October 19, 2020
"How did you catch the wild boar?"
"......"
"Did you catch it with that sword?"
"......"
"Sir?"
Mikael leaned his upper body slightly toward Cabelenus. If it were any other day, the man would have recoiled, telling him not to get too close, but today, he was quiet. Mikael tilted his head, then gently tapped Cabelenus’s hand with his index finger. But again, there was no reaction.
"You're an idiot, sir."
"......"
"You're a fool, sir."
"......"
"Sir!"
"...What did you just say?"
Mikael sharply tapped Cabelenus’s knee, making a sound, before the man slowly turned his head.
"I asked how you caught the wild boar."
"What about it?"
"Sir, you weren’t listening to a word I said."
"No."
"Then repeat what I said."
"......"
"See? You didn’t hear a thing!"
Mikael frowned and crossed his arms. Cabelenus stared at the child’s face, then finally rubbed his face roughly with one hand. It was a face he had seen countless tis, yet it felt awkward now, which made him laugh at himself. But every ti he t Mikael’s clear eyes, old mories would surface, and he could barely endure it.
"I just need to think about sothing for a mont, so you go ahead and swing that stick around."
"I already swung it all around."
"Stop lying."
"I don’t lie about things like this."
Mikael gestured toward the sky with his chin. The twilight was slowly falling.
"Do you even know what ti it is?"
"......"
"No words?"
Mikael smirked and lifted his chin slightly. Cabelenus only twitched his lips and turned away.
"If you’re done, then go."
"......"
"I said go."
"Sir, are you mad at ?"
Mikael carefully took a step sideways, eting Cabelenus’s gaze.
"No. I’m not."
Cabelenus turned his head again, away from the gray eyes.
"If you’re not mad, then why do you keep avoiding my eyes?"
"I’m not avoiding them."
"Liar! You’re still not looking at my face properly!"
Mikael pouted his lips and again blocked Cabelenus’s view.
"I told you I’m thinking."
"Is this because of Uncle Jas? He—"
"Just go!"
At the irritated tone, Mikael’s pupils wavered, but Cabelenus still wasn’t looking at him. Mikael bit his lower lip, fighting back the tears that wanted to escape.
"Actually, my mother wants to invite you to dinner."
"......"
"I was going to tell you that later, but..."
Hearing the voice filled with moisture, Cabelenus’s head slowly turned to look at Mikael. By now, the child’s eyes were teary.
"...Why are you crying?"
The Mikael he had known up to now had always brushed off harsh words with a bright smile. Crying over sothing like this didn’t seem like him.
‘The child is already picking up on everything. Timid, afraid. So, don’t be any harsher.’
Cabelenus touched his forehead. He didn’t know why the mories of that day were coming back now, but what was certain was that it made him feel bitter. Seeing the child, who had grown up acting tough to hide his emotions, yet still unable to cry properly, made his heart ache like it was burning away.
"Don’t cry."
"I’m not crying!"
"Stop crying."
"I’m not crying, I said!"
With his eyes all red, it was clear he was crying. Watching Mikael, whose eyes were now leaking like drops of water, Cabelenus reached out. The small face, still too small for even one of his hands to cover, was wet, but the touch didn’t feel bad.
"Even if I tell you not to cry..."
Cabelenus gently wiped the tears from Mikael’s eyes with his thumb. Mikael looked up at Cabelenus with tearful eyes, his face contorting at the rough touch.
"Th-this is all because of... h-huh..."
He really hated it. The selfishness, the bad attitude, everything.
"...I don’t know what to do with you, really."
But he didn’t want to be hated. The indifferent eyes, the blunt voice, the back that was always visible—it all bothered him, yet at the sa ti, he liked it. Even pretending to hate it, even pretending it wasn’t like that, he still liked the little bit of attention that fell his way. No matter how many tis he told himself his father was a bad person, his image kept lingering in his mind.
"Hwaah... Huh... Hwaaa!"
Mikael raised his voice even higher, his vision clouded by tears as he couldn’t clearly see the face. He had lied. He had known it all along. The pendant that he had touched dozens of tis every day after hearing it was his father’s. It wasn’t hard to find the hidden secrets or take out the hidden picture in the pendant without creasing it. But this was the first ti he had seen his father in person, and he didn’t know what to do. All he did was sneak after him, not like other fathers who hugged him or spoke kind words. He had only hoped for sothing, however awkward it was.
***
"He cried himself to sleep."
"What...?!"
Alicia hurriedly examined Mikael, not even finishing her sentence. Thankfully, Mikael, who was cradled in Cabelenus’s arms, had a swollen face but was asleep peacefully without any issues.
"I’ll hold him."
"No. I will. He’s quite heavy."
"......"
"Is this too much for you?"
Cabelenus casually glanced at Alicia’s expression. But with her expressionless face, he couldn’t tell what she was thinking.
"Co inside."
Alicia subtly shifted her body to make room for Cabelenus to enter. He hesitated for a mont but carefully stepped inside. He had always walked around the cabin, but this was the first ti he entered.
"Mikael’s room is on the second floor."
"Got it."
Cabelenus suppressed his nerves and took a step forward. The sll of food filled the air inside the cabin. On the table, three als were prepared.
"Just co up this way. The stairs creak, so be careful."
"......"
"This is Mikael’s room. You can lay him down here."
Alicia quickly made space for Mikael to lie down. After laying Mikael on the bed, Cabelenus quietly watched as Alicia tended to him. There were many things he wanted to say, but he didn’t know where to begin.
This translation is the intellectual property of Novelight.
"Actually, I heard you were invited to dinner."
"I wanted to repay you for taking care of Mikael."
"I see, you knew."
"It would be strange if I didn’t know."
Alicia answered in a calm voice while straightening the blanket. Mikael thought he had made the perfect lie, but the child’s excuses were full of holes.
"Why didn’t you stop ? You…."
"Because the child looks happy."
"……."
"You must have noticed, but this village isn’t exactly a good place for raising a child. I’ve shown Mikael many things he shouldn’t see."
Her voice mixed with a sigh, filled with regret. Cabelenus wanted to hug her then, but he couldn’t. He closed his eyes as he stared at the flickering fla-like hair. If only he could see her face, but she still wouldn’t look back.
"I know that whatever I say won’t truly reach you, but..."
"Let’s talk while we eat."
"……."
"I went to all this trouble to prepare food, so it would be a waste not to eat it."
For a brief mont, Cabelenus’s eyes flickered. Alicia, who turned around, was smiling—far from what he had expected.
***
"Is it to your taste?"
"It’s delicious. Very. Extrely."
The complint was awkwardly added, and it seed better if he hadn’t said anything at all. Cabelenus awkwardly lifted the corner of his mouth and shoved another piece of at into his mouth. He wanted to give a proper complint, but he had no talent in that area.
"Good to hear. Mikael told he’d never really gotten a complint before, so I was a bit worried."
"……."
What a quiet child. Cabelenus’s lips twitched. If he knew it would be like this, he should’ve just said it was delicious.
"Did you make all this food yourself?"
"I don’t have a chef."
"If you need one, I can get you one anyti."
"I’m just joking. It’s a joke. So, don’t look at so seriously."
Alicia laughed brightly, and the tension in Cabelenus’s stiff neck loosened slightly. He slowly set down the fork in his hand and took a deep breath.
"……Actually, it feels a little awkward."
"What does?"
"You didn’t want here."
"Honestly, I still don’t."
"……."
"But despite that, I wanted to thank you. For taking care of Mikael, and for saving him."
Alicia’s hand, hidden beneath the table, clenched tightly. She still couldn’t forget Mikael’s expression as he described how magnificent Cabelenus had been when he saved them. That alone was enough for Alicia to know how much Mikael liked Cabelenus.
"I didn’t do it to be thanked. And, what happened... It’s mostly my fault."
"Thank you for saying that."
After that, no more words were exchanged. As the candlelight flickered low, Cabelenus spoke first.
"Mikael seems more mature than other children."
"That’s because he tries to be."
"To be honest, he looks much older than six."
Cabelenus’s eyes narrowed.
"How much older does he look? A year? Two? Or even older?"
But Alicia only maintained her smiling face. Cabelenus paused for a mont, then let out a deep sigh.
"……I really can’t do this."
At least not in front of you. Cabelenus’s lips curled into a bitter smile. Despite this, Alicia’s expression remained unchanged.
"I saw Mikael’s pendant."
"Mikael was upset, saying he had lost it. So, I guess you had it."
"Is that all you wanted to say?"
"I wanted to ask for it back."
Alicia’s smile deepened. Cabelenus looked at her, then pulled the crumpled pendant from his chest.
"It got ssed up, like soone stepped on it during the attack."
"That’s unfortunate. Mikael really treasured it."
"So, I accidentally saw what was inside."
"And?"
"It was my drawing."
From eight years ago. Cabelenus exhaled heavily. His heart pounded as if he had been running.
"Was there such a thing?"
"Are you going to keep pretending you didn’t know?"
"I’m not pretending. It’s just a drawing. It’s so old that the person who made it probably doesn’t even rember anymore. I didn’t think it was worth attaching any aning to."
Alicia kept smiling, but to Cabelenus, she seed like a cat with its fur puffed up.
"Mikael said the owner of the pendant was his real father."
"……."
"I’ll ask you again."
The child from eight years ago. Was he really dead? Cabelenus’s voice trembled in a way that was unlike him, filled with suppressed emotion. He could see everything so clearly, yet he still wanted to be sure. He knew Alicia was pretending not to know, but he didn’t want to pretend he didn’t know either.
"…What if he’s alive?"
"……."
"What difference does it make if he’s alive?"
Alicia gripped her skirt tightly, trying to swallow the tears that were rising. The talisman from eight years ago had finally found its owner, but she wasn’t happy at all. Everything felt as crumpled and ruined as the pendant itself.
"He would just be a monster in the form of a child."
"……."
"A child who inherits the blood of a monster will just end up being a monster."
"……."
"He’s a child who should never have been born."
Even after so much ti had passed, why did those words that had felt like a knife that day still ring so clearly in her mind? As Alicia looked at the face of the hopeless man, veins began to bulge on the back of her hand.
"You were the one who said it, not anyone else."
"I was just—"
"Isn’t it funny? It was just words. You might have forgotten them by now, a word you blurted out in a rush of emotions at the ti. But even now, my heart drops whenever I hear it."
"……."
"Moreover, no matter what you’ve beco, no matter how much you’ve changed, I can’t shake off the doubt."
I still dream of it. Alicia’s voice trembled, weak.
"I dream of you, the one who once denied the child, eventually killing my child. And my child, who died before even being born, being pointed at as a monster."
Her fingertips turned pale. It was just a dream, but it felt suffocating, and she had trouble breathing.
"It didn’t happen. And, it was just words."
"……."
"But the one who said those words... was you."
That’s why it happened.
Because you were special, the wound was deep. Alicia smiled brightly in that mont, more brilliantly than ever.
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