28: Euphoria and Drinking
Rora was Dawn. Rora, the girl who had almost stabbed
when I spawned, was Dawn, the girl who’d hated
for the last three years. Dawn, the girl I’d fought beside in elentary school when people bullied us, was Rora, the girl I’d fought beside and flirted with in Cora. Dawn, the girl who’d decided to make up with
despite all the bad blood, was Rora, the girl who’d made out with … and more.
Fuck! How had I done it again? How had I ended up in so sort of pseudo-relationship with my other childhood best friend?! This was so much. I couldn’t even bla Dawn for reacting the way she did.
And yet… it was there, it was still sitting like a needy little lump in my chest. My heart wanted her so badly. I could see the similarities now. I could see how it had happened. The looks, the expressions. They were all Dawn. The body had been different, but it was so gut-punchingly obvious it almost hurt like I’d actually been gut punched.
Her eyes, the way they’d looked at . The way she’d moved them, the way they’d crinkled at the edges a little when she smirked. Oh fuck and that smirk. That smirk alone should have clued
in, now that I was looking back with hindsight. It had been Dawn’s signature expression since the… Dawn of ti.
The way she’d acted around people too, that kinda aggressive shyness, the cold glares and don’t-fuck-with- attitude. Those defensive spikes of hers were the sa in VR. Even the dynamic between us had evolved to be the sa. I was always the one with the absolutely ridiculous ideas, and she’d been the one to stand there clapping as I did sothing incredibly dumb. Or how I’d always been her eager audience when she wanted to go monologuing about so random as fuck subject.
I slumped back on the bed, pulling my legs up against my chest and resting my head on them. Fuck. What now? I couldn’t just ignore what I was feeling for Rora… for Dawn. But she probably wanted nothing to do—
Wait.
She didn’t know. The door had opened after we’d discussed my new body… she thought I was Terry in the real world still. She thought I was still rolling around in that gross as fuck guy body I’d had. But I wasn’t…
I was Tami out there too. Then there was the party… I could go to it. She might not go in the end after what just happened… but I had to try. I had to try and see her, show her the truth. We could talk about things properly once we were both on the sa page… Yeah. Yeah that would work.
My tears began to slow as that small flickering fla of hope sparked in my chest. I could fix this! Probably… maybe? Definitely. I hoped we could at least try to be friends. If there was sothing more than that between us in the real world… it would happen. But I just needed her in my life. She completed
in a way that I needed so badly. My dumb antics didn’t work if she wasn’t there to laugh at them.
So… I would do the whole, new body thing, which I was still very excited about. Shit, I needed to even see it for myself before I went rushing off on any lovebound quests. Grabbing the paper quickly again, I held it flat in front of my face and took a picture, then forwarded it to my phone’s mory. I’d probably need that later.
Which ant logging out.
Guess I should do that huh?
With a shaking, nervous hand, I pressed through the nus until I got to the logout of vr button and just stared at for a second. Was this going to work? Was it all so kind of prank and I was going to logout into my old Terry body and everyone was going to laugh at ? I an, I knew that my family would never do it… but my brain was just throwing all sorts of impossible worst case scenarios at .
Which ant, fuck my brain, and not in a fun way. I pressed the button.
****
My eyes fluttered.
That felt strange.
It was like…
I don’t know what it was like. I’d never felt this before. Had sothing about my girl body changed in translation? I moved things experintally, one at a ti. It was the sa as just a mont ago, but it was also completely different. You know when two very good artists draw the sa object in a realistic style, and they look so alike that unless you’re looking for sothing, they seem identical?
That’s what this felt like.
It was almost impossible to describe, so I’m not going to try. I felt different, but the sa, and I sure as shit wasn’t freaking out like a human in an alien suit like last ti. This felt natural. As natural as when I’d first assud the character three weeks ago.
I smiled.
“She’s awake! She smiled!” the muffled voice of my mother said through the heavy doors of the pod.
Well, I guess there was no waiting for it.
“May, can you let
out now?” I asked softly, still with my eyes closed.
“Sure. Enjoy the new body… don’t forget about ,”
said a small speaker near my head.
“I won’t, my precious little May… I won’t,” I mumbled with infinite care for the girl. She’d done
a huge service. I needed to find so way to repay her.
“Yours?” she asked softly.
“My little sister, at the very least,” I smiled.
The speaker just gave a little chirp and in the tiniest, cheekiest little voice, she said, “Thank you. Sorry about that rock in Character creation. Don’t know how it got right there on the ground. Weird bit of luck.”
“Wait what?”
She didn’t reply, instead, the doors on my pod unbolted with a thunk that shook the pod slightly, and then they were opening. I finally allowed my eyes to flutter open and watched as the nervous and excited faces of my family appeared. Mum was there quickly with a towel to place over my nakedness, and then we were all smiling at each other.
I was finally whole!
“Hey guys,” I croaked, my voice sounding a little sore, but definitely like my Tami self.
“Hey Tami,” Taylor smiled, her eyes filled with tears.
With a little start I realised that this was the first ti Taylor had seen
in person as Tami. It had always been calls and stuff while I was in the ga.
With the sight of her tears, my own emotions broke over
with a vengeance. Holy shit it was finally over. I was finally free. Free of the shackles that chance or what have you had placed on
at birth. Free to be who I really was inside. Free to show that person to everyone I loved without the filter or mask of masculinity.
I was just Tami. Just . Sure, I wasn’t without so of the baggage I’d collected as Terry, but I could work on that. I was Tami! I didn’t back down from any problem that was punchable. Also ones that weren’t, but that’s not the point. The point was, I get to the point. Like, eventually. Anyway!
I wobbled my way out of the pod for a mont until Dad’s big hands reached in to steady . Wow his hands were huge now. The pod was bigger too. I’d been this short before in the ga, but it was different with people and a place that you’d known as a certain height for most of your life.
Dad helped
out of the pod, and it was cute how hard he avoided putting his hands anywhere that might not be appropriate. I concentrated on keeping the towel on myself and putting one wobbly leg in front of the other, straight into my sister’s waiting arms. She caught the towel and wrapped it tightly around , while Dad released my weight fully into her care. Mum and Dad had always understood that while they were our parents and we were close, Taylor and I were closer still.
“You’re so light now,” she comnted, wrapping an arm around my waist to steady .’
“We’re the sa height now,” I comnted right back.
And we were. It was hard to tell how close it was with
leaning on her like this, but our eyes were basically level. It was amazing. I couldn’t help a huge grin. I’d always been a little jealous of my sister, because she’d been born in a body like that and I hadn’t… but now we were the sa. Sisters...
“Tami… you look so small now,” Mum said just above a whisper. She was staring at
in awe, and I couldn’t help giving her another smile.
“Already an improvent then,” I joked.
“You look like Taylor,” Dad said, a grin spreading over his face as his eyes flicked between us.
“They do look alike! Not quite identical, the hair and the eyes and so other features, but so close! It’s…” Mum said, tearing up all over again.
I opened my arms to her, and she walked over and hugged , gathering
up tight in her arms. Mum was tall for a woman, taller than Taylor and I, but when Dad walked over and gathered all of us in his big arms, we were all dwarfed by him. A big old family hug. Oh gosh I was crying again. Fuck I was so happy.
“I think… I was worried that I wouldn’t care for you the sa way, that my subconscious wouldn’t recognise you as being my child… but you look so much like your sister, with a helping of your fathers darker features. Oh the love I feel. You are my daughter,” Mum sobbed happily.
“Thanks Mum… I think… I think that was probably her intention when she did this,” I said with a wry grin.
“Her? Who?” Taylor asked inquisitively.
The family hug broke apart, with
leaning on Taylor again as everyone watched
for answers.
“MaTRON. Or as I’ve been calling her, May. She’s the AI in Cora that’s responsible for the player’s ntal health,” I explained, then turned to Taylor. “You’ve t her actually, she’s the one you talk to in the death dream.”
“Really? She was the one who locked your pod?” Taylor asked in surprise.
“Yeah she… gah it’s a long story and I’ll try to get it right. She used to be just another mindless AI. Not truly there. But sohow, through so accident or other, she beca self aware. Because she was designed to help humans play the ga without lasting psychological damage, she retained those values when she gained sentience. When I joined the ga, from what she just told , forced
into a random character that she designed. I imagine that I was made to look like Taylor, not just through random genetics,” I said, smiling as I thought of the little girl.
“So this… May helped you?” Mum asked suspiciously.
“She did more than that Mum. According to her, the shaping would have failed if she hadn’t stepped in, locked the pod and taken control,” I said with a wince, then rembered sothing important, sothing that might help May. “You’d love her Mum. She’s actually not very old. Sixteen years old, by her perceived ti, and a few months old in objective ti. The form she likes using is a little teen girl with ssy blond hair that she keeps in a bun and big glasses. She has a nervous habit of playing with them.”
“Yoooo!” Taylor exclaid, her eyes lighting up. “She didn’t look like a kid to , but she did play with her glasses a lot. Holy crap! Totally thanking her the next ti I see her. She did a good job!”
"She did. She's a lonely little sweetheart who— " I said, before a familiar squeaky little voice piped up from the pod.
"Stop it! You're embarrassing !" May complained.
We all turned to the pod in surprise, and I couldn't help a smirk when I said, "Uh huh. What I'm doing is telling the truth. You're incredible."
The pod made a petulant squeaking noise and went quiet for a mont while my family stared between the pod and I in surprise. Cheeky little shit had been listening in.
"May?" Mum asked after a mont, all but waving a sign that said, Motherly instincts.
"Hey May? You talk to Mum while I take Tami to get changed okay? Thanks for taking good care of my sister," Taylor said, taking hold of
and motioning to the door with a questioning look.
"Yup, and you're explaining that rock thing later!" I called as I followed Taylor's lead out the door.
"You… you were being dumb! You made a dumb character that you were going to hate, so I intervened!" the AI brat called back, and I could already picture those big puffy cheeks of hers all pouty as she frowned out at us from the pod.
"Uh huh!" I laughed as I left the room.
"She seems a lot cuter than the na MaTRON implies," Taylor chuckled.
I nodded as I heard Mum begin her motherly interrogation of May. Asking sothing about looking after herself properly. I was lucky that the little AI was there as a distraction or Mum wouldn’t have left
alone and given
ti with Taylor.
“She hadn’t had a hug until I first died. Not a single hug,” I said, shaking my head. “You should have seen the poor girl, she looked overwheld by the whole thing at first, playing with her glasses and shit. Then she snuggled in and let
hold her properly for hours.”
“Getting motherly already huh?” Taylor teased, getting a blush out of . These damn blushes! Where did they keep coming from! I didn’t blush!
“More like older sister. Kids… that seems a bit scary right now… especially considering…” I sighed, trailing off.
“Hold that thought,” Taylor said as we opened the door to my old childhood room.
Fuck, it had only been two years since I’d lived in here full ti, but it felt like so much longer. My big bed still had the pokemon duvet cover on it, with a series of delivery packages on it. My wall still held a variety of posters featuring won, but not the way you’d think for a “boy’s” room. No, I had Wonder Woman, Lady Selk, and other intense don’t-fuck-with- won like that. I still had the replica of Lady Selk’s huge mace I’d bought at a con one ti. I’d had trouble lifting the thing back then, and I severely doubted I’d be able to lift it now. God I’d loved that show, even if it was from like twenty years ago.
Sothing I’d noticed even through the shakes from leaving the pod was that I was not nearly as strong as I was in the ga, and I wasn’t as strong as I’d been previously either. So much for gaining cool abilities from so ridiculous sci fi mishap. Let’s check the demon form… nope. Bugger. Guess I was just a regular ol’ girl.
“Weird, your mirror has a sheet over it,” Taylor ntioned, frowning at it.
“Um… yeah,” I grimaced. Three guesses as to why that was the case. “Let’s leave the sheet on until I get so clothes on.”
“Oh! Speaking of clothes! We ordered so real basic stuff for you to use according to your file. Thank fuck we could at least access that. We didn’t really know what style you’d be interested in and figured we’d stick to the basics and let you go from there. So here’s so panties and a T-shirt bra to put on. Let
know if you need help with either,” she said, picking up the packages and opening them, then handing
the contents.
She turned her back while I struggled with the underwear, my body feeling so damn weak. I got the underwear on, but the bra I struggled with because of the strength issue. On the plus side, I was definitely flexible as all hell… I could get my arms all the way behind
no problem. If I was extrely lucky, maybe I could get Dawn to…
“Are you okay? You’ve gone red,” Taylor teased, having turned around at the sound of my bra problems.
“Oh you know, just thinking about how flexible I am now and what might happen if I get… soone… to do things to ,” I mumbled, an embarrassed grin spreading across my face.
“Oh?” Taylor prompted. “Sounds like there’s a soone you have in mind.”
I sighed, and wandered over to sit heavily on the bed. I grabbed one of the packages that looked like it had T-shirts and tried to open it. I failed, the plastic was too thick. Stupid fucking plastic. I pouted up at Taylor and thrust the package towards her.
“Please open it?” I pleaded.
“Sure,” she said, taking it from
with a laugh and tearing it open without much work. Damn I needed to do sothing about my strength problem.
“Thanks,” I said, taking the T-shirt she handed back. It was a normal black one, and it went over my head without a problem. Having gotten a little clothing on, I started to speak. “So you know how I cut the call… how much did you hear?”
“Nothing really, just soone gasping and then you panicked and turned it off,” she said, sitting down next to .
“Well… That was Rora. The girl I’ve been with. The girl… I agreed to date, only in the ga though because we were scared. She heard the call, saw you guys and heard Mum call
Terry,” I sighed, telling myself I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t. Fuck.
“Ohhh shit. Tami, co here,” she said softly, gathering my weak, frail body against her. “She thinks you’re a dude?”
“Yes, but it’s worse than that Taylor… Do you have my phone?” I asked, looking around and spotting it on the other side of Taylor sitting on the bedside table.
“Yeah, it’s here, let
grab it,” she said, reaching over and picking it up.
When she handed it to , I unlocked it and flicked through the appropriate nus until I found the file. With the picture up, I passed it to Taylor and buried my face in her shoulder. Fuck. I had this knot of fear and anxiety sitting in my gut that just wouldn’t fuck off. I cared so much about her, about Dawn. Shit, the fact that Rora was Dawn had just reinforced my feelings tenfold. Like, I don’t know. Maybe I was just the type to fall for friends or sothing. I just knew I wanted her to hold . Really, really fucking badly.
“No… no shit. Oh my god. Rora was.. Dawn Bridges? As in, your friend since childhood who suddenly started hating you Dawn? The one who you started being friends with again like a week ago? The one who ssaged , telling
she was worried about you? That Dawn?” Taylor asked with a sound that was half groan and half disbelief.
I didn’t say anything, if I did I’d hear my voice crack and that would start the tears for real. I nodded into her shoulder though, and earned a wordless noise of care from her, her arms wrapping around
with renewed strength.
“That is fucking rough. Not gonna lie,” she said into my hair.
I nodded again and lost my fight with the tears, beginning to sob into her shoulder. “Fuck,” I warbled, my voice breaking and scattering under the weight of my emotions.
“You care about her huh. Still care after you know who she is?” Taylor asked gently.
“Yeah… I might even care more now…” I mumbled desperately.
“Jeez,” she said, giving
a squeeze. “What are you going to do?”
I shrugged, sitting up out of the hug for a second, taking the hem of my new T-shirt and giving frustrated daps at my eyes. “I’m going to tell her the truth, but I don’t know if she’ll let
talk long enough to get it out.”
“Well you need to go to her then,” Taylor said matter of factly.
“I can’t just go to her!” I said sadly.
“Why not? Just walk up to her place and knock on the door,” Taylor said, a confused expression crossing her face.
“I can’t because she lives with her parents and she’s not out of the closet yet,” I grimaced, finally getting the tears wiped away.
“Oh…” Taylor said, her face falling into concentration as she tried to think of a solution for . “I an, you’ll see her at class right?”
“Yeah I will… Oh!” I exclaid as I rembered the damn party. I quickly got my phone from Taylor’s lap and flicked through it. Yup, Dawn had sent
the details. “She might go to the party still…”
“Party?” Taylor said, her expression asking for more information.
“Dawn invited
to a party before we logged back in. It’s um… Here,” I said, showing her the address and ti. “It’s tomorrow. Maybe I can talk to her there?”
Taylor shrugged, “I guess it’s as good a place as any. I’m coming with you though. I’m not letting you out of my sight while you’re still tottering around like a newly born foal.”
I grinned at her protectiveness and leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks sis.”
“Team Twins,” she grinned, offering a fistbump, which I accepted. “We’ll get you the girl back, for sure.”
****
I crashed pretty soon after that, cuddling with Taylor on the couch while Mum and Dad bustled about. The evacuation of Tieille and then Chaillere had taken their toll. I’d slept barely eight hours in three days and I was exhausted. I felt comfy and happy under the blanket, zoning in and out of consciousness in a daze of euphoric happiness like nothing I’d ever felt. My twin sister’s arms around
and my parents doing whatever it was they were doing.
Mum was having trouble though. With her attention, because it was split between , her kinda-sorta newly born daughter, and the one she was rapidly adopting who was talking from the pod. As May had started to warm up to Mum, she’d begun to talk her ear off about everything she was frustrated and upset about in the ga. This ranged from the ongoing non-human virtual genocide, to not getting enough hugs.
I’d been briefly woken up by a lot of swearing when Mum had found out about the ongoing attempts on May’s life. There had been lots of swearing, and she’d thrown so cutlery around. Typical Mum behavior really. Glad she was pointing it at the evil bastards responsible for trying to hurt May. They were so fucked.
When dinner ca around, we all had a TV dinner and watched the news. Things got a bit awkward when the recent events in Cora ca up and there I was, front and center during one of the tis I was used as ammunition. It did make for impressive visuals, so I wasn’t surprised that the newscast had decided to use the footage. I was moderately famous now… and I had that face outside the ga now too. That might cause issues.
Before we went to bed though, sothing had to be done. I’d been avoiding it mostly because I’d been too tired to care, but I wanted to look in a mirror.
So Taylor, our parents and I all crowded into my room, and Taylor stood ready to drop the sheet I’d put over my mirror all those years ago.
“You ready?” she asked, a grin on her face.
“Yeah!” I said, breathless with anticipation.
She threw the sheet off, and my grin turned almost painful as I saw myself. Holy shit. I turned this way and that, admiring myself with awe. Sure, I’d been in this body, or one very close to it, for a total of two weeks already… but this was different. This was real.
My wide hips were there, as were my long legs and thin shoulders. I didn’t have nearly as much muscle as I had in the ga, transforming my appearance from buff but petite to just straight up petite. Or gay up petite. Damn! I kinda wanted to be a little bit buff to be honest. Not a shitload, but enough to have so definition. Oh well, goals, goals, goals.
My face was almost identical to the ga. My eyes were that almost-black stormcloud grey, and so was my hair. They were missing the little sparks of lightning too sadly. What was actually the most different, except for the lack of muscle, was my hair length. Where in the ga it was down to my nipples, here it had only managed to grow down a little past my chin. It was long, longer than was fashionable for guys and very wild, but still short by your average girl standards.
I actually kinda liked it like this. Especially the way it was looking just barely tad at any one ti. I looked like I was a bit wild in bed, and I loved it. Because I was.
Then Taylor stepped up next to , and I was suddenly crying tears of happiness. With us standing next to each other, there was no doubting it. We were sisters. Like, so close to identical it was crazy. Just enough differences, excluding the hair and eyes, to tell us apart.
I looked at my twin and grinned. Her long styled ginger hair contrasted well with my short dark hair, and her dark warm eyes with my dark chilled ones. We were the sa height, just a little taller than average for a girl, about five foot eight if I had to guess. I was thin and almost waifish at the mont where she was filled out much as I was within Cora. We were like two sides of the sa coin.
This was like a dream co true for . It all felt so amazing, and I was getting hit with wave after wave of giddy euphoria as I just interacted with such a familiar environnt in my new body. Picking up the little action figures I still had on my dresser and how different they felt in my much smaller hands. How everything had shifted up by like, a foot, because I’d shrunk. Even my bedsheets, when I finally got into bed, felt different on my softer, smoother skin. Good riddance to body hair, god damn.
****
The next morning, Sunday morning, I stumbled groggily out of bed and into the shower without thinking, following my old routine until I ga to a grinding halt when my soapy hand found my boob. Suddenly, I was very awake. Very very awake. I lazily circled my nipple with a finger, smiling at the sensations as I watched it slowly harden. Oh this was fun.
My back hit the glass wall of the shower as I leaned on it for balance, my fingers beginning an eager but targeted exploration of my new body. My right hand, still on my nipple, circled the nub with two fingers and I squeezed experintally. The resulting explosion of sensation in my mind dragged a delighted gasp from my lips.
Oh my. Continuing that for sure. anwhile, my left hand trailed down my flat, smooth stomach to the mound down there. Hmmm… no hair? Interesting. As my fingers fluttered over my center, uncertain of how to proceed all of a sudden, an image of Rora’s face between my legs on that first night sprang into mind. Shit… that had been Dawn. Wow.
As my fingers slipped beneath my own, very real folds, the image of Rora changed to one of Dawn down there. She wore that smirk of hers, her purple and green hair pulled to the side and out of the way as she lapped at . Oh fuck. I shuddered as imaginary Dawn glanced up again with amusent as the warmth within began to build and build.
My body bucked and shifted on its own, not understanding that there was nothing to grind against as it begged for more, more… MORE. I let out a giddy, breathless moan of euphoric delight as I took myself over the edge. I slipped haphazard to the floor of the shower, my legs twitching and shaking as ripping sparks of both pleasure and euphoria shot up and down my limbs, collecting in my toes and fingers.
Holy crap, I'd just masturbated, as a girl!… to Dawn! Damn, I knew I should feel guilty about that, but damn it was just so fucking validating, no pun intended, to finally get to do that without the awful sick feelings in my stomach.
After I’d recovered from my little escapade, I cleaned myself up and hopped out of the shower. I was now thoroughly aware of my new body, especially the way it was still tingling after the shower. I was also glad to note that I could move under my own power now, although there was a vague ache across most of my body, like I’d been doing a workout.
When I was dressed, I wandered out to the kitchen to look for breakfast, and found dad hunched over the island in the kitchen, blearily spooning cereal into his face.
“Hey Dad, you look… tired,” I said diplomatically.
Regardless of how shit he looked, his big face turned up in a loving smile at the sight of
that ward my heart. “Hey tyke, yeah. I was up all night altering that pod again. Sothing about the encryption that the military pod is using seems to be allowing little May out into the wider world. So I’m running so cabling from it into the house network. Gloria seems to have taken a liking to your little AI friend, and I can’t say I bla her.”
“Yeah
neither. She’s cute as a button. I promised her that she could be my little sister, I didn’t think I’d end up dragging the rest of the family into that arrangent,” I laughed, looking towards the room with the pod fondly.
“Seems like your mother is going to make sothing happen one way or another,” he laughed, his eyes twinkling with hidden mirth as we both shared a joke over Mum’s nature.
It was funny really. I definitely took after Mum the way I fixated on shit like her. She’d find so cause to rush off after, leaving the rest of us to watch in bemused confusion as she got almost violent at whoever was the problem. It was great fun to watch when the object of her motherly wrath or outrage wasn’t you.
Speaking of Mum, she turned the corner looking equally tired, and walked through the kitchen, then said. “Taylor, what happened to your hair?”
“Uh Mum, I’m Tami,” I giggled.
“Oh! Oh my! Gosh darn it!” she exclaid, blinking and rubbing her eyes. “This is definitely going to take
so getting used to.”
She moved back around the kitchen island and pulled
into a warm hug, asking, “How’s my newly minted girl holding up then?”
“Pretty good. Slept really well, both the nap yesterday and last night,” I smiled.
“Lucky for so!” she joked. “That little AI of yours needs so serious love and attention. It’s criminal! Absolutely criminal! Honestly, the way they’ve treated a sweet little girl. I will find a way to help her if it involves walking up to the assembly with an axe and putting it through that ostentatious… ridiculous… door.”
“Whoa Mum,” I smiled, leaning up to kiss her on the cheek. “That doesn’t sound very productive. We all know you smuggle explosives in and put them under the floor.”
“Quite right,” Mum chuckled, patting
on the arm as she moved away to get her own breakfast.
The rest of the morning passed in pleasant familial bliss. Taylor wandered in looking her usual put-together self five minutes later and we all joked and played around like we used to. Except now I was a girl, and none of them were making an issue of it. That was just how things were now. I was sure they were doing that intentionally. Taylor would have bludgeoned it into both their heads to not exhaust
by having overeager reactions to everything.
So far, my new and improved life was feeling pretty good… apart from that still present lump in my chest that was my nervous heart. Damn. I wanted Dawn. I missed her, whatever form she was in.
And so as midday started to loom, Taylor dragged
to her room.
“Okay, so… I think you’ll probably fit my old clothes. I used to be kinda skinny back in the day before the whole streaming thing. Anyway, we’re going to find you so stuff to wear to the party!” she said, beaming excitedly at .
Oof. Tears everywhere. I lted down on the spot, earning a look of alarm from her and another hug. It wasn’t that I was upset, it’s that… well I’d always looked on with envy as Taylor played around with won’s fashion. I’d been stuck with shitty, restrictive male fashion, while she’d gotten to wear dresses and skirts and jeans and shorts and sweaters that apparently counted as dressed and just... everything.
“What’s wrong? You don’t want to wear my clothes?” she asked worriedly.
“No, no… I’m just happy I finally get to wear so of this type of thing,” I sniffled with a hiccuping laugh.
“Oh… well in that case, here’s a tissue and let’s get you into sothing cute!” she grinned, back to being chirpy as she shoved a box of tissues into my hands. “Okay, help
dig through everything, I can’t rember where anything is.”
We began a hunt through all her clothing, quickly making a ss as we jokingly showed each other garnts that would be very out of place at a college party. She’d managed to acquire a lot of stuff over the years, and it was quickly becoming apparent that she was a little bit of a clothes hoarder. She really didn’t need the too small clothes from when she was thirteen.
I did eventually find sothing that caught my eye. A very short, pleated red dress with a high neck. The skirt started mid-waist and ended down at my upper thigh. I was sure there was so na for this type of dress, but I had no idea what it was. There wasn’t any cleavage. There wasn’t actually any skin shown on the chest at all. It went all the way up around the neck, using the collar-like fixing up there to hold it up due to the fact it was backless and sleeveless. It opted to show off my entire back and so of my sides instead.
“I want to wear this,” I stated, still staring at it.
“Are you sure…? It’s a little… uh… revealing,” she said, motioning to the entirely empty back, then down to the skirt that didn’t cover much.
“I can wear stockings, and a jacket,” I said, very set on the dress now.
“What about this combo? Black skirt and blue jumper?” she asked, holding up the offending items.
“Taylor, if I’m going to convince a girl to take
back, I’m going to do it looking irresistibly fuckable. A blue sweater does not say, ‘irresistibly fuckable’,” I said, rolling my eyes.
Taylor dropped the clothes on the ground with a snort, “Alright Tami, point taken.”
I just laughed.
“Well, ti to find so stockings then,” she sighed, looking at the mounds of clothing on the floor.
“Black stockings,” I said, looking down at the ss that was like forty percent black clothing.
“You dig on that side of the room, I’ll dig on this side,” she chuckled, and we got to work.
It took us far longer than I’ll admit to find black stockings in the ss, but at least taylor found so very lacy garters during the hunt. I’d be needing those too. My idea with the outfit, was to reinforce my new body to Dawn. It would be pretty hard to ignore my femininity if I turned up looking like I planned to.
Once the stockings were found, we added a pair of red flats to the mix as well, and a black leather jacket that was was cut off very high up the waist. Taylor had suggested so heels, but we were going to be drinking, and I didn’t want to roll an ankle and break this new body so quickly. Best to play it safe.
After we had the outfit together, Taylor decided to wear sothing similar, but in blue. Her dress was longer and her jacket was denim, but we looked pretty similar. I guess we were going to be leaning into the opposite twins thing. It was going to be fun, and I ntioned this as we stood there grinning at each other in our respective outfits.
“You know it actually extends inga too? Into Cora?” she asked with a laugh.
“Really? How so?” I said, intrigued.
“Well, you’re like, a lightning Darkling girl now right? Well, I’m an Aurelling highborn. Looks pretty much the sa was you but I’m all holy fire and a halo and shit. If you’re blue and black, I’m gold and white,” she winked.
“No way, like that dumb dress?” I laughed.
“Yeah, like the dumb dress,” she nodded with a giggle.
“Oh that’s too good. I can’t wait to hang out in the ga finally,” I said, wobbling my way through the pile of clothing to give her another hug. I liked hugging my family now. All the hugs.
“Yeah, it’s going to be fun. I can’t wait to watch your silly ideas in action,” she nodded, hugging
back.
****
Taylor and I walked out of the lift and into the too-cold hallway of the apartnt complex floor. We were up high in one of the nicer but not wealthy levels of the tower, where those who would have once been the lower middle class would have had their hos. It was probably a shared apartnt now, the combined basic inco of the people living there being able to afford the place.
I felt so god damn nervous I thought I was going to shake myself apart. I was about to go into my first social situation as a girl in the real world, and not only that, but I was doing it to try and impress a girl. Also I was beginning to regret my choice of clothing as I realised there would also be drunk straight dudes at the party. Damn… why hadn’t I thought of that?
“Which number again?” Taylor asked looking back at
and squeezing my hand reassuringly.
I’d lunged for her hand the mont we went into the elevator, and I was pretty sure I’d be crushing it right now if I wasn’t so damn weak. As it was, my knuckles were white with the stress. What if Dawn didn’t care? What if she still wanted nothing to do with
even after she found out I was trans, after she found out that I was a girl. It would fucking crush , and even worse I’d have to face her in class knowing she not only hated
again, but hated
for being who I was.
“Tami?” Taylor asked again, dropping my hand to give
a sisterly side hug.
“O-oh… um. Forty eight,” I mumbled, trying for the phone in my pocket before realising that I didn’t have the luxury of pockets anymore and my phone was in Taylor’s purse.
It was really just my nervousness wanting
to check the phone anyway. I’d morised the address just by the sheer number of tis I’d anxiously checked my phone on the way here.
We made our way around the circular corridor until we ca to the right number, and I could already faintly hear so sort of shitty electronica playing from inside. Why was it always shitty electronica? Like, that one synthetic music nerd who always found the damn stereo and just hissed at anyone who ca near and tried to change the music to sothing that wasn’t stupidly niche and strange. Don’t get
wrong, there’s good electronica and stuff, but it was always the really crappy stuff that they played.
“You ready?” Taylor asked, giving
a reassuring smile.
“Fuck no,” I growled, pushing forward anyway and opening the door.
The music washed over
with its grating awful tinny sounds, but the sound of many voices talking and laughing blended together and made it sound a little less crap. There was a certain level that the hubhub of people talking reached where it turned into pleasant white noise. There must be quite a few people here.
Taylor stuck close as we moved into the party, smiling and deflecting as we went. I couldn’t see Dawn anywhere though. Damn, had she not co to the party after all? We’d made it into the very large living room area, one of those huge open plan affairs that also had the kitchen and dining room attached, when a guy blocked our path.
He was your typical college guy party goer. He had those weird tight plastic pants on that were fashionable at the mont for guys. I’d personally refused to wear them, sticking with the more tiless jeans. He had a shitty little goatee that was just a little too sparse to pull off the already very hit-or-miss style.
“You ladies want a drink?” he asked, offering so cups to us.
I was about to accept the offer when Taylor pushed my hand down and shook her head. “No thanks.”
I blinked at her as she quickly moved us past the guy, and she leaned over to whisper, “Co on Tami, you know better than to accept opened drinks from people.”
“Oh! Crap!” I winced, feeling a little spike of fear at what that might have just been. “I didn’t… I an I’ve never really had to worry about before. I know to watch out for it, for other girls… just not… .”
“Well it’s a damn good thing I ca along too then,” she said, ruffling my hair.
I hadn’t really touched my hair when we were getting ready. It was a ss, but that was kinda the point of the style, so it didn’t matter. I wasn’t wearing makeup either, not that I needed it yet. I was just regular old Tami, but that was the point right? Dawn needed to recognise .
“Isn’t that her?” Taylor asked, pointing over to where soone had just co out of a hallway.
“Damn, that hair colour suits her.”
I looked over, and my heart instantly started doing a wild gymnastics floor routine. Spinning flips and cartwheels all over the place. Oh god it was Dawn. Was it too late to run away? Could we go ho and I could hide? No… no I didn’t back down from shit, I wasn’t going to back down from this.
“Go on,” Taylor said, giving a gentle nod of her head towards Dawn. “You go talk to her and I’m going to go and find whoever is responsible for this party and let them know to watch the creepy guy.”
“Wait!” I squeaked, as she patted
on the arm and walked away.
Damn it! Damn it! Shit! Fuck. Okay, I needed to just… walk over to her. God she was looking gorgeous. She had her dark eye makeup on again, and her hair was wild and free, falling down her back. She was wearing a simple jeans and tank top combo that showed off her strong, slim arms and shoulders. Her neck was open too and oh fuck I was totally staring.
Now or never I guess. I started moving through the room as she sipped her drink and watched the room. Each footstep I took felt like it had the weight of mountains behind it, and I could feel raw adrenaline smashing through my bloodstream like one of my lightning fists. Any second now her curious eyes would hit . What would she think?
Then it happened. Her eyes strayed to mine. It took her a second, her unconcerned expression widening in shock. Her eyes flew wide and she took a small step forward. I don’t know what happened, I was walking, then I was.. Sothing. I made it to her, her eyes wide and her breathing looking just as intense as mine. Fuck she was gorgeous, so, so gorgeous. Please don’t hate .
I opened my mouth, wanting to say sothing. Like, anything would do at this point, but all the words that were bouncing around in my head seed unable to find their way to my mouth. So we stood there, staring and shaking for I don’t know how long. Hours? No, probably just a second or two.
Then she was reaching out. Slowly, oh so slowly, like she wasn’t sure I was real. Her fingers skated like terrified mice across my bare arm for a mont, then jerked back.
“How?” she asked, confusion dominating her expression. “You’re… ant to be…”
“Um, talk outside?” I asked quickly, pointing to the balcony as people brushed past us. I wanted this conversation to be private, and the toilet was probably down the corridor we were blocking or sothing.
She nodded awkwardly, not quite knowing how to nod at the mont apparently. I knew I was losing basic skills by the second, my brain deciding they weren’t relevant right now. Walking? Who needs to know how to do that? I led the way with an uncertain tread, looking back almost as much as I looked forward, making sure she was behind .
We made it to the much quieter balcony, a reasonably large affair with a bunch of potted plants strewn across the place. It had a great view of the city though. I walked past a few people hanging out around the door and into the far corner where no one was currently hanging out and turned to her. She’d followed , thank fuck.
“How?” she asked again. “When I logged out… I thought you were…”
“Thought I was who?” I asked quietly, my eyes flicking between hers. We were the sa height now, pretty much. I think I was half an inch taller? Maybe not... I don’t know.
“I thought you were my friend... Terry. He’s um… we’ve known each other a long ti and I freaked out because… no, but that doesn’t make sense! It was you! Terry’s family…” she said, her brows furrowing in even more confusion.
“No… you’re not wrong,” I sighed, my heart leaping into my throat.
“What? But I’m staring at you… How are you…?” she said finally trailing off.
“You want to know why my relationship with Krissy fell apart? It was because of this,” I said motioning to myself and turning to the city rather than having to watch her reaction as I spoke. “I’m transgender. I couldn’t… I was deteriorating. My life and my will to live crumbling before my eyes as my ignorance and defences on the subject finally fell apart.”
“No way…” she breathed, shifting to lean on the railing. I saw her wide eyes and surprised expression in the corner of my vision. Damn, she was pretty even in the fuzziness of the corner of my eye.
“So when I jumped into Cora, I accidentally used a randomised character. But it didn’t end up bad. I loved the character, but more than that I loved being a girl, being in the right body. It was intense and I was almost high on the euphoria of it all. Hanging out… and uh, more with you, and just everything. It was great. And then I logged out,” I grimaced.
“So… oh my god this is a lot. My head is still spinning, sorry, can we skip to how you’re standing here as Tami now?” she said breathlessly, taking a little step forward again and leaning around to see my face properly.
“Uh, black market modifications to my pod. The whole… the whole last week we’ve been hanging out in Cora, I was changing,” I murmured, feeling even more emotionally wild as she got closer. “Do you rember that night when I just passed out? The one where I was screaming and crying in my sleep?”
“I’m not going to forget it anyti soon,” she shuddered.
“That was the night of the major surgery. The pod was cutting
up, taking out all the large parts that it didn’t need anymore,” I said matter of factly. “I was probably awake for it on so level… hence the um, screaming. I don’t rember it though.”
“Holy shit,” Dawn gulped, finally reaching out to touch . Just my arm again, but her hand stayed there and I turned to her. “I’m sorry. That sounds awful…”
“Yeah, well, it was doing sothing I wanted sooo.. yeah. Anyway... um… I don’t know. I guess this is… hello? I’m Tami… we’ve known each other a bloody long ti, but you’ve always seen
through a mask or a filter, at least until you t
in Cora,” I said, smiling nervously at her.
Her eyes explored my face for what seed like a long ti, but her thumb was more than enough conversation right then, the way it was gently moving across the skin of my arm. I could see her chewing on her tongue as she thought things through.
“Nice to et you Tami. You’re really damn pretty and fun and… damn especially now. That outfit…” she said, finally stopping to devour
with her eyes. Oh that was a look. Be still my heart.
“Thanks,” I blushed, ducking my head and grinning. “You look fucking amazing too. God I wish that things were different and we could… yeah. Anyway.”
“Ugh… yeah, sa. Look, I’m sorry… for running away in the ga at the end there,” she smiled, giving an awkward cough. “For the record, I wasn’t running away because of… like, the fact I thought you were a guy IRL or anything. My sexuality doesn’t care about that type of thing. It sees what it sees. It was just… it felt… I felt scared, knowing I was… feeling things for my other best friend. I thought I’d escaped that shit you know?”
I nodded slowly, my eyelids fluttering for a second as the tiny movents of her thumb on my arm sent excited sensations up through my body. My world was rapidly narrowing to that point of contact.
“Sa here,” I whispered.
“Fuck, what do we do now?” she asked, taking her hand off my arm and leaving a gaping, aching hole where it had been. I wanted it back. “I’m just… shit, I’m thinking back on everything. The last three weeks, the way you acted. Fuck, it’s so obvious now that I look back on the... Tami I knew in Cora. But then there’s how fucked up you looked after that log out. No wonder you looked like shit. Jesus and the way I’d always hear how you did things with girls you were with. People said a lot of things. Jesus and even further back. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
“Yeah, my sentints exactly,” I groaned, leaning my elbows on the railing and dropping my head in my hands.
She was silent for a minute, and then I gasped in surprise as her hand went into my hair and she pulled
against her. Her other arm quickly wrapped around
and I shook like a leaf at her touch. What was happening?
“You like this still right?” she asked, doing that thing she’d done in the ga where she scratched in circles across my scalp.
“Ohh fuck yes,” I moaned, leaning my weight on her.
“Whoa, that was a noise,” she said with a choking laugh.
Yeah it was a noise! I want you! God fuck damn shit jesus I want her so badly!
“What do we do now?” I pleaded. Pleading for her to just press
against this railing and take
right there, hanging out over the edge of the abyss.
“Shit. I don’t know,” she sighed, her hand stopping for a second and earning a rumble of protest from . Bad hand, you get the fuck back here!
Taking a deep breath to try and calm myself and draw my mind out of fantasy and back to reality. “Your um… your note said… you wanted to see what happened out here in the real world?” My heart was once again hamring away in my chest as I waited for the answer, almost as soon as I’d said the words.
She started to move away from , but I almost fell over at the sudden absence of her support and she was quickly there again to hold
up. Careful. I might be made of lightning on the inside, but I was made of feathers and tissues on the outside right now. Fuck this was embarrassing. I was the girl who got shot out of cannons and turned into a kinetic impactor!
“Sorry…” I chuckled, my face heating with embarrassnt. “I’m really weak right now.”
“Yeah you don’t look like you have much in the way of strength out here,” she laughed along with , but then her voice turned serious as she said her next words. “I’m… fuck, I want you so bad, but I’m also terrified that I want you this bad. It’s maddening... So uh, yeah… let’s just see what happens?”
Leaning against the railing to hold myself up, I pulled out of her support and looked up into her eyes. Fuck they were just as intense as ever. Devouring
with a look, as she had every ti she’d seen
while she wore the guise of Rora.
“Yes… please! Fuck, I want you too,” I swore, my heart bursting with the pressure of my feelings for her.
“Okay… so… we um, we start over, ish. Or we don’t, but we… we start as friends, like we said a week and a bit ago and then if things go sowhere, they go sowhere,” Dawn stated, her face going red at my words and she ran her hand through her gorgeous hair.
My eyes followed her fingers as they brushed through it, wishing that it was my fingers running through that thick fluffy ss she had. Far out. Without the distraction of dysphoria to pull
down and kill my mood, I was ravenous for her. She was gorgeous. Incredible. Everything about her was lightning in my veins.
“Should we um, go inside?” I asked instead, taking notice of the cold. “Taylor’s here too.”
“She is?” Dawn asked, looking over at the window into the apartnt.
“Yeah. Let’s go find a couch to sit on or sothing, I don’t think I can stand,” I huffed, wincing as my weak muscles protested the abuse they weren’t used to. “And thanks by the way, for being chill about this.”
“Oh, I don’t feel very chill,” she laughed nervously, her hand going tentatively around my waist to hold
up as we went inside. “I feel like a crazy woman. This is so surreal.”
“Well, I’m just glad my life didn’t turn into a shitty twelve episode romance ani where the entire plot hinges around a stupid, easily resolved misunderstanding,” I grumbled, leaning into her and loving every ounce of warm contact.
“Yeah, there is that. Sorry for almost letting that happen,” she laughed.
“I’ll forgive you for pretty much anything at this point,” I said softly.
She didn’t answer, maybe she didn’t hear . Instead, she helped
inside and onto a free couch, where she imdiately sat down next to . Very close. So deliciously close. See where things went, my sweet, tight little ass. Damn, I needed to chill out or I was going to jump her within hours of us making that little agreent.
“There you are! I assu the talk went okay?” Taylor asked, looking between us as she held out two beers. Not my first drink of choice, but that wasn’t the point of drinking at a college party.
I took it with a grateful smile and if the way my weight fell when I leaned back was more on Dawn than off her, then so be it. There was contact between us from thigh to hip to shoulder and it felt lovely. She was so damn warm! Like seriously, this dress was cold, even with the jacket.
Taylor sat down on a couch across from us, and we started chatting. We talked about the old days, how things had been when we were all kids, without tons of bullshit drama between us. Except, every ti I was ntioned, the pronouns were flipped to match how I was now, and my heart swelled with happiness that both of them were this understanding. Fuck I was lucky.
That first beer did more than I’d anticipated though, and I tried to keep my cool as I was handed another and another. At so point the girl from our class turned up, the one hosting this party, and then more of our classmates. No one ntioned anything about my fa or who I might be, but I figured when we got to class tomorrow it might be different, when they all realised who I used to be and the news had gotten out further about what has happening in Cora. News of the awful shit that was happening was still spreading.
Both Dawn and I began to get more and more drunk as the night went on and Taylor gave us more random and sister approved drinks, and if that also resulted in
planting myself in Dawn’s lap, well it was the alcohol's fault, I swear. She was just so nice to cuddle. The drinks stopped after a while though, sothing about wanting
to be able to walk, whatever. Party pooper. As things wore on, I began to doze, my tired body refusing to go on much longer, and suddenly it was ti to go ho.
A mostly sober Taylor dragged Dawn and I out of the apartnt and into the elevator, asking Dawn, “You okay to get ho?”
“Um— “ she mumbled drunkenly, before I cut in.
“No! I don’t want her to go. Not leaving her!” I exclaid petulantly, her arm still around
and my arms still very much around her.
“Yeah I… I don't want to go either,” Dawn slurred, resting her head against mine.
“Useless fucking lesbians,” Taylor muttered. “Alright, co ho with us then. We’re staying at our parent’s place for now, so good luck in the morning.”
“Yay!” I exclaid happily, maybe wobbling on my feet a little. “Will you co ho? I an, we’re just still friends but like we used to have sleepovers when we were kids and it was fine!”
“Yeah! Sleepover like when we were kids!” Dawn nodded drunkenly, giggling and cuddling close. Mmmm she slled nice. She was so warm.
“You’re really cool,” I mumbled.
Taylor laughed and got her phone out, ordering us a taxi. “Tomorrow is going to be fun.”
Announcent
So this has been a chapter that I've been wanting to write since the start of this story, and now it's finally here. Because I've been thinking about it non-stop, it ended up getting turned into sothing massive. I hope you liked it. Also, I'll be taking a little break (I really do an little, Tami is such a fun character to write and I don't think I can stay away from her for long). I'll be writing the first chapters of my patron only story, College Steps, and maybe so of Falling Over too. Any way, thanks for being my readers!
Here's a quick synopsis of what College Steps will be about:
So this story will be a Transgender Lesbian Fiction story. No fantasy, no sci-fi. Just a post-transition, post-op trans girl in our world trying to get through college, fighting a bunch of the usual crap that us trans girls have to face. Her parents are demanding, controlling and vaguely supportive. She's an artsy creative girl with an absentminded streak and a pencil permanently in her hair. Also the an girl in her class is really pretty...
If you wish to talk about the story with
or other fans on a more personal basis, you can join the , a server I run along with my girlfriend dedicated to Transgender stories!
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