Chapter 649: The evil thoughts that cos with child birth sotis
Jabi
I hear her.
Crying for the third ti since Darrien put her down and I am losing my mind. Fuck, I know it is my turn. I an Darrien has gone to her the two tis she woke up and I can’t understand why she is crying.
What is wrong with her?
Why don’t you go to her and find out?
My wolf tells —or should I say scolds .
Darrien has noticed my receptive behavior towards our baby. That’s why he took
away from the community for a week. He said it was just a vacation from all the crazy. He wanted to
to relax. He said I deserved it.
I didn’t even think about leaving her behind and I should feel like shit but I didn’t. I was happy about the break. Happy that we would finally be alone. I know that makes
a terrible father. I have been feeling like a terrible father all throwing this journey.
It is easy for Dar.
It almost ca naturally to him and she actually likes him.
Why don’t you try calling her na for once?
My wolf adds. The anger inside
is strong. I know that my wolf wants to get lost in the bond of our child. I want the sa thing but I haven’t felt it. every ti I hold her, she cries. I don’t know what to do and I can’t talk to anyone because I told Darrien that I was ready for this. I wanted this so much but the pregnancy was hell.
It ssed with
ntally and now all I rember is the pain that I went through.
Tala.
My daughter.
"I’ll get her,’’ I hear his voice as he shuffles on the bed. he knows that I am awake. He could probably sense that I didn’t want to go to her. I feel him shift closer to ; I feel him plant a soft kiss on my temple.
That is his way of assuring . that is his way of telling
that I can talk to him and I know that but I don’t want to disappoint him.
I don’t want him to tell him the thoughts that are running through my head. I don’t want him to see
for who I really am at this point in my life.
You don’t want to love your daughter.
My wolf edges and I close my eyes even though I know that I can’t block his voice out of my head.
I want to shout and scream. Assure
that I do. I love her.
It shouldn’t be sothing that I need to convince anyone of but why do those three words keep ringing in my head. Why is there a question mark at the end of those thoughts?
I hear Dar in her room. I know that he is comforting her because the crying stops and his beautiful voice travels through the room. He is singing to her, probably kissing her.
I only kissed her once and that was when she was born. I have been pretending and acting like I am okay.
I don’t love our daughter.
Fuck, Why can’t I say those words out loud? There is sothing wrong with
and I need to talk to Darrien. Maybe he will understand.
Will he?
Do you think that is a good thing to say out loud? You don’t love your daughter. The one you gave birth to?
These are the evil thoughts that have made
so quiet. it is all in my head. Not in the hands of my wolf. Just
and
alone.
The door opens and Darrien smiles at
widely. His eyes wide awake "You know Tala is such an attention seeker. She kept clinging unto , didn’t want to let
go,’’ he walks over to the bed and sits down. The smile is still on his face.
The love shining in his eyes.
He loves her.
Maybe he can love her enough for both of us.
Since I am incapable of that.
You are not. Just hold her. Do it with all your heart.
My wolf tells
encouragingly.
She would only cry.
She always cries when I hold her.
"Co here,’’ Darrien stretches his arms out to
as he lies down next to
"I need to hold you right now,’’ he mutters as I let him.
His scent feels
up completely.
My heart beats for him.
"Are you okay?’’ he asks in the quiet of the night.
My heart stops.
I don’t want to see right through . I don’t want him to know how I really feel. I don’t want him to hate .
"Yeah.’’ I lie.
I rarely lie to him.
I hate this so much.
"You sure. You are awfully quiet.’’
"I am just tired I guess."
"If you are tired. Why have you been awake for the last four hours?’’
I haven’t been able to sleep.
The thoughts are haunting my dreams.
"Well, her cries should be a reason. I guess." I smile. It is supposed to be funny, but he pulls away from
slightly and raises a brow in confusion.
"Her cries?’’
"Yeah, you gotta admit, it is a lot."
His expression shifts from confusion to a frown. Now he is angry and I sure have ruined it.
"How about you try and act like a parent and maybe she will stop crying,’’ he moves away completely and stands up from the bed.
Dar never talks to
this way.
He is now for her.
"Where are you going?’’ I ask him as he walks to the door. He doesn’t turn around as he answers .
"I will sleep with TALA tonight,’’ he mutters and there is a hint of sadness in his voice.
I fucked things up with my joke.
It was supposed to be light but he is upset and it is all my fault. I don’t love my child and now he is angry.
I am going to lose him because of her.
Not because of her. Because of you.
My wolf says and this makes
sad.
What is wrong with ?
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