After the bitterness passed, sorrow followed. I was still smiling, though. I quietly took in the HR Director's lancholic smile.
It felt unfamiliar to see soone who always smiled brightly make such a wry expression.
"You've heard the truth from the seniors," Joo said.
He broke the gentle silence with a soft voice as he smiled silently.
"I heard. Thank you."
Sothing welled up inside at his comforting tone.
I tried to speak in a steady voice.
"No, there's more I need to tell you, HR Director."
"So I heard. Speak freely."
"Yes. Jin, outside the Core..."
"Yeah."
"He asked to pass on a ssage to you."
Joo didn't seem surprised.
He just looked at silently, waiting for my words.
eting his eyes brought back the sound of the train rumbling along the tracks in my ears. Clack-clack. The train that had run steadily through the darkness. The man who had suddenly asked my na and introduced himself.
The words he had said with a smile.
"He said to tell you he's sorry."
Joo didn't take his eyes off .
"That he tried so hard but couldn't overco it in the end."
I didn't fully understand his words.
But they seed to reach the HR Director. His eyes grew moist as he listened.
His eyes reddened faintly. The tears welling up didn't fall. Instead, Joo smiled with tear-filled eyes.
Then he cast his gaze downward.
The HR Director looked at the floor with his characteristic kind smile and said,
"So he said that."
"...Yes."
"Jin was really on the edge back then. It wouldn't have been surprising if he deserted or took his own life at any mont. I tried to persuade him to retire instead. But I ended up missing the timing. One day, he vanished outside the Core and never ca back."
"...I should have brought him back. I'm sorry."
"No. Who could be more tornted than you right now?"
Joo lifted his head.
The light filtering through the semi-transparent curtains. The white lamp illuminating the quiet hospital room. The HR Director sitting demurely by the tal bed rail.
I silently watched his characteristic gentle smile.
"Thank you for passing on the ssage."
Joo bowed his head.
For so inexplicable reason, it hurt deeply.
I bit my lip and forced out the words.
"...Yes."
"We probably won't officially search for Jin anymore."
What?
My eyes widened at the unexpected words.
Why? How? I'd explained everything. That Jin had been alive in the subway for ten years. That he'd stayed behind to help , and since no body was found, there was a good chance he survived.
So why stop looking?
I'd heard he was missing, but I thought they'd keep searching diligently. I assud Ami and the other seniors were still out there looking for Jin.
My expression must have shown my thoughts. Joo gave a bitter smile.
"We can't officially search for a Badger who went missing outside the Core forever. The unit can search on its own after leaving the Core, of course. But the official search ends here."
"...But Jin was alive just a few days ago..."
"There are too many Badgers who go missing outside the Core."
I froze, at a loss for words, and the bitterness in Joo's smile deepened.
He spoke softly to , who was rigid.
"I won't tell you to hold onto hope."
"...Even so, isn't the search too short?"
"Officially, we've lost Jin for over ten years."
I couldn't argue.
I couldn't get angry. I knew they'd spent far more ti with Jin Silver than I had. When Jin deserted and vanished, Joo must have searched for him more desperately than I ever could. Given his state where desertion at any mont wouldn't surprise anyone, he must have scoured the outside with the firm hope that Jin was alive.
Grinding his teeth to bring back a comrade who had run away.
How long after that did the Badgers stop searching?
I didn't know, but I was sure Joo had done his best.
I chewed on my lip and asked,
"Even if I protest, nothing will change, right?"
"Yeah. It won't."
"Even if I explain the situation in more detail, or pinpoint the exact location when I go back?"
"Yeah."
Joo answered calmly, then his gaze grew distant.
With eyes filled with sorrow and pain, he inford ,
"I'm sorry. The search has already been concluded."
I bit my lip hard.
Tasting the tallic tang of blood, I lowered my gaze.
I tried not to lash out at him, swept up in my surging emotions. It wasn't an unreasonable decision. It was just hard for to accept emotionally.
I fixed my eyes on the hand with the IV needle inserted.
"I understand. Thank you for letting know."
The HR Director was silent for a while.
Since I had my gaze down, I couldn't see his expression. Silence settled over the hospital room. Only the ticking of the clock's second hand tickled my ears.
It was a long ti before Joo broke the silence in a low voice.
"It would be nice if everything could be certain. Right, Hilde?"
I quietly watched Joo smiling with wet eyes.
Joo continued, his smile so faint it seed about to vanish.
"It would be nice if we could always hold our comrades' remains in our hands, bury them ourselves, stroke their graves with love, and offer affectionate prayers. Right?"
So many missing.
Hope crumbling visibly before their eyes. Yet the desperation that couldn't let go. Countless comrades who left Joo's side that way, without even a funeral because of that lingering attachnt.
I knew there were countless such Badgers who had departed like that, and that Joo, this man blessed with a natural talent for personnel matters, had engraved each farewell into his heart.
So I couldn't find words for a long ti.
Before soone who had overco countless losses, no words ca to mind.
*
I had a lot to ask Ye-hyeon too.
I waited, thinking he'd contact soon, but no call ca until my discharge. I was hospitalized for five days before leaving. Yoon ca to pick up, true to his word of waiting only until my actual discharge.
It wasn't that I disliked it.
But I didn't head straight back to the dormitory. It was early morning at 7 a.m. Yoon saw coming out of the hospital room and said,
"We'll stop by the lab before heading out."
"Where to?"
"My place."
Why?
I made a sulky face to express my displeasure, and Yoon raised one eyebrow.
"Got a problem?"
"Won't it be a bother to the Supre Commander?"
"You're the one who finds the Supre Commander burdenso."
"That's part of it. Why go to his place specifically... Ah, is the Commander away on a business trip?"
"No."
Yoon answered curtly.
Then he fell silent for a mont.
What?
This man rarely answered so cleanly, so I blinked. If he didn't want to answer, he'd dodge or retort cynically that I was being too nosy.
So what was it this ti that made him close his mouth with such an unsettled expression?
As I wondered, Yoon slowly gave his answer.
"He's hospitalized."
"What?"
Hospitalized?
In the hospital? I gaped foolishly at Yoon.
"The Commander?"
"Yeah. Discharging tomorrow. I'll drop you off at your place and co back here. Training starts tomorrow, so stay ho today without making a ss and rest quietly."
"Is he sick?"
I asked, letting Yoon's nagging go in one ear and out the other.
Only then did an expression form on Yoon's face. The ntor furrowed his neat features slightly.
"Stress-induced stomach cramps."
Good grief.
Even a Badger with exceptional healing power could get sothing like that.
I stared at my displeased ntor with my mouth open. He really seed unhappy about this situation.
He didn't seem inclined to explain further this ti either.
What could it be? Did sothing happen while I was out? Or was I overthinking that I might be the cause?
Anyway, I didn't get an answer. After dropping the bombshell, the ntor turned wordlessly and started walking. I clamped my mouth shut and followed behind him.
We passed through the familiar corridor and entered the lab.
Perhaps because it was early morning, the lab was still empty.
Scientists on the verge of collapse, their desks piled with energy drinks and coffee.
Excluding those who had clearly pulled an all-nighter, there was no one else. The morning sunlight poured in, baking the nurous desks. mories of visiting the lab on the weekend ca to mind.
It felt just like that ti.
I slowed my pace, following the thoughtful ntor as we crossed the quiet lab.
The ntor stopped next to John Mullen.
"What?"
Yoon looked at the blue-eyed scientist staring at him intently.
"What's up? You even made eye contact. What is it?"
"Program key."
John, who seed out of his mind even today, fixed a clear gaze on Yoon.
"I need your program key."
"Ah."
Yoon replied with a low, short acknowledgnt as if understanding.
The ntor shoved one hand into his pocket. Then, without another word, he started walking through the lab again. He jerked his chin once, as if telling John to follow.
I watched John Mullen stick to Yoon's back like a ghost.
Classic John Mullen. He didn't even seem to notice I was there.
Still as crazy as ever.
Strangely, his unchanged deanor felt welcoming. I was grateful he'd completely forgotten my existence.
We walked quietly without a word. I didn't know where we were going, but anyway, John and I stood side by side, amicably following Yoon.
Until Yoon stopped abruptly facing the wall.
Yoon halted in an odd spot.
What?
"Why are you stopping?"
Even as I asked curiously, the ntor didn't turn around.
The stationary ntor didn't move. He stood rooted to the spot, his gaze fixed in one place without a twitch.
His gaze didn't turn. His body didn't stir a finger. John and I, staring puzzled at Yoon's back of the head, blinked and followed his line of sight.
And we looked at the sa place at once.
The lab wall.
The spot where sothing had been attached. The crude traces left there. I had to think long and hard about what it had originally been.
What had been at the end of those roughly severed cable wires?
What had been stuck to the wall?
"Damn it."
Only after Yoon spat out his anger-filled words did I realize the answer.
"Who the hell..."
Weee-ooo-weee-ooo-weee!
[Ergency! Ergency! Ergency muster! Ergency! Ergency! Ergency muster!]
Weee-ooo-weee-ooo-weee!
[Ergency! Ergency! Ergency muster! Ergency! Ergency! Ergency muster!]
The ear-piercing alarm shook the lab.
The ntor and I turned our heads simultaneously to look at John Mullen. We stared in astonishnt at the shocked face of the pale man, then at the red switch in his hand.
We stood frozen in the sa pose for a while. Like good friends, we lost our words and stared at the genius scientist gazing at the wall with a lost expression.
John Mullen, on the verge of madness right now.
John Mullen, who had pressed the unknown red button. John Mullen, wrapped in shock and horror.
Ignoring the ntor who snapped out of it first and muttered, "You idiot...," he murmured.
Desperately.
"Oh God, Martin."
Martin was missing.
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