“Even though we’ve known each other for more than a year, you once told
that you don’t know anything about . I understand. I understand. It’s true.”
She speaks quietly.
“But, the sa goes for . You may not realize it, but I don’t know anything about you either. I don’t know anything about your hotown or upbringing. That’s because you never tell
anything. …Isn’t that unfair?”
There’s no trace of resentnt or anger in her words. She must not be blaming , even though she’s saying it’s unfair. Her voice is so gentle and soft that it makes it hard to bear.
“Don’t make that face. It’s fine like this. Even if it’s unfair, it’s okay. This world is often created with unfairness and irrationality. So, there’s nothing to worry about. You’re not doing anything wrong.”
As if to persuade, she murmurs. Is it for ? Or is it for herself? Or is it for both of us?
She continues to stroke my cheek.
“You should have realized early on that it’s better not to be involved with her. Benedict, the monastic priest, must have warned you too. …Still, you didn’t run away.”
It’s not that I didn’t run away. I couldn’t leave Amal behind. I thought it was wrong to do so.
――― Because Amal resembled Shizuyo.
Because she sowhat resembled the sister I abandoned. I didn’t want to abandon anyone again. I wanted to save and protect Amaru as my atonent. It was entirely a self-serving act of compensation.
…What a hopeless fool I am.
“You told
before that you had a dream of a deceased person. In Stonehurst, dreams have a special aning. That’s why there can’t be pointless dreams.”
There can’t be, she mutters again. And then, she clasps the rosary hanging around my neck.
“When I answered that the deceased person probably wanted to see you, did you notice the expression on your face?”
Johanna says that and stiffens her body. The words that follow must be harsh for . So, she hesitates, considering my feelings.
Yet… still, Johanna speaks the words.
“…You were smiling.”
Her voice was filled with a pain that seed to cut through her.
Ah, I knew you were a girl who would sacrifice herself. In a foreign land where I couldn’t fit in, you deliberately picked fights to distract . You always took the losing side.
Even now, when she can’t hide the trembling of her hands. Yet, she moves forward. Wounded all over, without looking back at herself.
A shallow breath is heard.
“You tightened your face imdiately, but you smiled as if you were saved.”
Was I making such a face?
I don’t know anymore.
“――That smile was like the one of a person who has been subjected to cruel torture and has finally found the salvation of death. I can tell. I can’t help but understand. I am… a person from the House of Scotus, the executioner.”
It was a voice that seed to desperately endure the urge to scream in pain and sorrow. I made her say such painful words.
“Kuro-dono, if you think you’re a sinner, then Stonehurst is indeed a prison for you. I don’t know the intention, but the deceased person locked you in Stonehurst so you wouldn’t escape. And you wished to be judged. But I don’t think Kuro-dono is a sinner. The real sinners don’t realize the depth of their sins.”
Johanna speaks with a strained, gasping voice. Is it because she thinks that speaking is a sin?
You’re such a fool, I move my mouth. But those words didn’t shake the air.
If you committed a sin, I will forgive it. Even if no one else believes in Johanna, I will always believe in you.
“…And, you know. You were kind to . You smiled at , who cos from such a blood-stained, filthy family. I enjoyed the ordinary days I spent with you. …And I knew what happiness was. So, that’s why――――”
Johanna’s words about happiness being peculiar and not common co back to . Was Shizuyo like that, too? Did she think that the ordinary days she spent with
were happy?
“――Because, I am already happy.”
So, that’s why she said that at that ti. Then, I was wrong from the beginning. I arbitrarily decided Shizuyo’s happiness.
I slowly bring my consciousness to the surface.
“Why try to wake up? Reality is a nightmare. Just entrust yourself to . If you do, you will be released from everything without thinking.”
The shadow whispers.
I hear a crawling sound.
The primordial dream, or the fool.
The entity that has been lurking in the shadows since I ca to Stonehurst, trying to drag
into the abyss.
Thump, my heart beats.
Excitedly, thump, thump.
Intermittent light greatly enhances the brain’s function.
An ambiguous boundary.
Creeping madness.
That red―――
“――――I want to protect you.”
Hearing those words, my heart warms. I have to respond. I have to repay. You’ve always saved .
The primordial dream, the fool… Caelum Stonehurst. Ah, it must be you.
(Ah, you fool of a fanatic! I won’t beco like you!)
I curse in my mind and consciously push it away. As I open my eyelids, my eyes et hers, who had been watching
with a prayerful gaze.
“…Johanna.”
I call her na, Johanna’s na. It was a surprisingly hoarse and weak voice. I wonder if she heard it. I hope she did.
“Kuro-dono!”
“Johanna.”
I call her na again, and gently hold Johanna’s hand that had been stroking my cheek.
“Kuro-dono, I’m glad. You woke up.”
There are so many things I want to say to Johanna. But, first, I should say―――
“―――Johanna, thank you. I’m glad you were there for .”
“Ah, really, you’re so unfair.”
Johanna smiles happily, and quietly sheds a single tear.
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