Chapter 663: Chapter 663: Stage Play……
I wanted to refund my ticket, but Qianqian definitely wouldn’t allow it…
So, it looked like I had no choice but to appreciate the grand historical drama this girl had scribbled out to its entirety today.
However, looking around at the sea of viewers, all these poor saps lured in by “personally written and directed by the Imperial Empress, featuring a friendly performance by high-ranking officers of the Azeroth Salvation Army, adapted from the most touching fairy tale in human history,” etc., I suddenly felt that everything wasn’t so bad when considering how many people were keeping company in this disaster today.
At worst, I could treat the sight of people frothing at the mouth around as the main event of the day.
As I wildly guessed at what would co next, a gentle harp sound suddenly erged from the empty stage behind us, instantly quieting the crowd, which had been slightly abuzz with conversation. As the soundproof force field activated, the open-air theater beca enveloped in silence.
Only the faint and increasingly clear sound of the harp seed to co from all directions, gradually filling the ears of the listeners.
I, who had been expecting Snow White to charge onto the stage riding a Dodge Battle Axe and clad in Mobile Armor shouting, “My na is Samus,” was instantly taken aback.
How could such wonderful music appear at the beginning of a stage drama written by Qianqian… Could it be that my Qianqian’s brain was functioning normally this ti?
“Ding dong, ding dong,” the weeping and lodious harp gradually intensified until it ford a faint ethereal tune echoing above the entire theater. As this happened, the curtain on the stage slowly unrolled, and soft gasps arose from the crowd all around.
The Water Cube… ahem, considering copyright issues, it’s better not to use that kind of imagery.
A crystal-clear body of water appeared on stage, clearly bound there by magic power, as I noticed the cubic “water block” had no glass or such around it. The bottom of this body of water was decorated with seaweed, shells, and gravel, obviously mimicking the seafloor’s scenery, and at the center of this gorgeous magic water, a beautiful figure playing the harp, had, with the curtain’s unveiling, just perfectly caught the audience’s eyes with an astonishing glance.
Narration began: “It is said, in the depths of the endless azure ocean, lives a beautiful and kind creature. On calm moonlit nights, fortunate sailors who see this gorgeous being resting on the reefs are intoxicated—These beautiful creatures are called rmaids, and our protagonist is such a rmaid Princess…”
I silently watched up to this point, then turned to Qianqian with tears in my eyes, “What happened to Snow White?”
Though I knew the script you wrote was bound to go off-topic, I never imagined you’d stray from it within the first minute, girl! Even though I know Isana gets along well with you, please at least consider basic logic when writing a script, will you?! What does Snow White have to do with that dumb saltwater fish?
Qianqian giggled foolishly at , completely oblivious to what had happened, then turned her head back to watch the play.
Regardless of the script, the Isana on stage was quite professional and seed to be really into her role: This could also be considered a natural performance, after all, she was originally a princess of the rmaid Clan. Screw it, I’ll just think of this as “Daughter of the Sea” then!
But this beautiful notion ca to an abrupt halt when Isana stood up to turn off the player beneath the harp.
… Director, I demand you execute the stage team!
“The rmaid Princess is the rmaid King’s youngest daughter, as well as the most well-behaved,” that narrator, sounding half llow, continued with an aggravatingly bland tone, “But she is not the favorite in her family. On the contrary, she has poor academic performance, is bad at sports, was dissuaded from the special classes, and even needs a player to play the harp. The rmaid Princess is often abused by her siblings and stepmother, and the rmaid King believes such a daughter will surely not find a good job when she grows up, even going so far as to not give the poor Little Princess food. Although a noble of the seas, the rmaid Princess lives a life of poverty and cold…”
Isana swiftly swatted a passing shrimp flat with her tail, grabbed it, and stuffed it into her mouth.
“…The hungry Little Princess even had to hone her hunting skills…”
A faint sobbing noise ca from below, but I’m sure they were definitely not moved to tears like this.
Anyway, I was despaired over this overly realistic, disappointing script, completely despaired!
“Since there is no oxygen underwater, according to junior high school physics textbook volu four, page seventeen, paragraph three, one elent is missing from the three necessary for combustion, hence the rmaid Princess cannot cook with fire and has to eat raw food. At only sixteen years old, she has already suffered from various gastrointestinal diseases, such as duodenal ulcers and chronic gastritis. Years of poor diet and lack of vitamin B have also left her constantly suffering from bleeding gums…”
Despair ca a little early just now, so can we despair again? Qianqian, did you condense everything you rember from your entire compulsory education into this script?
“Just when one day, the Prince ca.” While I was making sarcastic comnts, the narration abruptly added a line—this Prince really just casually sprang up for the plot, huh.
On stage, the pool of Magic Water covered a very large area, one end of it even directly connected to the part of the stage hidden by the curtains—which I initially thought was the water inlet. Now I realize it was actually a river.
Amid the resonant fisher’s song, our dear Prince erged from the back of the stage on a rubber dinghy, the Prince even wearing a wide-brimd hat, and, to top it off, carrying a fishing rod…
The ridiculous scene that unfolded next was too much to even contemplate, but our implacable Prince resolutely lowered his fishing rod above Isana.
“The Prince, who ca to the sea to fish and clear his mind, sprinkled the bait, and the starving rmaid Princess, unable to resist her hunger, gobbled down the lure.”
Director! I want to learn fishing! I want to learn how to catch girls! So the whole point was the rmaid Princess gets hooked like a fish?
The Prince on stage, who had been wearing the hat all this ti, was now starting his first unmasked appearance: after Isana was dragged up by the fishing line, the Prince took off his hat, and I instantly gasped for breath: Kaelthas! Don’t you have anything better to do?
“Alas, it’s not a fish.”
The Prince on stage and the hooked rmaid Princess looked at each other for a mont, the forr shaking his head in regret before letting go, causing the rmaid Princess to drop back with a splash.
The audience below was almost universally infuriated: Idiot! You don’t want her? Give her here!
Sitting behind , Monina couldn’t help herself and whispered, “If I were the Prince’s mom, I’d definitely stuff him back and make him be reborn.”
Oh there it is again, Monina’s boldly audacious comnt!
What I couldn’t comprehend was that, despite the script’s progression to this point, the calm narration continued, “After the Prince left, the rmaid Princess contracted lovesickness. She couldn’t stop thinking about the first man who fed her and then chose to release her after catching her, but she knew she couldn’t fall in love with a human: it’s too much effort to hop around on land with a fish tail.
However, the Princess, unable to bear the pain of longing, knew of soone who could help her, the old witch outside the Imperial Palace. The witch could create a magical Potion that—if consud by the rmaid Clan—would release them from the shackles of Grandpa Darwin, allowing them to walk on land.
But the old witch was very greedy, and the old woman demanded the Princess’s voice or the entire Kingdom’s wealth as paynt for the Potion. In front of this choice, the rmaid Princess suffered imnsely, but to end the pain of longing, the good-hearted Little Princess still made her choice: on a dark and stormy night, the Little Princess murdered the rmaid King, her stepmother, her seventeen brothers and sisters, and over a hundred relatives from her seven aunts to her eight aunts-in-law, seizing all their treasures…”
At that mont, the entire audience fell silent, and I stood there slack-jawed, sweating profusely as I listened to the narration: this has to be sothing Qianqian wrote during her personality switch!
“But what saddened the Princess was that, in the process, the Potion-creating witch was scared to death.”
The audience remained silent once more.
“The Little Princess had no choice but to drink all the potions in the witch’s laboratory, attempting to find a way to beco human…”
Princess, your capacity is oceanic!
“Fortunately, the Little Princess succeeded! She gained legs!”
On stage, the Water Cube vanished in a flash of Space Transmission light, along with Isana who had just completed her self-destruction and marathon drinking spree, disappearing from view. In her place stood the bipedal version of the Princess: Jaina.
I an, don’t you all have anything better to do? Co to join the hot ss of Qianqian’s ridiculous script?
“Overjoyed by her rebirth, the rmaid Princess decided to cut all ties with her past life. Thus, she gave herself a new na, calling herself Snow White—my goodness, finally we’ve co full circle… Ah, sorry, sorry, that line wasn’t part of the narration!”
Audience: “…”
: “…”
I really didn’t expect Qianqian to still rember this part! Also, the narrator is so adorable.
At this point, the plot has completely shifted onto a ridiculous path. The resurrected Snow White, who was walking on the earth, successfully learned the ways of humans and found out the direction to the prince’s castle. Thus, she began her journey to the castle with great enthusiasm. On her way, Snow White encountered many hardships and dangers; there were lions, snakes, and eagles looking to attack the princess. The frail princess was, of course, no match for these fierce beasts—or so I refuse to believe. At the most critical mont, seven warriors from an alien race appeared and rescued Princess sama in distress.
They were seven kind little dwarves, seven hardworking little dwarves, seven little dwarves who survived by mining ores and lived in harmony with the animals in the forest, seven…
Seven dwarves led by Magni Bronzebeard, with muscles rounder than their foreheads, clad in steel plates as thick as tank armor, wielding mountain-opening axes and earth-shattering hamrs, looking like a group of mobile iron blocks who sent a dozen lions flying upon their appearance.
…Snow White, are you trying to set up the Black Coast Seven Dragon Gang?
In the suddenly passionate march, Jaina on stage led the seven-mber group of Ironforge rebels in a vigorous and grand adventure. I’ve completely given up hope for the plot now, but it seems like it could still be enjoyable if viewed as a martial arts film: Magni, wielding the King of Hills Set, lifts his hamr and sends lions, T-rexes, mammoths, and whales with long beards flying—all creations of magic puppet technology. Snow White’s lightning whirls in her hands, sweeping away the intercepting troops sent by a certain evil queen suffering from a serious Oedipus complex. The other six dwarves let out earth-shaking roars, successively annihilating enemy forces, consisting of the likes of Wolf Grandma, North Wind Witch, Ice Queen, Anubis, alpacas, and Doctor Octopus, in a total of eighteen waves. The vast stage was a sight of turmoil and smoke, and Snow White, clad in a war robe wielding the Heart of the Sunrise and sporting an Iron Cross dal on her chest, led her dwarf army to conquer the prince’s kingdom from north to south, establishing territory. They ford a United Army with the oppressed Vikings and Pac-Man from nearby kingdoms and faced off with the evil queen in a final battle on the great plains in front of the castle.
It was a brutally fierce battle; four of the little dwarves tragically fell in combat. The remaining three, with tears of sorrow in their eyes, under the suggestion of their leader Magni, switched to firearms, and the group’s na was changed from the Black Coast Seven Dragon Gang to the Three Musketeers…
“Brian, my good little dwarf, what should we do now?”
On stage, the disadvantaged Snow White leaned on her longsword, her eyes resolutely fixed on what lay in front.
“Do not lose heart, Princess,” replied dwarf number three, now a firearmsman, in a coarse voice, “Please look at the tactical map. This battlefield is suitable for us to strike head-on. There are only three main attack routes right now, and they are not easy to support each other. My oldest and second brothers will clear the way ahead, and the enemy surely can’t stop us all. Look, this is the top lane, this is the middle lane, this is the bottom lane… Our target is the queen standing here, but the issue is killing the minions on the way—we don’t have enough hands, and we don’t know if the queen has brought any skills to capture us…”
Is this a story of Tang Seng leading three musketeers in DOTA?
Narrator: “After a difficult battle, Princess and her three disciples finally defeated ninety-nine demons and ca before the evil queen.”
“Bang~!~!” In a final battle that was obviously hastily improvised by the scriptwriter who couldn’t continue the story, a cloud of smoke cleared to reveal the evil queen, decked out in full gear—Sylvanas!! Go ho and fix your elevator!
“Evil Queen!” Magni, holding a hamr, made a ferocious face at Sylvanas, who played the queen and looked helplessly at the audience, “You’re going to pay for what you did to my five brothers and your elevator… cough, cough!”
Brian hurriedly reminded in a quiet voice, “Big brother, it was four—I’m still alive!”
“But I’ve fallen down five tis!” Magni shouted louder.
The audience was confused, and by now, I was nearly passing out with laughter.
Sylvanas’s face was dark, and her eyebrows twitched and danced from a distance. I knew Sylvanas’s personality sowhat; she had no interest in this farce like Magni, the old puckish dwarf. Without a doubt, she was coerced by Qianqian into performing, and now, Magni’s antics clearly challenged Sylvanas’s final limits of tolerance—do it for the Empire’s face, don’t disgrace Azeroth!
“Swish!”
Sylvanas raised her hand slightly, and before anyone could see what happened, a weakened version of a shadow shot tore through the air, following an eerie trajectory before a feathered arrow shakily implanted itself near Magni’s rear.
“Oh ao ao ao oh ao!!! Evil queen, take this, my hamr!”
“Swish swish!”
“Oldest brother!”
“Third brother, hang in there!”
“Big brother, run fast!”
“Yunchang! Protect the military advisor!”
“How dare you, Cao thief!”
“Little Li’s Flying Knife, never misses!”
“Jaina! For the sake of the Dark Goddess, help throw these three dwarves down!”
“Princess, you cannot do this… Oh my god!”
“Squeak squeak, clatter clatter…”
The stage was a scene of escalating chaos, but I heard an ominous sound: Did the stage, which had been reinforced countless tis with arcane magic, just wobble?
My terrible suspicion was confird the next second and transford into a deafening boom: “BOOM!!”
Under the tornt of a group of heroes, especially that old rascal Magni, poor Mr. Stage couldn’t hold up any longer. In a thunderous collapse, the entire massive platform crumbled down like an avalanche, burying several Racial Leaders who had cheekily skipped out under a ss of curtain rigs and various debris.
Aegwen, her head dusted with white ashes, stood impassively on the ruins of what had been the stage, script in hand: “In the end, the princess and queen lived a shalessly happy life.”
…Director, what about the prince?
“Whack—”
Just as I was about to be thoroughly cooked inside and out by this godforsaken play, thunderous applause suddenly ca from all directions.
The audience gathered here, as well as visitors drawn in by the various explosions happening mid-show, now burst into fervent applause, their faces creasing with joy.
“Well, at least it’s a successful cody,” I gently tapped on Qianqian’s head, a smile still on my face.
I had almost forgotten, today is the carnival, a day when everyone can set aside their burdens and rejoice with the people; even Sylvanas had been dragged onto the stage, so why fuss over the storyline?
More importantly, even if you were to fuss, what use would it be…
But at that mont, an out-of-place sound interrupted the clapping of the crowd and . Following the sound, I spotted three n wearing top hats in the crowd who, unlike the rry atmosphere around them, were sobbing with their heads in their hands.
Judging from the energy reaction coming off them, they seed to be three Heroic Spirits but didn’t look like mbers of the Battle Troops.
“Excuse , may I get through—why are you crying?”
I approached the three sobbing n and asked, puzzled.
The man in the lead lifted his head and took off his hat to salute : “Emperor, my na is Hans Christian Andersen.” Then he pointed to the two n who looked alike beside him: “This is Jacob Grimm, and this is William Grimm…”
Qianqian! Co here and apologize! (
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