Howard – September 2188 – Omicron2 Eridani
…but as for , I am tornted with an everlasting itch for things remote. I love to sail forbidden seas, and land on barbarous coasts.
— Ishmael
“So… You’ll cut my head off.” I raised an eyebrow at the salescritter. I was baiting him. I knew it, he knew it, I knew he knew it.
He grinned at , happy to go along with the routine as long as and my wallet continued to pay attention. “Mr. Johansson—”
“It’s Bob. Please. You’re not talking to my father.”
The CryoEterna sales rep—the natag identified him as Kevin—nodded and gestured toward the big placard, which displayed the cryonics process in ghoulish detail. I took a mont to note his Armani suit and hundred-dollar haircut. It appeared there was money in Cryonics.
“Bob, there’s no point in freezing the entire body. Rember, the idea is to wait for advancents in dicine to be able to cure whatever killed you. By the ti they can resuscitate your corpse, they’ll likely be able to grow you a whole new body. That would be easier, in fact, than trying to patch up the old one.”
That’s just insane enough to be true. “All right, Kevin, I’m sold.” I looked down at the papers he’d set out in front of . “Ten thousand deposit, annual paynts, insurance…” Kevin stood patiently, letting scan the information without interruption. I might be drunk with my newfound wealth, but almost a decade as an engineer and a business owner wouldn’t let do anything without checking all the docuntation.
Finally, I was satisfied. I signed the paperwork, wrote a cheque, and shook hands with Kevin.
“You are now a client of CryoEterna Inc.” he said, handing a card. “Keep this in your wallet at all tis. In case of death, we will be contacted. Once death has been pronounced, we will—”
“—behead .”
“Yup. And freeze your head, pending dical advances sufficient to bring you back. The guidelines for setting up a Trust are in your information package.” Kevin handed a thick, bright blue folder with a barely visible cloud pattern, and the corporate logo emblazoned on the front. “We’ll have the formal docunts printed up and mailed to your ho address. And welco to CryoEterna.” With that, he stuck out his hand and we shook again.
I did a little skip-step as I left the CryoEterna office. The Trust had already been set up, but I didn’t want Kevin to know I had decided to sign up before I even walked into the office. No point in making his job too easy. I couldn’t decide if this was a canny investnt in my future or a mind-blowingly stupid waste of money. Well, what the hell. The sum that Terasoft was paying for my software company ensured financial stability for the rest of my life—and now, beyond.
Not to ntion a significant upgrade in my lifestyle. I’d been attending The Vortex SF convention every year since they first started up in Las Vegas, but this year I wasn’t part of the riff-raff. As I walked the two blocks from the CryoEterna offices to the convention, I pulled the VIP pass out of my pocket and put the lanyard around my neck. This pass gave many extras over the standard item—access to hospitality suites, ability to bypass line-ups for autographings, and reserved spaces for panels, among other things. I’d also bought a pass for Jenny—
And, there it was. I’d invoked She Who Must Not Be Nad. I stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk, earning glares from tailgaters and a muttered curse from a Jedi Knight wannabe. I began deep-breathing to still the panic attack. This ti, it took only monts to get myself under control. Nothing like practice, I guess. I was still having several panic attacks per day, but that was way down from just after the breakup. It was like having a bad tooth—you keep poking at it with your tongue, even knowing that it’s going to hurt each ti.
With a conscious act of will, I brought my thoughts back on track. I’d taken advantage of the VIP pass by reserving a space in a couple of back-to-back panels, and the first one was starting in less than fifteen minutes. Exploring the Galaxy featured Lawrence Vienn as one of the speakers. He was a popular and prolific science fiction author, and many of his story concepts had helped shape the modern genre.
It took only a couple of minutes to get to the convention center and find the seminar rooms. Con staffers had already gotten the VIPs seated and were about to let everyone else enter when I pulled up, panting and waving my pass. The attendant motioned in with no more than a glance.
I got an aisle seat by pure fluke. As I rushed into the room, soone stood up right in front of and turned to walk out. Without breaking stride, I slid into the vacant seat, and the woman seated beside did a double-take. She must have thought the other guy had morphed. ṟ𝐚ŊỒ𝐛ЕS
I turned my head to watch as they opened the doors to the common rabble. People poured into the conference room until attendants had to close the doors or face The Wrath of the Fire Marshal. The Las Vegas hotels tended to have good air conditioning—no one wanted distracted or uncomfortable clients—but a lot of the attendees had been in costu for too long. I tried to breathe through my mouth while hoping the ventilation would eventually catch up.
In typical con fashion, very little concession had been made for aesthetics. The tables and chairs were the standard folding variety, and the session information was written on a large whiteboard. In black marker, because I guess color would be too much bother.
No one cared.
The moderator, a short, round black man with a permanent smile, called for attention. “Good afternoon, gentlebeings. Today, we’ll be hearing from Lawrence Vienn—” Spontaneous cheering forced him to pause. “—who will talk about the technological and economic prerequisites to get interstellar probes into space. After that, Dr. Gerald Carlisle—” More cheers. “—will talk about the biology of extraterrestrial life. We’re looking forward to a great panel today. So, without further ado, I give you Mr. Vienn.”
The applause went on for several minutes. Lawrence smiled patiently through it, and gave the occasional wave. Finally it died down, and I settled in for a good listen.
***
I sniffed at my clothing, just to make sure I hadn’t picked up so of the odor from the room. The second panel had been even more ripe than the first. If not for the subject matter, I’d have bailed. But any discussion of Von Neumann probes was like catnip.
I decided I wouldn’t need to change before eting my soon-to-be-ex-employees for lunch.
I left the convention center and headed for the agreed-upon restaurant, grinning at the spectacle around . Science-fiction conventions inevitably spilled out onto the streets. Storm troopers, Chewbaccae, and Enterprise crewcritters wandered everywhere. Throngs of fans filled the sidewalks and crossed the streets with or without traffic light assist. I’d seen more than a few exchanges of middle fingers, accompanied by suggestions of an autoerotic nature. Great fun. Fans packed the restaurants twenty-four-seven, but the waitstaff didn’t complain—nerds tend to overtip. I’d heard that the casinos were less happy with the level of gambling. Turns out nerds understand probability.
I made it to the restaurant without losing any body parts, and found my group.
***
“To Terasoft!” Carl raised his glass as he gave the toast.
“Terasoft.” The rest of us raised our glasses in response.
Carl, Karen, and Alan had been my first hires at InterGator Software. They had been loyal and patient through the early hard tis, and I had made them shareholders in the company. My engineering design and analysis application had eventually grown to be the number one product in its niche, out-selling competitors like Terasoft by a significant margin.
Terasoft reacted with a truly eye-popping buy-out offer, and we were now all sharing in the windfall. These three might still have to work for a living, but they wouldn’t have to make mortgage or car paynts.
I had invited the trio to spend the week in Las Vegas on my di. Only Carl took up on the offer of the VIP con pass, the other two pleading sanity. Alan and Karen stated their intention to see every single Las Vegas show. At several per day, they looked like they were approaching saturation.
“How are you holding up, Bob?” Carl looked at with one eyebrow raised.
“Pretty good. I signed with CryoEterna this morning…” Karen made a low growling sound and looked away. She didn’t need to say anything; she’d already made her opinion very clear on that subject.
I waggled my eyebrows at her and continued, “And I just went to a couple of very interesting panels. Exploring the Galaxy and Designing a Von Neumann Probe.”
Alan laughed. “No the there, not at all. Engineers. Jeez.”
“Yeah, but how are you doing, Bob?” Carl gave the hairy eyeball.
Carl had managed to navigate the tricky pathway of being an employee and becoming a friend, without looking like he was brown-nosing. I guess I owed him the courtesy of not pretending to misunderstand.
“A lot better, Carl. ‘Jenny’ episodes are down to a couple a day. I might even be ready to rejoin the human race, soon.”
“The woman was an idiot,” Karen muttered. “You should have taken your mother up on her offer.”
That forced a chuckle from . “My mother doesn’t actually know how to arrange a hit, Karen. I don’t think.” I pulled out my phone and glanced at it. “Speaking of which, she texted . I’ll have to phone her back soon, or she’ll just keep sending more texts. She’s kind of like the terminator, that way.”
“So it is genetic!”
I mid exaggerated laughter at Carl and he grinned back, unrepentant. After a mont, he waved a hand dismissively and changed the subject. “Anyway, part of the purpose of coming to the con this year was as a distraction from the breakup, right? So how were the panels?”
Karen groaned, and I leaned forward to put my elbows on the table. “Really interesting. Dr. Carlisle theorizes that life will generally be similar on different planets with similar climates, and maybe even digestible by humans. Panspermia, ya know. Common biological origins.”
“Horse cookies.”
“No, seriously, Alan. He gave a pretty good argunt for a common chemical basis for life. Not Star Trek level compatible, but we could probably subsist on an alien ecosystem.”
“I’ll wait and see,” Alan said. “How about the other one? Space probes?”
“Von Neumann probes. Automated probes that reproduce as they visit star systems. Turns out nanites are out and 3D printers are in for self-replication.”
Carl nodded. “As advancing technology leaves fiction behind, again.”
“Wait, what?” Alan said, looking perplexed.
Carl and I both smiled indulgently. Alan was not a science geek, despite a background in software developnt. I gestured with my hands as I described the idea. “You’ve seen 3D printers, right? Printing things like plastic parts, dical prosthetics, and toys?” At his nod, I continued, “So take it to the next level. Have them able to deliver any elent, one atom at a ti, according to a design. You could, in principle, print literally anything solid.”
“Including parts to make more probes,” Carl added, “using whatever elents they find in the systems they visit.”
Alan glanced at . “This would work?”
“I minored in physics, Alan, you guys know that. I think it’s completely plausible.” I paused for a mont to taste my beer, then looked around at the others. “And the engineering—”
“You’re really going to freeze your head?”
We all turned to face Karen. “Here we go,” Alan muttered.
She glared at Alan, then at . “When they revive you—if they revive you—it’ll probably be long after everyone you know is dead.”
“Including Jenny…” Alan said, sotto voce.
Karen glared at him again. “Whatever. Your family will be dead. Your friends will be dead. How are you good with that?”
I looked at her for a mont, considering my response. “I’m a humanist, Karen. You know that. No afterlife. If I die, my choices are revival or nothing. I’ll take my chances with whatever I wake up to.”
Karen’s expression grew even more thunderous, and she opened her mouth for a retort. Fortunately, the waiter picked that mont to arrive with our lunch. The odor of hamburgers, caralized onions, and vinegarized fries wafted around the table as the plates were set down in front of us. By the ti the food was distributed, the mont of tension had dissipated.
***
I dropped a trail of shoes and clothes behind and settled onto the king-sized bed. The daily rate on the executive suite was ludicrous, but the luxurious bed alone was worth the price. One could get used to this. Oh, yes.
I set the alarm so I wouldn’t sleep the whole afternoon, and pulled out my phone. My mother really would keep texting if I didn’t call her back.
The phone rang twice at the other end before her voice ca on. “Hi Robert. Has it been a year already?”
“Hah hah. Hi Mom. Got your text. No, I don’t need a contract taken out on what’s-her-face, thanks. I’m at The Vortex, having a great ti. K, bye.”
She laughed into the phone. This was a ga we always played. I acted impatient and tried to end the call, but we both knew I’d stay on as long as she wanted.
“I’m fine Robert, thanks for asking.”
“And how are the mosquitos?”
“The mosquitos are fine. They miss you and your delicate Nordic skin. Are there no mosquitos in San Diego?”
“Not like Minnesota, Mom. One of the reasons I moved there.”
“Hmm. And how are you doing, son? The offer’s still open on what’s-her-face. I knows deze guys…”
“Thanks, but I don’t want to have to visit you in jail.” I sighed. “Look, Mom. People cheat. It happens. We weren’t married yet. I’d have hated to find out after we tied the knot. I’m good, now. Really.”
Can you hear disbelief? My mother didn’t say a word. Maybe it was her breathing. Whatever, I decided it was a good ti to change the subject. “So how’s everyone?”
“Your father’s fine. He’s in the workshop, still trying to get that pile o’ junk to start. Your sisters are here for a visit, by the way. They visit their poor ailing mother. Andrea is motioning that she’d like to mock you for a bit.”
“Okay, put her on. I need my massive ego kicked out from under .”
There was so muffled conversation, then, “Hi little brother.”
“I’m older than you.”
“Not what I ant.”
I smiled to myself at the sound of her voice and at the traditional exchange. Andrea, Alaina, and myself were as close as siblings could be. The two girls were twins only in that they were born at the sa ti. They had literally twelve inches difference in height between them. And Andrea never let forget that she had an inch on as well.
“So, rich guy, how are things out in Silicone Valley?” I could hear the smile in Andrea’s voice. She’d been doing this cody routine ever since I’d moved west.
“It’s Silicon, Andrea. And that’s in Frisco.”
“I watch TMZ. I stand by my comnt.”
“Ooh, the butt-hurt is strong in this one…”
Andrea laughed. We spent a few minutes more exchanging insults, updating news bites, then I told her to say hi to Alaina and Dad for .
Thank God for family. And thank God for a couple thousand miles of distance. When everyone was ho at the sa ti, I could generally take it for about half an hour before I retreated into the basent. Usually, Dad followed about ten minutes later. There’d be the mutual eye-rolling, and we’d settle down without a word, to read or watch TV. My father and I were both loners by disposition. We could sit in the sa room for hours, not say five words to each other, and both be completely comfortable. It drove my mother crazy.
***
I was surprised when the alarm went off. I hadn’t intended to fall asleep. I jumped out of bed and got ready as quickly as I could. I would be eting the gang for dinner, but I wanted to spend so ti at the actual convention. The Vortex was a three-day gyrating bag of crazy, and I wanted to catch as much of it as I could. You couldn’t truly say you’d been to a science fiction con until you’d been run over by Farscape cosplayers, threatened by at least one drunken Darth, and had bought a cheap plastic movie prop for more than its weight in gold. Woo hah.
The elevator opened, and I stepped out into the lobby. The doorman nodded to as I approached, and held the door open. As usual, I wasn’t sure if I should tip him or not. I decided to give him a large tip when I checked out, just in case.
The Las Vegas air hit like a hamr when I stepped out of the air-conditioned hotel. I stopped and let a gaggle of Enterprise crewcritters, several Ferengi, two Chewbaccas, and a storm trooper wander past. They were loud, truculent, and appeared to have been sampling Terran alcohol to excess. After a few seconds of semi-coherent argunt, they turned and crossed the street more or less as a unit.
I smiled and shook my head, then I walked the extra fifty feet to the crosswalk. I wasn’t in that much of a hurry. As I started to cross, I heard a flurry of hurled insults, blaring horns, and squealing tires.
I turned toward the noise, and everything went into slow motion. The car ca around the group, the driver’s mouth moving as he leaned out the window. He turned forward and looked right at , and his eyes went wide. Tires squealed as the car went into a four-wheel lock.
You have GOT to be kidding !
There was a flash of light, a mont of unimaginable pain…
***
I could hear voices. Urgent voices, calling out about codes. Soone in the background declaring that they had a right to be there. Sothing about a power of attorney, last will and testant. Angry responses. A calm voice, much closer, ntioning ti of death…
The voices and the light faded, and the world ended.
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