[BL] CRAVING HIM: Addicted to His Voice Chapter 187: You Were My First Real Love

~Zayn’s POV~

My response was quiet, but it carried the weight of everything that had passed. "Then answer this question," I challenged. "If Nicki had been loyal to you when he ca to you, would you have chosen him back, or would you still chase after ?"

Evric t my gaze, his expression changing from desperation to a profound, focused resolve. He knew a simple denial would be aningless now.

"Babe, if I just answer ’no’ to your question, it will hold no aning," he began, his voice soft but resonant. "You might still doubt . I owe you a true explanation for you to understand the man you fell in love with."

I remained seated, silent, allowing him the stage.

"Before I t Nicki, I had casual encounters, but none of them matched the intensity I craved," Evric admitted, his eyes distant as he dredged up the past. "In my freshman year of university, I saw Nicki at a club. We didn’t exchange words; we exchanged a long, magnetic stare. When I went to the restroom, he followed. We were consud by each other, twice, right there. I took him ho, and for a long ti, that’s all we were. We were fueled by perpetual sex. It was an obsession."

He took a deep breath, his knuckles white where he gripped my thighs. "He eventually introduced to drugs. He claid it would make stronger, happier, and let last longer. I took it because I was already addicted to the extre nature of the sex. Soon, that was our entire life: drugs, sex, drink, repeat. I was so lost in the pleasure that I ignored the danger. One night, after a dose, he brought a friend ho. I was weak, asleep, but I rember hearing a moan. When I woke, he convinced it was my imagination."

"I was so selfish. I couldn’t see past the physical need. I didn’t love him; I was obsessed with the way we had sex. I never once celebrated an anniversary with him or took him out on a real date. My father eventually had to intervene to separate us after Nicki cheated on . Even when I saw the betrayal, I still slept with him because I confused my extre desire for him with love. It wasn’t love; it was a devastating sexual compulsion."

Evric squeezed my hands, pulling my focus back to the present. "After we split, I searched for that intensity again, but I couldn’t touch anyone. I was confused, believing that craving sex ant craving love. It wasn’t until a friend abroad explained it to : He said, ’If all you crave is sex, but your heart never aches to simply hold them, to just stare at their face while they sleep, then you’ve never loved. You’ve only been addicted.’

His eyes, now bright with sincerity, searched mine. "Zayn, you might not believe , but the first night we were together, it’s the first ti my body moved with my heart. It’s the first ti I realized I didn’t want to hurt soone. It’s the first ti I felt restraint, protecting you, even though I desperately wanted to lose control."

"It’s the first ti I ever carried you to bed," Evric continued, his smile softening as he rembered. "You imdiately rolled over and held my hand in your sleep. I barely knew you then, yet I couldn’t stop smiling just looking at your face, at how completely beautiful and cute you were. That was the mont I knew you were different."

"Everything I’ve explained to you is to let you know this: with you, all I feel is love. You made realize what it ans to love, and that love ans sacrifice. You taught true love. With Nicki, even if my father hadn’t separated us, all I would have ever craved was sex. With you, Zayn, all I crave is all of you."

He shifted, his voice desperate. "If I still wanted that old life, that old intensity, Nicki threw himself at so many tis, even recently. I kept rejecting him because I already had the man I loved."

"Zayn, with the way I love sex, I would have cheated on you with Nicki countless tis if I didn’t love you more. I know what I’m saying, but trust , I love you so much, and I’m sorry for those thoughtless words earlier."

He swallowed hard. "Babe, trust , I never want you to be Nicki. I love you just the way you are. Everything about you drives crazy. I love you too much to just be seeking sex from you."

When I talk about wanting you, it’s not just sex, it’s because I want to share that intimacy with the man I love. You’re not a replacent, Zayn. You’re my choice."

Tears welled in his eyes. "I’m sorry for not telling you, but I was terrified of losing you. I thought if I kept the past quiet until our relationship was solid, until my father approved, you’d forgive . Please believe , I love you so much. Even if Nicki had been loyal, I wouldn’t choose him. What I feel for you is sothing I myself can’t fully explain. You are my ho, Zayn. My happiness."

I stared at him, completely speechless, the raw magnitude of his confession leaving with nothing left to say.

Evric slowly pushed himself up from the floor where he’d been kneeling all along, his voice still soft from everything he had just confessed. He looked at for a mont, then glanced toward the couch before moving to sit down on it.

"Baby," he said gently, patting his thigh, "co and sit on ."

I hesitated, my eyes locked on his. I didn’t move.

"Please, babe," he murmured, his gaze pleading, voice low and warm. "Please, hmm?"

His eyes were so gentle, I couldn’t resist. I stood and carefully sat on his lap. The mont I did, his arms ca around , holding close.

"This doesn’t change the fact that Nicki and I share you," I mumbled against his shirt, the resentnt still heavy. "I hate that thought, Evric."

He held tight, stroking my back. "It’s true you both shared my body, but in a fundantally different way," he reasoned, cupping my face with one large hand. "You won my heart, my mind, my soul, my future, and my body. Every part of craves you. With Nicki, he lost from the beginning because he never had my heart. You won from the beginning, and I will forever cherish you, baby."

He kissed my forehead. "So, please, don’t you ever compare yourself to Nicki. You are far better than him, and you know it."

"I love you so much, Zayn," he murmured.

"I love you more, Evric," I replied, and he leaned in for a kiss a deep, slow kiss that was less about passion and more about solidifying the future.

Afterward, he stroked my back soothingly. "Let’s move back to my place."

"When?" I asked, already tired of the distance.

"What about tomorrow?" he offered.

"Okay, babe," I agreed, finally allowing myself to relax fully into his embrace. The war was over. I had won.