August 13, 2020
"I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner. But I had a sliver of hope. It was just one night. I never imagined the monster could wield its power even as a fetus."
Even if Alicia ca to despise him for his confession, he had no right to complain. No one could welco the existence of a monster carrying the blood of a beast.
And yet, even knowing he might earn her rejection, Cabelenus could not bring himself to accept that child.
The fear of losing Alicia consud him.
He had tried to remain composed, but the longer she remained unconscious, the deeper his suffering beca. Each day she did not wake was another day he drowned in a living hell. He had felt an urge to destroy everything, and yet at the sa ti, a crushing helplessness rendered him powerless.
He had thought that no matter how much he cherished Alicia, he could still maintain his boundaries.
But he had already crossed that line.
"This incident made it clear. That thing is a monster. It may be quiet now, but there's no telling when it will try to harm you again."
His grip tightened.
Alicia stared at his distorted expression, parting her lips slightly, yet no words ca out.
The man who had always seed so unwavering now had cracks in his facade, and it left her parched with unease.
Cabelenus's gaze was trembling.
And Alicia knew all too well what that ant.
"I don't need a child. I only need you."
"Your Highness…"
"I know you're confused. But this is urgent. We need to—"
"What is it that you're so afraid of?"
Alicia t his gaze head-on, her eyes burning with resolve.
Cabelenus's eyes wavered even more.
"…You."
His voice was deep and unsteady, vibrating in her ears.
"You are so fragile that it feels like you’ll disappear at any mont. Even when I think I have you in my grasp, the mont I look away, I fear I will lose you forever. That’s what I’m afraid of. That no matter how desperately I fight, there will co a day when I can no longer hold on to you."
"…"
"Since that day, I've only lived for one thing. I told myself that as long as I achieved my goal, I wouldn’t care what I had to sacrifice. I always chose the fastest path, the most beneficial choice. I've never regretted it. And I never intended to."
Cabelenus shut his eyes tightly before reopening them.
His golden irises shimred beneath his reddened gaze.
"And yet, here I am. Thinking how utterly foolish I am for making this decision."
"…"
"My mind still tells my choice isn’t wrong. But…"
"…"
"I don’t want to lose you."
His rough hands, calloused from wielding a sword for years, enclosed hers completely.
The grip was firm, relentless—almost as if he feared she would slip away.
"I won’t lie to you anymore."
"…"
"I’ll give you anything you want."
"…"
"If you wish, I won’t proceed with my engagent to the Christi princess."
As long as you abandon that monster.
The look in his eyes was that of a beast locking onto its prey.
Alicia instinctively tried to step back, but she couldn’t.
His grasp wouldn’t allow it.
A soft, shaky breath slipped past her lips.
But only for a mont.
Alicia straightened her back, lifting her chin with quiet defiance.
"It's not a monster."
"You don’t understand what that thing is yet."
"I do understand."
"No. You have no idea."
"What exactly do I not understand?"
"How utterly horrific that monster is."
The man who had always seed so invincible now looked unbearably weak.
Alicia was at a loss for words.
She wanted to comfort him, but she couldn’t even begin to grasp the depth of his wounds.
"…Maybe you’re right. I don’t know what kind of monster you’re talking about. But our child is different."
"It's not different. It's just a monster in the shape of a child."
"You've never even seen them."
Alicia’s voice trembled with desperation.
Cabelenus was acting out of ignorance.
If he saw the child—the beautiful child from her dream—he wouldn’t be able to say such cruel things.
"I don’t need to see it to know."
"That’s not true. Our child—"
"If it were a normal child, one that resembled you, then maybe… Maybe I could have felt sothing like an ordinary parent. But that is impossible."
"Impossible?"
"A child born with the blood of a monster is a monster."
A bitter smile twisted across Cabelenus’s face.
Just thinking about the grotesque beast that had tainted his blood made his stomach churn.
"You are not a monster."
"I'm just pretending not to be. Clinging to the last remnants of my pride."
But even that was aningless now.
Cabelenus stood, and the movent caused Alicia to stumble backward.
Her breath hitched as he lood over her.
His hands, firm and unyielding, rested against her stomach.
"The existence of that monster is the lowest part of . The part I never wanted you to see."
"…"
"But now… I have no choice but to reveal it."
His voice, hoarse and raw, sounded like the growl of a wounded beast.
Alicia held her breath as she looked up at him, her gaze unwavering despite the fear clawing at her chest.
Even in the dim light, his golden eyes remained piercing, glowing in the darkness.
"Kill the monster—"
"Stop!"
"Even if you don’t want to hear it, you must. That thing is not a child. It is rely—"
"Do not say another word!"
Alicia’s sharp cry cut through the air.
Her eyes were already glistening red.
"Alicia."
"Before this child is yours, they are mine."
"…"
"If you speak of them so carelessly again, I won’t sit back and endure it."
"I know this upsets you. But—"
"I told you. Enough."
Alicia’s gaze turned razor-sharp.
"If you want a child, you can adopt. No matter what it takes, I’ll find one that ets your expectations."
"I don’t need another child."
"Cabelenus."
"If you refuse to acknowledge this child, then they are mine. Only mine."
She didn’t know exactly where this feeling stemd from.
Was it the comfort she had received from the child?
Or perhaps sympathy for a child who shared her blood?
She wasn’t certain.
But she knew she had to protect them.
If she couldn’t protect the tiny life growing inside her, she would regret it forever.
"Do not hurt my child again."
"Your child? Hurt?"
"They can hear everything. All of it."
"Then that’s all the better. That monster should understand exactly where I stand."
"Stop calling them a monster."
"Then what else should I call that abomination?"
"I don’t know what you’ve been through. But at the very least, I know this much—"
Alicia placed her hand over Cabelenus’s, pressing his rough palm against her stomach. She held his gaze, unshaken.
"This child is not a monster."
The warmth of her touch burned against his skin.
"The child is already wary of you. They’re timid and easily frightened. So please, don’t say such cruel things anymore."
"…"
"They take after ."
"They’re only trying to deceive you. To win your favor, even a little—"
"They are just a child."
Alicia spoke without hesitation, her voice unwavering.
"It’s only natural for a child to want to be loved. There is nothing strange about that."
"They are not an ordinary child."
"Even so, they are mine. If no one else, then at the very least, I must be the one to stand by them."
"They haven’t even been born yet."
"Yes. They haven’t even been born yet. They are only just beginning to grow. So tell —what is there to fear? What have they done wrong to deserve such condemnation before even taking their first breath?"
Alicia’s eyes burned red.
She was barely holding back her tears.
"Because they should never have been born."
"You should never have been born."
Alicia’s face twisted violently.
The words struck her harder than any blow.
Because they were too familiar.
The words of the King of Neuschwein.
The man she had never been able to call ‘father.’
She rembered the first ti she had t him.
She rembered those exact words leaving his lips.
Alicia stared blankly at Cabelenus.
It made no sense to compare him to that man, and yet once the thought entered her mind, she couldn’t shake it.
Her breath trembled.
Her eyes shut.
She needed sothing—anything—to ground her.
But she couldn’t find it.
She could imagine a future where she and Cabelenus remained together.
But she couldn’t imagine a future where they were a family.
***
"Drink so warm tea."
"…Thank you."
Lady Morco placed a teacup on the table.
Alicia watched the steam curl into the air, her gaze unfocused.
Her body felt unbearably heavy, as if it had been soaked in salt for days.
Exhaustion gripped her bones.
"Don’t be so discouraged. This is just the beginning."
"The beginning?"
Alicia’s head drooped forward.
She had spoken with Cabelenus again today, but the conversation had gone in endless circles.
Cabelenus did not want the child.
And nothing seed to change that.
"My lady."
"He doesn’t just not want them. He refuses them."
"…"
"He won’t even consider changing his mind."
"Once he makes a decision, he rarely takes it back."
"It’s more than that, though…"
Alicia trailed off.
He hadn’t told her everything, but his uncharacteristic responses lingered in her mind.
There was sothing else.
Sothing he wasn’t saying.
And for that reason…
She pitied him.
She wanted to hold him.
But she couldn’t.
Instead, her hand instinctively moved to her stomach.
"Don’t worry too much. There’s still ti."
"…And if he never changes his mind?"
"…"
"If he acts on it? If he really tries to kill this child?"
Alicia’s fingers trembled.
Cabelenus was serious.
He was truly considering harming the child.
"This is his land. There is nothing here that does not go his way."
For now, he was restraining himself.
But for how long?
At any mont, if he willed it—
If he decided the child should not live—
He could make it happen.
"No matter what happens, I will protect you."
"…I’m so afraid. It feels like everyone is my enemy. Like the whole world is just waiting to take this child away from ."
"My lady."
"I feel like I’m dying a little more each day. I wake up hoping he’ll listen. And yet, I go to sleep wondering if he will change his mind and simply… erase them."
Lady Morco wrapped her arms around her.
Alicia let out a shallow, trembling breath.
"I had a nightmare. A terrible one."
"Dreams often an the opposite of reality. Everything will be alright."
"I want to believe that."
Her voice was barely a whisper.
Her lashes quivered as she stared blankly ahead.
Sowhere along the way, she had stopped crying.
All that remained was the thought that she simply had to endure.
"Cabelenus broke off his engagent with another woman, but I don’t feel even the slightest joy."
"…"
"He showed a list of noble families, asking to choose which one I wanted to be officially adopted into. But it felt so aningless."
"…"
"He told about the future he envisions for us. But instead of feeling excited, all I felt was pain."
It was the life she had once dread of.
A future she had wanted.
And yet, the more those perfect days repeated, the more miserable she beca.
Because in Cabelenus’s perfect world…
There was no child.
And she could no longer bear that truth.
"His every word, his every action, they all deny the child’s existence. They exist. And yet, he treats them as if they don’t."
"…You’re struggling so much, aren’t you?"
Lady Morco gently patted her back.
She wanted to do sothing—anything—for Alicia.
But there was little she could offer beyond a listening ear and quiet comfort.
"It’s too much. But that’s not even the hardest part."
Alicia shut her eyes tightly.
The truth was—
The thing she feared most was herself.
She feared that one day, she would grow too exhausted.
That the endless cycle would wear her down.
That eventually, she would break.
And that she would begin to consider the unthinkable.
"…I have a favor to ask."
She slowly lifted her head, her fingers clutching tightly onto Lady Morco’s sleeve.
Veins bulged beneath her pale, trembling hands.
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