Howard
May 2218
Vulcan
“This is unbelievable,” I said. “How is it that, with two hundred years of progress, n still have to wear ties?”
Bridget rolled her eyes at as she adjusted the misbehaving article of clothing. Androids couldn’t choke—I’d checked the blueprints—but sothing about a suit and tie just made feel like I was being slowly strangled.
“You, sir, are a big baby.” Bridget gave the knot a final tweak. “And despite your best efforts, you look great.”
I grinned in response. “And as a reward, you’ll let skip—”
“Howard!”
I sighed, as theatrically as I could manage. “Yes, dear.” Humming the Volga Boatn’s Song, I picked up my suit jacket.
Bridget said nothing, but the glare was communication enough.
* * *
The maître d’ led us to the table and pulled out a chair for Bridget. I looked around the table at the two other couples, noting the sa hangdog look on the n’s faces that I was pretty sure was on mine. So things just never changed, centuries or light-years away.
Bridget smiled and made introductions. Kumar and Reeda, Arnie and Sylvie, were friends of Bridget’s from back in her biologist days. I wondered for a mont if it was odd that I’d never t them.
Arnie gazed at intently, his eyes narrowed. “Honestly, Howard, if I didn’t already know you’re an android, I wouldn’t ever have suspected.”
Sylvie turned to him, jaw hanging. “Arnie! For crying out loud!”
“What? Are we supposed to ignore the elephant in the room? Is this a big secret?”
I noted that Kumar was trying to suppress a grin. Reeda seed to be unable to decide who to support. I waved a hand in dismissal and smiled at Sylvie and Arnie. “No, he’s right. I don’t think I’d be able to take an entire evening of everyone dancing around the topic. Let’s get it out of the way.”
Arnie looked smug, and Sylvie glared at him. Before that could escalate, I continued, “And you wouldn’t have known until I opened up my abdon to get rid of my al.” R̃äƝöΒΕṢ
Bridget snorted, Kumar laughed out loud, and Reeda finally ca down on Sylvie’s side. Both won glared at , then at Bridget.
“You two are made for each other,” Sylvie said.
I looked up at the ceiling. “In my case, that’s literally true.”
I sat back in satisfaction as the entire table broke up. Where are these tough crowds I keep hearing about?
Arnie, wiping a tear from one eye, said, “You don’t actually do that, do you? With the abdon and…”
“No.” I grinned back. “But I threaten it fairly often. Bridget has stopped paying attention, so It’s nice to have so new victims.”
The cody festival had attracted a bit of attention, but now that we were quieting down, the other tables went back to their own business.
“So how lifelike are you?” Sylvie’s face registered shock as she heard herself. “Oh, God, that ca out wrong. I an—”
“It’s okay, Sylvie, I’m not that easily offended. We’ve tried to design the androids to be as realistic as possible, both to us and to other people. Which ans pain, emotional reactions, reflexes, and so on. It’s an ongoing project, of course.”
“Hmm, does that include…”
I grinned. “Ongoing project.”
Bridget rolled her eyes. “Can we order food now?”
I smiled at her and signaled the waiter.
Once he’d taken our orders, I gazed around the table. “Look, I’m human. Or at least, I was, once. I grew up in Minnesota; had sisters and parents, went to school, and so on. You wouldn’t think anything of soone with a prosthetic arm, right? Just think of as an extre amputation case.”
Bridget choked on her wine and went into a coughing fit. After so ergency back-patting and cleanup, I grinned at the others. “On the other hand, reflexes like that one, I can do without.”
The rest of the al passed without significant events. We talked, we laughed, we drank. I made sure to set my alcohol consumption below anyone else. A drinking competition would be blatantly unfair, of course.
Still, Kumar put away perhaps one or two too many, with the inevitable loosening of lips. As we were sitting back, starting at our empty desert plates, he grinned at , his head slightly off kilter. “So, any plans to take over the world? You guys could do it, couldn’t you? You have the high ground, all the weapons…”
Reeda glared at him, then drew back a clenched fist.
I held my hand up to stop her, and gave Kumar the stink eye. “Why does everyone always want to take over the world? I’ve never understood that. It sounds like a horrible job. Hell, no. We’re going to deal with the Others, but other than that you guys are on your own.”
I’d expressed the sentint maybe a little more forcefully than intended, because eyebrows went up around the table.
“Look,” I said, trying to smooth things over. “It takes a certain type of person to want to rule. Bob wasn’t that type. None of us are. If anything, once this whole ‘Others’ thing blows over, we’re more likely to just take off. So, no, not a long-term issue.”
Kumar nodded, and the tension seed to dissipate. But I was left with an uneasy feeling about my statent.
* * *
I pulled off the tie and tossed it onto the kitchen table. “Free, at last!”
Bridget grinned at as she set the kettle in preparation for her end-of-day tea. “It went well. They seed to accept you, once the initial awkwardness was taken care of.”
“Did you perhaps pri Arnie to say that?” I gave her the evil eye.
“Not as far as you know.”
I laughed. “Right. So, is there a bigger picture?”
Bridget stared at the kettle for a few monts, perhaps willing it to hurry up. “Howard, you and the other Bobs, you’re kind of like bears or mountain lions—no complex society, mostly solitary animals, very little need to interact. And unlike those animals, you’re also comfortable with each other. I’m sure having very similar attitudes about most things plays into it. But when it cos to other people, it gets more complicated.”
I had to disagree about the no complex society comnt, although I had a fair idea what she actually ant by it. But how to explain moots, the rules of VR visits, and so on? I decided to let it pass.
The kettle clicked and she was silent for a mont as she poured. “What I’d really like is for you to be old news instead of a novelty. Just an extre amputation case, like you said. People need to see you as just another person.”
“People in general?”
“And so specific people.”
“Ah.” Yeah, there’s that. “Okay, Bridget. I’ve long since learned that you’re thinking several steps ahead. I’ll go along. Just as long as I don’t have to wear the damned tie again.”
“No promises. You have to suffer, too.”
I chuckled, and sat with her as she settled down with her tea. While she sipped, I used the ti to think about that last exchange with Kumar, and everything that it implied.
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