Your Story Chapter 11: Your Story

Chapter 11: Your Story

A large envelope arrived to at the end of September. Inside was Touka's personal record, and a short letter from her.

I looked over the letter first, then read the personal record. The letter was simple: a confession that she had New Alzheir's, and an apology for using Mimories to try and deceive . In comparison, the volu of the personal record was massive, and it took four hours to read.

Forgetting about eating or sleeping, I read it over and over. Apparently, when she was a Mimory engineer, she read the personal records of her clients so much as to commit them to mory.

All the answers were in there. This personal record seed to have been written when Touka was 18, so I could only guess at what circumstances led to her devising the Childhood Friend Plan, but now that I knew all this about her life, it wasn't a hard guess.

Sensing destiny in the fact she received a personal record from the client Chihiro Amagai, she created Mimories based on the theory of "what if we had t at age seven?", planting them in both our brains to save each other in our mory. Not only that, to make that lie a reality, she played the part of the childhood friend for .

She chose to live the ti she had left as "Touka Natsunagi."

That was probably the truth of it.

What a fool, I thought. She could've just handed this personal record to and told "we were fated to et," and that would do. If I'd been shown her personal record from the start, I would be able to let go and love her. We would've been the ultimate pair from the beginning, without having to lean on false mories.

It saddened to think that she could only believe in the power of falsehood to the very end. I lanted her carelessness, being so set on chasing after a vague happiness blown up like a bubble that she overlooked the certain happiness in front of her.

And more than anything, I cursed myself for being so afraid of being hurt that I didn't notice her distress signal.

I'd done sothing there was no taking back.

Only I could have saved Touka, I'm sure. I could understand her loneliness 100%. I could understand her despair 100%. I could understand her fear 100%.

Yes, the reason I continued to not take the Lethe was because I'd learned the fear of losing mories after taking the fake Lethe. That bottomless fear of losing who I was, the world falling out from under .

She was battling that the whole ti. No one to rely on, no one understanding her, no one consoling her; while she fought all on her own, as if praying for it, she kept waiting for to have a change of heart.

I suppose I should have let Touka trick . Like that man Okano who encountered a scamr and got sold an expensive painting, yet continued to believe in the existenceof his classmate Ikeda, I should have simply interpreted everything in a way that convenienced . Then I could have danced happily in her palm.

Or if not that, I should have thoroughly looked into Mimories, like Emori. If I'd done that, maybe I'd eventually stumble upon that interview with Touka. Even if I didn't find that particular article, if I'd simply known that teenage Mimory engineers existed, it was possible I could've independently reached the truth that she was the creator of my Green Green. Then, maybe, I could have eased her loneliness, despair, and fear just a little bit.

However, I went with the worst option. I refused to believe her words, and yet didn't actively work to resolve my doubts either, leaving the mystery to be a mystery after only a cursory investigation. Why? Because while I was afraid of being tricked by her, on the other hand, I didn't want to wake up from the dream either. For as long as possible, I wanted to preserve a "perhaps" in the space between trust and distrust. I wanted to feign ignorance and accept Touka's affection from a safe place where it couldn't hurt .

And then she forgot everything. She beca unable to rember anything but the past few days, so even the short sumr break we spent together had vanished without a trace. When she looked at my face, she didn't seem to know who I was.

The stare Touka gave when we reunited in the apartnt hallway reminded of the stare my mother, who erased the mories of her family using Lethe, gave when I saw her again. When I asked if she rembered , she apologetically shook her head.

I didn't even ask myself "what's going on here?"

I just thought, ah, I've been forgotten by soone dear to again.

Touka left her room carrying a big bag. I guessed she had co back to prepare for her hospitalization. I watched her go from the veranda. I wanted to chase after her and talk, but my legs wouldn't move. I wasn't confident I could keep my sanity if she gave that indifferent stare again.

In less than two months, she would probably forget how to walk. She'd forget how to get als. She'd forget how to move her body. She'd forget how to use her mouth. She'd forget how to breathe. Beyond that lay an unavoidable death.

As much as I wanted to apologize, the one for to apologize to was no longer in this world. So I at least wanted to dedicate everything I had left to Touka. I vowed it in my heart. Not only this sumr; I would use the rest of my life for her sake. Even after she left this world, forever.

*

I wanted to go et Touka as soon as possible, but there were a few things I had to do first. I went to a salon and had my overgrown hair cut, then went into town and bought a few new clothes. I chose quality hair and clothes that would make her think of the "Chihiro Amagai" in her Mimories. Back at the apartnt, I took a shower and put on the clothes I just bought, then I was finally ready.

Standing in front of the mirror, I looked over my face. I couldn't rember the last ti I seriously looked at myself in a mirror, but I felt there was less stiffness in my expression than before. Of course, Touka was probably to thank.

I got on the bus and headed for the hospital I suspected she was at. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, but the oppressive heat had left so ti ago, so it was comfortable inside the bus. The level of green visible from the window gradually increased, the bus went around hilly roads by the dam and through a short tunnel, then stopped in front of a small sunflower field. I paid the fare and got off the bus.

Once the bus left, the area was enveloped in silence. I stood there and looked around at my surroundings. The land was surrounded by a dense thicket, with decrepit hos spotted around. The cool air was mixed with a sll of wet dirt.

The hospital was on the opposite shore from the park we repeatedly visited on our bike rides together. There was no guarantee Touka was here. It's just that if she was, it would explain her excessive curiosity about that hospital.

When I stood outside and casually looked up to the second floor, I saw soone standing at the window.

I focused my eyes on that person's face.

It was my childhood friend.

Let's do good this ti, I thought.

The hospital room carried a thick sll of death. Not like the sll of a corpse, or even of incense. There was sothing there that made you feel there was a sll of death. Maybe you could say it lacked a sensation that should always exist in a place with living humans.

Touka was there. It hadn't even been a week since we last t, but she seed a little skinnier. Or perhaps the shadow of death in the room just made it look that way.

She stood at the window, watching the scenery outside like always. She wore not her usual plain white pajamas, but a faded blue hospital gown. Maybe because it wasn't the right size, the sleeves were folded back. The blue notebook she held in her arm was probably a ans for her to externally store mory. That told how far the disease had progressed. Nothing was written on the front cover, and a cheap ball pen was held within it.

I stopped at the door to Touka's room and looked at her absentmindedly for a long ti. She seed to be finding peace in her hospital room, enjoying relaxation in that dreary place. It felt like the room itself also naturally accepted the presence of Touka.

That sense of harmony gave a strong gut feeling that she might never leave this place again. And it was probably true. If there was any opportunity left for her to leave this hospital room, it would be after she had beco "sothing that was once her." I couldn't bear to think about it.

Touka would soon be eting a second death.

I was unable to speak to her. I didn't have the courage to break the intimate connection between her and the hospital room. Besides, I wanted to watch her from a slight distance like this as long as I could. Because this was the first ti I'd seen her when she was alone.

Finally, Touka slowly turned around and noticed the presence of her guest. She tilted her head, brushed the hair from her cheek, and stared at my face. Then she said my na in a hoarse voice.

"...Chihiro?"

It's not like she still had the mories. She just found a few common points between and the "Chihiro Amagai" in her Mimories, and made a natural guess from there. The sa way I had reflexively spoken her na the first ti we looked at each other up close. The overlap with certain episodes in the Mimories probably also aided her imagination.

"Touka."

I spoke her na very naturally. It was so gentle, I didn't think it ca out of my throat. It seed I didn't need to intentionally act it; I had fully beco "Chihiro Amagai."

I'd beco Touka Natsunagi's "hero."

Touka looked over like she was seeing sothing unbelievable. As if to say "this shouldn't be happening, it must be so kind of mistake." She looked around the room as if looking for a cara crew. But it was just us there.

She asked , looking terribly confused.

"Who... are you?"

"Chihiro Amagai. Your childhood friend."

I took a stool from a stack in the corner of the room and placed it by the bed, then sat. But Touka didn't move away from the window. With the bed between us, she gave a wary stare.

"I don't have a childhood friend," she said at length.

"Then how do you know my na? You just called "Chihiro," right?"

Touka quickly shook her head a few tis, put her left hand to her chest, and took a deep breath. Then she spoke as if to convince herself.

"Chihiro Amagai is a Substite. A fictional person who only exists in my head. I've lost my mories down to the roots due to my New Alzheir's disease. All that's left in are false mories. It's true that I rember the na Chihiro Amagai, but that in itself signifies that Chihiro Amagai doesn't exist. Because it's forbidden for Substites to be modeled after real people." After saying all this in one go, she threw another question at . "I'll ask again. Who are you?"

It must have been true that New Alzheir's only took recollections. She still naturally retained her knowledge about the nature of Mimories - as well as her powers of reasoning.

Of course, I'd anticipated this happening. I briefly considered coming up with so suitable reasoning to fool her. But I reconsidered.

I wanted to try this again from the start, with the sa thod she used.

I wanted to carry on her Childhood Friend Plan exactly as-is, and prove that her idea wasn't wrong.

"I'm your childhood friend, Chihiro Amagai," I repeated.

She silently glared at . Like a stray cat judging its distance from soone.

"If you can't believe , you don't have to. Just rember this." I borrowed her words from before she lost her mory. "I'm on your side, Touka. No matter what."

*

After thinking it over all night, it appeared Touka reached the sa conclusion I once had.

"My theory is that you're a scamr after my inheritance."

That's what she told as soon as she saw my face the next day.

I dared not to deny it, and asked what thought process brought her to that conclusion.

"I asked my caretaker, and apparently, I'm fairly rich. You intend to lure into a trap once I've lost my mories and don't know what's going on, don't you?"

I couldn't help but bitterly chuckle. This must be how Touka felt when she was trying to deceive .

"What's so funny?" Her cheeks reddened as she glared at .

"Oh, I just rembered sothing and got nostalgic."

"Don't try to fool . Can you prove that you're not a scamr?"

"I can't," I replied honestly. "But if I was after your inheritance like you say, why would I want to act as the Substite Chihiro Amagai himself? I think acting as soone very similar to Chihiro Amagai would be much better at getting into your heart."

She gave so thought to my counter-argunt for a while. Then she spoke coldly.

"That's not necessarily true. You might have been under the impression I was already losing the distinction between Mimories and mories. Most people have no idea that Mimories are resistant to being forgotten by New Alzheir's, after all. Or maybe you thought my mind was so weakened, I didn't even care about the difference between truth and lies."

"Or maybe I was putting too much faith in the influence Mimories held," I appended before she could. "Or else, maybe there was a reason I had to act as your childhood friend himself."

"Don't think you can throw off track like that. At any rate, the human Chihiro Amagai doesn't exist."

"I'm guessing just showing you my license or insurance card won't convince you?"

"Right. That sort of thing could always be faked. Besides, even if you were Chihiro Amagai himself, that's not proof that you were my childhood friend. These Mimories themselves might have been created to entrap ."

I sighed. I really was being shown my forr self.

"Also, that's right, we can't dismiss the theory that you're doing this for the fun of it. There are people in this world who love to play with others' hearts and laugh in the shadows."

"You're just so pessimistic. You can't even consider that the boy you saved long ago is now trying to return the favor?"

She resolutely shook her head. "I can't imagine I have that kind of popularity. I was told how long I have left to live, yet not a single family mber, friend, or coworker has co to visit . I must have lived a lonely and aningless life. The total lack of any albums or diaries proves that my past isn't worth rembering. Maybe it will be for the best that I lose all my mories before I die."

"True, your past might have been lonely," I acknowledged. "But it certainly wasn't aningless. That's why I'm here. Because you're my "heroine," and I'm your "hero.""

"...How stupid is that?"

We had several similar exchanges after that.

"I can't imagine you could understand one bit," Touka said, her voice quivering slightly, "but even if they're fiction, my mories of Chihiro Amagai are my only foundation. It's no exaggeration to say they're my entire world. And you're sullying that holy na. You're posing as him to attract my affection, but it's having the opposite effect. I despise you for assuming the identity of Chihiro Amagai."

"Right. Those mories are more important than anything to you." I used her words against her. "You won't consider that's why they miraculously avoided being forgotten?"

"I will not. If only important mories could remain, there would be at least a few cases of that recognized. And there must be people with New Alzheir's who have more wonderful mories than ."

"But no one's as attached to mories of a single person as you. Am I wrong?"

The few seconds of silence eloquently told of the trembling in her heart.

Still, she spoke obstinately.

"Whatever you say, these mories must be Mimories. It's too good as a story to be true. Each and every mory is too comfortable. The feeling that they were written just to answer my desires cos through clear as day. These are certainly Mimories written based on my personal record. I must have thought that despite the dark life I'd led, I'd at least find salvation in fiction."

As I was about to speak my next counter-argunt, a music box tune began to play to mark the end of the eting period.

Firefly's Light.

Our conversation halted as we listened to the song.

There was no room for doubt that she and I were thinking the sa thing.

"This really is a kind of curse," I laughed.

Touka ignored , but I didn't overlook the fact that her stiff expression had loosened a little bit.

"I'll be leaving now. Sorry to bother you. See you tomorrow."

As I stood up and turned around, she spoke.

"Goodbye, Mr. Scamr."

She used a blunt tone, but I didn't sense any animosity.

I turned back, told her "I'll co earlier tomorrow," and left the room behind.

For the next few days, Touka continued calling "Mr. Scamr." Whatever I tried to say, she could only perceive it as a scamr's cajolery, and even ironically quipped "You did a good job again today."

But I soon saw through to the fact it was an act. A far quicker thinker than myself, she realized much earlier on that there was no rit in behaving like her childhood friend. As well as the fact that I was showing her legitimate affection.

It seed Touka wasn't afraid of being tricked by , but of becoming close to at all. She acted indifferent likely because she drew a line in our relationship. When her guard weakened and she found herself about to act affectionately, she would double down on treating as a scamr to widen the distance between us and keep self-control.

I could understand how she felt. It was certain that she would soon vacate this world, so she wanted as little luggage as possible. Now, she had the sa definition for "things I'm about to gain" and "things I'm about to lose." The higher the value of life, the greater the threat of death. She wanted to keep her value of life at zero, so that when she gave up the ghost, she would also have chosen the right ti to give up.

That said, she hadn't seed to reach such a deep resignation as to completely cast away, so she was obviously happy when I showed up to her hospital room, and obviously lonely when I left. Even the one ti I was so overco with emotion that I hugged her tight, she showed no resistance at all, and when I moved away from her, she was biting her lip with reluctance. Occasionally she'd slip and call Chihiro, though was always quick to append "...imitator, Mr. Scamr."

To spend as much ti with her as I could, I requested a leave of absence from school, and quit my job. While not at the hospital, I was reading docunts about New Alzheir's, searching for ways to extend her life even though I knew it was aningless. Of course, those efforts all ended in vain.

*

Touka's face clouded when I asked her why she didn't listen to music in the hospital room.

"I didn't bring any here. All of the music I had was records. Since I'd only be able to bring so of it anyway, I chose to leave it all behind..."

"Do you regret it now?"

"Just a little bit," she nodded. "It's nice and quiet in this room during the day, but a little too quiet at night."

"I thought as much."

I took a portable music player out of my pocket and handed it to her.

"I put all of the songs you liked on here."

Touka nervously took it from my hand. She touched the screen to figure out how it worked, then put in earbuds and pressed play.

For a while after that, she listened to music. Her expression didn't change, but the slight sway of her body told she was enjoying it. It seed like I'd pleased her.

I thought I'd leave my seat for a bit so I didn't bother her. As I quietly got up from the seat, her head snapped up. She swiftly took out the earbuds and went "Um..."

"...Where are you going?"

I told her I was thinking of having a smoke, and she sighed "I see," then put the earbuds back in, returning to the flood of sound.

I went along with my impromptu lie and smoked in a smoking room outside the building. After just three puffs, I put it out, leaned on the wall, closed my eyes, thought back on Touka trying to keep from leaving, and let my heart quietly shiver.

Whatever the reason for it was, she still wanted now. That made incredibly happy.

When I visited the next day, Touka was still deeply engrossed in music. Her hands were on her ears, her eyes happily narrowed like a cat relaxing in sunlight, and she had just the slightest smile on her lips.

When I spoke to her, she took out the earbuds and greeted with a friendly "Hello, Mr. Scamr."

"I listened to all the music on it."

"All of it?", I repeated. "I thought the total ti of all the tracks was over 10 hours..."

"Yes. That's why I haven't slept since yesterday."

She covered her mouth and yawned, then wiped her eyes with her index fingers.

"Every single song was perfect for . I was just starting my second loop."

I laughed. "I'm glad it made you happy, but you should get so sleep."

But she didn't seem to hear . She sat up in bed, showed the music player's display, and spoke with a dizzy face. "I've listened to this one over ten tis already..."

She rembered sothing and clapped her hands, then put one earbud in her ear, and offered the other to .

"Let's listen to them together, Chihiro."

She'd completely forgotten to call Mr. Scamr. But it was only reasonable that would happen. Her mories wiped, she got to listen to the playlist she'd built over her entire life for the first ti. There could be no greater luxury for people who love music. (And while it's possible New Alzheir's didn't make you forget music, it probably made you forget your connection with that music.)

I sat on the bed with her and put the other earbud in my right ear. She switched the player to monaural mode and pressed play.

Old songs I'd listened to with her many tis during our sumr break began to play.

During the third song, Touka's eyelids began to droop. After making a pendular motion like a trono for a bit, she leaned her weight on and fell asleep in my lap. I probably should have laid her down on the bed, but I couldn't move from that position. I carefully reached over and lowered the volu on the player, and I gazed tirelessly at her face.

Suddenly, I had the casual thought that I was going to lose this person.

I still couldn't fully grasp what that ant for . The sa way you don't know what the end of the world ans for you. The tragedy was just so massive, it was effectively impossible to asure it with my ruler.

In any event, right now I shouldn't be clouded by grief or cursing fate. I should put all that off for now, and just think about how to enrichen the ti Touka and I spent together. If I wanted to despair, I could do that after it was all over. Because I would surely have far more ti for that than I knew what to do with.

After a nap, Touka finally regained her composure. She apologized for falling asleep in my lap, then stared at my face, and sighed deeply with resignation.

"Mr. Scamr, you really know just how to make happy. I hate it."

I silently lanted the return of "Mr. Scamr."

"I'm sort of exhausted," she said listlessly, and collapsed face-up on the bed. "Hey, Mr. Scamr. If you tell the truth right now, I'll give you all my inheritance. I don't have anyone else to leave it to, at any rate."

"Then I'll tell the truth. I'm hopelessly in love with you, Touka."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying. You must be aware of it too, right?"

She rolled over, putting her back to .

"...What's so appealing about a girl as empty as ?"

"Everything."

"You have bad taste."

I could tell from her tone that she was smiling.

*

Touka slowly but surely began to smile for . She ca to prepare a seat for , called "see you tomorrow" when the eting was over and I left, and made napping in my lap a daily occurrence (though she always called it an accident).

According to her nurse, Touka talked about constantly when I wasn't there. "She's looking out the window all morning, eagerly waiting for you to show up," the nurse whispered to .

If she accepted that much, she should have just gone along with my lies, yet Touka wouldn't back down on that last line. I was strictly just "Mr. Scamr" gunning for her inheritance, and she simply dared to enjoy her ti with said scamr; she never broke from this stance. Just like a certain soone had once done.

One evening, Touka sounded lancholy as she leaned on my shoulder.

"I must be quite the prey in your eyes, Mr. Scamr. I'm so weakened that if you showed a little kindness, I feel I might just give in."

Though I guess I more or less have given in, she quietly appended.

"Then I'd be happy if you fell for it harder and recognized as your childhood friend."

"I can't do that."

"Am I really that shady?"

After about a three-comma pause, she answered.

"I can sohow tell your affection isn't a lie. But..."

"But?"

"I an," she said hoarsely, "all my mories have been erased, but my mories of a single boy are still around. I was abandoned by my family and have no friends, but that boy cos to visit every day without fail. You say you like even though I'm worthless and can't even work anymore. Who can could such a contrived story?"

"...Right. I thought the sa way."

She jumped up and stared a hole through my face.

"You admit you're lying?"

"Nope." I slowly shook my head. "I think it's inevitable that you can't believe . I'm painfully acquainted with the feeling of seeing anything too good to be true as a trap. ...But sotis those things happen in life, by so mistake. Just like a life of only happiness is highly unlikely, a life of only misery is highly unlikely too. Can't you believe a little more in your happiness?"

Those words were also directed at my past self.

I should have believed in the happiness I had then.

Touka fell silent to ponder my words, but soon let out a breath.

"At any rate, having happiness this late is just empty."

She put her left hand to her chest to suppress her heartbeat, and smiled weakly.

"So I'm fine with you being Mr. Scamr."

But that was the last day she was able to keep up that bluff.

The next day, I was greeted in the hospital room by the sight of Touka sitting in bed, holding her knees, and trembling.

When I spoke, she lifted her head and tearfully said my na, "Chihiro." Not Mr. Scamr.

Then she got off the bed, stumbled over to , and buried her face in my chest.

As I stroked her back, I tried to think about what could've happened to her.

But really, I didn't have to think about it.

The ti that had to co, had co. That's all it was.

Seeing that Touka was regaining a little composure, I asked her.

"Have your Mimories started to vanish too?"

She nodded slightly in my chest.

My ears quietly rang.

For an instant, I felt an uncertain sensation, like the world had shifted a few milliters.

The erasure of Mimories.

That signified that she was finally approaching true zero.

It ant we didn't have have a month left.

The next thing this demon would lay its hands on was her life.

From the mont she learned she had New Alzheir's, she knew this day would co.

She should've accepted it by now. She should have been ready.

But in the end, I didn't know anything.

That day, I learned the true reason Lethe was developed.

At age 20, I finally understood what it was that people used the power of tiny machines to try and forget.

She kept crying for hours. As if she were trying to wring out all the tears she had absorbed in her life.

By the ti the westering sun filled the hospital room with a pale orange, she'd finally stopped crying.

In the corner of my blurred vision, I saw her long shadow sway.

"Hey... tell about the past."

Touka spoke in a dry voice.

"Talk about and Chihiro."

*

I spoke to Touka of false mories.

The day we first t. The ti I was convinced she was a ghost. Biking around town with her sitting on the back. Visiting her house every day on sumr break and talking through the window. Reuniting in the classroom the next school term. Being appointed as the only friend who would look after her, as she couldn't fit in at school. Coming to pick her up every morning and walking to school together. Being together on weekdays, weekends, at every mont. Her constantly holding my hand. Our classmates teasing us for our relationship in the later grades. A heart with our nas in it being drawn on the blackboard. trying to erase it, but her saying to leave it. Listening to records over and over in a drab study. Her proudly explaining the anings of lyrics. Staying over at her house on days off. Watching a movie screening together and feeling awkward when there was a risque scene. Sitting next to each other on the bus for a hike. Her nearly running out of energy in the mountains, and letting her have my shoulder. Telling friends in a tent at outdoors school who the girl I liked was, and it spreading around class the next day. Her having received similar treatnt. Us getting paired up for a folk dance, and her hanging her head the whole ti. Her having a serious asthma attack during sumr in sixth grade. For so ti after that, her being beside herself with worry every ti she coughed. writing "I hope Touka's asthma gets better" as my Tanabata wish, and her eyes watering when she saw it. Starting clubs in middle school and having less ti to be together. Being in separate classes for the first ti in second year of middle school. That causing us to start viewing each other as potential romantic partners. Our way of interacting getting slightly awkward. Her always waiting in the classroom for to finish my club activities. The two of us learning incorrect lyrics to Firefly's Light. Being teased by our classmates in third year, in a different way than elentary school. Deciding to spread all kinds of real and fake rumors about our relationship, and suddenly no longer being teased at all afterward. Her face turning bright red when she heard that. Being chosen as the anchor for the relay at the track et. Collapsing after running as fast as I could, and being nursed by her in the infirmary. The sumr festival at age 15 being sohow special. How wonderful she looked in her yukata. Putting up our defenses and exchanging a sly kiss. That kiss being not the third or the fourth, but the fifth. Both of us acting like we didn't feel anything to preserve the status quo. Withdrawing from our clubs, having more ti together, and being glad for it. bringing alcohol from ho to help console her family troubles, and drinking it together. Then us cutting loose a little too much. Not being able to make eye contact the next day out of awkwardness. People catching on during preparations for the culture festival, and putting us together. Talking in a pitch black classroom about things we usually wouldn't. The pretty moon we saw from the veranda. Having a secret rendezvous on the night of a field trip. Acting together when groups were allowed free ti, and the others tacitly consenting. Going to the library together and studying so we could go to the sa high school. The first snow of the season falling on the way ho from the library. Catching her frolicking under the snow and streetlights. Purposefully not bringing gloves because I wanted to hold her hand as we walked ho. Us talking strangely little after New Year's. Her move date already being decided by that ti. Getting more elaborate chocolate than usual for Valentine's. Her finding out that I kept the empty boxes of her Valentine's chocolates every year and laughing. Suddenly finding out about the move and being harsh to her. Making her cry for the first ti. Coming to her house at a later date to apologize and reconcile. Promising to et each other even after we went our separate ways. Her being more prone to tears as graduation approached. Her laughing while crying, and crying while laughing. Going around town together after graduation and talking about our mories. eting in the empty study the day before her move and talking about heroes and heroines. Things that might have happened between the two of us. Things we wanted to happen. Things that should have happened.

I kept talking about everything I could recall. Touka listened with a peaceful expression on her face, like listening to a lullaby. When she heard an episode she rembered, she smiled and said "There was that," and when she heard an episode she forgot, she smiled and said "So there was that." And she made short notes in the blue notebook she held.

When I told her of mories from age 7, she beca a 7-year-old girl, and when I told her of mories from age 10, she beca a 10-year-old girl. Of course, the sa thing happened to . In that way, we relived the span from age 7 to age 15.

I realized I was talking about episodes that weren't contained in the Mimories only when I was nearing the end of the story.

The Green Green Touka had created left plenty of blank space. Maybe she didn't have enough ti to work on it, or maybe she thought it was sufficient to include a minimum number of effective monts. Either way, there was room there for free interpretation. Unknowingly, I filled in the gaps with my own imagination.

By adding essential episodes based on an essential idea, I provided complentary details to the Mimories. Those anecdotes blended into Touka's story very naturally, and resonated with it, making the Green Green more colorful by the day. While I was away from the hospital, I kept revising our story. I could beautify the past as much as I wanted through my interpretation - as long as I stayed true to my imagination.

But even trying to fill in every nook and cranny of the blank space, there was a lack of mories. In five days, I had told everything contained within the Mimories, leaving nothing out. When I finished talking about the day we promised to reunite and Touka moved away, there was nothing left after.

A hollow silence endured.

Touka asked innocently:

"What happened next?"

Nothing happened next, I said in my mind. You only made Mimories from age 7 to age 15. The story neatly tied up here, and the only girl who would know the rest was no longer in this world.

Even so, I couldn't just put a period on the story here. This story was the last thread tying her to life. I felt that the mont she lost that thread, her empty body would be blown away by the first breeze, taking her far away in the blink of an eye.

So I decided to take the baton of Touka's fantasizing.

If her story had ended, my story had to begin here.

Taking the sa approach I used to fill in the blanks of the Green Green, I ran a detailed simulation of our lives from age 15 to age 20. I produced a proper "continuation," in which we who were put far apart overca that distance and obtained an even stronger love.

So I told it. Touka seed to accept my story naturally, the sa as before.

Day after day, I kept weaving lies. As if I were Scheherazade in One Thousand and One Nights, I prayed that perhaps the longer I kept the story going, the longer Touka would live.

For those two weeks, it felt like Touka and I were the only people in the world. We huddled together like the last survivors of humanity, sitting and talking about old mories on a sunny porch as we watched the end of the world.

And very soon, I would be the only survivor.

*

Just once, I had a dream. A cure to New Alzheir's had been perfected, Touka was chosen as a test subject, and once she was cured, all her mories revived. I ca to pick her up when she left the hospital, we hugged and shared our joy under a clear blue sky, and as we held pinkies promising to make so real mories together, I woke up.

A cheap happy ending, I thought. Sudden, forceful, and all too harmonious. It might be allowed in Mimories, but it would absolutely be derided in any other dium. Miracles are only allowed to exist sowhere away from the main thread.

But I didn't care. It could be cheap, sudden, forceful, unrealistically harmonious. I didn't care how poorly-made a story it was. I prayed for that dream to beco reality.

I an, it hasn't even started yet. Our relationship was only just beginning. A real love budded from the commonality deep in our souls, and with that, our long loneliness should have been rewarded.

But in reality, it was over before it even began. The end credits were already starting by the ti she truly understood , and the audience was starting to leave their seats by the ti I truly understood her. Our love was like a cicada in October, having nowhere to go and simply perishing. It was all just too late.

What if we could be given only a month's postponent? It would just add on a month's worth of happiness and a month's worth of unhappiness, I concluded while thinking late into the night. The efforts I expended looking for possibilities would probably make it that much harder to part.

A love that ended the mont it began, or a love that ended just before it began - which is more tragic? Maybe it's a aningless question, though. Those two tragedies are both the worst, so you can't give an order to them.

*

A story is sothing you can continue to write for as long as you feel like. The reason stories always co to an end in spite of this is not because the writer demands it, but the story itself does. Once you hear that voice calling, no matter how much you feel there's not enough story, you have to co to a suitable compromise and leave the story. Like the shoppers who hear Firefly's Light.

One afternoon in October, just after the clock passed 3, I heard that voice calling. I knew that the story I was telling had ended.

I still had so blank space I could squeeze anecdotes into. However, it wasn't space that was the issue. Nothing more existed that I felt could be added to my story.

That ant the story had been finished.

Any further additions would be superfluous. I knew that from my senses as a storyteller.

It felt like Touka, sitting beside , intuitively understood that too as a forr Mimory engineer. She didn't ask "What happened next?" anymore. She closed her eyes and soaked in the echo for a few minutes, but soon she got off the bed, stood by the window, and did a stretch. Then she let out a little breath and turned around.

I knew she was about to say sothing. But I felt like I couldn't let her say it. If I let her say it, there'd be no going back.

I desperately looked for words to follow up my last sentence. But I couldn't think of a single one that I should add on.

Then, she broke the silence.

"Hey, Chihiro."

I didn't respond. It took all I had to resist it.

She kept going anyway.

"Before you ca today, I was rereading my notebook and wondering. Why are you doing all this for ? Why do you know the contents of my Mimories? Why do you keep acting like my childhood friend?"

After a short silence, she smiled epherally.

"Chihiro."

She used my na again.

"Thank you for going along with my stupid lies."

Right.

Lies are sothing that are always exposed.

She sat back down next to , and looked up at my hung head from below.

"I was the one who started lying first, wasn't I?"

I kept my silence for a long ti, but realized it was futile, and replied "Yeah." Touka just said "I see" and smiled with her eyes.

We didn't need any further explanations. She had seen through to the truth with her astonishing imagination and the fragnted information recorded in her blue notebook. That was it.

She didn't appear disappointed. That said, she also didn't appear pleased that everything was a lie. She just appeared to be thinking about the complex story that had been put on between the two of us.

Outside the window, an airplane drew a thin line in the blue sky, which then vanished. The massive cumulonimbus clouds that occupied the August skies were gone without a trace, and only tiny clouds like scrapes on a car remained.

Far in the distance, there was the sound of a railroad crossing. The train blew its horn, the sound of it racing down the track grew distant, and a few seconds later, the crossing sound stopped.

Touka muttered sothing.

"It'd be nice if it were all true."

I shook my head.

"That's not right. It's because this story is a lie that it's much kinder than the truth."

"...You're right."

She linked her hands together in front of her chest, as if holding sothing, and nodded.

"It's kind because it's a lie."

*

I have a last request, Touka said. It was her final lie.

She took a white dicine packet out of a cabinet drawer and handed it to .

"What's this?", I asked.

"The Lethe that was in your room, Chihiro. The one that should have co to you in the first place: the Lethe to erase the mories of your childhood."

I gazed at the package in my hand. Then I guessed her intention.

If she was returning the Lethe to at this point... then it would be like that, would it?

"I want you to drink it here."

She spoke what I expected her to, word for word.

"I want your childhood to only belong to ."

If she wanted it, then I had no reason to refuse. I nodded without a word, left the room to buy mineral water from a vending machine, then returned. I poured the water in the glass Touka had prepared, tore open the package, and dissolved it.

Then I drank it in one gulp.

It didn't taste bitter, or like it had any foreign substance at all. It was really just like regular water.

But before long, the effects of the Lethe started to show. I casually reached into my pocket, but sothing that should have been there wasn't, but I couldn't rember what that was - vague yet urgent anxieties like that hit one after another. But those evil hands all turned to ash before they could touch and scattered to the wind. That's what the fear of forgetting was like.

"It's started?", Touka asked.

"Yeah," I said, pushing my fingers against my forehead. "Seems like it has."

"Good."

She stroked her chest with relief,

"That was a lie, earlier."

and then told a spoiler.

"...Lie?"

I slowly looked up.

Touka was there smiling sadly.

"What you just drank, Chihiro, was the Lethe to erase your mories of ."

With that, she took out another package of Lethe from the cabinet drawer and showed it to .

"This is the real one."

My vision warped. The Lethe seed to really be getting to work now. I had the illusion of my body being torn apart, and without thinking, I opened up my hands to make sure I still had ten fingers.

"Sorry for always lying. But this is my real deal final lie," she said in a sing-song voice. "Before I lost my mories, apparently I was always worried about bothering you until the very end, Chihiro. Still, I wanted to stay with you for as long as I could, so I entrusted the role of wiping the slate clean to my post-mory-loss self."

Touka stood up from bed and tore the other Lethe package, then scattered the contents out the open window. The nanobots were carried away on the wind and vanished like smoke.

She spun around and smiled healthily.

"We'll have the fact we even t end as a lie."

I looked toward the clock by the bed. Six minutes had already passed since I drank the Lethe. If my mories would be erased in thirty minutes, I had twenty-four left. No matter how much I struggled, there was no resisting Lethe once you drank it. Even if I threw up the entire contents of my stomach, the nanobots had already reached my brain.

I gave up on resistance and asked her.

"Can I hug you until I forget?"

"Sure," she said happily. "But you might be a little confused when you forget everything."

"I'll bet."

"I'll say it's sothing I asked for. Like I wanted to feel soone's warmth before I died."

"But that's the truth, isn't it?"

She laughed. With a sound between "ehehe" and "ahaha."

*

Every minute, Touka asked .

"Still rember?"

I replied each ti.

"Still rember."

Good, she said, and nestled her face against my chest.

*

"Still rember?"

"Still rember."

"Good."

*

"Still rember?"

"Still rember."

"There, there."

*

"Still rember?"

"Still rember."

"But we're getting there."

*

An hour elapsed.

Touka gently parted from and stared at my face, dumbfounded.

"...Why do you still rember?"

The laugh I'd been holding in burst out.

"At least it's both of us being liars."

She didn't seem to understand what I ant.

So I also spoiled it for her.

"What I drank was the Lethe to erase the mories of my childhood."

"But you never even had a chance to switch..."

She gasped, and shut her mouth closed.

That's right. There were plenty of chances.

If you went further than two months back.

"Could it be..." She gulped. "You switched them from the start?"

I nodded.

"I knew you would probably play this kind of trick, Touka. So I believed in you and drank it."

That first night I threw Touka's ho cooking into the trash, I prepared a little trick that could help get the jump on her. Naly, I switched the two packages of Lethe.

My thoughts went like so. For the ti being, all she had stolen was my spare key, and she hadn't touched the Lethe. But if she was a scamr, then the mont she saw it, she would definitely try to use it for nefarious purposes. If she erased my childhood mories, the market share of "Touka Natsunagi" in my mories would shoot up. There would be no one for but her.

Of course, if all I wanted was to avoid such an outco, I just had to hide the Lethe out of her sight. I could throw it in a locker at school or work and lock it up. But I went and kept the Lethe in an easy-to-find place. That was a trap to force her into action. I thought I'd set out so good bait to advance the situation.

And to really play a trick on her, I swapped the two Lethe packages. By doing this, if she did sothing like slip the Lethe into my drink, I would only lose the mories of Touka Natsunagi.

But later on, unexpectedly, Touka switched out the Lethe. Both of the packages were replaced with fake powder. The stolen Lethe stayed in Touka's hands, and before she completely lost her mories, she got the idea of using it to erase all my mories of her. She didn't even consider that I had swapped which was which.

Touka sent a ssage to her future self. (Presumably, she tid it to arrive just before her life ran out.) But reading the letter from her past self, Touka probably thought this: Even if I say "please forget about ," I know Chihiro Amagai isn't the kind of person who'll just listen and obey. So she made the plan of lying "I want your childhood to only belong to ," and having drink the switched Lethe.

Her miscalculation was that I too saw through that tendency of hers. The mont she told "I want your childhood to only belong to ," I knew that was a lie. True, she was a self-centered and selfish person, but she wasn't the type to take sothing from at the very, very end. That clearly went against her behavior.

After all, she was a girl trying to be a "heroine."

I believed in her lie and drank down the Lethe without hesitation. If the Lethe was still switched, that would defy her expectations and actually erase the mories of my childhood.

I won that bet. Now, my childhood had only Touka.

"...I'm no match for you, Chihiro."

She lost her strength and collapsed back on the bed. Then she spoke with stunned amazent.

"I'm sure you'll beco a much greater liar than I ever was."

"Maybe so."

We laughed together. Very affectionately. Like real childhood friends.

"Now, since that was your last lie back there, I'll have you answer my next question honestly."

Touka slowly sat up. "What?"

"Were you disappointed that I didn't forget you?"

"Not at all," she imdiately replied. "I'm as happy as could be that I can keep talking with you, Chihiro."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"Hey, Chihiro."

"What?"

"You want to kiss?"

"...Shoot, you said it first."

"Ehehe."

We gently brought our faces together. And not to confirm anything, but just to kiss, we kissed.

*

The next day, Touka's condition took a sudden turn. At least, those are the words the doctor used. But I didn't feel a shred of the tension that the words "sudden turn" brought to mind. Just as a firefly's light soundlessly disappears into darkness, her final monts were quiet and peaceful.

On a clear, pleasant October morning, the curtain fell on Touka's short lifeti.

It rang in the end of the short sumr that felt like an eternity.