Caleb POV
I threw the book across the library so hard it knocked over three others.
The pages were full of my own handwriting, love notes I’d obviously written to Lily during our ti together. Sweet words about her laugh, her goodness, her beautiful eyes. But reading them felt like reading soone else’s diary. I could see the proof that I’d loved her, but I couldn’t feel it.
"Co on," I mumbled to myself, picking up another notebook. "Rember sothing. Anything."
This one had sketches of Lily’s face spread throughout my study notes. Dozens of them, drawn during monts when I should have been focused on pack business. The drawings showed soone completely in love, soone who couldn’t stop thinking about his mate long enough to focus.
But that soone wasn’t . At least, it didn’t feel like .
I slamd the notebook shut and headed for the door. Maybe being in places where we’d spent ti together would help. Everyone kept telling how happy we’d been. Surely sothing would spark a mory if I just tried hard enough.
The Moon Pool was my first stop. According to Aiden, this was where Lily and I had our first real talk after her mate mark appeared. I stood at the water’s edge, waiting for so kind of recognition.
Nothing.
I knelt down and touched the water like I’d supposedly done with Lily weeks ago. Still nothing. The pool was just water and stone to , not the magical place where I’d fallen in love.
"This is hopeless," I said out loud.
"No, it’s not."
I spun around to find Elder Iris walking toward with her usual slow speed. She looked older than ever, like sothing was weighing heavily on her mind.
"Elder Iris, I didn’t hear you coming."
"You were too busy trying to force mories that aren’t ready to return," she said, sitting carefully on a nearby rock. "Tell , what do you feel when you look at this place?"
"Nothing," I replied. "I know Lily and I were here together, but it’s like looking at a photograph of strangers."
"And what do you feel when you think about Lily herself?"
I considered this carefully. "Sad," I said finally. "Not because I miss her, but because I know I should miss her. I can see how much I hurt her by not rembering, and that makes feel bad."
Elder Iris nodded like this made perfect sense. "You’re mourning the loss of your own emotions."
"That’s exactly it!" I said, surprised she understood. "Everyone expects to fight for her, to do whatever it takes to get her back. But how can I fight for soone I don’t rember loving?"
"Because love isn’t just a feeling, Caleb. It’s also a choice."
I shook my head. "That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one pretending to care about soone while feeling empty inside."
Elder Iris stood up slowly. "Co with . There’s sothing you need to see."
She led to the pack house basent, to a storage room I’d never noticed before. Inside were boxes upon boxes of pack records going back generations.
"What are we looking for?" I asked.
"Proof that you’re not the first to go through this," she said, pulling out an ancient book. "Read this."
The notebook belonged to a wolf nad Thomas who’d lived in our pack fifty years ago. As I read his entries, my blood ran cold. Thomas had been mated to a woman nad Sarah, but during a pack crisis, their bond had been broken by magic. " ’Day 12: I visited our favorite tree today,’" I read aloud. " ’I found our nas carved in the bark, proof that we were happy. But standing there felt like visiting a stranger’s grave. I know I loved Sarah, but I can’t rember what that love felt like.’"
The entries continued for months. Thomas desperately trying to reconnect with Sarah, visiting places they’d been together, reading old letters, looking at photographs. But the feelings never returned.
"What happened to them?" I asked, though I was scared to know.
"Keep reading," Elder Iris said quietly.
"’Day 89: Sarah is fading. The healers say it’s because our broken tie is slowly killing her. She needs our mate connection to live, but I can’t give her what I don’t feel. I’m watching the woman I apparently loved die because I can’t rember how to love her.’"
My hands started shaking. "Elder Iris, is this what’s happening to Lily? Is she dying because I can’t rember?"
"Read the last entry," she said instead of answering.
"’Day 107: Sarah died this morning. In her final monts, she looked at and said she forgave for forgetting. But I’ll never forgive myself. I lost her twice - once when the bond broke, and again when I couldn’t find my way back to loving her. If I could trade my life to bring back even one day of the feelings I lost, I would do it happily.’"
I stared at the book in horror. "This is my future, isn’t it? I’m going to watch Lily die while feeling nothing but guilt."
"Only if you give up," Elder Iris said. "Thomas made one crucial mistake."
"What mistake?" " He focused on trying to feel the old love instead of building new love. "
I looked at her confused. "What’s the difference?"
"The difference is that old love is based on mories you can’t reach. New love is based on the person standing in front of you right now." Elder Iris took the notebook from my trembling hands. "Stop trying to rember the Lily you loved before. Start getting to know the Lily who exists today."
"But what if I can’t love her the sa way?"
"Who says you have to? Love isn’t about repeating the past, Caleb. It’s about picking soone’s future."
Her words hit like lightning. I’d been so focused on trying to feel what I’d lost that I hadn’t considered building sothing new.
"There’s sothing else," Elder Iris said, her voice suddenly urgent. "Sothing I haven’t told anyone yet."
"What?"
"The shadow dogs that took Lily - they’re not just trying to kill her. They’re taking her mories too. Every day she rembers less about who she was, about the people she loved."
My heart stopped. "Including ?"
"Especially you," Elder Iris said grimly. "At the rate they’re working, she’ll forget you totally within days. And when she does..."
"When she does, what?"
Elder Iris t my eyes with an expression that scared .
"When she forgets you totally, the mate bond will be severed forever. Not just broken - totally destroyed. And without any link between you, there will be no way to save her life."
Before I could reply, a howl echoed through the night. But it wasn’t a normal wolf cry. It was hollow and empty, like sothing trying to be a wolf.
"They’re here," Elder Iris whispered. "The shadow wolves have co to finish what they started."
And sowhere in the darkness, Lily was forgetting my na.
Reviews
All reviews (0)