Mazao showed a puzzled expression when I didn’t provide an answer.
I thought for a mont and then shifted the topic: "If you’re scared, it’s okay to wait a little longer."
"Wait...until when?"
It seed Mazao didn’t realize anything was amiss, she slowly said: "Although I’m scared...no, precisely because I’m scared, I want to et my parents as soon as possible. Otherwise, my resolve might erode over ti. If I flee using excuses this ti, I might find excuses to escape again next ti. I would beco more and more delaying, and eventually pretend to forget without realizing it. I don’t want to beco like that."
Her words resonated with . Yes, that’s part of my thoughts too. That’s why I’ve co to find her.
Then she continued: "It’s not just about eting my parents, I also want to confront my past head-on. For , this requires even greater resolve. If I don’t dare to see my parents, I will likely flee from my past later. This is the first step I have to take."
"You an...the past?" I asked.
"The mories lost due to frenzy can be recovered. Little Bowl has proven this. Therefore, I must also try to recover my mories," Mazao said, "I’ve forgotten the nas and appearances of the people I killed in the past.
"Moreover, although you and Little Bowl haven’t directly stated it, I’m not completely without thinking. Since the Evangelical Institute is a dark organization that plans human massacre projects, and I was once a mber, I must have done many bad things, right? I don’t want to escape from those things by using ’I don’t rember’ as an excuse to cleanse myself of blood and sin."
Her voice was very powerful. Despite the faint perception of her unease regarding her dark past, her emotions were overall stable. Her decisions were filled with resilient willpower. Completely unlike the Mazao I initially knew.
"...Your speculation is not incorrect. During the Evangelical Institute period, you were called the ’Evangelical Witch’ and committed nurous cris, staining the blood of many survivors. If you want to know more specific details, I can tell you in detail later." I said, "The problem now is, you want to recover your mories but that’s impossible.
"To use Three-Life Stone Powder, one must beco a Void Envoy—this part might still be negotiable. More importantly, the last bit of Three-Life Stone Powder has been completely used up by Little Bowl, and the thod to recover mories has disappeared. What thod can you still find?"
"—It’s simple, it’s ."
Mazao seed to have truly thought about it and found an answer, she looked at her palm and continued: "Power of Return...according to Little Bowl, the reason I have the Broom Star Physique is that I possess the Power of Return, and that the Power of Return is a miraculous force deed by the planetary will to possibly restore the wrong world itself to its original state, so there’s no reason it can’t restore the mory of a re human.
"The current can’t do it, surely because I’m not strong enough yet. All rules are seen as ironclad due to the lack of power of those involved. ’The mory lost due to frenzy cannot be repaired’ is the sa. If I beco Impermanence, things will certainly change. Though repairing the world might still be a drop in the bucket, other matters are different."
If she becos Impermanence—this is indeed a massive fantasy.
But the person saying this is Mazao, so it’s not rely a fantasy but a feasible proposition. According to the information I gathered in the Post-mortem World, Mazao indeed possesses the potential and life path to beco Impermanence.
"It’s the sa for Little Bowl," Mazao continued, "As long as I beco strong enough, perhaps even Little Bowl can be saved. Even if this route doesn’t work, I won’t give up. I’ll keep searching for thods until the last mont. Zhuang Cheng, you think the sa, right?"
I said surprisingly: "You support Little Bowl completing her mission...because you made the sa decision as I did?"
Mazao didn’t want Little Bowl to disappear, but her approach wasn’t to stop Little Bowl, rather she wanted to find thods ahead.
It’s not standing still out of fear, but proceeding courageously with resolve.
Her heart must have undergone intense struggle and hesitation, but she overca them all.
What made her beco so strong?
She looked at with unwavering eyes.
"Little Bowl acknowledges her mission. She is the Dream Avatar with the completion of her obsession as the principal aim. Stopping her equates to denying her existence’s aning. That would be the greatest harm to her, certainly causing imnse pain. I don’t want to commit such actions akin to betraying her due to self-centered emotions," Mazao said.
"...You value others more than your own feelings." I said, "Indeed, we are fundantally different people."
"Zhuang Cheng?" Mazao was montarily stunned.
"Mazao, I actually ca to tell you the final truth." I finally steeled myself, "In the past, I confessed all my emotions to you and revealed what I truly pursued. But there is one thing I didn’t speak to you out of fear. Because it is also a painful decision for . Once I speak it out, we will certainly part ways and beco enemies to each other."
"Zhuang Cheng... What are you talking about?" Mazao was stunned.
"Listen to , Mazao," I said slowly, "—I wish for Doomsday."
With these words as a beginning, I revealed my deepest secret desire to Mazao.
I do not long for the outco of Doomsday, but I desire the bizarre and fantastical scenes that arise during the process. To experience those things until the very last mont, I might even prevent anyone from stopping Doomsday and, in fact, embrace its result. From this perspective, part of the reason I stand against the human extermination plan is to stop the Evangelical Institute from saving the world.
If it had been an absolutely brilliant plan, that would be one thing, but how could such a lackluster plan be allowed to prevent Doomsday?
Indeed, if the world were destroyed, my adventure would co to an end. It’s truly a short-sighted approach. But conversely, Doomsday has imnse value. Compared to the apocalypse, any adventure pales in comparison.
Mazao is sure to despise , thinking how foolish I am to do sothing so reckless toward a destructive conclusion. If it were just self-destruction, that would be one thing, but my actions will inevitably drag everything around into ruin, including the people and things I care about.
Of course, I couldn’t possibly be indifferent to this, but to turn back now would be admitting regret. In my heart, what truly judges the rightness or wrongness of what I’ve done is not universal morals or values, nor anyone’s judgnt, but whether I will regret it at the last mont. Ultimately, what matters most to is indeed my dreams and obsessions.
At the sa ti, I also thought about how to deal with Mazao afterwards.
Even if it ans being an enemy to her, I could never actually kill Mazao; it would rely an returning to the original plan. I still need Mazao’s Broom Star Physique, so I will imprison her.
The Teleportation Skill of the Power of Return is indeed very tricky; long ago, it was the reason I could never effectively carry out the imprisonnt of Mazao, so I had to settle for an equal relationship. But now things are different. As Impermanence, I’m not just soone who burns things down. I can interfere with the domains of ti and space, even fate, to so extent. I can try to forcibly keep Mazao here.
Yet, difficult issues still exist, such as Mazao’s "fortune"... Although she often mocks herself as an unfortunate person, the natural will of the planet entrusts her with an unusual kind of luck that allows her to survive nurous disasters, akin to a protagonist, and I’m unsure whether I can completely suppress it indefinitely.
When I finished speaking, I didn’t imdiately act against Mazao because I was really concerned about what kind of reaction Mazao would show after hearing my words. Even though I could assu it without saying, she would definitely be very sad and angry, feeling unprecedented betrayal, watching with imnsely disappointed eyes, but these are things I should bear; I do not want to escape from them.
However, to my surprise, Mazao did not show any of the aforentioned reactions.
She was just very shocked and bewildered... But beneath these emotions, she took a deep breath, then closed her eyes, as if swallowing and digesting a massive matter with her mind, falling into a prolonged thought.
After so ti, she slowly opened her eyes. In the gaze she fixed on , there was no sadness or anger, nor any disappointnt. It seed to be filled with emotions I couldn’t comprehend, like a silently burning fla.
Then, she said sothing I never expected.
"Zhuang Cheng, I won’t be your enemy."
"—What?" This ti, it was my turn to be stunned.
What did she just say?
"Are you serious? Or did you not hear what I just said? Because you’ve received such astonishing news all at once, so your mind temporarily didn’t comprehend it? I’m hoping for Doomsday." I said, "Don’t you want to stop Doomsday? To save the world to atone for past sacrifices and tragedies... it’s been your wish, the driving force that supported you since you crossed into the modern world, hasn’t it?"
"Yes." Mazao replied.
"Then what do you an by what you just said? You don’t want to be enemies with because... because you like ?" I asked.
"I like you." Mazao admitted.
I couldn’t believe it, so I pressed further, "So, are you willing to give up your wish?"
"No, I want to save the world; that won’t change." Mazao said seriously.
"Since you want to save the world, you can’t be with because I will destroy the world. Such a simple logic, you can’t possibly not understand, right?" I said.
Mazao slowly shook her head, then looked into my eyes, and with a firm tone said, "I want both the world and you!"
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