Jisung’s POV
I huff as I squeeze the head of my cock, milking the last drops of cum, watching it spill into my fist.
And with a groan, I use the other hand to squeeze my swollen knot, trying and failing to imitate the tightness of a warm hole.
"Fuck" I hiss in pain.
The throbbing hurts, now feels like hell but I don’t move to find relief.
Maybe I’m a fucking masochist, I have co to terms with the fact that no pussy can satisfy .
There have been too many ogas offering tight holes and soft breasts, but I don’t want them.
Every rut passes by like a punishnt I’m gifting myself.
Sex only feels good when it’s a man.
A man that is willing to consent to letting press his face into the sheets and fucking him from behind.
A man that will keep his mouth shut and take it.
I don’t want to see his face, I don’t want to hear his voice...I just want to fuck, pull out and leave.
I groan again as another round of pain goes through my body from my knot.
Knots are not ant to form during rut outside of breeding an oga or a substitute, but I have learned to fucking deal with it, telling my body that I will live this way till I die.
I am already in my late forties...a few more years and I’ll be dead, that is, if I don’t die on the field for my Lord and his husband, my...Yeon.
"Fuck, shut the hell up" I say to my brain, I don’t know why this always co up at the wrong ti.
Yes, I loved Yeon, I walked him down the aisle and handed him over to the stupid Hwang boy.
Yes, I loved Yeon, I held his hand and hugged him when he mourned the miscarriages of his pups with Hanuel.
Yes, I loved Yeon, I cried out of happiness and relief when his son was born, my godson, stupid Hwang Jaehyun.
And Yes, I still love Yeon, I can’t move on, but I already drew the line, I can never think of having him.
The knock on my door pulls out of my thoughts and I growl at the sll that wafts in, soft, kind and almost motherly.
Why doesn’t he ever listen to ?
"I’m fine, don’t co in" I say, unwilling to move from the position I’m in.
I’m splayed out on the bed, stark naked and unbothered, I just want to get it over with, this is last phase of my rut.
"I just wanted to check in on you" Yeon says like he’s scolding and I hiss.
"I’m fine, fuck off" I say as if we are still kids.
I sound angry, but I’m not, this is the relationship we have, we are still best friends.
"Shut up idiot, I’m your Luna, respect " he says at the door and I can almost hear his eyeroll.
"Your royal highness, kindly fuck off" I say and he chuckles.
"They say Jaehyun has my attitude, but I could have sworn he learned from you" he tsks but still doesn’t co in.
"Are you okay in there?" he asks and I nod, even though I know he can’t see
My knot has gone down, so I turn to lie on my side and pull the sheets up my body, covering my waist down.
"I’m decent" I say loudly and he cos in with a tray of food.
My hyung, the ever caring man. The mother and the angel of this clan.
"Thank you hyung" I say quietly, forcing myself to sit up and he places the tray on the table.
"Eat up, you will need your strength, the Kangs are starting to get on my nerves and I need to do sothing soon" he says and I nod.
The Kang clan, they are worse than what the Hwang clan used to be like under Hanuel’s father’s reign.
"And the Chois?" I ask as I take a bit of one of the mandus.
"They are oddly quiet, I’m worried for Yujun, and I need to fortify his protection because of the pup..." he trails off, eyes getting lost.
This is how he is, he worries for everything and everyone, this is exactly why he was made to be Luna.
"Everything will be fine Hyung, I’m sure of it" I say and take a bigger bite of my al.
"We need to start training the new recruits soon, I think Gawon would like to join the trainings"
"Gawon?" I ask.
"Yunah’s mate, keep up Jisung, you’re a part of the family" he says sarcastically and I shrug.
I don’t really care much about anyone, all I care about are Yeon hyung, Hanuel hyung, Jaehyun, his pregnant mate and that Yunah girl.
I don’t respond, I just focus on eating and he also stays silent.
He doesn’t have to talk yet, I already know what he’s thinking, I already know what he would ask next and my answer will remain the sa.
No.
"Jisungie" he starts and I lift my head.
"Won’t you make things easier, I hate seeing you hurt...there’s this oga that said she likes you, she’s really nice and..."
"No" I say.
"I can set up a date" he continues and I drop the chopsticks to the table.
"Hyung, leave it" I say and he folds his arms across his chest.
"I am forty six hyung, I’ve lived past the age of seeking pleasure in a warm body" I say flatly and he makes a face.
"That’s not true" he argues and I sigh.
"Thank you for the al hyung, I’m sure soone else will need you more than right now" I say, asking him to leave.
The Luna stands up and sighs loudly.
"Think about it Sungie" he says and I nod just to get him to leave.
He knows him lying, but he leaves anyways, shutting the door behind him.
I push the al away and put on my pants.
My alpha is silent as I grab my cigarette and lighter, going to the balcony for a silent smoke.
Once I light the stick and place it between my lips, I look down and I see a brown haired young man looking up at with his mouth hanging open.
He must be a new one.
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