I felt my whole body ached when I woke up the day after. I don't rember what happened after I punched the mirror because my senses beca numb, and I imdiately lost consciousness.
I look around and sigh in relief when I find myself inside my room. Thank goodness they didn't send to a hospital, or else it would beco too embarrassing to face people if they knew I tried to commit suicide.
I tried to ss my hair, but I winced when I felt the pain in my right hand. Oh, yeah, I rember. I used my right hand when I punched that mirror.
I look at my bandaged hand. It seems like I got a really bad injury because of what I did, and I'm sure Mother and Father were enraged because of this.
"If I were you, I wouldn't try to move my hand for now."
I imdiately looked up when I heard soone speak, and I saw Brother Pascal coming out from my bathroom with a dicine kit in his hand.
"Brother..."
Brother Pascal looked coldly at before he walked to my bed. "I need to change your bandages. Your breakfast will be sent here later."
I can definitely hear the coldness in his voice. He didn't say anything while cleaning my wound and changing my bandages. I didn't say anything too because I knew they were mad at what I did, and I didn't know what to say to him.
After he changed my bandages, he remained sitting beside for a couple of minutes before he looked at straight into my eyes.
"Do you love him this much that you're willing to give up your life? Although the wound isn't that fatal, but you could lose a lot of blood because of that. Do you know how many people die because of blood loss?"
I look at Brother Pascal, and it's the first ti I see his eyes moist. It's as if he is just controlling himself not to cry.
And it breaks my heart. I know this will be the consequence of my action. That I will end up hurting them, but it's the only thing I can think of to stop them from canceling my engagent with Prince Fraser.
I didn't say anything. I just avoid my eyes and turn my head on the side. I don't want Brother Pascal to see that I'm on the verge of crying now.
A mont after, I heard him sigh. "Csille, I won't disagree with it if only I know Prince Fraser will take good care of you. You are the Princess of the Lauretré family. How can I bear to see you being neglected and disrespected by your future husband? I won't agree with it. So, I hope you can understand why we're against with this."
I look at Brother Pascal and smile sadly. What does he an? That even after what I did, they won't still let marry Prince Fraser? If that's the case, why did I even do this?
"Brother, what about ? What about what I want? About my feelings? I love him, and I would rather die than to see him with other won." I try to slap my face. "What's the use of being the most beautiful lady among the Kingdoms if I couldn't even marry the one I love? I would rather die. I want to diee!"
I try to hurt myself, but Brother Pascal imdiately stops from what I am doing.
"Csille! What is happening to you? Do you love him so much that you're willing to give up your life just because you cannot be with him? What about your family? Have you ever think what we will feel seeing you like this? Csille..." Brother Pascal's voice breaks. "What about us? We love you more than how Prince Fraser can love you. Why can't you see that? Csille, he isn't the only man in this world. There's a lot of gentlen who are willing to marry you and take care of you. Why do you need to force yourself to soone who doesn't appreciate your existence?"
I look at Brother Pascal, and I can clearly see the pain in his eyes. He is already crying now.
I really hurt him. I'm sorry, Brother. It's not true. I love you more than I love Prince Fraser, and if I only had another choice, I would never choose Prince Fraser over you. But I don't have a choice, Brother.
If I want to save all of you. I need to sacrifice, and I'm sorry if you're the one I need to sacrifice. I'm sorry if I need to hurt you just to save everyone. I'm sorry.
I didn't reply and just cried. I couldn't help but feel my heart breaks when I saw Brother Pascal's tears.
I collect myself and look at Brother Pascal. I then cling to his arm tightly. "Brother, I cannot. I cannot live without Prince Fraser. So, please help . Help . I beg you. I cannot live without him. What's the use of those gentlen if I don't love them? I don't need anyone else. I just need Prince Fraser. Brother, please. I'll die. I will die without him!"
Brother Pascal shakes his head and breaks from my grasp. He then stands up and smiles sadly at before he leaves my room.
"I BEG YOU! BROTHER, PLEASE HELP ! I NEED PRINCE FRASER! I WILL DIE!!"
But he didn't stop even after he heard my scream.
I hug my knees and laugh at myself. I'm so pathetic. I didn't beg like this when Jared broke up with . But I even tried to commit suicide just to follow the script.
I look at my bedside table and take the black and white photo of Prince Fraser and Csille.
"It's all your fault. If you didn't embarrass Csille in front of many people, do you think this will happen? Now everyone is skeptical about you, and I am hurting my family because of you. It's all your fault. But look, here I am still trying to save your ass while you are there in the western region. You should be the one facing all this. Why am I the only sacrificing here? This not worth it anymore."
I slumped my body on the bed.
Why do I need to suffer like this? I only like to be a well known writer. If I only knew that ambition would bring to this world, I would rather just continue being the way I lived before—poor and struggling writer.
I want to go back now! I don't want to be in here! I want to go back. Please, bring back ho. I don't want to hurt these important people in my life anymore. So, please, if anyone is hearing this, Virtouse, please bring back ho.
________________________________
I woke up after hearing faint whispers beside . I open my eyes and find Mother looking at with full of love.
Despite what happened, she didn't look at coldly, unlike how Brother Pascal did. Countess Marcelle really loves her daughter unconditionally. Csille is really fortunate to have the Countess as her Mother.
"My dear, do you feel okay now? I heard from your Brother Pascal that you were hysterical this morning. I'm sorry if I wasn't beside you. I was busy with our businesses. Do you feel okay now?"
She said sorry? The first thing she said after I hard myself was sorry because she was not with . She didn't try to scold or to make feel guilty for what I did. Instead, she even asks how I am.
I feel my tears start to roll down my cheeks. I didn't expect to receive a warm treatnt from her. After all, she was upset the other day because I hid everything from her. I thought she would get upset and be mad at too.
"Mother..."
Mother hugs to her arms. "Shh... Don't cry anymore. I understand now, and I won't force you to do things you don't want to do. If you still want to get engaged with Prince Fraser, then I will support you. You don't need to cry, okay? Please don't harm yourself again, my dear. Do you know how my world stops when I see you lying on the floor bleeding? I thought I would lose you." I hear my Mother's voice crack, and she hugs tighter.
I cried harder when I heard what she said. She really loves Csille this much that even though she knows Csille might be in a disadvantageous situation, she is willing to compromise as long as it makes her daughter happy.
Does Csille deserve this kind of unconditional love?
"I apologize for not listening to you. I apologize for not considering your feelings. If you like to get married to Prince Fraser, then that's okay. I will support you, and if your Father tries to force you, then you shouldn't worry. I will help you. Even if I need to fight against your Father, I will do that for you. As long as you will be happy."
I look up at Mother. She just smiled warmly at . She then gently caress my cheeks. "Ever since I gave birth to you, I promise to myself that I will do my best to make you happy, and if that happiness is Prince Fraser, then I wouldn't disagree anymore. I just hope you will be really happy with him, my dear, because it will break to see you hurting."
I just hugged my mother. I don't know how to respond to her. I couldn't tell her that she shouldn't worry because my engagent with Prince Fraser would be canceled, and Csille would be devastated by what happened.
I'm sorry, Mother, if I couldn't tell you what would happen. As much as I want to warn all of you but my hands are tight. So, please forgive if Csille will turn her back even to her family. I just hope if that ti cos, the Lauretré Family will still remain living in the Vrawyth Kingdom.
That's the only thing I wish. Even if I die, that is okay with . As long as the three of you, Mother, Father, and Brother Pascal, will still remain alive.
________________________________
It's already midnight, but here I am, still awake. I couldn't help but think about what would happen next. I only got the chance to talk to Brother Pascal and Mother.
And based on my conversation with them, only Mother agrees with what I want. I'm sure Father will not agree with this.
I sigh and close my eyes. I don't know what to do anymore. Hurting myself is my last resort, and if it still doesn't work to Father, then I don't know how to convince him.
I know that once Father decided to cancel the announcent of the engagent, his majesty wouldn't have much a choice but to agree. After all, the deal between the two of them is just verbal. As long as his majesty doesn't officially announce my engagent with Prince Fraser, it wouldn't harm the Astalieu's na.
I suddenly hear my door open, and soone walks inside my room.
Who is this? It's impossible that it's Brother Pascal because he just checked on my wounds before he sleeps. Is it Mother? Is she here to check on my condition?
I feel soone sit beside my bed and take my hand. A mont after, I felt sothing warm fall to my hand. It feels like a liquid.
What's that? Are those tears? Why is Mother crying? Is it because of what I did? I think I really hurt her this ti.
"Csille, I'm sorry. I never plan to disregard what you like for your life, but I'm just concerned about you. You are my only daughter, and if sothing happened to you, I don't know if I can promise that I wouldn't do anything to save you. I only want what is best for you, Csille. If Prince Fraser didn't treat you like that, I wouldn't hesitate to marry you off to him. However, how can I bear to see you being disrespected like that? I never let anyone bully you since you were young, but if you marry Prince Fraser. How can I protect you anymore? He is the future King of the Vrawyth Kingdom, and the Lauretré family has pledged its whole legacy to follow the Astalieus."
I heard Father sigh. I then feel soone caress my head. "But if you really want to get married to Prince Fraser, then I won't stop you. Just don't harm yourself again, Csille. You're the only daughter we have. We will lose it if we lose you."
I feel Father kiss my cheeks before he leaves my room. After making sure that he is gone, I open my eyes.
I should be happy now, right? Because finally, they wouldn't cancel my engagent with Prince Fraser. However, I couldn't help but feel heartbroken when I rembered the price for remaining engaged with Prince Fraser.
That is, the tears and the pain my family needs to undergo.
I smile bitterly at myself. I sacrificed too much for soone who wouldn't choose in the end.. You're really pathetic, Csille.
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