"If you had told that……."
At Ricardo's next words, I choked up without realizing it.
"Do I have no pride? You don't say anything, so how can I forgive you first and say it's okay?"
Even saying this much took great courage from .
No, was this really courage?
Words suppressed by frustration just burst out recklessly without any coherence.
"……Why? Do you want to run away even in this situation?"
I grumbled for a long while before glaring at Ricardo, who remained silent, with resentnt.
"Because just like I wanted to break off the engagent, you did too?"
At my words, a faint vein popped on Ricardo's neck. But I didn't wait for him and cut in first.
"Because you were sick of Bianca Roygin and hoped she'd wear herself out and give up on her own. Wasn't that the biggest reason you kept Lady Idette by your side?"
"……!"
"You're not keeping silent for my sake now. You just don't want your true feelings to be exposed."
You used to say that.
That you were a selfish person.
Yeah, co to think of it, you never lied.
You must be saying nothing just to protect that selfishness you once told about.
"Be honest."
It was at that mont.
"Why!"
Ricardo raised his voice.
"Why on earth do you want that kind of answer?"
He seed completely unable to understand .
"If I acknowledge this, what would change?"
"……."
"Nothing will change. This is a problem that will only end with you getting hurt."
A self-mocking chuckle escaped from between Ricardo's teeth.
"If you had told you resented and that being by my side made you miserable, I would have at least understood."
Dry leaves crunched under his hurried steps.
"I'm the one who knows best that we can't just pretend this never happened. Since any justification is nothing more than an excuse, I decided to wait for you. If I approached like I used to, you'd surely run away again."
His chest rose and fell irregularly.
"Even though I was thinking that, you say you're fine? Then just bla , get angry at ."
"……."
"But why do you treat like I'm not even worth that……."
As if he couldn't bear to et my eyes, Ricardo bowed his head deeply. In his eyes, which I caught a glimpse of, a stubbornness lingered.
But it wasn’t directed at —it was toward himself.
Ricardo roughly ran a hand over his face.
But he couldn't hide his disheveled expression and was still visibly shaken.
"I don't want to argue with you anymore. Especially not about that woman."
Even though my words were probably right, he denied them once again.
His pallid face was filled with anxiety.
As if he was clinging to the edge of a cliff, desperate to escape just this situation driven by fear.
……Even the words that he wouldn’t lie to had been a lie.
‘You’ll never be honest with .’
My blood ran cold.
I had thought that if I was the first to speak honestly, sothing would change. But all my assumptions had been wrong.
Because Ricardo was again desperately trying to change the subject.
"……It’s getting late. Let’s talk later."
"Later? When exactly is that?"
"When the weather is better than today."
"Ha."
I was so dumbfounded that I couldn’t even speak.
If Ricardo had nothing more to say, then maybe I shouldn’t care anymore either.
"Fine. Though I doubt that day will ever co."
As I turned my head away from his words, Ricardo hurriedly continued.
"I’ve found a walking path."
"……So what?"
My face gradually hardened. Then he began to babble.
"The path is full of flowers you like……."
Ricardo’s eyes reddened, and he stopped talking for a mont.
Trying to gather his overwhelming emotions, he soon continued with a voice drenched in sorrow.
"There are so many things I want to do with you. Really, so many……."
"……."
"I don’t want to spend our ti on things like this."
He awkwardly took my hand.
So you're going to avoid it like this?
Then we’ll be trapped in this endless loop forever.
From the beginning, the one most concerned about Idette was Ricardo himself.
The one who acted overly sensitive and wore a hurt expression, too.
Unconsciously, strength gathered in my hand. Ricardo struggled to free my hand to hold .
But when I didn’t release my clenched fist, the despair he had been hiding surged to the surface of his face.
"Please…… don't hate ."
I held my breath for a mont. Ricardo clung to as if pleading.
"I'm most afraid of being hated by you……."
This wasn't what I wanted to hear.
The reason I brought this up in the first place was just to escape this frustrating situation.
In the end, I couldn’t hold back and spoke up.
"The answer I wanted was your acknowledgnt and apology!"
"……."
"I don’t need that damn apology either. I decided to understand you on my own all this ti! But you're the one who wants to be forgiven by ."
I couldn't just let it pass as usual.
I couldn’t understand why Ricardo ignored the easiest solution.
"You need to apologize so that I can forgive you……."
I muttered in frustration.
If you don’t even give the chance, then what are you expecting?
‘Yeah, you and I think way too differently.’
If only I had acknowledged that first, things might not have co to this.
Ricardo and I are fundantally different people.
We don’t share the sa taste, we can’t even communicate properly. What kind of relationship requires you to walk on eggshells about each other’s past?
Everything circled back to ifs.
If I were you, I wouldn’t have said that.
If I were you, I wouldn’t have made that choice.
Even when I tried to justify Ricardo’s actions and understand him, it was only in that mont.
‘Maybe Cedric was right. It really was a waste of ti.’
What surged up was regret.
I shouldn't have said anything.
Nothing was going to change anyway.
Before I knew it, the sky had turned a deep navy. The sound of dry leaves scraping the ground in the cold wind filled the silence.
Then, a shadow, cast by the moonlight, fell over .
At the mont I hesitated and looked up, Ricardo’s voice reached .
"……Maybe you’re right."
"……."
"I didn’t stay silent because I didn’t want you to get hurt. I couldn’t say anything because I was afraid you’d end up hating soone like ."
His voice was low, but there wasn’t a hint of hesitation.
"I’m sorry."
My eyes, staring at Ricardo, trembled slightly.
"For turning my back on you, my fiancée, and leaving you alone in a lonely place……."
"……."
"My defensive attitude was the sa."
He exhaled the breath he had been holding and continued.
"Even when I fell into the lake with that woman, it wasn’t that I deliberately didn’t save you."
At his next words, my eyes widened.
As if recalling a painful mory, his fingertips trembled briefly.
"I didn’t even know you were there. I didn’t ignore you out of hatred."
"……."
"I’ve lived my whole life like a hunting dog, so I’m clumsy with people. If you don’t even resent , then I’d have no more purpose. That’s why I couldn’t speak."
Ricardo paused, perhaps afraid of what I would say next. Deep regret surfaced in his eyes, which hardly t mine.
"……I didn’t want to gloss over it with light words, so I was late instead."
I moved my lips slightly.
"I know you must be disappointed in soone like ."
"……."
"Even so, I… even knowing it’s selfish, it has to be you."
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