Chapter 22
Love?
Isn’t it too early for that?
Do I love them back? I - I don’t know.
How do I respond to that?
Is there an angle behind it?
Are they just trying to use ?
This is too much!
“...ose!” soone calls out beside .
I turn to look at Felicia who has the strangest look on her face. Is that what it looks like when soone’s worried about you?
“...ose?” she says, this ti it’s more of a question.
“Yeah?” I reply, though my voice sounds distant. For that matter, so does everything.
Felicia lets out a sigh of relief and pulls close. I feel another person hug and realize Sumr is here too.
When did she get here?
“You’ve been just staring off into space for hours now,” Sumr whispers softly, finally snapping mostly out of my daze.
“I - I’m sorry?” Why did I say it like a question? “I an, I’m sorry.” There, more finality. “I - It was a lot to take in.”
“What was?” Felicia asks, as if she wasn’t the one to say it. “That we lo-” She cuts herself off as her eyes widen suddenly. “Right, so we can avoid the ‘L’ word,” she says softly, her expression shifting to one of concern again.
Sumr wraps in a tight hug and holds close to her. She whispers reassurances while gently stroking my hair. I want to deny it, but it does help feel better.
Maybe they deserve an explanation…
“Th - thanks. It’s a… loaded word,” I admit. “After my parents died, it got kind of hard to accept love from anyone. Oh sure, people would say it all the ti. People like Edgar, who wanted sothing from !” I shake a bit as I dig up the unpleasant mories. “It felt more like a chain than any sort of positive emotion.”
“Damn,” Felicia states simply. Damn indeed.
“So yeah, thanks for avoiding the ‘L’ word. For now at least. It might take a bit before I can handle it.” My two girlfriends nod their agreent, making it a little easier to push aside the barely contained panic that they’d turn on too.
We just stay here, holding each other for an indeterminate amount of ti before reality begins to reassert itself as sothing important. Said assertion cos in the form of a rapid knocking at the door.
Fucking reality.
Looking over, I realize we’re already back at the resistance base, even though I don’t rember most of the trip.
Shitty brain.
Can’t handle stress normally, can you?
It’d sure be nice if I could avoid having panic attacks over stupid things! But no!
Maybe I’d be better off if I -
Willow baps my face to distract from the spiral I’m heading towards.
Right, no ti to spiral, Felicia has already answered the door, but it sounds like she could use so backup.
I get to my feet and walk over to the redhead and lean against the doorfra beside her. “Tell them we’re not buying any cookies,” I snark.
“Rose, is that you?” Lonnie asks from the other side.
Fucking great.
“No,” I reply, raising my voice to a falsetto. “Nobody here nad Rose, please leave.”
Felicia has to bite back a snicker as Lonnie manages to push her way in. She looks like she can’t decide whether to be absolutely livid, or intensely worried. She settles on a happy dian of cool irritation.
“What were you thinking?” she asks, her words sounding harsher than her tone. “If they had been able to compromise you, it’d undo everything! Not to ntion how worried your girlfriends were!” She’s really laying into . She goes on about how I have a responsibility to be more careful; she even lists every single reason why. Apparently Roger would be distraught if I was lost; he was really close with my parents after all. She winds up bouncing between worry and anger so quickly I worry I’ll get whiplash. Finally, she says, “Ultimately, I just want to make sure you’re okay. You talk a big ga, and are willing to flaunt your power, but yours aren’t the actions of soone who has it together.” I want to argue with her, but she admittedly makes a lot of good points.
“You done?” I ask after a few seconds. She looks ready to tear into again, but she takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.
“Yeah. I’m done.”
“Good.” I run my hands through my hair as I pick Willow up and settle back on the bed with her on my lap. “I’m sorry.” Felicia and Sumr look at with matching expressions of shock as the words leave my lips.
I know. It’s so out of character.
“Also you’re right,” I admit as I gently stroke my familiar. “It’s been pretty much non stop since I got Willow. And even before that, I was barely holding on.” I gesture at Felicia, who has sat back down beside , “Ask her what my living conditions were like. The short version is that they were bad.” I let out a humorless chuckle. “But, I didn’t care then. What did I matter in the grand sche of things?”
Hugging Felicia and Sumr close I offer a tired, weak smile. “But Willow and these beautiful won beside ? They made it easier to care. And that fucking scares !” I shake my head, whipping my ebon hair back and forth. “Because being miserable and alone is honestly so much easier to handle than being happy with people I… with people I really, really like.” At Lonnie’s confused look, I clarify. “When you have nothing, you grow to accept it. It can’t get worse as even death seems like a relief. But, with people close to you, it’s difficult to believe that they’ll stay.” I squeeze my girls a little tighter. “I’m terrified of losing them.”
Lonnie stares at as she pieces things together. When it clicks for her, it’s obvious by the little gasp that escapes her lips.
“I don’t want to make a big deal of it, at least not right now. I just want to focus on the now.”
Sumr’s aunt nods and lets the tension flow out of her. “Alright. That… ah… that explains a lot actually,” she finally says. “We have staff on hand to help with ntal and emotional help. I’d recomnd talking to them.”
“No promises,” I mutter. As hard as it is to bare myself to people I respect or lo- care about, the idea of revealing my soft vulnerable parts to a stranger makes almost physically recoil.
She looks ready to argue the point, but a quick look from Sumr closes the matter rather neatly. “Right… Well, regardless of your acknowledgent of your own shortcomings, you still need more training.” I start to object, but she holds her hand up. I want so bad to just continue on anyways, but I did agree I ssed up. “It will benefit you as well to have a better understanding of tactics, especially on your trip. Which will be in a few days.”
“So we don’t have much ti to work with,” Felicia surmises. Lonnie nods and pulls out a datapad and uses it to put so video feeds up on the walls.
“These are recordings of your fights. All three of you need more awareness in battle as well as more practice working alone and as a team,” Lonnie points out as she plays the videos.
It’s like a highlight reel of all my fuckups, but instead of anger, I just feel annoyed, mostly at myself. It really emphasizes that I had succumbed to the rookiest of rookie mistakes: an overabundance of unearned pride.
My ego had swollen once I had found out what Willow could do. Couple that with feeling at ho in my skin for the first ti ever, and it was a recipe for disaster waiting to happen. I’m just damn lucky I didn’t get anyone else hurt in the process.
“Okay. So where do we begin?”
“Tomorrow morning, I’ll have soone show you where to go. We’ll start then.” Her stern look softens. “For tonight, I want you three to write reports of what happened then get so rest. We’re going to have a busy next few days.”
Lonnie departs with little fanfare, leaving the four of us alone. I flop back into the bed and am quickly joined by Felicia and Sumr. “So, how fucked do you think we are?” I ask as I stare up at the ceiling. I find myself counting the cracks in the concrete above us while I wait for either of my girls to reply.
Eventually Sumr speaks up with an amused tone, “Well, probably less than tonight I’d wager.” She shares a glance with Felicia who lights up.
“What do you an?” I ask, falling right into her trap.
She grins wickedly as she caresses my face, sending shivers of eager anticipation down my spine.
Oh.
Felicia licks her lips and slides up next to so she can place her lips on mine. With my face busy, Sumr slips a hand up under my dress.
They are both very careful not to straddle or put any weight on . That simple gesture of understanding conveys more affection than anything they do with their tongues or fingers.
I’m quickly lost in a flurry of gentle touches, flicking tongues and deft fingers. I don’t stay passive long, and with us finally having so ti to ourselves, we find we’re more than ready to see how far we can take it.
****
Waking up with my girlfriends on either side of is probably the highlight of my new life. Willow has opted to sleep on a flung pillow instead of the most likely slightly sticky bed. By the ti we had finished last night, we barely had the ntal acuity to write up so quick reports and send them to Lonnie.
I never want this blissful mont to end as I snuggle my face between Sumr’s boobs and shimmy my ass against Felicia’s hips. Unfortunately, fucking reality rears its ugly head again.
There’s a knock at the door and I reluctantly extra myself from my girls and throw on the first thing I can find. It’s one of Felicia’s flannel shirts. Honestly? I kinda like the look as it’s a bit big on and -
Knock Knock Knock
“Fuckin’ hold on a damn minute!” I shout before clamping my hands over my mouth.
A quick glance back at the bed shows the girls are starting to stir. Catching Sumr’s eye, I give her an apologetic smile before answering the door with much less kindness.
“The fuck you want?” I demand of the mousy brunette before .
“Oh! Ah, um, Miss Lonnie told to take you to the -”
“Yeah, yeah, I rember. Just wait here a sec,” I cut her off and close the door.
Turning around, it seems Felicia and Sumr are way ahead of and are already getting dressed. I shrug and grab my dress, donning it as quickly as I can.
Eyeing myself in the mirror, I’m kind of wishing I could make so adjustnts when Willow rps at . I look down at her and she paws my dress gently. “Oh! You can do that?” She nods. “Then by all ans!”
It takes a few minutes, but Willow is able to transform my dress into sothing different. The skirt shortens at the front, leaving my legs exposed. The sleeves retreat up to hang off the shoulders. The bodice changes into a tight fitting halter top with a boob window that makes my tits pop!
When we’re done, Felicia and Sumr are staring at us like we grew a second head. Though it’s probably the feat of reality altering that has their mouths hanging open.
“What? It’s like you haven’t seen us do things like this before,” I tease them.
They snap out of it and share a look between them before Sumr giggles and Felicia steps forward to gently grab my shoulders. “It’s not that, it’s that this dress is fucking hot Rose. How are we supposed to focus if you look so beautiful?”
Ah.
The enemy of trans won everywhere. Earnest, honest complints.
Fuck.
End Chapter 22
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