Casual Heroing Chapter 101: Date

So want money, so want fa, so want power.

Everyone wants sothing. Thats a tautology for you it ans, in the original sense of the word, its a truthful statent by its very definition. Therefore, its useless.

In English, the most common use of tautology is to define saying the sa thing twice over. Its like saying, this should be adequate enough, or a beginner who has just started, or a slly Frenchman.

See, the bottom line is that tautology is an obvious statent.

Tautologies are essential, though, when you want to point out sothing at the fringes of these statents. It is true and tautological that everyone wants sothing, but its also an excellent opening to explain what you want differently.

So, while everyone wishes for gold, a royal title, or an overpowered artifact, I look for sothing else. To be precise, Im looking at a lovely woman across the table, and I have what so people would describe as macabre thoughts. Im not thinking of killing this sweet lady, obviously. Im just trying to fit her image in my simulation of the next sixty years of my life.

I use a whole host of questions and criteria to individuate the perfect candidate for my imminent marriage. The first one - as you already know - is the zombie apocalypse scenario. Thats the golden standard. The second one changes based on many factors. What are those factors, you ask? I dont rember; I have a terrible mory.

But right now, this is what Im thinking:

I want a womana wife I can visit at the cetery. Unfortunately, since Im an idiot, I wont rember which flowers were her favorite, and that will make feel incredibly guilty. Therefore, I will bring multiple flowers every day and lay them across the tombstone, hoping that one of them was indeed her favorite.

One day, Ill visit the grave, and Ill find that every flower wilted overnight. Every flower but her favorite will tell that my wife is still looking at my wrinkled muzzle from above.

Joey? Joey? Are you there?

Huh? I look at my date.

Her na is Decima, which in Latin ans tenth.

It is a weird na, I know.

You spaced out, I hear her say.

That checks out.

I was thinking about work, I lie with a smile printed on my face.

I cant really tell her that I was thinking about her future death and forgetting which flowers she liked, can I?

By the way, what are your favorite flowers?

I dont really like flowers.

Thats a red flag.

Who doesnt like flowers? my mouth widens.

I dont.

You do?

I dont, she laughs.

So, I say, hoping to change the topic of our conversation, how is work going?

Being a [Waitress] is not much fun, she shrugs again.

I wait for her to elaborate, but nothing cos my way. Co on, lady, give a hand!

And what do you do when you get back ho?

Nothing much. I sew, sotis. I made this dress; do you like it?

I look at a cute purplish piece of clothing, and I nod appreciatingly. Thats so skill right there. Possibly, a real skill, if you catch my drift.

I like the ancient Roman feeling I get from my dates. Its very imperialistic. I think theres sothing in the Italian part of my blood I an, my parents are both Italian, now that I think about it. So, my blood should be full-Italian. But I guess that eating burgers for so many years put the Arican in Italian Arican. Anyway, this style entices my Italian ancestry quite a bit.

Is it true that you bought almost the entire district in front of the Adventurers Guild? she asks out of the blue with so urgency in her voice.

I think so? Its been what, five months since the Dungeon fiasco? This whole 27/9 system is really ssing with . I have not yet understood how months work.

Oh, I can explain that! she says cheerily.

Nu-hu, Im not learning it. Im good, thanks.

She giggles at that. I guess she already knows so stories about the quirky Human baker. Not [Baker], though, even if most people dont know that detail.

So, what are you doing with the place?

What place? my brain is still tired from working overnight with Stanimal on our special project.

The houses and shops that you bought.

Oh, right.

Yeah, I made a boatload of money. I had to make a couple of trips to that cursed place. I swear people want to die there. But the bakery is doing really well. Actually, Clodia and Camilla told they would murder if I moved my shop one inch closer to theirs.

Are you talking about the owners of Happy Bakery and the Three Roses?

Shoot.

My brain just farted.

Whats this girl's na, again?

Oh right, it was funny because its Latin aning is tenth. Decima, then. Catastrophe averted.

Yeah, those two. They are haunting my place at night, hoping I will sell them more recipes. I told them I wanted a share of the profits if I showed them sothing really cool. But they dont seem keen.

People say that your recipes have already made them a lot of money, Decima says.

Oh, yeah. I an, thats what others have told too. But they say I make too much money and that they shouldnt make richer, I pass the last part as a joke, but I see a sparkle in this girls eyes.

See, Im not really offended by girls interested in money, as long as they like my personality too. I couldnt care less about how much I make, even if I tried to. Actually, I thought that by now our revenue would have gone down, if not almost negative. You would think that people would copy our recipes and take away so of the business.

However, multiple factors helped to prevent that.

First, my clientele is mostly adventurers. Now that Im a stupid Goldie, they respect and want to learn stuff from . People even co to my place asking to join their next expedition. Second, Stanimal is a madman; if I hadnt stopped his gangster-ish approach to business, we would have put half the bakeries in Amorium out of business.

How?

The man had sent the forrly holess people, who are now super loyal to him and , to threaten people who copied our recipes. See, these dear ex-holess n had lived on the streets for a long ti. They know what hardship is like, and once you convince them that they have value and can live a normal life, they dont want to go back to being losers. Their words, not mine.

So, yeah, I basically pulled a Mussolini, but instead of injured WWI veterans, I recruited swarms of holess people. The Watch interrogated on two separate occasions to make sure I wasnt forming a criminal organization. I an, the fact that they called and not Stan is really telling of how dumb Drusillus is.

, organizing cri?

Sure.

I dont even organize my own finances, for Gods sake!

Cant I have a modicum of respect and be left alone?!