A note from Lord Turtle the first
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never ant to belong - bleach ost ( slowed to perfection
reverb )
The warmth shattered, the scene dissolving into the cold, sterile chaos of an undercity clinic waiting room. The air stank of antiseptic, blood, and death. A younger Ralph stood against a wall, his eyes red-rimd. A small Selena, no older than five, stood before him, holding a baby Max. The simulated Max clutched his sister's hand, his small body trembling as he witnessed the source of his family's foundational grief.
"Is Mom gonna be okay?" the small Selena asked.
The mory-Ralph forced a brittle smile.
"She will be. She's a strong woman." A tired-looking doctor called his na. He followed the man into a ward filled with the victims of the day's violence.
The doctor, his expression bored, didn't look up from his datapad.
"Catastrophic neural damage. She's already brain-dead." A surge of white-hot rage, so powerful it threatened to consu him, rose in Ralph's chest. He wanted to smash the man's smug face.
The doctor’s expression suddenly brightened. "However, she was enrolled in the Aethercore Biodical organ-donor program. A lucrative opportunity for her next of kin." He was about to say no, but then he saw his children through the grimy window.
The love for them, the desperate need to provide, overrode the crushing grief. "Where do I sign?"
The mory cut to black, then reford for a final, silent mont: the mory-Ralph, standing in their empty apartnt, holding a frad photo of Elara, his shoulders shaking with silent, wracking sobs.
The scene shifted, reforming into the grimy confines of a maintenance tunnel. A younger, ten-year-old Selena wobbled on a rusty bike. A seven-year-old Max cheered from the sidelines. The mory-Ralph ran alongside her. "You got it, Lena! Just keep your eyes up!" he shouted. She shot forward, a triumphant laugh echoing back. The mory-Ralph stopped, a massive, proud grin splitting his face. The pride was a tangible, shining emotion, and Selena and Max basked in its glow, a glimpse of a carefree life.
The simulation shifted one last ti to Selena’s sixteenth birthday. The apartnt was decorated with scavenged LEDs. On the table was a real cake. Max gave her his gift—a small, intricate tallic sculpture of a bird. Then, the mory-Ralph presented a heavy box: a vintage, multi-layered toolkit. "A real artist needs real tools," the mory of his voice said, his eyes full of earnest love. "So you can fix your own world, Lena." As Selena watched herself throw her arms around her father, Max offered a slight, scared touch to Ralph's arm, connecting with this last, perfect mont of happiness.
The final mory faded, leaving Ralph, Selena, and a now-calm Max standing in a gentle, white void. Ralph’s form was starting to fade, becoming translucent, the light within him flickering.
He looked at Selena, his eyes full of a love that transcended even death.
"Be strong," he told her. "Live the way you want. Be yourself, just like your mother."
He then turned to Max, kneeling to look him in the eye, his translucent hand resting on the boy's shoulder.
"And you, my son. That fire in your heart, the one that sees birds in scraps of tal? Protect it. Don't ever let this gray world swallow your imagination. Promise ." Max, his eyes brimming with tears, could only nod, a gesture filled with a profound, newfound strength.
Ralph stood, looking back at Selena. "The man who brought
here... he's not like us, Lena. But he has a good heart. Trust him. He did the impossible for you two."
He opened his arms, and both children rushed into his embrace, holding him tight as his form grew fainter. "I love you..." he began to say, his voice a fading whisper as he dissolved completely into light, his final words an echo in the silence.
The simulation ended. Ray imdiately registered the silence. The constant, screaming static of Ralph's grief and love that had been his companion for days was gone. His eyes snapped open. He was himself again, but he felt a new, profound emptiness. The powerful, driving force of Ralph's ghost was gone, having burned itself out in the process, leaving only a faint, silent echo.
Selena stirred on the couch. Her eyes fluttered open, filled with a deep, sorrowful calm. Her hands went to her eyes as she started rubbing the tears away. She looked at Max, who was still sleeping, his face peaceful for the first ti in days, tears tracks drying on his cheeks. Then she looked at Ray.
“What happened?” Selena asked, her voice raspy, the beautiful mories already feeling like a dream. “Why did Dad disappear? You said he was… sowhere safe.” Ray kept his gaze on the ground, the calculated rcy of his lie now a heavy weight. He ran a thousand scenarios, searching for the least damaging way to deliver the truth. He found none. “Your father is dead, Selena. He died eleven days ago.”
The fragile calm shattered. The beautiful mories turned to ash in her mind. She rushed to her feet and grabbed Ray by the shoulders, her grip surprisingly strong.
“You liar!” she scread in his face. “Did you kill him?! Is that it?!”
Ray remained a silent, unmoving statue, letting her shake him. Her rage, fueled by a grief too imnse to comprehend, dissolved into heartbroken sobs, and she collapsed to her knees. “Tell ,” she demanded, her voice a broken whisper. “Tell
what happened to him.”
Ray’s fist clenched at his side. A voice, faint but clear, whispered in the back of his mind. My daughter. “Lena,” Ray spoke, and the na ca out in a perfect, aching echo of Ralph’s voice. Selena froze, her head snapping up, the sound a physical blow.
“I will tell you everything,” he said, his voice returning to its own flat monotone. He recounted the story with cold, clinical precision. “Ralph, you, and Max were abducted by Reapers, traffickers. You were sold to a man nad Porcelain Jack. Ralph was kept by the Reapers and forced into the Red Obsidian pit fights. They mutilated him, scrambled his brain with combat drugs, and threw him into the pit to die for their entertainnt.”
He paused, watching her absorb the horror, her hands trembling in her lap. “We t by chance. He had managed to free himself. He jumped from a window and landed in an alley I was walking through. He tried to kill , but his system had overloaded from the shoddy mods and died shortly after he tried to stab .”
Selena’s mouth worked, her eyes darting around as she tried to fit the impossible pieces together. “But… how? How did you know so much about us? If you just t him?” Ray could hear her heart hamring against her ribs.
“Because I consud him,” Ray said.
The world froze. The air in the room seed to solidify. Selena blinked rapidly, the word not computing. “What? What do you an, ‘consu’? Am I missing sothing?” she asked, her voice laced with a desperate, terrified confusion.
“I have the ability to absorb other people’s minds,” Ray explained, the words hanging in the air like a death sentence.
Selena stared at him as if he had just grown a second head. “That… that can’t be possible.”
“It is,” Ray said. “Your father was not the first, but he was… the most human.”
She stared at him for a long, silent mont, her gaze dropping to the floor as she processed the impossible truth.
When she finally spoke, her voice was a tense whisper. “So that person… in there… that was you?”
“No,” Ray said, a flicker of sothing touched his voice.
“That was truly your father. A ghost that burned so brightly inside
that it pushed
to do the impossible, just so you and your brother could be safe. He burned himself out to see you one last ti.”
Selena seed to consider his words, the sheer scale of the sacrifice. “You consud our father’s mind,” she stated, the words a cold fact. “What are we to you, then? Food you keep for later?”
Ray opened his mouth… and had no answer or one he wanted to admit.
Selena picked up on the pause, the hesitation. Her lips pressed into a thin line. “How do you feel about us?” she asked again, this ti more softly.
Ray took a deep breath, a purely human gesture he didn’t need to. He let the illogical, chaotic data surface. “When I look at you and your brother… it makes
happy,” he said, the words feeling strange and alien. “The effect… Ralph’s mind has had on … is unexpected.” He paused, finally eting her gaze, his blue eyes full of a profound and terrifying sincerity. “In a way… I see you as my own kids.”
The ghost had left a permanent imprint on his soul.
The words echoed in his mind: "I see you as my own kids." He had spoken to them, but who was the "I"? Was it Ray, the man who died in an alley? Was it the cold, logical machine? Or was it just the lingering ghost of a dead father speaking through him?
Ray walked past her and headed for the door. “I’m going to get so food,” he said, the words a simple, functional lie.
The door hissed open and thudded shut. He pulled his hood up and walked, not towards the nearest food vendor, but aimlessly through the city's gray canyons, his mind a maelstrom. He thought about the recent days, about the storm of emotions he had felt—Ralph’s love, his grief, his pride. These feelings starkly contrasted with those he had absorbed from the other.
This solidified the question that had been haunting him. He had consud eighteen minds, over 500 years of bloody, human experience. Why did certain ghosts leave such a powerful, active imprint? The original Ray, the man he once was, had been the first and most dominant echo. And now Ralph had done the sa. What made them stand out from the cold ambition of Ethan, the brutal pragmatism of Ripjaw, or the degraded madness of Casper? Was he allowing them to? Or was there a deeper process at work, a fundantal conflict in his own nature?
He needed answers, and he knew he wouldn't find them in the outside world.
He found his way to the roof of his apartnt building. It was a forgotten space, ho to a pile of trash, a worn-out couch protected by a shabby roof of plasteel squares, and a tangle of antennas and cables that snaked across to other buildings like tallic vines. He walked to a secluded corner behind the stairwell entrance, hidden from view. He sat down, closed his eyes, and let himself sink. He imagined himself falling into a void, a deliberate, controlled descent to the very bottom of his own mind.
He plunged past the surface layers of his consciousness, past the quiet and the ghosts. He sank deeper, into the raw, chaotic data-storm that was his core. It was a raging tempest of pure information—colors, sounds, emotions, and mories swirling together in a violent, incomprehensible vortex. This was the constant, screaming conflict of his absorbed lives.
He pushed through it, a silent swimr in a sea of chaos, seeking the source. And in the exact center, he found it: a space of absolute, cold calm. A perfect, silent void.
There, floating in the absolute stillness, stood a figure. Its form was unsettling, appearing to be ticulously crafted from millions upon millions of minuscule, grey ants, nanites. Each individual nanite seed to shimr with an almost imperceptible light, creating a collective, shifting outline that defied solid definition. As it hovered, the boundaries of its shape subtly pulsed, as if the countless nanites composing it were in constant, silent motion, perpetually rebuilding and reshaping their shared vessel. The air around it, if such a concept even applied in this featureless expanse, seed to hum with a low, almost inaudible vibration.
He opened his mouth to speak but nothing ca out, the words were aningless here. He had to show it. He projected his core question—"Who am I?"—not as a query, but as an argunt. He would present the evidence of his own humanity, the proof that he was more than just a machine.
He projected the mories of Alyna and Lina, showing the kindness that had set his journey in motion. He projected the pure, selfless love of Ralph for his children. He projected the cold ambition of Ethan, the brutal pragmatism of Ripjaw, the weary competence of Red, and the desperate madness of Casper. He laid all his broken, beautiful, and monstrous pieces before it, a silent plea for understanding.
There was only silence for a long mont. Ray could see silvery light pulsing along its form, which had started since Ray had projected his intention.
Then, it responded, with mories — the ones buried so deep he had forgotten they were still festering.
It began with silence.
Not a peaceful one, but the suffocating kind—the quiet of long, sleepless nights spent staring at the cracked ceiling of his childhood room, while the sound of his mother’s labored breathing echoed through the thin walls. He felt it again: that constant, dull pressure in his chest, like his lungs couldn’t quite inflate fully. The crushing knowledge that he was all she had left.
Then ca the whisper.
A soft, persistent suggestion, like the tick of a leaking faucet in the back of his mind.
Wouldn't it be easier? it asked. To just let go. To stop fighting.
He rembered the mont he’d first thought about it, and the sha that followed. But now he saw it clearly: the idea had never left him. It had just grown quieter, cleverer—a seductive shadow always curled beneath his better thoughts.
It turned then, to Alyna.
To the truth beneath the warmth.
He watched himself study her like a project. He catalogued her preferences, asured her reactions. He saw himself sanding down the edges of who he was, discarding bits of self with quiet precision. A smile held too long. A joke swallowed. A truth buried.
He didn’t beco soone new.
He beca nothing.
A hollow mask shaped by her expectations, sculpted by fear. He loved her — but like an actor might love a role. Not as himself, but as the version of him that wouldn’t be abandoned.
And then ca the deepest cut.
The origin.
His father.
Not as a mory, but as a myth — a towering, unreachable monunt carved into the core of his being. He saw himself as a boy, standing too tall for his age, clutching the weight of promises no child should have to make. “I’ll take care of us. I’ll be the man now.”
Every lie he told his mother to protect her.
Every courier job he accepted despite the risk.
Every dream shoved into a drawer and forgotten.
He hadn’t just been chasing his father’s ghost.
He had beco one.
A phantom of responsibility, of sacrifice, of duty worn like shackles.
Not living.
Just… enduring.
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