Two and Half Men - Reborn as Jake Harper Chapter 38: Rain

Chapter 36

My eyes were twisting. It was already the third day—and it hadn't stopped raining.

Not once.

Tropical storm? Bad luck? Friends? Or maybe the universe was just mocking for ever thinking this would be a smooth, relaxing vacation.

Through the foggy balcony doors, I could barely make out the ocean beyond the curtain of gray. Waves crashed sowhere in the distance, muffled by the relentless downpour.

I lay back in bed and sighed.

———

Later that afternoon, I found myself sitting on one of the lounge sofas in the lobby next to Uncle Charlie. On his arm—quite literally—was Rachel, nestled in a way that could only be described as casually flirty. Now, I was envying Uncle Charlie. That's Jennifer Aniston for you.

I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms. "Let's summarize the situation again, shall we?"

Charlie grinned, sipping his drink like he was on a reality show.

"Joey is with Dr. Wheeler—who, by the way," I paused, nodding toward my uncle, "is nad Charlie."

Charlie chuckled. "Well, it's a unisex na."

Not really. It's more common for n. And my uncle's na is Charles

"Ross likes Charlie. And Charlie might like Ross."

Charlie tilted his head. "Don't phrase it like that."

"Phoebe is with David," I continued, "but she's clearly still into Mike."

"Chandler and Monica are secret lovers..."

Charlie raised a brow. "Barely a secret, if you ask ."

"And you," I said, gesturing at Rachel, "are with my uncle."

Rachel shrugged with a sly grin. "Well, what can I say?"

"Yeah," I muttered, "you guys are like a xican telenovela."

Charlie raised his glass with a smirk. "All we're missing is dramatic music and soone waking up from a coma. You just look unimpressed because there's not a single 15-year-old girl around."

"Hey, isn't he like... thirteen?" Rachel asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm twelve," I said flatly.

"Wait—I've been gossiping all this to a twelve-year-old?" Rachel blinked, suddenly looking a bit more sober.

I gave her a look. "It wouldn't be okay even if I were thirteen."

———

Charlie laughed and stood up, stretching his arms. "Well, I think I've earned another piña colada."

Rachel followed him with her eyes, smiling. "Make it two."

I stayed seated, staring out the rain-speckled window. The Caribbean vacation was slowly turning into a bottle episode of everyone's unresolved drama. If I didn't know better, I'd swear I was trapped in a crossover sitcom special.

And worst of all, the forecast still showed rain for the rest of the week.

Fantastic.

———

A few minutes later, Rachel returned with a drink in hand and plopped back down beside . "Okay, your turn," she said, swirling the straw through her glass. "Tell everything."

I blinked. "Everything?"

"Co on," she said, nudging lightly. "You clearly know all our drama. I want the scoop on you now."

I gave her a deadpan look. "I'm twelve."

Rachel laughed. "When I was twelve, I..." she trailed off, blinking. "Oh yeah. Not really much going on when you're twelve."

Just then, Charlie returned with the drinks, handing one to Rachel and settling in beside us. (Yeah, she was having two drinks.)

"Don't say that," he said with a grin. "Jake here is different. From what I've seen, he's already got at least four girls who like him."

I groaned.

Charlie continued, "And that's just the ones we know. The rest are backstage girls whose nas never made it into the script."

Rachel gave a look of amused curiosity. "Four girls, huh?"

I sighed and took a sip of my juice. "Can we go back to talking about you guys now?"

"Nope," Rachel said, leaning in with a playful smirk. "Co on, tell who they are. You can't just drop a number like four and not give details."

Charlie nodded, egging her on. "Yeah, Jake. Na nas. Let's turn this into a proper exposé."

I looked between the two of them, then rolled my eyes. "Fine, but if this gets back to any of them, I'm blaming both of you."

Rachel raised her hand like she was swearing into court. "Cross my heart."

Charlie held up his glass. "I've already forgotten what we're talking about."

I sighed again. "Okay. There's Tori... she's kind of the lead character in this particular ss." well, she was the first... to kiss my cheek

"Ooh," Rachel said, eyebrows lifting.

"Then there's Missy—ca in through a genius eting. Also trouble. There's Joanie... don't even ask, she's eight."

Rachel burst out laughing. "Eight?! Jake!"

"I didn't ask for that one!" I defended. "She just showed up!"

"And the fourth?" Rachel asked.

I hesitated. "Rory. We kissed, but I don't think we're going to do it again. Not after she finds out my age. She is 15..."

Rachel's eyebrows shot up. "Wait—Rory kissed you and didn't know you were twelve?"

I rubbed the back of my neck. "It was more like... I kissed her. And she kind of kissed back. But yeah, she thought I was older."

Charlie nearly choked on his drink. "Classic Harper move." Just rembering, that was his idea.

Rachel gave him a glare, then turned back to , her tone more amused than judgntal. "So what happened when she found out?"

"I don't know yet," I said, staring at the condensation sliding down my glass. "She left with her mom the next morning. I haven't heard anything since."

"Yikes," Rachel whispered, wincing in sympathy. "You really are living your own soap opera."

Charlie leaned back, smug. "Like he said, telenovela."

He raised his glass again. "To Jake—youngest heartbreaker in the Caribbean."

Rachel clinked her drink against his. "To accidental drama and rainy vacations."

I just rolled my eyes and sipped my juice, already dreading what else the week might throw at .

------

Omake:

Joey turned to Charlie and tilted his head.

"So your na is Charlie too?" he asked, clearly comparing to the girl he was seeing.

"Exactly. Unisex," Rachel said, sipping her drink with a smirk.

Joey raised an eyebrow. "No, you need sex." He paused. "I had so yesterday... and today."

Charlie (the uncle) smirked without missing a beat.

"We both did"

Rachel let out a sigh, facepald, and shook her head.

I wasn't sitting with them, but I heard the whole thing from a few steps away. And, yeah, I couldn't help myself. I started doing the ntal math.

"Okay... Joey with Charlie. Rachel with my Uncle Charlie. Monica with Chandler. Phoebe with David—or Mike"

Then I stopped and blinked.

"So... Ross ends up with the blue balls again?"

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