have gone to the hospital.
I finally went to the hospital, I really wanted to make an effort to act as a mother and apologise to Braelyn.
I made a couple of cupcakes that Braelyn loved. Dominic once told she adored those. For the first ti, I was excited to et Braelyn...
There was this strange feeling that was warm and fuzzy, that I never felt for her, that lingered in my chest. Agnes was happy I was making an effort. After we were done with the cupcakes we both got ready to head to town
It was a long ride to the hospital, and the entire ti, I was nervous about seeing them until we got to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital and ran into Dominic, who was coming back from getting so takeout for Braelyn.
He was stunned when he saw . His face turned pale, and he asked what I was doing here. He didn’t want to believe I willingly ca to see her. Sothing in his expression told I wasn’t welco there.
My heart ached at the look on his face, but Agnes smoothed things out, and he reluctantly agreed. We arrived at the room, and I stopped outside for a while, scared of eting her.
I stepped inside and froze....Braelyn was excitedly talking with Dominic, but as soon as I stepped inside, she froze and pointed a trembling finger at ....
Her eyes teared up, and she asked who I was. Dominic explained that I was her mother, but she went hysterical, tearing up in Dominic’s arms.
She called a monster. I didn’t understand what was going on until the nurses forced out of the room. She didn’t get your taste of my cupcakes, and she thinks I am a monster.
Even a 3-year-old thinks I am a monster. The scene keeps away all night. Whenever I sleep it replays in my mind and at tis the person I see in Dominic’s arms crying isn’t little Braelyn but Nadia
********
20th October 2003
I haven’t slept for days. Everything keeps replaying in my mind. My doctor keeps on urging to talk about it, but I’m scared of reliving it.
.
In my dreams Nadia was Braelyn. I dream about that day in the hospital, and the drowning, but the person in my dreams isn’t Braelyn.
My mind is ssed up, but that isn’t the worst thing that happened. Dominic finally called this morning. He said he and Braelyn are travelling back to their ho.
He says Braelyn didn’t an what she said. She is just a child. Things are a bit complex I might not get the chance to see Braelyn again in the future
Apparently, the drowning incident had traumatised Braelyn. She kept having recurring nightmares where a monster was trying to drown her
In her mind, I was not her mother but a monster and the incident at the hospital triggered her trauma
I am really a bad mother, not only am I broken, but I managed to break my daughter. Dominic says he took her to see a specialist.
The specialist suggested that for Braelyn to have a stable growth, she has to undergo special treatnt to trigger her infant amnesia.
They are going to take her through induced trauma amnesia treatnt forget everything about ....
Dominic inford to get my permission. He wanted to agree to being systematically erased from my daughter’s life
I have been thinking about it. I can barely sleep with everything going on, and although I don’t have a strong tie with Braelyn, no one deserves to have a broken mind like mine.
So I agreed
I agreed to be erased from Braelyn’s mind. We barely know each other. This is for the better
I am doing the right thing. At least I think so. I just hope she will one day find a place to forgive
But does a monster like deserve forgiveness?
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