Ricardo's expression slowly turned cold.
There was sothing chilling to the bone about it.
But I forced a smile.
"Though the first button was a ss, we still have to finish it properly."
Right. This was the right thing to do.
So that I wouldn’t be entangled with Ricardo anymore.
It was an engagent neither of us wanted from the start.
At an engagent ceremony that should have been filled with happiness, soone had been flustered and soone had exploded in anger.
It was an unusual engagent.
But for sothing like that, we still held on for quite a while.
"I told you before. That I would break off the engagent the way you wanted. I think now is the ti."
"……."
"Thank you for everything until now."
Ricardo’s hard-to-read gaze settled on my face.
Then, a small groan escaped his lips.
"……Are you thanking right now?"
"Yes."
"For what, exactly?"
There was a faint murderous intent in his completely sunken voice.
"I didn’t save you. Even when you were swallowed by the lake water. I didn’t know anything and……."
Eventually, what overtook Ricardo’s face was a distant despair.
"And yet, you’re thanking ?"
I stared blankly at him and tilted my head with a puzzled look.
"You saved Lady Idette instead."
"……!"
"Isn’t that enough?"
Well, it's true that I resented Ricardo when I was suffering from a fever.
But once I recovered, it didn’t feel like sothing worth resenting him for.
It was understandable.
It made sense to save the one you loved first.
If both Cedric and Ricardo had fallen in, I would have saved Cedric first too.
The value of life was important for everyone, but that wasn’t everything.
I drank all of the cooled tea.
Having drunk all the tea the maids had prepared with care, I no longer had a reason to remain seated here.
"Then, take care."
And let’s never et again.
With a much lighter heart, I left the garden.
* * *
Only silence lingered where Bianca had left.
Ricardo couldn’t take his eyes off the empty seat.
……Take care?
Wasn’t that more like a farewell?
There was so much he wanted to say to that woman.
Things he absolutely had to say.
But he didn’t say a single thing.
He had only lashed out in anger like a fool.
……Should I stop her?
But he had countless reasons not to hold onto Bianca.
It was what he had wanted from the beginning.
To be rid of that loathso woman.
Besides, what would he even say if he stopped her?
Sothing about Idette?
If not that, then what……?
Even so, Ricardo stood up.
Raindrops began to fall one by one from the clear sky.
……I didn’t save you.
I saved Idette instead of you.
Everyone points fingers at , but I didn’t want you to hate .
It felt like sinking endlessly into the deep sea.
Having failed to save you, I was sinking into an ocean I could never escape.
If I could go back and find you then.
……If I had saved you instead, would sothing have changed?
He went back to that mont over and over.
But once he ca to his senses, only a foggy reality remained.
Ricardo’s steps gradually quickened.
In truth, he already knew the answer to the question from before.
Bianca—that woman—would be hurt.
No, anyone else in her place would have been hurt too.
But Ricardo had deceived himself.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t find the answer.
Maybe he had just turned away from it.
Because he always thought Bianca would stay by his side.
He realized that was arrogance.
But he had to think that way.
If not, there was no way for him to hold onto her.
Ricardo panted as he grabbed Bianca’s hand.
"……!"
Bianca’s eyes slowly began to widen.
……He didn’t want to admit that this was the end.
He knew their first eting was a ss, just like she said.
But so what?
If the first button was crooked, you just had to start over.
If that was too hard, then they could simply decide that the mont they longed for was their true beginning.
Like the magical mont people always talked about.
They could et in a rainy cabin.
Endure the cold in front of a fireplace while talking about each other, and make unforgettable mories.
……That would be enough.
No, I just didn’t want you to be hurt because of .
I wanted you to understand soone like .
I wanted you to wait just a little longer for soone like .
It was greedy.
Shaless.
Unbelievably selfish.
"……Ricardo."
Even in this situation, I hated that you held only kindness instead of anger.
Why wouldn’t you be mad at ?
Was it really because you were okay?
If not……
Was it because I wasn’t worth it?
* * *
I stared at him with a frozen expression.
His calm eyes were stained with emotions I couldn't begin to understand.
I tried to shake off his hand, but Ricardo didn’t let go.
"Ricardo."
I called him again, aning for him to release my hand, but Ricardo’s hand remained pale and unmoving.
Why are you still stuck on that day?
Idette should be fine by now.
"……Did sothing happen to Lady Idette?"
Ricardo’s lips trembled briefly.
"Then go to her quickly."
I tried once more to pry his hand away, but it was useless. He only gripped tighter.
The raindrops that had started to fall one by one grew heavier. But Ricardo seed completely unaware that he was getting drenched.
No matter how I thought about it, I couldn’t understand why he was holding onto .
He didn’t have the kind of face that would lash out at because of Idette.
Just like the last image I rembered of Ricardo, he looked as though he wanted to cry.
……But why?
Everything was perfect.
Just as he wanted, we would break off the engagent and never see each other again.
So then, why did he wear such an expression?
I had tried so hard to understand Ricardo. Even when I didn’t get it, I told myself it wasn’t a big deal and let it go.
But the more I faced Ricardo, the more my mind filled with confusion.
Would the day ever co when I could understand you?
……Ricardo, I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with you.
What is it that you truly want? What do you plan to do with ……?
This world existed in printed letters. We had to walk the path that had already been written.
Even if sothing changed because of , the main branches would remain the sa.
Because that was the predetermined answer.
That you loved Idette, and that you hated .
All of it was set. So I chose to accept it that way.
That was one of my ways of adapting to this world.
But the Ricardo standing before now…
……could never be understood with just printed words.
I parted my lips slightly, then lowered my gaze.
"Spend your ti on sothing more worthwhile than ."
At that mont, the strength left Ricardo’s hand.
Cedric had been right. Ti was limited, and once it passed, it would never co back.
For both and Ricardo.
It was a waste of ti now.
I turned my eyes to Allen, who stood awkwardly in the distance holding an umbrella.
It seed more ti had passed than I’d expected.
Then, Ricardo’s tightly shut lips finally parted.
"……There is nothing more worthwhile to than this."
For a mont, I thought I had misheard.
That it was just the sound of the rain spreading noisily through my ears.
But the mont I t Ricardo’s eyes, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Ricardo looked desperate.
At last, he let out incoherent words.
"I don’t fully understand myself why I held onto you."
"……."
"I just…… want you to understand ."
My understanding……?
It was still a string of words I couldn’t comprehend.
"What understanding are you asking for?"
"……."
"That you didn’t save ? If not that, then what exactly are you talking about?"
I clenched my fists tightly.
Just make an excuse. At least then I could pretend to listen.
But to ask for understanding without saying a word—
Did that an I wasn’t even worth explaining to?
A scoff slipped out from between my lips.
"Ricardo, you’re selfish. You know that?"
"I do. But if it weren’t for my selfishness, I wouldn’t have been able to hold onto you."
"And yet you still can’t say anything. I guess your selfishness doesn’t reach that far."
I would never be able to understand Ricardo.
"If you were going to be selfish, you should’ve stayed that way to the end. Otherwise, how am I supposed to interpret this situation?"
If he had held onto rely out of guilt, then that too was unbearably pathetic.
Ricardo had already saved Idette.
And he would continue to do so.
A conscience that couldn’t change anything.
I let out a self-deprecating laugh.
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