Kraig was disheartened by the conversation he had with Yanarym. She had obviously turned down his proposal to be with him during the vacation. This was his initiation and she repudiated him. In addition, she had deliberately ignored his question regarding their relationship—regarding him. She was the one who was always enthusiastic whenever they talked about him but now…
Now…
That was right…
Now that it ca to mind, he never really asked her concerning them. This was the first question which he had spoken related to them. Every conversation they had was all about him. Not her. Not them.
He only realized that now when he had been thinking about her for the past few days. They would always have dates on weekdays, she would often sleep over at his house and most of her ti was spent with him. Yet, he did not pay attention to them. She was the one who was doing all the work for their relationship to get by. Suddenly, this happened..
He was so inclined to the notion that in this life, he could never be happy. So, he thought being with Yanarym for such a long ti was impossible. He restricted himself—not to know, not to be curious, not to be so interested in her and forced the idea that it was unnecessary. He did all those unconsciously because he had already engraved in his brain that his ending was not very ideal for anyone. Although he had gained Yanarym as his girlfriend, he knew deep in his bones that at so certain ti he would have to end them like they never happened.
Asking her various questions today made him conclude he was surely not that accommodating to her. He looked back and restrained to show the bitter emotion seeping into his chest. He did not know what she liked and what she hated but probably she knew everything about him. All he knew was she was crazy for him other than that, he knew nothing deeper about her, he might as well surmised he knew her as a stranger.
But how could he feel disappointed? He did this to them. Feeling distant from her because he knew nothing about her was his fault. That was his intention from the start to make her feel suppressed. Although they were lovers he had given her that limitation she could not cross. And she never crossed. This was the reflection of how he had been with her…
The fewer things he knew about her, the less he would feel attached to her. So, he never asked… he should not know anything, it would be easier to cut the connection if he was not that inclined to her. He thought it was for the best but, honestly, everything felt wrong. It was not easy each day of passing. It was just getting too difficult for him. He realized that did sothing wrong, he did sothing bad. In the beginning, he should have not let her in—but if ti was reversed, he was not sure if he would not make the sa mistakes again.
During their one-year relationship, he wondered how they managed not to have any heartwarming conversation. That was not right… The question should be how did she manage to stay with him for an entire year of negligence. They were intimate but he felt they were shallow, all those monts they had been 'loving' one another were just superficial. She displayed to him how much she genuinely loved him when all he did was relieve his frustration with her. Fool her with a gentle and loving deanor when in truth he was always faking his emotions toward her.
However, the barrier he made between them that he did not feel before because she never cared how he treated her. Yet, it was so clear to him at this mont. Whether she was intentionally or unintentionally drawing the line between them, it was making him anxious.
He had seen this coming, he knew it. But at this mont, he did not think he could accept this.
The unfamiliar aroma coming from the potion Yanarym was brewing brought Kraig back from the reverie. The scent was peculiar and when he looked at the pot he saw nothing special than the other potions she made. It was dark red, thick and dense, like blood. He watched her sprinkle so kind of dry leaves on the boiling liquid and the substance beca transparent and lightened as if the red liquid had beco water. It was not even activated but he could witness how fascinating how the mixture beca magical.
"It's done." She uttered and smiled a little. She did not pass him the potion to activate it and saw her pick a vial to store it.
"Is that dejected?" He asked, she turned to him and shook her head.
"It's perfect."
"Should I not activate that?"
"There's no need, it's good as it is." He was about to ask why he could not activate it when her eyes flashed so certain emotion that made him dazed, "It is enoua, you should not activate it." Her voice was soft and gentle, she looked away and put the entire mixture on the total of three bottles.
"You will pass that? That's forbidden potion, Rym." He said with a wrinkled forehead. "Even your mother will not be happy when she hears about this."
"But as long as it was ineffective, it's not a threat." She said with no further explanation.
Kraig did not understand why she made it when it was useless but seeing her long lashes hide her emotion from him he did not repudiate anymore. At the least, he did not want to quarrel with her because of unnecessary things.
Today they seed fine—like a deeply in love couple. However, Kraig was not stupid or dense to not be receptive to the ripples between them.
The last three weeks were not as usual as they had been. He was so busy that he barely made ti with her but after the long period of separation, he had missed her presence lingering on him.
Because the plan of becoming an ally with the professors in the academy who have a silent protest against Castor failed. Kraig decided not to drag on it and just moved on to his other plan. When one cannot damage soone from the inside, naturally the damage could be done the other way. Kraig surmised if Castor cannot be defeated by his people, the external force to cause certain harm would suffice,
Fortunately, Kraig had made a deal with the people from the outside of the town to make Castor a little occupied and be troubled for the incoming days. That cost Kraig to lose ti with Yanarym. He was absent for a week to be with the outsiders and told them his plans. During that ti, Yanarym would frequently call him not until he told her not to contact him for the being because he was too busy to entertain her calls. She did not hassle him and submitted to his request with no opposition.
For the first three days without contact, he was in fact having fun. However, it did not take the whole week for him to feel empty without any disturbance from her. He did not call her for the entire ti he was outside of the town. When he was to do so, he discovered that his communicator was broken because he hid to limit himself from answering her calls in case she would call him on a whim. Up till now, he had not replaced his communicator, Yanarym told him that they should go to the market and take a look to buy a new one but he would decline every ti she would ask him out.
He knew she was giving him a proper reason for them to go out, but he shut it down with no contemplation. It was ironic because she was the one who was dismissing his invitation for them to go on a date right now.
In the following weeks when he ca back to town, their ti was not still that free. He was going back and forth outside and could not bring her with him. Also, he had been almost for a month not able to fetch her from her house or walk her ho after classes. Marcus had been sending her to the academy and the one who would accompany her on the way to her house. They barely spent ti together at the academy, this was one of the usual days that they had been playing for the past few days.
She passed ti by brewing many potions. She told him yesterday that she was always with Marcus doing experints on the field to verify the authenticity of her creations. Their ti that was supposed to be spent together, she spent with Marcus.
It was all him.
It was his fault. Kraig knew he was the one who deliberately evaded her, nevertheless, he was the one who felt neglected and unfair.
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