Nuannuan is a good girl. Although I'm reluctant to admit it, she is indeed more suitable than to be the one who can accompany you for life.
Actually, at first, I was quite unconvinced. The first ti I saw the girl by your side, I thought she was just a bit more endowed than . What's the big deal? We are childhood friends; our parents arranged our engagent before we were even born.
But later, I gradually realized that she had so much more than , in every aspect.
She is gentler than , better at caring for others, and makes you feel freer, happier, and more proud of your manhood.
Everyone says she's silly and naive, but she taught a truth: sincerity is the ultimate weapon. She does not have the title of a childhood friend, nor the friendship of both families, nor the bond from growing up together. From any angle, she shouldn't be my rival.
But she has one thing—her determination to love you, just like .
Nuannuan and I talked a lot, and I learned many things. My current situation is like retracing her path from back then.
On this path, I finally understand how to truly love you. But at the end of it, the person I love most is already holding soone else's hand as they walk to the finish line...
I don't bla anyone. If there's anyone to bla, it's . Even though I had a winning hand, I still lost to her loose cards. This was Nuannuan's rightful gain, and my deserved punishnt...
The writing at the back of the letter gets smaller and denser, as if fearing she won't finish saying all she wants. Xu Musen reads each word carefully.
Though I'm still unconvinced, even if An Nuannuan is ten thousand tis better than , I will always be the best at loving you.
Xu Musen.
Do you know, the first na I rembered in my life is yours.
From the first cries, to the babbling of first words, from innocent childhood to the start of youth, from brief separations to marriage companionship...we had long beco a part of each other.
We've quarreled, fought, blushed, gotten angry, experienced joys and sorrows, all together. Except that I've never thought of leaving you.
Do you know why childhood friends rarely end up together?
It's because the long companionship blurs the lines between friendship and love, between affection and habit.
You have asked whether I love you because of habit, dependence, or simply because I consider you mine.
I want to tell you that all these reasons are correct.
My dependence on you is a part of my affection for you, an indelible part of my life, but that doesn't an I don't love you.
These are all parts of my love for you.
I rember you called sick, and yes, I was indeed sick. I hurt you and wronged you, but there was never a mont when I didn't love you.
But I knew my ti was destined not to last your entire life, so my love was obsessive, crazy, ruthless…and also made you suffer.
I should have been satisfied. At least, we spent every mont of our early lives together, sothing that even Nuannuan could never take away!
But...
Why is it that two people who have been together from birth can never grow old together...
At this point, the last line of the letter looks as if it had soaked in water, the ink sared on the paper like small pitiful figures blown around by the cold wind.
The succeeding content was crossed out and smudged, as if trying to cover up the vulnerability no one else should see.
The second page of the letter.
It seed she had paused, cald her emotions, and started writing again.
I didn't tell you about this and chose to leave specifically on your engagent day because I know you too well. If I told you, you would drop everything to be with .
As your childhood friend, as your ex-wife, and as soone you loved in both lifetis, I was confident enough of that.
But this kind of victory is not in line with my temperant.
I already monopolized your entire youth using the privilege of being your childhood friend. No matter how great An Nuannuan is, she could never surpass that!
In this lifeti, I'll let her have a round.
Rember, it's not that Nuannuan won; it's just that I don't want to play this round!
The writing at this point seems as if she genuinely beca open-minded as if the once insufferable, proud girl was back.
But the final line on the envelope read,
In any case...I still hope you live well. Nuannuan...is a good girl. If I never return...
Rember to visit . Burn more money, even in heaven, I want to be a little rich lady.
And if you have children...bring them to see . As long as they don't look like you, they won't be too ugly...
And...
The end of the letter becos a ssy scrawl, just like her shattered heart at that mont, no longer aware of her thoughts.
Many words seem to be swallowed back.
Apologize to Uncle Xu and Auntie Jie for , I've hidden the truth from them too. Tell them that if given the chance, I'd love to continue being their daughter.
Finally...
Brother Musen, Ming Yue loves you.
Forever.
—February 3, Yao Mingyue.
The more ink-stained words there are, the more they seem like uncontrollable tears, which make the ink look like black plum blossoms.
The two remained silent for a long ti, outside, the fireworks burst in brilliance, the glitter reflecting the teardrops on the envelope, like drops of heart's blood.
Yao Mingyue clutched her chest, at this mont she could hardly speak.
After the letter, they returned to their previous conversation.
"I'll tell you why."
Xu Musen broke the silence: "You didn't tell because you feared that I'd once again force myself to choose you, leading to the sa fate as before.
You chose to leave on the day of my engagent with Nuannuan because you worried about my guilt and you were afraid that if I stopped you, you wouldn't have the courage to make this decision alone.
You think you know well enough, love enough, and have always made decisions for my own good, right?"
Xu Musen's tone was light, but each word peeled away the defense of the girl's heart.
"I..." Yao Mingyue tried to speak but the words caught in her throat and she swallowed them back.
"But Yao Mingyue, you really underestimate ."
Xu Musen smiled, wiping away the tears from the corners of her eyes: "Do you really understand completely? If loving soone to a pathological extent, my sickness is probably more severe than yours."
Xu Musen's smile was familiar to Yao Mingyue, that sense of obsession, madness, defiance...
She was dazed and even wondered if she had never truly seen through him.
Xu Musen held her face.
"If I told you, all those excessive things you did to , I accepted voluntarily, perhaps even encouraged, would you believe ?"
Yao Mingyue shuddered, her bloodshot eyes looked more transparent than ever.
She looked at the close-up smile of Xu Musen.
The best way to make soone inseparable from you is to turn them sickly...
Before Yao Mingyue's thoughts could catch up, Xu Musen held her tightly, as if embedding her into his flesh and blood, as if their hearts beat as one.
"I've waited for this lifeti opportunity; I won't let you be alone anymore.
Rather than reading a farewell letter filled with blessings, I prefer to see the real you.
Ming Yue, I love you."
Xu Musen, tightly holding her, whispered in her ear, the last three words breaking the girl's final defense.
Yao Mingyue bit her lip, slowly extended her hand; she knew, if she softened now, all her plans would fail. She had warned herself countless tis not to be so selfish, not to repeat the sa mistakes.
But...
Xu Musen's chest grew wet with tears; the girl's crying lted into the night wind along the river, her sobs drowned by the sound of fireworks. Ultimately, she burrowed into Xu Musen's arms, weeping out loud.
All the blessings in that letter, open-mindedness, the act of letting go...
Were overthrown by her cries at this mont. She still couldn't do it; she couldn't forget, couldn't completely let go.
Amidst the dazzling fireworks, the shadows of the two flickered, but their close embrace was as if these sky flowers held the hope of piercing through the night.
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