Use like a drug?
"The poison has gotten to your brain" I say quietly as I return to his bed side to check his temperature by pressing the back of my hand to his forehead.
Jaehyun’s forehead is hot under my touch and there are beads of sweat on his face, the confirmation I need to draw my conclusion. Of course he’s spurting nonsense because he’s sick.
"My brain is fine" he shrugs casually, acting like he just said the most sane words a normal person can think up. "You’re burning up, I think you might be getting delirious from the poison" I say, without giving him the chance to say anything more stupid than he already said
Use like a drug?
This man is genuinely crazy. Hwang Jaehyun has lost his mind.
"Why won’t you believe ?" He asks, holding my wrists, "because you were shot with a poison bullet and you’re burning up, you have a fever" I say to him like I was explaining to a child.
"Choi Yujun-ah, look at " Jaehyun says and I growl at him, despite my deep growling, he keeps my hand right there on his forehead, "let go" I say and he shakes his head. "Why?" He asks and I yank my wrist out of his hands, my wrist burns with his touch.
"Why?" I ask, "what do you an why?, Don’t you realize what you’re saying" I say to him angrily.
"You’re my enemy, not just an enemy but an enemy of my entire clan, what will make believe that you suddenly want to...to what?...save ?" I ask with a bitter laugh, my breathing quickening with my rising anger.
Jaehyun moves with unexpected speed and takes my hand, then he places it over his chest right where his heart is.
His heart, the one that had been beating weakly re minutes ago is now strongly pounding under my palm and my harsh breathing begins to slows down. With every beat I feel, it seems like my own heart is beginning to beat in sync with his.
My oga chirps and prowls with happiness inside of , pleased with the connection we have at the mont, and Jaehyun’s eyes glows red again, this ti he doesn’t hide it or supress it- he lets his alpha and my oga are connect through the beating of our hearts.
Jaehyun’s pheromones leaks through his worn-out scent patch and my own scent grows softer, the two different but complentary scents mixing together to make the room slls the way the word beautiful feels.
"See?...your oga knows.." he mutters and the word shatters the sweet atmosphere we had been wrapped in, I snatch my hand away from his chest and clench it into a fist by my side.
"I am not an oga" I say through my teeth, my body vibrating with the anger of having that part of addressed. "You don’t have to hide with , I know..." Jaehyun says with a tender look on his face, a look that I don’t want to see, we are enemies...we should remain enemies.
"You know my secret and that’s why you’re fucking with " I say, "that’s why you’re fucking with my mind and using like this" I hiss at him.
"I am not. Yujun-ah, I am not using you" Jaehyun says firmly, his lips pressed into a straight line. "Then what is this?" I ask, gesturing to the around the dimly lit room, "this...this is..." Jaehyun starts but I cut him off.
"No, since the day you knew I am an...oga" I spit the last word out with disdain, "you have been using emotions on , you know ogas are weak to emotional manipulation, how do you explain that?" I ask him and my own oga whines within in disagreent.
"Since I t you, the oga has been rebellious and out of my own control, what did you do to ?" I ask him with a growl and he keeps quiet, looking at instead of giving a response.
"Fucking answer Hwang Jaehyun!" I shout at him, "what did you do to ?" I ask in a quieter voice and winces as he pulls himself up to sit straighter.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" He asks and that one question silences all the rage inside .
He doesn’t have to ask further for to know what he is truly asking .
Why am I bleeding out for the family that would hurt when I return?
Why am I hurting myself to please the mbers that will never consider important?
Why am I breaking myself to a million pieces for a clan that will never see ?
"I worry about you" Jaehyun says, "you don’t know " I hiss, tears stinging my eyes. "Yes you’re right, I don’t know you but I know just enough to want to protect you" he says and sighs deeply.
"I know you’re a good person" he says. "Open up your eyes Hwang Jaehyun" I say, tired of having this conversation, "my eyes are wide open" Jaehyun smiles at softly.
"No they’re not, if they are you will realize that...." I start to explain but he shakes his head in disagreent. "If you open up your eyes, you will realize that what you’re going through is not supposed to be" Jaehyun says and I fold my arms, "what is supposed to be?" I ask, aning to mock him.
"Love, care" Jaehyun says.
"Fantasies" I counter.
"Reality" he says, his voice more firm than he has sounded all night long.
"And so? Even if they exist...I am an oga pretending to be an Alpha" I say, standing my ground.
"You don’t have to pretend with " Jaehyun says and his alpha shines through his eyes in support of his words.
"What you are saying doesn’t make sense" I laugh, turning my face away to hide my pain- I want this...but I can’t...
"Just listen..." Jaehyun says.
"No, you listen" I snap, and I run my fingers through my hair, "I am yours, okay?" I say tiredly. "I don’t know what you need to hear but I am already yours. You already conquered , you have my secret".
"That’s not what I want-" he says.
"Don’t you realize? I’m a Choi, I am cursed and I am sick" I say with deep anguish, "then use , Yujun-ah, use like a drug" Jaehyun response cos out raw and desperate, his alpha swearing it.
I look into his red eyes and his sincerity makes blink.
"Jun-ah...use " he whispers and I lean into him subconsciously, he also leans forward and as if pulled by a magnetic force.
Our lips et for a tender kiss...
Our second kiss...
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