Chapter 20: Not Sleep, Not Rest
Derek awoke to the sound of a rhythmic tap-tap. He blinked, confused, then the tap-tap sound ca again. "Sir, are you awake?" It was one of the maids. Derek normally had no problem telling them apart, even from just their voices(he even knew their likes, dislikes, their partners and all the nas of their children), but on that morning, the voice on the other side of the door might as well have been a robot from outer space.
"Sir?" The call ca again, and he realized that he had to say sothing back. It took a bit of ti to get his vocal cords to cooperate, finally rasping out a rumbling "Yes," That had the person on the other side leaving.
Getting ready was...strange. He walked barefoot on the tiles, his slippers forgotten. Then once he got to the shower, he stood under the spray for a full minute before he realized that the water was ice cold. Things picked up a bit after he sorted that out, and by the ti he got dressed and headed out to the garden for his breakfast, he looked mostly like himself. He found his mother there, but she was not at the table, instead, she was off to the side, doing yoga.
"Morning, darling," She called when she saw him, and took him a mont to realize that he had not greeted her back. Luckily, he handled it before she realized, and took a seat.
With all the lovely food spread out before him, his breakfast ended up being toast...just toast. No butter, no jam, no coffee, no tea. Not even so of the cookies he had inhaled the night before could tempt him.
Just four pieces of toast, eaten one after the other, chewed chanically and swallowed, he did not even taste them.
"Darling, are you alright?" He looked over at his mother, her brows were furrowed, her lips turned down at the corners.
That look ant sothing, Derek knew what it ant, he just could not seem to figure it out at the mont, so he simply shrugged.
"I am fine mother, just a bit...preoccupied," He'd ended breakfast soon after that, and sohow found himself at work. Words flying over him as people talked in etings, turning to him every once in a while. Seeming appeased when he either grunted or nodded. Unaware that he was struggling to understand even the most basic of things.
Once all the etings were over, he barricaded himself in his office and stayed there. Not talking to anyone, avoiding even Emily.
It took him until he was on his way ho, for his mind to recall that he had not avoided her completely.
He rembered the feel of her against his chest. Her tiny fra fitting perfectly against him. Her body soft and warm. Their lips nearly touching for a brief second.
It had felt...it had felt...Just as the mory had evaded him, describing the feeling was also near impossible. Sothing that he would have normally been able to pinpoint without effort, now seed impossible.
If he was struggling to na what was no doubt an easy feeling, could his recollection of events even be trusted? Had they bumped into each other or had he imagined it?
Pulling over onto the side of the road, Derek, out of nowhere was suddenly overco by a fit of rage. He scread at the top of his, hitting the steering wheel and pulling at his hair. Then as quickly as it had started the fit was just...over. He fixed himself up as best he could and drove ho.
The pills were helping, he had slept afterall. Even if it did not feel restful, or refreshing, sleep was still sleep, and since the pills allowed him a chance to close his eyes and sleep, he would keep taking them.
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