[December 31st, Heavy Snow]
[I’m sick, very sick.]
[It’s not a physical illness, but a ntal one.]
[In the biology class I took in high school, it was said that people get fevers because white blood cells are killing viruses, a process that causes the body’s temperature to rise. In the past, humans saw the fever as a disease, not the virus, because the virus is silent, and humans only know that a fever is uncomfortable.]
[Lying in the dical cabin, I began to have wild thoughts—so, is giving up the desire to survive considered a "disease"?]
[From the physiological perspective Acto taught , survival is the most basic instinct of life. Every cell within us operates under precise regulation, following the directives of survival and reproduction. Mitochondria burn energy, DNA is responsible for repair, the immune system protects the body. The ssage to "stay alive" is a program inscribed in the deepest part of our soul.]
[Any tendency to deviate from this program, whether it’s my self-destructive behavior or the denial of my life’s value—from a biological standpoint, it’s like a piece of "faulty code," a disruption in system functionality.]
[Does my relinquishnt of the will to survive reflect a dysregulation in the "immune system" of life instincts?]
[In the biology book that Yuanyuan recomnded to , there are nurous examples of individuals sacrificing for the group. Worker bees will sting intruders to protect the hive, even if it ans their own death, because the genetic information they carry is continued within the bee colony. This is a genetic-level "altruism". When a cell detects severe damage to its own DNA and becos a potential cancer threat, it will initiate the programd self-destruct chanism encoded in its genes, actively "giving up" its life, preventing it from becoming a "pathogen" and endangering the health of the entire organism.]
[...Then, does the choice of an individual to "give up survival" ultimately aim to preserve the greater health and continuity of the whole? Is this perhaps an "immune program" driven by pain?]
[This idea is chilling and deprives the supre value of individual life. However, when I look outside the window, at those faces laughing in the festival lights—those whom I love deeply and want to protect—their smiles, their ordinary happiness, their futures full of unknown possibilities... these constitute an "organism" larger, more vibrant, and more worthy of cherishing than my individual existence.]
[A heavy tranquility replaced the previous suffocating sensation. Viruses are silent, but the life-burning resistance of white blood cells is fervent.]
[—What if my suffering, my despair, stems from my profound and unbearable love and sense of responsibility for this world?]
[—What if, by becoming the "apoptotic" cell, continuously shuttling through ti, removing possible threats to the whole’s health, I could secure a healthier, more hopeful future for this "organism" I love—this world, everyone?]
[Then, the thought of "giving up survival" is no longer just the abyss of despair. It’s imbued with a completely different aning.]
[It’s the most direct, most complete way I can see to heal that greater world—though this healing requires my own total obliteration as the price.]
[White blood cells fight to the death in the high temperatures, unaware of what they are combating, only knowing their mission.]
[Cells disintegrate in the apoptosis program, unaware of why they were selected, only knowing that such is the program.]
[And I, luckier than them, and also more unfortunate. I know clearly that giving up survival, actively contracting this inevitable "disease," is the only pure cure I can offer. I am the recognized "lesion," and also the "cell" voluntarily triggering the apoptosis program—this illness is my sacrifice to purify the world.]
[Boom, boom, boom.]
[Lying in the dical cabin, I heard a clear sound.]
[Outside the window, the New Year’s bell seems to have rung. The treatnt in the dical cabin ended, they placed in a wheelchair, and pushed towards the New Year.]
[Eni, that guy, unwilling to accept his recent ga defeat, is chasing Yamada, muttering sothing about "just a little more," "one more ti," his dissatisfied complaints particularly clear. Lin Yin laughs and dodges, running with Mo Yan towards the fireworks. Yi Song and Isa are eating with cream all over their mouths, Isabella is imrsed in reading my experint records, while Luna and I sit together, looking at the vast night, seemingly harboring mankind’s infinite future.]
[Yi Song says I’ve never given her a gift; after all this ends, I should give her a wild daisy, she likes that kind of flower. Mo Yan eagerly joins in the fun, imdiately saying he wants sothing now, he wants a complint from his big brother.]
[I imdiately praised him, saying Mo Yan is great, Mo Yan spreads our story on the university stage, Eni is great too, Eni diligently coordinates the Old Nobles, Yamada is great, Lin Yin is great, Luna is great, everyone is great.]
["Big brother praised everyone, finally sending a gift." Mo Yan pursed his lips, but soon, like a happy little dog, he went off to cut the cake.]
[I sit in the wheelchair, smiling at this completely out-of-control "battlefield" filled with the sweet aroma of cream, watching them chase, dodge, and retaliate, watching Eni waving his arms, watching Isabella smile helplessly yet indulgently, watching Luna frowning yet with a barely noticeable warmth in her eyes forced out by the noise...]
[The chaotic sound of falling petals in my heart is drowned by the louder waves, yet it hasn’t disappeared, rather transford into a more turbulent warm current. Sothing heavy, within this extre and cream-scented life tumult, is gently shaken loose and lted away.]
[In a mont of inattention, a small piece of splattering cream flew across the "battlefield," precisely "slapping" against my forehead.]
[Cold, slippery.]
[I froze.]
[The next second, eting Lin Yin’s cunning, smug smile, Yi Song also looked over, nose still dotted with white, smiling gently. Even Su Rin, standing with arms crossed in the distance, glanced at briefly in this chaotic gap, as if saying: you can’t escape either.]
[That bit of cream slid down my skin, leaving a slightly itchy trail.]
[I raised a hand, gently wiping the coolness off with my fingertip.]
[Then, amidst the noisy courtyard, the lingering taste of fireworks, and the faces carefree and sared with cream but laughing uncontrollably—]
[I lowered my head to look at the whiteness on my fingertips, then raised my head to gaze at this stirred and vibrant world.]
[Finally, from deep within my chest ca a clear laugh that even I did not anticipate. The laughter grew louder, completely rging with Yamada’s bizarre shouts, Yi Song’s reprimands, and the yet-to-dissipate chasing noises in the courtyard, becoming inseparable.]
[The cream between my fingers carried the scent of fireworks, the sweetness of cake, and the reckless warmth passed on by companions.]
[It turns out, this is the clamor of "life," so vivid, so unruly, so... tempting. Perhaps this temptation is the most primitive and strongest power against withering.]
[Beneath the frozen river, spring waters are already surging.]
[It turns out, life need not be so silent and barren; it can truly be like the frolic in the courtyard now, like this sky of fluttering blossoms, like the tea warming over the hearth.]
[—So, I am willing to give up my life to save this world. I am willing to actively contract this "disease," and calmly greet its eventual judgnt.]
[They held onto , keeping grounded here, but if necessary, I would still dash towards that freedom defying the instinctual cellular obedience.]
[Lü Shu, Yamada, Lu, Bei Wang, Luna, Isabella, Lin Yin, Eni, Zhao Yuan, Yi Song, Isa, Mo Yan, Xiao Xiao, Lin Jiang, i Yani... this world.]
[All that I love, all that loves .]
[I sit in the wheelchair, smiling while gazing at the cosmos and then at their laughter-filled faces.]
[It turns out that "disease" is the virus within my heart nad "love," making burn, making fever, making crazy, making ill with no cure, beyond saving.]
[Where spring snow lts, ideals flower.]
[—Please give a tea flower.]
[Let witness, this love full of ideals.]
[I am this world’s most gravely ill cell.]
...
[—December 31st, 2026, World Master’s authority encrypted in system, never to be unsealed.]
...
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