65-66: That’s How We Boys Make Our Mother-in-Law Open Up Her Mind
Chapter 65
The first thing Ling ng did after he woke up was lay in bed and brush his phone. In just one day, a lot of news had co out in the Galaxy circle:
A male anchor caught cheating on his girlfriend, was actually caught in the act on stream;
Pro League first day blowout, veteran powerhouse loses to dark horse newcor;
Exposure of Xiang God’s small account Guava, the mystery of the identity of Lemon Dad’s male fanatic;
VEGETABLE manager explosively reveals Captain Yam and Mang God are relatives;
On Yam’s Weibo, a group of people vented their anger over the loss on the captain. It was just a regular season loss but the negative feedback was calling for him to retire or be demoted to a substitute player. Foul comnts about making him a water boy could be seen all over the place. Ling ng saw red and quarreled with so of the sunspots. When he noticed the arms around him move, he looked back and found Shan Zhu gazing at him tenderly with a pair of sleepy eyes.
“When did you wake up?”
Shan Zhu ignored the question: “Don’t argue with them. There’s no point.”
“But what they said about your didi went too far. The loss wasn’t all his fault.”
“He should be prepared to face these criticisms as a pro and, when he wins a match, it’s these sa people who blow him.”
Shan Zhu confiscated his phone. The primitive driver of his morning male sex urge once again combined with his emotional tenderness and because of this ntal and physical lust, he dragged Ling ng with him into the shower.
The hotel where they stayed was not far from the VEGETABLE training base, so the two people checked out and dropped by to visit Shan Yao. After digesting the news overnight, VEGETABLE’s players were no longer shocked by the presence of Mang God.
With a hangover, Shan Yao was still in a subdued state. After learning he mistook Ling ng for his cousin (tangge) while drunk and held him while bitterly crying, he apologized to Ling ng with great embarrassnt.
“It’s nothing. I heard about you from Shan Zhu. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, I really think you played super hard.”
He thought it over again: “And just ignore those sunspots. Besides, I saw a lot of powder that support you helping to speak out for you. I’ve been subjected to more abuse than you previously and no one helped – I was fighting alone and aren’t I still alive now?”
Shan Yao was amused: “Of course, you’re the Daddy who was singled out by the whole national ranking list.”
“If you praise him anymore, he’ll have an inflated ego,” Shan Zhu interrupted.
“Ge also frequently blows him while streaming, why would my blowing push him to the point of death? Because it’s not really during a broadcast?”
Ling ng thought pro players disdained watching their amateur counterparts stream, but he had been watched by two great teams without even knowing it. Even FRUIT’s coach had jokingly taunted him with the words “Lemon Daddy”, making him want to dig a three-foot hole for himself.
He pushed Shan Zhu out of the room on the grounds that Shan Yao needed rest, then turned around and stopped him from muttering to himself.
“Ah, when you grabbed yesterday and cried…..maybe because you’re a lot like Shan Zhu, it was easy for to substitute him for you. Honestly, I was very sad at that ti.”
Ling ng scratched his head, regretting the tone of his words. Opening his mouth 500 tis to give hospice care didn’t prepare him for this; when he needed to comfort others, he didn’t know what to say.
“Although you’re not him, there must be soone like for you, who sees your disappointnt and sorrow about the ga and is going to be more sad than you…..”
Shan Yao was stunned for a mont and then realized what Ling ng ant.
“I know. I’m not disappoint anyone who cares about again.”
Ling ng could see his aning had been conveyed and was relieved.
“Hey, hey, for the team matches and the individual competitions later on, jiayou!”
He turned to go and heard a phrase coming from behind, “Thank you, sister-in-law.”
Ling ng staggered, almost tripping on his own heel.
“Hey…..”
“I’ve known from the beginning it wasn’t just an act for the stream.”
“Ah?”
“My Ge is not the type of anchor that would sell rot just for the sake of powder.” Shan Yao’s pride in talking about his Ge was overflowing, “That ti he posted on Weibo, I figured it was about you. I asked him and he gave in, but he said you were a straight man.”
Ling ng said with a queasy stomach: “I really am upright and straightforward…..”
(t/n: straight man, slang, and upright and straightforward share one character; Ling ng is trying to defend himself that he’s still straight while changing the aning of the word)
“Sexual orientation doesn’t matter, all that’s important is who you like.”
Such a philosophical remark, so Ling ng decided to advise him as an elder brother: “Can you promise that later on you’ll concentrate on training and watch less Porn Anchor streams?”
Shan Yao made the sweeping declaration, brimming with fighting spirit. “Don’t worry, us boys are very good at playing gas.”
Ling ng: …..Talk about a troubleso family!
Chapter 66
Ling ng had opened the door to surrogate driving; under the operation of Shan Zhu’s 350APM, Ling ng found that there was sothing more interesting in the world than playing gas. The two people ssed around exhausting each other for several days. Then sumr quickly followed and the graduating senior Shan Zhu was asked to leave school early and Ling ng was dragged back into going ho.
Ling ng missed the food of his hotown and also missed his mother, but he didn’t miss the traffic here. The virtue of north Hebei’s courtesy to pedestrians had made him accustod to being a crab spirit, walking sideways on all the streets. As a result, it wasn’t long after he got off the train that a bus nearly ran over his luggage cart.
“I almost got hit!” On WeChat, Ling ng was voice chatting with Shan Zhu. He loudly complained, “The bus drivers over here are driving the bus like a F1 racing car!”
“You be careful,” Shan Zhu had no way to grab him, “Don’t look at your phone when you walk.”
“I want you to see where I grew up.” Ling ng sent a picture every few minutes, “This was my senior high school, this was my junior high school, this was my primary school, this is where I played around innocently when I was a child…..”
Just like this, Shan Zhu visited the history of Ling ng’s childhood until an aged-looking residential building appeared in the picture.
Ling ng was pleased to announce, “This is my house!”
“Get ho and have a good rest.”
“I sll the scent of my ma’s cooking!”
“Which floor do you live on?”
“The 6th floor!”
Shan Zhu: …..dog nose.
Ling ng dragged his luggage and panted his way up six floors. It took a week to finally get ho during sumr vacation so as soon as he entered the house, he was scolded by the Lemon Ma.
“My son has grown up and didn’t co ho after the exams.”
Ling ng took out all the prepared gifts and showed filial piety to her, coaxing her to smile.
“I’ve really grown up and know to bring my mama a present.”
Ling ng was sorry to say the presents were actually bought by Shan Zhu, he was just in charge of carrying his human flesh ho, so he ambiguously said: “These were sent by a friend of mine. I told them which one you liked and they said they’d buy it for you.”
“Why would your friend send sothing, do you have a girlfriend?”
Ling ng: …..
Ma, how are you so sharp?!
“Not a girlfriend but a boyfriend?”
Ling ng: =口=!!
Lemon Ma ant it as a joke but she couldn’t laugh when she saw Ling ng’s expression: “I know you’ve been shy when eting girls since you were young, but you found a boy just because of that?”
“No, it’s nothing….no, it’s related to that. I blush when I talk to girls, how can I fall in love with soone?” Ling ng made an excuse for himself that sounded more logical.
“Nonsense, isn’t it because you like them that you blush?”
“I….I blush when I see him sotis.”
Lemon Ma saw the tendency of Ling ng to not even have face for this person. How resilient was her son? He had insisted on doing one thing for a long ti since he was young and the more his family objected, the more persistent he was.
Lemon Ma realized the seriousness of this: “Where is he? I want to see him.”
Seeing his mama’s resolute attitude, Ling ng had to tentatively comnt on Shan Zhu. Without reservation, the Shan Zhu who was summoned booked a ticket for the next day and flew over. Although they would see each other in a few days, the nervous Ling ng couldn’t be happy.
“Wait, you mustn’t talk nonsense.”
Shan Zhu patted his head: “Us boys are most able to make our mother-in-law have an open mind (be happy).”
“Fuck your mother-in-law!” Ling ng angrily nudged him with an elbow.
“Don’t talk nonsense, the generations are all ssed up.”
Shan Zhu went into the house, bowing first and then saying hello and introducing himself. He then looked around. “Is auntie not at ho?”
Ling ng was puzzled: “This is my ma.”
Shan Zhu affected a look of surprise: “This is auntie? So young, I thought this was your jiejie.”
Ling ng: …..what a performance!
Lemon Ma surprisingly actually ate this act up. She had a friendly attitude and was also concerned about his fatigue from the long journey and the hardship it had caused him.
Ling ng whispered: “Don’t ask people to co if you’re afraid of hardship?”
Shan Zhu: “No hardship, it was my turn to co.”
Lemon Ma shot him a glare: “What’s wrong with you?”
Ling ng: …..
Deep affection for the adopted son that just entered the door three minutes ago and now there’s no such thing as her own son?!
Shan Zhu had a very impressive appearance, even Lemon Pa boasted about him: “The you ng man looks really good.”
“He feeds himself with his face.” Ling ng quickly blew him.
Lemon Ma was stunned: “Actor? Model?”
“Auntie, don’t listen to his nonsense. I just graduated. I previously did part-ti work as a teaching comntator online and my main business in the future is also going to be work in this area.”
So a ga anchor can still be explained like that? Ling ng learned a new skill.
Shan Zhu took a mont to explain to the two parents in detail what an internet anchor was; after all, streaming gas online didn’t seem like a serious job in the eyes of the previous generation. In order to be more convincing, he even brought his platform contract. Ling ng thought that if he had any more real estate certificates, he could have made an offer of marriage on the spot.
“You an my ngng is doing this too?”
“Yes, it’s just that he’s as amateurish as I used to be, it won’t affect his academics.”
Ling ng added, “Don’t you always send my expression pack, it was captured by netizens from my live broadcasts.”
“You look good so soone like understands, but is anyone really going to watch ngng as an anchor?”
“Have a little faith in your son, Ma!”
Lemon Pa criticized her too: “My son looks like you, how can nobody want to look at him?”
Shan Zhu watched this family’s interaction and kind of understood how Ling ng’s optimistic personality ca about.
Lemon Ma asked Ling ng in a low voice about the contract: “Is that true? The amount there is so big, it isn’t a forgery, right?”
“Of course it’s true, popular anchors are worth the price.”
“What about you?”
“….I, your son, am not worth it yet.”
“It’s good that young people are financially capable, but that doesn’t constitute a condition for consideration. If your mother was looking for soone who looked well on money, why not marry you to Jack Ma?”
Ling ng: →_→
“ngng also is a person who is very indifferent to money; I used to give him presents and he would transfer the money back to with a red envelope. It’s clear uncle and auntie’s teachings were very good.”
Ling ng: …..Blow! Then you just blow!
The captain of Ning Blowing, Shan Zhu, enacted his skill of Ning blowing, blowing Ling ng half the ti, blowing Lemon Ma and Lemon Pa half the ti, and occasionally humbly discussing himself. After the conversation, even the blind Ling ng could see his parents were satisfied with Shan Zhu, practically coerced into starting to call him adopted son.
“Ca early in the morning and got hungry, ba? Co shopping with your auntie, I’ll co back and cook for you.”
“Ma, didn’t you say just find a restaurant outside and specifically not to buy food?”
“How can the food out there be clean? By the way, you go make up the sofa bed in the study.”
“Ma, didn’t you just say to let him find a place to live outside? I already book the hotel.”
“How can the family let our people sleep in a hotel? Hurry up and go away. It’s so convenient to stay at ho, the sofa bed is a little smaller but it can be used to sleep well. Go on, go quickly!”
Ling ng was driven away to make the bed for Shan Zhu. When he finished, he found that Shan Zhu had been pulled into the family’s three-person group chat and he was sending Ling ng’s mother a new batch of expression packs at the mont.
Clearly the big life problem had been solved, but how should he deal with the sudden feeling of no love? It was like a weather forecast tracker for a typhoon that ended in the typhoon turning while swirling and twisting, chanting out: Is it not thrilling? Is it not stimulating?
While Lemon Ma was focused on the expression pack, Shan Zhu snuck a look of love towards Ling ng, as if to say: What do you think? That’s how we boys make our mother-in-law open up her mind.
Ling ng: Fuck your sister!
—
Footnotes:
1. sunspot (黑子): literally black mole; internet slang for netizens who blacken famous people online
2. saozi (嫂子): sister-in-law, specifically older brother’s wife
3. auntie (阿姨): term used by soone younger to address a woman of a similar age to his mother
4. Jack Ma: 54 year old Chinese business magnate, co-founder of Alibaba
—
Auntie and Uncle are all ready to bring Shan Zhu into the family ^_^
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