Chapter 653: Overwhelming surge of emotions
Darrien
He is still awake.
He is lying down next to
and he hasn’t let go of
all night. I don’t even want him to let
go.
I don’t want us to talk about anything. I just want to be present with him tonight. It feels like he doesn’t want to.
"You’re so cold,’’ he mouths out. I turn to him and he is watching
with a smile on his face "How is your cold so warm for ?" he asks.
He seems like he is high.
Maybe on a sex high.
I am on cloud nine right now.
"How does that even make sense?’’
He shrugs pushing his head into my chest. I hear him sniff . that is normal. He always sniffs
"You sll different,’’ he points out.
I know why I sll different.
Tala’s scent is rubbing off on .
It is only normal.
I don’t say that though.
I don’t want to bring that up right now.
He doesn’t need that.
I had a talk with Alanis. We did a lot of research together. I didn’t know anything about post-partum. I have heard about it. I just didn’t feel the need to understand it but now, I have to. I have to be there for him. I can’t treat him like he is sick, or a wicked person. I need him to know that I am and will always be on his side.
No matter what.
"Maybe you are rubbing off on ,’’ I joke.
He laughs "I love you, Dar,’’ he tells . he hasn’t brought up Tala. I want to have a conversation with him about it but only when he is ready. "I am sorry,’’ he breathes out into the night sky.
He is apologizing but he doesn’t say anything else.
I don’t push him.
I don’t want to. I want him to take his ti. I want to love him while he does. His eyes start to close and I know he is about to pass out.
It has been an amazing night. I have to try to always remind him that I love him. I don’t want him to ever forget and get worried.
I don’t want him to forget that he is precious to .
"I love you too,’’ I assure him verbally even though he knows right now. he doesn’t need my words because my actions tonight have proved it but I still want to let him.
He nods and I watch him sleep. I watch him as the smile that has been on his face ends the night.
******************
I open my eyes to my phone ringing.
The first person I look for, is Jabi. I don’t even know when I fell asleep. I must have had a lot of blood tonight. I don’t usually pass out.
I sit up on the bed my eyes searching for him.
I don’t check my phone as I search for him around the house. he is not ho and this makes
worried. I know that he is not okay. He is going through so things and I don’t want him wandering around alone.
I don’t want to worry about him because I trust him but I can’t help myself. I pick up my phone and I see the missed call.
It is from Alanis.
A ssage pops up and I read it.
Alanis: Jabi is here, he said he didn’t say anything to you and I should tell you.
I jump from the bed without even returning the call. He must know that Tala is with Alanis.
Why would he be there?
I read up on cases where mothers hurt their children. not that I actually think he is even capable of hurting her. I am just overthinking and I am scared and worried.
I run to their house. it takes
less than a minute. I just need to make sure that they are both okay. I get to the house and the door opens imdiately. Alanis knew I would co here.
"He is fine, Tala is fine. I think they need to be alone for a while,’’ he tells
even though I didn’t even ask.
"What did he say when he ca?’’
He smiles "He said he wanted to see his baby.’’
"He is with her?’’ I ask even though he just said that.
He nods.
"And?’’ I walk into the house.
"And nothing, he fell asleep holding her, and I couldn’t even take her away from him."
My heart thuds heavily at his words.
My hands start to sweat.
I don’t want to get my hopes up.
Things are going to be rocky for a while, so I don’t want to think that he is miraculously fixed—not that there is anything wrong with him. he is perfect. So perfect.
"Can I see them?’’ I don’t know why I need this validation but I want to actually see him with her. I haven’t gotten the chance to see him bond with her and it feels like sothing that has been missing from my life.
"What happened tonight, he seed so happy when he got here.’’
I didn’t do anything special.
I just treated him the way I used to.
I just reminded him of my love for him and maybe it worked, maybe it didn’t but this is a milestone.
Sothing has changed.
We walk into the room and I see him on the rocking chair with her bundled up in his arms. It is like he is half asleep because he is holding her tightly. Almost like he is afraid to let go.
I didn’t think my heart could get any bigger. I didn’t think I could love him more but at that mont, a lot happens to .
A lot that I can’t even explain.
I don’t even know when the tears start to fall.
I am happy, so I don’t know why I am crying. I don’t know why I feel like the luckiest person on earth.
Fuck, this is overwhelming.
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