Lei Anmi. The child Xin Yu had t when he first arrived in this world, the one Otto had shown him sleeping in the sickbed.
During this past month, Xin Yu had naturally spent ti with the child. He was a very sunny child. Even knowing he didn't have long to live, even knowing he was confined to his sickbed, unable to run and jump happily like his companions, he still smiled.
"At least I ca into this world. Many friends played with , and Father took really good care of and gave lots of yummy things to eat! Look, Father usually doesn't give everyone lots of candy, but I can eat any candy now! Father gives whatever candy I want!"
"Big Brother! My favorite is this strawberry milk candy. It's very sweet. Let share so with you. I'm already tired of eating them."
Under the child's expectant gaze, Xin Yu unwrapped the candy wrapper, popped the slightly pink candy into his mouth, put on a satisfied smile, and said the candy was very, very sweet.
A happy, joyous smile spread across the child's face, delighted that he had given soone else a sweet candy.
"Big Brother, do you think I can make it to spring? I want to see flowers. I want to see lots of pretty flowers, red, white, yellow, green... Are there green flowers? If I can, I want to plant lots and lots of flowers. Then I'll invite everyone to co see them. So many flowers blooming together, that must be very beautiful!"
"Then, all my friends will definitely look at with eyes full of admiration! I'll definitely beco the most popular person... Okay, Father is number one, I'll be number two!"
Xin Yu had also noticed, seen the child from outside, leaning against the windowpane, watching everyone play in the yard. He longed to join them, but he couldn't.
"Lei Anmi's illness is indeed caused by Honkai, but it's not contagious. It's caused by many complex factors. Even so, I've already tried my best to keep this child from having too much contact with the other children... And this child really doesn't have much ti left."
"Is there no way?"
"...No."
...
Death never arrives only after you are prepared. Often, even when you know it's inevitable, you keep avoiding the issue, evading the reality. Until it truly appears, taking away your friend, relative, or lover, you still feel utterly caught off guard.
Xin Yu stood beside the bed Lei Anmi used to lie in, sowhat dazed.
Strange. It's only been a month, and they didn't even spend that much ti together. Why do I feel so lancholic?
Because this is a final farewell.
He could never see that child again. He could never hear that child's voice again. That child's dream would never be realized. That child could never eat those candies again.
So farewells might lead to reunions, but the farewell called death is truly final.
Footsteps sounded from behind. Xin Yu turned his head and saw Otto.
In Otto's hands was a bouquet of fresh flowers.
"When that child was leaving, he asked to give this bouquet to you. There's also an audio recording he made before he passed. The child asked to relay it to you."
With that, Otto played the audio.
"Big Brother, the candy I gave you wasn't sweet at all. Actually, I wanted to play a prank on you that ti, so I gave you the sourest candy. But you said it was very, very sweet. I could tell you weren't forcing yourself; you just couldn't taste the sourness at all, just like ."
"Big Brother probably has a strange illness like too. Although I don't know how long Big Brother can hold on, you must strive to live on! You must live every day happily! I never gave up. Even when being sick hurt a lot, and food had no taste, I still tried my best to live every day well. Aren't I amazing!"
"Big Brother, if possible, could you go see a sea of flowers for ? I'm really... really... getting sleepy. I... have to, sleep now..."
"See you tomorrow, Big Brother Xin Yu."
Sothing dripped onto his hand. Xin Yu looked down and found his hand wet with tears. He wiped away the tears streaming down his face, sniffled, and looked at Otto standing nearby. His expression remained calm.
"...How many people have you sent off?"
"...Too many. I have lived for 500 years, child. Over 500 years. When I was very young, my sister died in battle. Back then, the adults told her soul was immortal, her will eternal, that she would ascend to heaven and find perfect happiness in the eternally beautiful Garden of Eden."
"But those words are rely the deceptions humanity has created since ancient tis when facing the finality of death. People fear death, dread death, but they cannot escape it, cannot face it. So ultimately, they can only deceive themselves, deceive themselves that heaven and hell exist after death, deceive themselves that reincarnation exists after death."
"But those are just deceptions. When a person dies, they die. Nothing remains. Even if, over a long ti, a similar person appears, they are just a similar-looking flower, nothing more. Searching for past shadows in such look-alike flowers is rely a foolish act of self-deception."
"In these 500 years, I have sent off my relatives, sent off my lover, sent off my subordinates, sent off my companions who shared the sa ideals. I've even sent off batch after batch of children from the orphanage. To this day, I have long forgotten just how many people I have sent off..."
"...Then why have you lived until now?"
"...Do you think that when a person commits a grave mistake, and spends the rest of their life atoning for it, can their sins ever be cleared?" Otto suddenly asked this question.
Xin Yu opened his mouth. The question left him sowhat unable to answer.
"A long ti ago, I committed an unforgivable cri. Even in that era when morality was not yet perfected, the cri I committed was still appalling. I am scum who should never have been forgiven."
"My lover also suffered incurable after-effects from that disaster, and even died just a few years later due to the lingering effects of that battle."
"When my lover lay on her sickbed, I cursed myself countless tis, reviled myself, even wanted to kill myself at one point. But my lover, in the final monts of her life, kept comforting , kept forgiving ... She told to live on."
"Even as she neared death, she still wanted to help others. At that ti, she simply wanted to live, wanted not to commit suicide."
"But I turned the act of living into a punishnt for myself."
"And this orphanage is also the execution platform I built for myself."
"Sorry, getting old makes one want to ramble. You probably need so ti alone now. Please excuse ."
Watching Otto's retreating back, Xin Yu wanted to say sothing, but the words wouldn't co out.
Pity this man? But he said he committed unforgivable sins, that he was soone undeserving of sympathy.
Comfort this man? But he clearly didn't need any comfort.
Xin Yu looked at the flowers in his arms, then at the empty sickbed.
"...I hate separation. I hate death."
Reviews
All reviews (0)