Chapter 924: Chapter 924: The Rip-off Tabloid Tengu
The Three-headed rcury Lamps are a bunch of peculiar little creatures with many inexplicable abilities and behavior patterns. They often appear in groups near the Imperial Military Academy, and sotis you can spot one of them running around alone. They co in many different outfits, ranging from household maid styles to jungle special force gear, but no matter what kind of Three-headed rcury Lamp you’re looking at, one thing is always the sa: they always appear to be exceedingly busy. Everyone in Shadow City knows about these strange little beings, but not many truly understand them. Most people only know that the Three-headed rcury Lamps have nurous ties with the Imperial Military Departnt and are dolls modeled after the Little Princess of the Empire—thus, the civilians of Shadow City generally believe these little things might be chanical servants or playmates used by the Royal Family, which in so sense is not wrong.
The Three-headed dolls active in the academy area have all sorts of tasks, like organizing flower beds and lawns, pruning tree branches, cleaning roads, maintaining facilities, and washing windows. You might even see them with their large heads supporting basketfuls of groceries as they dash out of campus supermarkets and into the dormitories of the Misakas. It’s said that at night, fully ard Three-headed rcury Lamps patrol the academy—these dolls, just over half a ter tall, wield mini lightsabers similar to fruit knives and Ghost Energy Beam rifles, with their bodies decked with mini space internal explosion bombs. They bounce cheerfully as they patrol the school, targeting those old Chinese dicine practitioners and fake diploma manufacturers who paste small ads on the school walls at night. Before the arrival of the Three-headed rcury Lamps, such night patrols were typically the responsibility of the school’s teachers (often taken up by Imperial Commanders or Heroic Spirits) and student council officials. Considering these, so people in Shadow City speculate that these cute Three-headed dolls might be the Empire’s newly manufactured next-generation multifunctional robots, with tasks to maintain city operations within a certain range and gradually replace those rigidly designed octopus-like autonomous machines. Perhaps soday, Shadow City will be filled with these Three-headed dolls occupying all public service positions throughout the city…
Further speculation about these little dolls abounds, even encompassing urban legends. For instance, an urban legend ntions that all Three-headed dolls share a common leader, a gigantic robot over a hundred ters tall, whose purpose is to conquer the city. The advance troops, naly the Three-headed Army, were dispatched by this giant robot and have already infiltrated various positions in the academy, replacing the original faculty and staff. Of course, so suspect they are a special model of Imperial Soldiers, but such speculations are rather absurd and hardly anyone believes them—sending such little guys to the battlefield, to adorably slay the enemy?
The above encompasses the impression that the Three-headed rcury Lamps have left on the ordinary citizens of Shadow City.
Regardless of the speculations, everyone in Shadow City unanimously agrees that the Three-headed rcury Lamps are exceedingly crafty, darting everywhere. Their quirky behaviors and variety of peculiar gadgets are a real headache… especially the latter.
The Three-headed rcury Lamp that jumped out in a hopping manner saw and Sandora, but instead of coming over joyfully like the other little dolls, let out a startled scream and turned to flee. Before I could react, she had already pulled out a small floating board-like object from her Personal Space. This gadget was one of the Three-headed Army’s many peculiar tools, called a Light-speed Skateboard, self-developed by the Misakas and equipped for their own Three-headed rcury Lamps. It boasts extrely high burst speed and short-range jump capabilities, and once a person stands on it, they are separated by a Space Anchor Point, unaffected by acceleration and inertia, preventing the lightweight Three-heads from falling off during high-speed maneuvers. Seeing her pull out such a gadget, I instantly understood she intended to flee, so I quickly darted forward, breaking the sound barrier in an instant, and grabbed her by the waist before she could activate the skateboard.
Whether it’s the original or mass-produced version, as long as you grab their belt, you can easily pick them up, rendering their tiny arms and legs useless—this is an experience I’ve accumulated over ti. Of course, the Titan rcury Lamp over a hundred ters tall doesn’t count—its belt buckle is even taller than I am.
“Let go! Let go! You’re annoying!” The 60 cm tall doll rcury Lamp flailed and kicked in the air but was utterly ineffective since her entire length from head to foot couldn’t even match my arm’s length. And because it was Brother holding her, this little guy obviously couldn’t use those dangerous gadgets, so all she had left was a kind of cute protest.
Taking this opportunity, I quickly reached out and snatched that large roll of printed paper from the three-headed doll’s hands before setting her down on the ground.
“Give it back! Give it back!” The Three-headed doll, reaching only knee height, jumped up and down, trying to climb onto with her little arms and legs. However, I could easily hold down this little one with just one hand, as that big Q-type head was way too easy to trap, “Give it back quickly! Brother won’t like this! The ordinary wild girl rcury Lamp called out guiltily.”
Ordinary…wild girl rcury Lamp?!
Exactly how many models do these oddball dolls have? Do they have titles like departntal leaders and scholar experts, where starting from the second line of their business card, each line is a new title?
No matter how much this small-sized, weak Three-headed doll protested—technically speaking, no matter how much the Sister Misaka responsible for controlling her protested—my attention had already shifted to the paper roll snatched from the opponent’s hands, and then, a large headline appeared before my eyes: “Wenwen Daily—Temporary Supplent”
Instantly, just like Sandora earlier, I felt a chill run through . Okay, now I understood where this bad premonition ca from, but the efficiency of that tengu was indeed bewilderingly monstrous—what’s going on?
With feelings akin to deep sorrow, I opened the newspaper, and as expected, on the front page, was a large colorful photo taking up the entire page, featuring a close-up of and Sandora surrounded by a rose fra.
The photo caption read: “Two Leaders Engrossed in a Public Kiss,” with a note below stating: “Absent are the two Imperial Mistresses, and our reporter was pre-ordered not to report this incident.”
And below, just as Wenwen promised, there was no following text…
“It was a colossal mistake not to turn that tengu into spicy chicken wings earlier.”
I crumpled this ridiculous newspaper into a ball in seconds, thinking my expression probably resembled that of Hitler in 1945, while Sandora beside , having also seen the colorful image on the newspaper earlier, looked rather awkward.
“Ah, the newspaper’s gone,” the ordinary wild girl rcury Lamp squatted dejectedly on the ground, attempting to attract Brother’s attention by looking cute. The Q-version rcury Lamp doll lingering around my leg mumbled while squatting on the ground, her big head drooping weakly.
Casually hoisting this little fellow into the air, I asked, “Tell , what were you planning to do with it?”
“Post it on the bulletin board! The ordinary wild girl rcury Lamp confidently declared.”
The mini doll stood with her hands on her hips, appearing very serious.
If being cute could serve as a livelihood, I feel these little ones could ensure half the population in Africa would never worry about food and clothing again.
Though I found it quite amusing, I couldn’t hit or scold these little ones. I could only flick her on the head a few tis with moderate force and told her to inform others not to get involved in such commotions, then let this little guy go. The mini doll seed genuinely afraid of punishnt as she let out a cheer as soon as she hit the ground, bouncing her way toward the school’s iron fence, seemingly intending to take a shortcut ho. Sandora and I then watched as this fool got stuck in the gap between the fence bars: the head was too big.
“After all this ti, they still have this defect,” Sandora said, palming her face with a laugh-cry expression, “Is this a problem with the Misakas or is rcury Lamp inherently a dolt?”
I believe it’s the latter. Don’t be fooled by rcury Lamp’s impressive facade; she’s often clumsy herself, always managing to crash into things at ho. Seeing the sa clumsiness in the connected Three-headed rcury Lamps seems quite normal.
But the poor Q-doll didn’t stay stuck for long, as a few identical Three-headed rcury Lamps soon ran out from the school, poking down the hapless one with bamboo poles.
Poked down… with bamboo poles!
“They seem quite competent,” Sandora remarked casually.
I nodded heavily: “I rembered, previously Misaka 12590 ntioned this situation to . There is indeed a batch among the mass-produced rcury Lamps dedicated to rescuing other mass-produced rcury Lamps, because these little guys have a habit of burrowing into narrow places that even the Misakas who are Controllers can’t suppress. Back then in the Big Nebula, the Three-headed ones often got stuck in the warship’s air vents, so eventually they just ford a batch of ergency rescue groups to poke out the stuck sisters…”
The small trouble brought by the Three-headed Dolls passed, and now the urgent matter is to quickly catch the mischievous Tengu girl, Shi Maru Wen. Neither Sandora nor I expected Wenwen to have such terrifying work efficiency and low moral standards. She used just half a morning to add a photo of and Sandora to today’s supplent, with such an speechless title and annotation: initially, I thought even with a title and annotation, an Eight Diagram Tengu couldn’t make much fuss, but now reality proves I completely overestimated that guy’s morality quotient. Next ti you see Tengu Wen, the first thing you must do is snag her cara and smash it to pieces, then maintain a safe distance of five hundred ters while calling the police, during which absolutely don’t speak to her, otherwise every word you say including punctuation will sooner or later beco the fuse for a showdown between you and your wife.
Shi Maru Wen runs around the world every day at quite a speed without a fixed resting place, so finding her is a bit tricky. Plus, Sandora and I don’t want to employ the Intelligence Departnt or Imperial Soldiers for this: after all, in Sandora’s eyes, no matter how maddening the matter is, it’s just a young girl being mischievous, using soldiers to solve the problem would be overkill. Fortunately, even without employing Imperial Soldiers, there is a way to find Guan Xiwen, one could even say speak of Cao Cao and Cao Cao appears: Ling ng lazily wandered over from across the street.
The black-haired girl with a lazy expression strolled casually down the street, wearing her signature armpit Witch clothes, of course, her arm was also adorned with the Shadow City’s managent badge. A big bow lazily swung back and forth like it was always planning to nap along with its master. Today, Ling ng appeared sowhat different from usual: her Witch clothes turned blue and white.
“Yo, Ling ng!” I greeted cheerfully, “1P off again?”
I’m aware of the blue-white outfit for Ling ng; whenever 1P is off the stage, 2P takes over and the outfit color changes…
“1P my ass,” Ling ng yawned and shot a glare, “Couldn’t find any clothes to change into, just had to co out in this one, truly, Yichui Xigua’s horns just grew and needed to be cared for, Chiruno was tricked ho as a fridge by you, Moriya is utterly unreliable, can’t even find soone to wash clothes…”
I was dumbfounded: this no morals Witch really goes places with laziness, not even washing clothes?
“Of course it’s not about not washing clothes,” Ling ng waved her hand, “Just been really busy lately—the resident exchange between Fantasy Country and Avalon started, newcors need to pass through Fantasy Country, and so Demons want to visit ho, just busy registering nas every day is a hassle…ahhh, such a headache, it’s not like they’re children, just don’t run off and get lost themselves.”
To reduce the head of Fantasy Country’s work to rely registering a few nas yet being so lazy unwilling to budge, does this person truly understand what professional ethics an?
“What is professional ethics? Can it be eaten or spent like money?” Ling ng shook her head and retorted. “By the way, is there anything you need? If not, I must continue patrolling, finish walking this neighborhood and it’s ti for an afternoon nap.”
“Go catch that Tengu,” I thought of that ill-fated newspaper and couldn’t help but feel anger rising.
“Huh? Are you talking about Shi Maru Wen?” Ling ng’s drowsy eyes slightly brightened, “Did she offend you?”
This guy lazy enough to not even read newspapers is simply wonderful.
“Oh, to put it simply, that guy finally got audacious enough to target the big boss, right?” After hearing Sandora’s and my explanation, Ling ng imdiately understood and nodded knowingly, cheerfully flashing a victory sign at us, “Such a person does need a lesson, but this isn’t within the scope of city managent duties, ya know? Extra charges apply!”
I’m actually curious what use the money is to Hakurei Ling ng, part of the establishnt, able to consu unchecked in the military zone, but greed seems to be embedded in this guy’s genes, so without hesitation, I promised on the spot that should she manage to catch Wenwen and order corrections to the previous report before Wenwen issues more newspapers, her salary and bonuses for the month would increase tenfold.
I believe this won’t be difficult, Ling ng’s title as the God of City Managent isn’t just for show, she managed to trap soone as ferocious as Sicaro multiple tis in alley corners, I don’t believe a single Tengu can defy the heavens either. Plus, since Wenwen’s printing press is located in the Academy district, her first batch of newspapers is always habitually sent to school for the Misakas to read for free, so the newspaper in that Three-headed doll’s hand was probably the first batch. Coupled with Guan Xiwen’s habit from Fantasy Country, she always uses her super speed to personally distribute newspapers, so should Ling ng act tily, catching the Tengu and newspapers ought to be quite easy.
Then this fellow sped off into the horizon in a golden light…
Sandora and I thought this matter would co to an end here, so we went out to play for a while. Near noon, we decided to go ho, but reality proved—sotis fate is truly a pain.
When we arrived ho, teleporting straight into the living room, usually at this ti everyone should be in their rooms busy with their own things or outside wandering, the living room should only have Anwina and Sayaka busying about, yet today was a massive exception, nearly everyone was present in the living room, including Lin Xue who should have returned ho and Anwina who should be cooking, the whole family crowded around the center of the living room focused on studying sothing, and neither Sandora’s nor my sudden appearance caught anyone’s attention, I curiously leaned over for a glance, tears sprang at once.
…Goodness, a whole table one and a half ters high of Wenwen Daily!!
Ling ng sat atop this pile of newspapers, shaking her head proudly, with the bow on her head swinging along with her moves. This guy was spiritedly recounting to everyone the tragic tale of Tengu Shi Maru Wen being chased and besieged by a dozen city managers for overturning public opinion and failing to comply with air traffic regulations. Because of her high seat, she was the first to spot and Sandora, imdiately grinning as she greeted us: “Ah! Boss! Boss’ wife, you’re here—suspect apprehended, all stolen goods seized and brought here, look!”
Ling ng pointed to her backside while speaking. Not only was there a mountain of newspapers underneath, but beneath the newspapers was a tearfully weeping black-haired girl, none other than Guan Xiwen crushed by Ling ng’s forceful law enforcent.
“Boohoo…my cara…my newspaper…”
The Tengu girl was in tears.
Upon inquiry, we learned that Ling ng’s violent self not only confiscated all of Shi Maru Wen’s newspapers but also brutally destroyed her treasured cara. Originally, the cara was a valuable item, a high-tech product of the Kappas, with so many functions they defy reason. It could take photos and video, fire magic cannons, form protective shields, make phone calls, toast pancakes, generate electricity, create artificial rain, summon Divine Dragons, transform into Ultraman, and reveal Sun Monkey’s true form—although possibly mixed with strange things, generally, it was just such a fierce treasure. Yet now it has been blasted into fragnts by Ling ng with righteous Ghost Energy Machine Bombs, scattered on the floor, Little Baobao and Ji Shanshan were enthusiastically using it as jigsaw puzzles.
Faced with this scene, Shi Maru Wen was of course tearful, but…seeing Big Sister and others each holding a newspaper, it seed maybe I should be the one teary-eyed here! (To be continued. If you enjoy this work, feel free to visit Qidian (qidian) to vote, your support is my greatest motivation.)
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