47-48: The lemon is not sour, the straight man is going to bend.
halfway through the novel~
Chapter 47
— @FanA: Sofa!
— @FanA:???
— @FanA: The front drainage is a bit deep, ah, I don’t want to sit on this sofa.
— @FanB: Mang God, this is….a confession?
— @FanC: I think it’s just a quote of a good passage.
— @FanD: Is there a missing term at the end – the na of the recipient?
— @FanE: My Mang God posting chicken soup love quotes on Weibo? This painting style isn’t right.
— @FanF: I thought it was the wrong person and almost unfollowed.
— @FanG: Although it’s chicken soup, it’s sowhat touching. I respect it.
— @FanH: Knocking on the blackboard. Do you see this emphasis? He, unusual, ah — he.
— @FanI: Therefore this one must be @Lemon
— @FanJ: @Lemon
— @FanK: @Lemon
……
— @FanZ: Quiet down, okay? I think Mang God’s account has been stolen. There’s this special kind of zombie powder group that hacks Weibo accounts. Along with these chicken soup ssages, the Weibo will post a bunch of hot topic micro-business ads. Tell Mang God himself quickly to change his password! @Lemon
Ling ng, who had received a lot of notifications that morning, repeatedly read over Shan Zhu’s Weibo, bringing the phone closer to his face and turning it upside down to look at it. He didn’t understand what he ant.
Ling ng: Has your Weibo account been stolen?
Shan Zhu was slow to reply, making Ling ng think, could it be the phone also stolen along with the stolen Weibo?
By the ti Shan Zhu sent a reply, Ling ng had just finished a nap.
Shan Zhu: No.
Shan Zhu: I went out with my friends and just now saw it.
Ling ng scoffed, what friends, oh, playing so attentively he couldn’t even look at his phone, is anything in the world more interesting than your phone?
Ling ng: Oh, you suddenly copied a chicken soup quote and scared .
Shan Zhu: It’s not a copy.
Ling ng:?
Shan Zhu: Expressing my feelings
Ling ng: You aren’t really in love, are you?
Shan Zhu: Mmm.
“Mmm?” He asked a rhetorical question, what does it an to answer “mmm”?
Mmm, it’s not true.
Mmm, I’m really in love.
Ling ng thought that it was more likely that the latter was true. So this guy Shan Zhu really fell in love. His boyfriend should be the one who he was out with just now. Playing so much that he didn’t reply to the ssage in the usual ti, because Shan Zhu wasn’t even looking at his phone.
In the future, there would be no Mang God food delivery. Shan Zhu would only deliver breakfast to another person.
He wouldn’t run together with him in the morning; anyway, the sports et was already over.
He wouldn’t ride in the black car together with him; that was just faking gay to sell rot on the broadcast.
Ling ng looked over Shan Zhu’s Weibo post from top to bottom again. With a vicious heart, he thought, A person who can shine, who, soone bald?
The others in the dorm all packed their bags to go ho one after another. The Dragon Boat Festival was tomorrow. Ling ng’s friends were all locals and they promised to bring delicious food back for Ling ng.
After a few hours, the dormitory was empty except for Ling ng.
Alone on the holidays, Ling ng was feeling a little hosick. He opened a WeChat three-person group to call out to his mother.
ngng: Ma! Happy Zongzi Festival! Want to eat at zongzi! The zongzi over here are all too sweet!
ngng Ma: Son, tell the truth.
ngng: Spill?
ngng Ma: Do you have a girlfriend?
ngng: Hah??
ngng Ma: Did you do sothing bad with other people?
ngng: Hah???
ngng Ma: Call Daddy.gif
ngng: ….
ngng: No! Ma! Listen to my explanation!
ngng Ma: Daddy Doesn’t Listen.gif
ngng Ma: Daddy Doesn’t Need To Explain.gif
ngng: Why is even my mom brushing the expression pack??! Dad, look at her!!
ngng Dad: My Son Has Grown Up, Daddy Is Very Relieved.gif
ngng: Dad!!!
Please read at tailor31415.wordpress. Otherwise, you’re reading stolen material.
Chapter 48
Ling ng wasn’t actually alone on this holiday; there was a broadcast room of hundreds of thousands of water friends accompanying him.
The people who ca to see Ling ng live during the festival were true love fans, so Ling ng planned to give these true love fans so benefits. “Aren’t there a lot of anchors eating live? Would it be good to stream eating tonight?”
— Alright, alright, eat zongzi live!
“Even the zongzi; the zongzi from our canteen are all sweet. Oh, right, I’ll live broadcast eating the second canteen’s stead buns. I’ll eat two of them!”
— Where’s the sincerity? When anchors eat live, they eat at least 30 buns!
“Quiet, these are our school’s second canteen stead buns. A fighter can eat one, a brave warrior can eat two.”
— What about three?
“That’s a martyr.”
It was so pleasantly decided. Ling ng left a “anchor gone to buy stead buns” TXT file on the desktop and rushed to the second canteen to buy two stead buns. He also went next door to the large pharmacy attached to the second canteen to buy dicine in case of ergency.
“Let show you the stead buns of the legendary second canteen.” Ling ng held the stead bun close to the cara, turning it 360 degrees all around in the display.
— Eh? They look good, much better than I imagined.
— Looking at a big one, there’s no stuffing leaking, much better than the ones I wrap.
“That’s because all the leaking ones have been changed to pie.” Ling ng picked one of them up, “I’m going to eat it.”
The first bite didn’t reach the stuffing, the second bite only reached the edge of the filling. “It’s like…at mixed with plum?”
— Wait, wait! You don’t know what stuffing you bought?
“The stead buns of the second canteen are all mixed together for sale. Like a raffle, you can buy delicious stead buns only if you’re lucky.”
Comnting while he ate, he said, “It tastes good like this.”
— I’ve never eaten a stead bun with plum and at stuffing, what the hell is that?
— Raising my hand! I’ve eaten dried plum stuffing and it’s pretty tasty.
— Plum duck is also good.
— Stead buns with plum aren’t too bad to eat.
The whole barrage turned into a gourt food discussion.
“Sotis the chef packs the unsold dishes from other windows into the stead buns, so I figure that’s it.”
— Wouldn’t that food be leftovers?
“You don’t get it, huh? The leftovers are much more delicious than the stuffing they currently make.”
— Oh my god! What kind of cooking is this, against the laws of heaven!
Ling ng was very happy: “Today’s luck is good. Did the Dragon Boat Festival improve the luck of the students?”
— It’s appetizing to watch Lemon Dad eat.
— 1 Makes eager to try even the stead buns of the second canteen.
— Lemon Dad, would you like to eat and then sing live after? Let Mang God co to play a ga or sothing.
The topic jumped from gourt food to gossip in a mont.
— Was Mang God’s Weibo really stolen?
— There was no broadcast and no notice today.
— There’s no broadcast because of the holidays, right?
“It wasn’t stolen,” Ling ng saw the question, “I asked him.”
— Eh?? Was it really a confession??!
— Was it a confession to you, Lemon Daddy?
“No way, I don’t shine,” Ling ng denied. “What thing will shine, fireflies cultivating into humans?”
— Haven’t seen Poison Tongue Lemon Dad in a long ti!
— My Lemon Dad is a hamster spirit.
— Not a pufferfish?
— Just now, Lemon Dad…are you eating vinegar?
— The lemon is already sour, ah!
Ling ng wanted to say that Mang God intended to take a lover, but, in case Mang God’s girlfriend powder was watching, he thought about how sad it was to hurt people and simply didn’t ntion it.
“The first stead bun was delicious, I have a lot of confidence in the second one.”
Ling ng ate the second one with confidence.
“Well, this is….” Ling ng frowned, “sweet?”
— Sweet stead bun? Pumpkin stuffing?
— Since there’s plum at stuffing, maybe this is sweet and sour stuffing.
— Lighting a candle for Ling ng’s lottery.
“No, no,” Ling ng waved his hand, nibbling at the upper edge of the bun showing a little cream, “It’s not at, it’s cream.”
— Cream?? Who puts cream in stead buns???
— Dessert bun?
— Lemon Dad, there’s sothing on your mouth.
Ling ng licked the cream off his lips.
— Cream-licking Lemon Dad! So ng!
— Did anyone take a screenshot? Requesting!
“Is it because I said today that I wanted to eat at zongzi, not sweet ones – is this revenge by the food?” Ling ng was depressed.
— What? Lemon Dad actually eats salty zongzi? We can’t be friends anymore…
— Hahaha! Salty zongzi party upstairs!
— My household’s at zongzi are delicious, send a few to Lemon Dad, eh?
Ling ng solemnly stared at the bitten stuffed bun for a long ti: “I think I know what the stuffing is.”
He put the bun close to the cara so the audience could see clearly: “It’s mango banji stuffing.”
— Refreshing the worldview!
— Mango banji…can actually be made into stead buns!
— Wait, wait! High-temperature stead mangoes and cream…you can still eat it?!
— Our mango banji here are all frozen and preserved, ah!
“Sour, really sour,” Ling ng shook his head. “I think this mango has been over-stead.”
— Poor Lemon Dad, don’t eat it if it’s bad!
“These stead buns I bought will be eaten through my tears. ‘The person who wastes food will go hungry.’ Besides, I’ve eaten stuffing way worse than this.”
— If you eat, you’ll get sick!!
“Don’t fear, I bought dicine,” Ling ng picked up the dicine box and shook it, “The pharmacy’s year-round promotion, 80% off on dicine if you buy stead buns.”
— Are you so reluctant to throw it away because it’s mango stuffing?
— My Lemon Dad obviously likes apples.
— Mango, Mango!
— Apple, Apple!
— The Guava party trembled.
Shan Zhu: Don’t eat bad food.
Ling ng was stunned by the sudden Penguin ssage.
Ling ng: Are you watching the stream? Didn’t you go ho?
Shan Zhu: Hmm.
Shan Zhu: Didn’t go back.
Eighty percent likely it was because he was accompanying the firefly spirit.
Ling ng: It’s alright, we who eat at the second canteen year round have ironclad stomachs.
Ling ng: After I eat the buns, let’s ride in the black, okay?
Ling ng: If you’re accompanying soone, forget it.
Ling ng was a person who acted very unusually in delicate situations.
Shan Zhu: I’m buying sothing at the supermarket, wait for to return.
Ling ng: You’re watching the stream outside?? Data is so expensive!
Shan Zhu: Not too expensive.
Ling ng: …
I hate local tyrants.
Ling ng was suddenly happy. Shan Zhu would still ride in the black with him. He ate the rest of the bun in two or three bites, so he didn’t have to think about the taste of it.
“Going to finish eating! We’re going to ride the black later!”
— The unscrupulous anchor is once again cheating money by chatting live.
— Well, my Lemon Dad smiles so sweetly every day, what to do.
— The doctor said if I ate sweet things again, I’d have to get fillings. Can I not watch this broadcast?
— From sour to twinkling and sweet in the blink of an eye; is this the power of the mango banji?
— The lemon is not sour, the straight man is going to bend.
Ling ng ignored them and found a single-player ga to pass the ti.
The ga had a voice-controlled character; with low pitch, the character would run, with high pitch, the character would jump. (t/n: he’s playing )
And so the stream was filled with the sound of Ling ng’s voice, high and low: “Jiao jiao jiao jiao jiao jiao jiao jiao jiao jiao…Daddy! Daddy!
“Dad! Ah, Dad! Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy!! Ah~~~~~”
The timing of his shouting wasn’t well-grasped and the character fell into a pit. The ga restarted.
“I just shouted a little early. This ti, I have experience. I swear if I don’t make it over, I’ll eat a lemon. Jiao jiao jiao jiao jiao jiao….Daddy! Daddy!
“Jiao jiao jiao jiao…Daddy! Dad! Dad! Dad! Daddy, ah!!!!”
— Live Broadcast Face Slap X2
— Lemon Dad’s “jiao” is very overwhelming.
— Waiting patiently for soone to say, child, don’t be sad, just treat as your father.
The process continued until he had slapped his face 30 tis on stream; he still hadn’t beat the level. Ling ng made the angry pufferfish face.
“Who designed this broken ga? Delete, delete.”
— Lemon Dad heartache 233333
— Quick deletion! I’m going to laugh until I choke!
Just then, Shan Zhu sent a ssage, saying he was at the dormitory.
“No more, now we’ll ride in the black.” Ling ng happily opened the Galaxy client.
— Who are you driving in the black with tonight? An apple or a mango?
— Bet a zongzi it’s an apple.
— No, no, it must be a mango.
“Whoever cos, I’ll drive with anyone.” Ling ng’s expression twisted. “Why do I suddenly have a stomach ache?”
— We all said don’t eat the bun!!!
— Take your dicine!!
“Oh, oh,” Ling ng hurried to pour a glass of water and struggled to swallow the dicine.
“How long for this dicine to take effect?” Ling ng’s stomach hurt more and more, he should have known to take the dicine earlier.
— Get to the bathroom!
Ling ng shook his head. He didn’t feel quite right, how could a stomach ache from food hurt so badly? His right lower abdon was so painful that he started to sweat.
— Lemon Dad doesn’t look right!
— This stead bun is too lethal!
— Is there anyone around? If not, just go to the hospital!
— Where’s your roommate? Where are the other students?
— Lemon Dad, tell your address, I’ll call you an ambulance!
Now, however, Ling ng was out of everyone’s sight, laying on the desk in agony, almost breathless from the pain.
Hundreds of thousands of viewers watched anxiously like ants on a hot pot as their Dad fell down in front of the cara.
— Who has real life contact info for Lemon Dad??
— I rember that Lemon Dad is in North Hebei University City?
— How many colleges and universities are there in the University City, how can we find him?
— What about the housekeeper? Does the housekeeper have Lemon Dad’s phone number?
Housekeeper LittleFlyingTeddy: I don’t!!! What to do!!! I’m going crazy!!!
— What don’t we call the police?
— Contact the platform, the platform must require a phone number when registering!
Everyone said they had ides but they actually were all helpless, until they heard a loud bang, as if soone had slamd open the door of Ling ng’s room.
“ngng! ngng!”
A young man rushed in.
— Great, soone’s coming!!
— Mango Lao-Ge??
— Apple!!
“How are you, ngng? Where does it hurt?” Shan Zhu turned Ling ng over on the desk, only to see he was pale with his brow furrowed, groaning in pain.
“Is anyone here? Anyone?” Shan Zhu shouted and the students next door and in the opposite room ran out to check when they heard the cries.
“What’s going on? …ngng! What’s wrong with ngng?”
“Call 120!”
“…oh oh oh!”
He reacted quickly to run back and grab a phone to call. Shan Zhu glanced over and saw a lot of people were brushing the chat on Ling ng’s screen.
The anxious audience saw Apple’s handso face rush towards the cara. He grabbed the headset and said quickly: “We’ll take ngng to the hospital right away, don’t worry.”
Shan Zhu shut down the broadcast and lifted up Ling ng, who was severely in pain. “ngng, hold on, the ambulance will be here soon, we’ll go downstairs first.”
“Ah…”
Though the broadcast showed a black screen, the audience still didn’t leave.
— I hope my Lemon Dad is alright!
— Blessings blessings blessings blessings!
— How could food poisoning be so serious? It’s not acute appendicitis, is it?
— Huh? Wouldn’t that an surgery?
— My Lemon Dad has to get knifed 55555
— Fortunately Mango Lao-Ge ca in ti!
— Mango Lao-Ge was maybe watching the broadcast too!
— Since everyone is saying Mango Lao-Ge, then I’d like to say, doesn’t anyone think Mango Lao-Ge’s voice is very familiar??!
—
Footnotes:
1. bend: to be turned from straight to gay
2. drainage: tasteless ssages being posted online
3. zombie powder (僵尸粉): artificial followers, can also be a term for inactive or maliciously registered accounts
4. feeling and sending (有感而发): to feel sothing deeply and spontaneously express it through words or art
5. zongzi (粽子): a type of dumpling made of glutinous rice and stuffed with filling, traditionally eaten during the Dragon Boat Festival
6. true love fans: fanatic fans who view their idol as a major influence in their life
7. eating vinegar: slang for feeling jealous, vinegar = sour = lemon
8. banji (班戟): Hong Kong-style pancake, loan word from English
—
ngng….? ngng?!
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