Chapter 101: It’s Not Poison
The forest was a gourt supermarket with no checkout lines and a very high risk of death.
Ren was in heaven.
She moved through the undergrowth with the focus of a woman hunting for clearance stickers at a high-end grocery store.
She spotted a plump, fuzzy pink fruit hanging low on a vine. It looked like a peach that had gone to a rave.
"System, appraise this bad boy!" Ren commanded, reaching out to cup the fruit. "It looks juicy."
[Devil’s Peach. Highly poisonous. Symptoms: Explosive diarrhea followed by death within three minutes. Do not touch.]
Ren shrieked and snatched her hand back as if the fruit had growled at her.
"Okay! No pink fruit. Got it."
She shook it off and moved to a patch of vibrant, spotted flowers. They were gorgeous, with petals that shimred like oil on water. She leaned in close, taking a deep breath.
"Mmm, these sll like vanilla and... burning?"
[Widow’s Kiss. Airborne neurotoxin. Inhaling the pollen causes temporary facial paralysis and drooling.]
Ren clamped her hand over her mouth and scrambled backward, exhaling aggressively. "Why does everything here want to kill ?!"
She tried again. She spotted a small, colorful frog resting on a leaf. It was adorable, with big eyes and neon green stripes.
"Okay, System," Ren whispered, pointing a finger but keeping a safe distance. "Tell
about the frog. Is it friends? Can I pet it?"
[Acid-Spitting Tree Frog. Skin contact causes instant baldness. Spittle lts bone.]
Ren covered her hair protectively and backed away slowly. "You are a tiny green demon."
Finally, she found sothing that didn’t threaten her life. She picked up a cluster of vibrant, neon-blue berries.
"System, please tell
this one won’t lt my face off."
[Electric Blueberries. Edible. Flavor profile: Sour blue raspberry with a literal static shock. Increases stamina by 2%.]
"Yes!" Ren cheered, tossing them into the inventory. "Finally, a win!"
She moved to a patch of moss that slled suspiciously like bacon.
[Swine Moss. Edible. High in protein. Great for soups.]
"Bacon moss? Is this heaven?" Ren plucked handfuls of it, putting it into her storage. "Kael is going to love this. I can make a bacon-moss crumble with dried at... maybe a reduction sauce with the berries..."
She found mushrooms the size of dinner plates. [Giant Pepper Shrooms. Spicy. Edible.]
"See?" Ren said, brushing dirt off her hands. "I think I’m finally getting the hang of how to use you, System. I’m basically a pro forager now. Bear Grylls who?"
The System’s blue screen flickered in front of her face.
[System Response: You are "getting the hang of it," and yet you still do not listen. You just walked past a patch of Death Ivy three tis. Your left ankle is currently developing a rash.]
Ren paused. She looked down at her ankle. It was red and puffy.
"Hey!" Ren protested loudly to the thin air, scratching at her leg. "I was focused on the bacon moss! You can’t bla
for prioritizing flavor over safety! That’s just how great chefs work!"
She turned around to show the moss to Kael, ready to brag about her find.
"Look, Kael! It slls like bac—"
The air behind her was empty.
Ren spun in a circle. "Kael?"
Silence.
"Kitty?"
More silence.
The dense forest stood still around her. The trees, which had seed bountiful and inviting a mont ago, suddenly looked tall, imposing, and very, very crowded.
Ren’s excitent evaporated instantly.
’I wandered off,’ she realized with a sinking feeling.
Her heart began to hamr against her ribs.
"Kael!" she called out, her voice cracking slightly.
Rustle.
The sound ca from a dense patch of bushes to her left. It wasn’t the sound of a squirrel. It was the sound of sothing heavy dragging itself through the foliage.
Rustle. Snap.
Ren took a step back.
The cast-iron frying pan appeared in her grip. It was heavy, reassuring, and disgusting. The surface was still coated in dried gray sli and sars of dark blood from the fish beastn massacre.
"Note to self: clean the kitchenware before cooking," Ren muttered, her hands trembling.
She raised the dirty pan like a baseball bat.
"I’m ard!" she shouted at the bush, her voice wavering. "I have a pan and I know how to use it! I’ll sauté your face!"
CRACK.
A massive branch snapped.
The bushes parted, and a nightmare stepped out.
It was a bear. But not a cute, Coca-Cola comrcial bear. It was a monstrosity. It stood on two massive hind legs, towering over the canopy like a furry Godzilla, its shoulders hunched with muscle. Its fur was matted and dark, and its jaws were wet with foam.
Ren opened her mouth to scream.
The scream travelled up her throat, hit her vocal cords, realized the situation was hopeless, and decided to stay inside. She swallowed it down with a dry gulp.
She squeezed her eyes shut, bracing for the impact. ’Goodbye, cruel world.’
THUD.
The ground shook.
Ren flinched. But no teeth sank into her flesh.
She opened one eye.
The massive bear had collapsed just beside her. It lay motionless in the dirt, a heavy, dead weight.
Ren let out a breath that sounded like a deflating tire. She was hyperventilating, her heart trying to escape through her throat.
"Holy..."
From behind the carcass of the fallen beast, Kael erged. He stepped over the massive body, his broad, muscular chest heaving slightly.
His arms, from his clawed fingertips up to his biceps, were coated in thick, crimson blood.
Ren gasped, her eyes scanning him frantically for injuries.
"Kael!"
But as she looked closer, she realized the blood wasn’t his. There wasn’t a scratch on him. He had taken down a ga-bear with his bare hands and hadn’t even broken a sweat.
He looked terrifying. He looked magnificent.
Ren felt a wave of relief so strong her knees almost buckled. He wasn’t lost. He was just grocery shopping too—in the at aisle.
She lowered the frying pan, a smile forming on her lips. She stepped forward.
"Kael, you scared the—"
Thwip.
A sound cut through the air. Sharp. Fast.
Ren blinked.
Sothing small and silver had appeared in Kael’s neck. It was buried deep in the muscle, just above his collarbone.
Kael stiffened. His red eyes widened in confusion. He reached up, his bloody hand grasping at his neck, but his fingers fumbled.
His knees gave out.
"Kael?" Ren whispered.
The Tiger King swayed for a second, his massive fra shuddering, before he pitched forward.
He collapsed directly on top of the dead bear, his heavy body landing with a dull thud, motionless.
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