Original Length: 956 words.
Post Revision Length: 1256 words.
You better not try anything weird, mage, one of two tall guards said, the one with light green eyes and an evident fun deficiency. We are walking toward their headquarter, or at least thats what they told .
Mage? I ask, confused.
Yeah, isnt that a spellbook? the green-eyed guard pointed at my murderous to.
Oh, this bad boy, here. I think so? But Im not a mage. Im just Sort of carrying it around? I try a goofy smile, but I only get two icy stares in return.
Tough crowd.
Man, I hate Elves so much.
I dont, like, hate, hate, but they are an overused clich in fiction, and now, in real life, too, it seems. I would have accepted a body-built lizard and a talking ant as the welco committee in this new world, but Elves I dont know. Theres sothing infuriating in hearing won go crazy about Orlando Bloom in a blonde wig that has left a dramatic contempt for this species.
God, I wonder if they would disintegrate after touching this goddamn book like the chirping bird. Could that be considered murder? Am I sure I want to eat broccoli in their prisons until the end of my days? But Jesus, its so heavy! Cant one of them offer to carry it for ? I an, they either get blasted into nothing, and I go to jail for life, or, second-best case, I dont get cramps in my arms. Its a win-win situation.
Or would I get executed? Do Elves have the death penalty?
So How does this work? What are you taking in for, being a bit too handso? again, I try irony, but I know the joke is more for my sake than theirs.
You need to undergo an interview before you can receive an official city pass. We usually conduct this thing at the gate, but since you look like a mage, you are going to get interrogated by another person versed in magic in case you were hiding sothing dangerous.
I an, at least they explain things clearly, dont they?
In the anwhile, I look around. Im in a pretty big city, arent I? If the two armored brutes at my sides werent pushing around, I would have enjoyed the sight. Despite being a dieval place, it looks clean.
Damn Elves and their clean streets. They ruined the authentic dieval experience of shit pouring down the curbs.
Is the person interviewing a man or a woman? I ask with a cheeky tone.
Why do you care? one of the two brutes grumbles.
Gotta find out whether or not I need to take out a big loan for so jewelry, I smile. Isnt that how you court won in dieval tis, jewelry?
In what tis? they both seem very confused by the use of the adjective.
I ant, even if you are Elves, you do still have to court won to make babies, dont you?
You want to court a female Elf? they both narrow their eyes and put their hands closer to the hilts of their swords.
One of them has a spear on his back. Maybe Ill beco a human kebab before the end of the day; who knows what Lady Luck is setting up for .
Sure, why not, and even more than one, Id say! I smile.
There is probably so big taboo about this if they are at war with humans. I dont really care, though. If there are cute Elven won, why not try to woo one or two?
Whats your na, human? one of them grabs my shoulder and pushes forward. Not the friendliest of shoves.
Joey Luciani, Italian ancestry if that earns points with the ladies, I smile at both, and I get the feeling that being skewered is getting closer than I thought.
Never heard of the Luciani Family, Lucillus, the first guard tells the green-eyed one.
Because you dont study the notes the Captain gives us on the stupid humans, Lucillus grumbles.
So, you know the Luciani family, Lucillus? the grizzly guard asks.
The aforentioned Lucillus, the green-eyed guard, simply stays silent at the question, brooding.
You dont? the burly man sighs and fishes a snack out of a pocket, smirking at his pal.
I could have! At least I read the notes!
Well, might as well start reading books if they want to read those goddamn poems the Captain loves to write.
Illiterate Elves. Interesting.
One myth busted.
Still hate them.
Not as much as French people, but I still do.
Antoninus, Captain Drusillus will have your ears chopped off if you dont start studying, Lucillus said.
Wait a second. Are those Latin nas?
Elves with Ancient Roman nas. What the
You, Luciani, whats your business here in Amorium? Lucillus shoots a new question, this ti at .
Amorium? What a weird na. And Elves doing an Ancient Roman cosplay? Just terrible. But I wonder, will the won be wearing so cute tunics? I crane my neck around, but the guards block most of my view.
No idea, pal. I kind of found myself in the area, I say while still straining to look around for the fair sex, Im not in for funny business, though. However, I might have to find myself a job since my funds are not available to at the mont.
You an adventurer? Antoninus, the illiterate brute, asks.
A what? I have no idea what an adventurer is.
An adventurer. Taking missions, teams, Dungeon diving, saving people, and so on.
Is this so kind of a DnD setting where you take up quests to exterminate monsters for money? And no, I dont play DnD. I did listen to a funny podcast-like experience of voice actors playing DnD, but I was never into it enough to try it myself plus, I used that to while away ti during the graveyard shifts or the most boring monts in the bakery. Theres sothing virginity-inducing in playing with make-believe stories that has always kept from finding my own group.
Nah, Im a baker.
A baker with a spell-book? Lucillus stares hard at . So hard I start to think he wants to bare my soul naked or sothing. Or maybe he plays for the other team. Well, not your lucky day, Lucillus; I play for the skirt-chasing team. Unless I try picturing Lucillus with a skirt, but I only get rewarded with shivers.
Oh God, why did I even try to picture that?
I shiver once again.
Both guards look at funny, still waiting for an answer.
Gotta make a living sohow. I might be able to innovate a bit with so magic, I shrug.
And what classes do you have? You will not be asked to reveal your levels, but you will be asked to reveal your classes under truth stone. If you do possess dangerous classes, you will face charges as soon as we find them.
Classes? I stare ahead without understanding the question.
Yeah, classes, Lucillus replies as if he said the most natural thing in the world.
Right, those voice actors had classes and levels, didnt they?
Oh, I probably will have to reveal that I have no class.
Huh, that might make those gentlen quite suspicious. Alas, I do not have much choice, do I?
No classes, friends, I give them the brightest smile. My cheeks are straining so much that I might get facial paralysis before I wrap it up.
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