My na is Ruan Qingqing, and I am 8 years old this year.
Today is my birthday.
Mom says that on birthdays, you should blow out candles and happily make wishes.
But, I am a bit unhappy.
Mom is sick.
She always hides under the covers, secretly coughing up blood, not wanting to know.
Qingqing is a good child.
Mom doesn't want to know, so I pretend not to know.
…
My na is Ruan Qingqing, and I am 9 years old this year.
Today is my birthday.
Mom says that on your birthday, you should blow out the candles and make a wish.
But I can't feel happy at all.
Mom's condition is getting worse.
Qingqing is a bad child.
Although Mom's birthday noodles are delicious, I still wish I could taste the birthday cakes that my classmates talk about.
The dim candlelight brings no warmth, casting a pale glow on Mom's colorless face.
The candles are really poor quality, I thought to myself as I closed my eyes.
Mom says you can only make a birthday wish once.
I secretly crossed out my wish to eat birthday cake next year.
I only wish for my mom to recover.
…
My na is Ruan Qingqing, and I'm 10 years old this year.
Today is not my birthday.
But I can go to the pharmacy by myself to buy dicine for Mom.
Although, it's a secret, haha.
The street is bustling, and I see many children wearing bright, new clothes and playing and laughing together.
They look so beautiful sparkling in the sunlight.
I look down at my faded, washed-out clothes and feel a bit envious.
But only a little.
The clothes I wear are also very nice and comfortable. They're all hand-knitted by Mom, stitch by stitch.
She's really amazing.
The counter at the pharmacy is so high that I have to stand on a small stool to pay.
When I was checking out, the lady said that I looked thin and small. She asked if I usually don't eat well.
I felt a bit guilty.
I secretly save the money Mom gives for breakfast and dinner.
Qingqing isn't hungry at all.
Saving all the money allows to buy more dicine for Mom, like I did today.
The lady at the pharmacy didn't say anything else. She patted my head and handed two White Rabbit milk candies before I left.
They're sweet and delicious.
I only ate one; I saved the other for Mom.
The next day, I shared them with my classmates.
They didn't seem happy to talk to .
They just pushed aside. So boys said that I was a country bumpkin who had never seen the world and that birthday cake is much better than candy.
Is birthday cake really better than candy?
I don't know.
…
My na is Ruan Qingqing, and I am 11 years old this year.
Today is my birthday.
I'm an adult now, so I don't need to celebrate birthdays anymore.
Although that makes a little sad, I'm much happier thinking about being able to help Mom.
So, I decided to go to her workplace to help on my birthday.
I am very capable.
I can clean tables well and stand on a plastic stool to wash dishes.
My uncles and older sisters will clap and praise for being sensible and good.
But I'm not a child anymore.
Even when an aunt at the store secretly took to the freezer room, slapped hard, and called a little vixen, I didn't cry.
She said: Mom is a big vixen who pretends to be sick to seduce n. When I grow up, I'll be just like Mom.
I thought: Mom never pretends to be sick, nor does she seduce n. All I want is to buy a big birthday cake and eat it with her.
My face hurts, my head is dizzy, and blood is coming from my nose.
Adults are very strange.
Adults often keep many things to themselves, not telling those close to them.
Qingqing is an adult, too.
I can't cry or worry Mom anymore.
When I got ho at night, Mom hugged . Her body slled like herbal dicine.
She asked , "Qingqing, what do you want to eat today?"
I buried myself in her arms. In a daze, I accidentally spoke my mind. "What does cake taste like?"
Mom was stunned for a mont and gently stroked my cheek. "Qingqing, do you want to eat cake?"
I shook my head. "I want the birthday noodles you make, Mom."
Birthday cakes are so expensive!
One or two hundred yuan would be enough to buy Mom's dicine for half a month.
They can't taste good at all.
…
My na is Ruan Qingqing, and I turn 12 this year.
Another day closer to adulthood.
But I'm a little sad.
The uncles and aunts at the restaurants don't want . I went to many places, but no one would take in.
Why?
I'm clearly an adult.
They said I look too small and short and that I'm unable to do heavy work.
Is it because I'm too short?
At night, when I hug my mom before going to sleep, I think about how I want to grow taller.
I want to share more of the burden with her so that I can protect her, too.
…
We moved!
Each building here has six stories, and I have my own room.
I also t the old lady who lives downstairs.
She gives a White Rabbit milk candy every ti she sees .
I'm so happy!
But the uncle who lives across from us is a bit strange.
He stares at and my mom intently.
I can't quite describe that look, but it made feel very uncomfortable.
Mom said he's the uncle who owns the place we're renting.
She also said that when I'm ho alone, I should lock the doors and windows and not open the door for anyone except her. If the landlord knocks, I should call her imdiately.
…
My na is Ruan Qingqing, and I'm 13 years old.
Today is my happiest day!
I t a very handso boy in the alley near our ho.
The boy said that today is his 15th birthday.
What a coincidence!
But I don't celebrate birthdays anymore.
The boy looked lazy and lacked energy.
I asked him, "Are you tired? Didn't you sleep well?"
He squatted down slightly and softly replied, "Not really."
The boy's eyes are beautiful, like amber gemstones.
His gaze was calm. Unlike others, he didn't keep his distance because of my patched clothes and look at strangely.
He said, "Whether you're happy or not, you must take good care of yourself."
He continued, "Being able to wake up to the warm sun and dress and eat warmly makes you a lucky person."
He continued, "Happy birthday."
He was also the first guy to proactively wish a happy birthday.
Even though I didn't make a wish last year, I still got to eat cake.
I'm a bit puzzled.
Also, cream cake really is that delicious.
I'm so happy!
Really, really happy.
If possible, I wish he could stay by my side.
But I can't be selfish.
The young man has to go ho, and all I can do is watch him leave.
I told my mom, "I t a very handso young man today, and he even treated to a birthday cake. Can I play with him in the future?"
After hearing this, she just looked at with a strange, worried expression.
She said, "You haven't left the house all day. Where is this kind, handso young man?"
I didn't understand, nor could I comprehend.
I pulled my mom to the entrance of the alley, but no matter how hard I looked, I couldn't see the figure.
Every ti I pass by here, I stop. Then, I stop for a while longer.
But why?
I'll never find that young man again.
…
My na is Ruan Qingqing, and I am 14 years old.
I killed soone.
…
The landlord has been acting stranger and stranger lately.
Every ti I walk up the stairs to go ho, the door across the hall opens a tiny crack and an eye stares intently at .
When my mom leaves for work, the landlord stands at my door with different snacks, trying to get to let him in.
Sotis, I hear the neighbors talking about him.
They said this person was imprisoned a few years ago for molesting children and was recently released.
He has a bad temper and a strange personality and often curses at people.
However, he has never cursed at . Instead, when he looks at , he gives a creepy smile.
I'm a bit scared.
The other day, when I ca ho and walked up the stairs, I saw my mom arguing with the landlord. I was too far away to hear clearly, but I could vaguely make out words like "two people" and "support."
Mom was very emotional, and the landlord's face didn't look good either. He raised his hand as if to slap her.
I quickly ran over, stood in front of her, and shouted that I had already called the police.
The landlord just glanced at , said nothing, and walked away with a sullen face.
Right then, Mom hugged and said, "We'll move out in a few days and won't live here anymore."
I was a bit puzzled, but I didn't ask many questions.
Late at night, the pitch-black hallway was filled with the intermittent barking of dogs.
Lying in my room, I heard the faint sound of the doorknob turning in the living room.
The plump landlord entered the house, holding a key.
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