Chapter 282: Paranoid?
Derek was now going through life in a way that he had never imagined for himself.
A life where he did not have Emily as a PA, and she was no longer his girlfriend, or anything else to him.
It was not a good feeling at all, not having her close. Not being able to see her on a regular basis. Not having her calming presence by his side. It was pure torture.Derek’s own personal hell.
Absence did not make the heart grow fonder, as most people said. Those people were clearly either very high, or were in deep denial.
Now that he was speaking from experience, Derek had co to his own conclusion. In his opinion, absence actually made the heart grow desperate. How on earth had Derek ever even convinced himself that he was fine without her? He missed Emily sothing fierce. Derek could deny it until he was blue in the face. But at the end of the day, the truth was the truth,and lies could only go so far. At so point, Derek had stopped trying.
But rather than just giving up on everything because he missed Emily so bad. Derek had decided that keeping himself busy, was his best bet at survival. So he worked, and worked...and worked.
Studying projected profit margins. Attending as many etings as possible. Going through his reports, and then those of others. Checking up on Haven Group’s latest projects, and making sure that the old ones were still on track. Anything and everything to keep his mind off of Emily. Derek did it, and he did it with such dedication that he got quite a few worried looks, from a lot of people.
But Derek did not care what people felt or thought about his actions. He was doing everything in his power to keep himself from missing Emily too much. And working was helping him a great deal. But the working bit was mostly for the daylight hours.
The night ti was a different story altogether. Insomnia had welcod him back like an old friend. So that ant no matter how tired he was after a full day of hard work. His mind refused to shut off at night.
And during those sleepless nights at the manor, Derek had nowhere to run. There was only so much swimming a person could do before their body finally gave up, and so Derek had no choice bit to start thinking on what was currently the most painful topic in his life...Emily.
For two years Emily Molson had been a consistent part of his life. He should have known that it would be nearly impossible to just forget her so easily. In the dark of night, when everyone else was sleeping, she was all that Derek could think about.
But just because his mind was finally allowing him to think on all that had happened. It did not an that he was actually coming up with any solutions. His mind just seed to enjoy coming up with different questions and throwing them at him. Keeping them coming despite the fact that Derek had no answers.
Why had Emily left? Had she grown tired of him? Had her plan been to just get him to fall in love, and then dump him out of nowhere.
Had she really found soone else, soone better, less damaged? Had he done sothing to scare her away?
Or had she guessed his intention to confess his love to her beforehand, and had decided that it would be too much for her, so she had run? Those were the questions that plagued Derek’s mind late at night. Never giving him a mont’s rest. Not even allowing him to ever fool himself into thinking that Emily could completely be gone from his thoughts.
Insomnia and heartache.
A terrible combination. One that served to not only make Derek feel horrible all the ti, but it also made him sloppy.
In all of his years of barely being able to get so good sleep at night. Derek, even in the dark, knew the manor like the back of his hand.
He was always alert enough to hear when soone approached, and he could almost always find so balcony to run into, before he was seen.
But as his nights at the manor had lengthened without Emily to help him sleep. Derek had gotten more and more reckless, not really caring to be quiet or aware of his surroundings. And now he was paying the price. To make matters worse. He was not caught by a mber of the staff.
Whom he could have convinced that it was nothing. Just him taking a stroll in the middle of the night. He was discovered by the one person in the manor that he did not want knowing his problems.
"Derek, what are you doing awake?" His mother asked. Her voice coming from right behind him. Nearly making him jump out of his own skin, and Derek cursed the instinct that had made him leave the pool, and go for a walk.
"Are you having sleeping problems again?" The desperate worry in her voice, brought back mories of childhood. Reminding Derek why he had lied about his insomnia in the first place.
"Mother, is a man just going to the kitchen for a glass of milk now taken as a sign of insomnia?" Derek asked, trying to sound like he did not feel panicked at all.
"Then why are you wearing swim trunks?" Why did she have to be so observant!
Mind scrambling, Derek told her the first thing that he could think of.
"I figured that I could have a glass and then go for a bit of a swim after. I am having difficulty with a project at work that I want to clear my mind for," Derek said, the excuse sounding weak even to his own ears. But his mother did not push further. Instead, she nodded repeatedly, like soone glad to have been given a lifeline.
"Just make sure to get so rest," She said, looking at him worriedly, her body tense almost as though she was feeling...guilty.
Again, that suspicious feeling was back in Derek. His mother was being extrely understanding. It was strange. It was almost as though she were feeling guilty over sothing. Shaking his head, Derek killed the thought before it could take root.
He had already lost his Emily. He was not about to push his mother away simply because of baseless suspicions. If he let paranoia get the best of him, then he would truly be lost.
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