[Music Recomndation: "Save " by BTS - instruntal version by Smyang Piano]
"You see... Most people, when they have problems, tend to bottle them up—keep them all inside, endure, keep pushing through because that’s what we learn from all those motivational talks. That... even if it’s hard, we just need to keep moving forward, persevere, and trust the process. But I think, sotis, that idea makes us prone to more pain because it sohow invalidates our feelings. It makes us believe that we still need to push through, even if we’re already breaking into a thousand pieces deep inside.
"For , I think in such hard tis, instead of pushing forward, we just need to stop. To take a pause, scream out all the craziness we’re experiencing, cry about all the hateful scenarios we are in, yell out all our complaints with this so-called life, and just say anything we want!
"Because sotis... the heart just needs to cry.
"The heart just needs to vent out everything that’s inside.
"And when we do that... those emotions and pain we bottled up and locked deep in our hearts will be released. In turn, it will help ease the burden... even just a tiny bit."
Though feeling a little shy, I explained everything I had in mind. Eun-Woo listened to each word very carefully.
A brief silence between us followed. After that, he breathed in deeply, and at last, with all his might, he shouted.
"AAAAAAHHH!"
The first one sounded like he was still holding back a bit. He paused for a mont, but he repeated and did it again.
"AAAAAAARGGHHH!"
This ti, it beca more powerful. It was as if a little bit of his emotions seeped out from his voice. It sounded a little shaky and coarse.
He paused for a mont again before doing it one more ti.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!"
Finally, that last shout... was the shout of brokenness.
I could never mistake it. I used to shout like that all the ti. Back when I used to feel that every day was suffocating, and even sothing as simple as breathing was too hard to do. Back when my tears betrayed and all I could do was shout.
After that, he turned around with his back facing . I quietly observed him as his sturdy shoulders shook and his breathing turned harder. Faint sniffs and a suppressed sound of sobs followed.
I wanted to say that he didn’t need to hide his tears like that and cry in silence. That he could cry his eyes out, bawl, howl, and whine all he wanted. Not because he was a man, that he couldn’t do those things anymore or that it would lessen his manliness. But then, I might disturb the only mont he let his emotions out, so I thought not to say it instead.
I’m not really good with comforting people and doing pep talks, but sotis I wish I was. That way, I might have so use in tis like these. It sucked when I didn’t have an idea what to say to cheer people up. All I could do was feel sorry for them, sympathize, and try to share the burden. I know we’re not that close as well, but still... it would be nice to see him be okay once again and smile—for real this ti, and not his usual fake and forced smile.
And so, just like that, Eun-Woo cried and cried and cried. I didn’t notice how long it was; I was more concerned about how useless I felt. If there were a way to share the pain, I would have offered him to share it with . That way, it would hurt less. But alas, there was none, so all I could do was stand beside him.
Soon enough, the sun started to set, and so did his tears. His faint sobs were nowhere to be heard anymore.
Pulling out a handkerchief from his pocket, he wiped his face. Once done, only then did he turn around to face . This ti, he was smiling—a smile that looked the most genuine he had shown so far. Along with that were words I would never forget.
"Thank you, Ye-Ji’ya."
It wasn’t the first ti he thanked , but the genuineness of those words, for so reason, made feel happy. At last, I wasn’t that useless in comforting soone. Ha-ha. And that’s... really nice.
In return for his authentic smile, I smiled back at him with the sa truthfulness.
Our eyes locked on each other as we smiled. Then, for so reason, we ended up laughing, probably realizing how stupid and cringe the whole setting was.
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
It was such a burst of authentic laughter. It had been a while since I last laughed like that.
After all that madness, we decided to call it a day and head back ho. I observed him carefully as we entered the house, thinking his sadness might co back again. To my surprise, it didn’t. His happy aura continued to shine—from the mont we stepped inside the house to the mont we had dinner with his uncle.
Yes, his uncle was finally there, rushing in to et us. He wanted to co as early as he could, but there were etings he couldn’t cancel, so he only arrived that night. We chatted a lot during dinner. He seed like a very nice person with a forever smiling face. And even he noticed how lively Eun-Woo was.
"Is this the effect of married life?" he teased us. "I am so happy for you, Eun-Woo."
After dinner, we headed back to our room, took a night shower, and finally went to sleep. I observed him once again, thinking he might have another nightmare. To my relief, he didn’t. The dawn morning sky soon ca, and he still slept peacefully.
’That’s good. I think now, I can finally get so rest.’
As I dozed off, I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming already or just half asleep, but... I think I felt sothing warm touch my forehead.
It was as if... soone had kissed it.
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