"Jo-Pil, have you ridden a bike before?" Seo-Jun suddenly asked as we wiped off the sweat with towels and drank water.
I looked at him, wondering where that topic ca from but he didn’t say anything else, just waiting to hear my answer.
I lowered my head, thinking.
"I think so," my gaze slowly darted towards Ki-hoon. "It’s a vague mory but I’m sure of it. I..."
I rode a bike with Ki-hoon every now and then.
Ki-hoon glanced back and I turned to Seo-Jun.
"What did you ask?"
"Well, we need to work on your hips more, since they’re very ’important’." He said and my gaze went bleak.
"Pervert."
"But it’s true. You’ll need to work out those hips a lot since they’re not only needed for sex but also when you give birth later. It’s essential,"
I suddenly flinched.
Did he just say... When I give birth?
Ah, no one had ever actually brought up a topic like that, not after the first phase of our relationship that ca with a lot of questions about my likes and dislikes.
Now that I think of it, all that was during the ti Seo-Jun was absent and had not made his entry, so he probably doesn’t know.
And he never asked either.
My view on childbirth.
’Oh, I hate the thought of childbearing. I never want to try it since it’ll hurt like hell. I don’t want to give birth and the thought never crossed my mind.’
That used to be my thought at around Chapter 34 when I was still new to everything, when I thought it was a dream and just wanted to get past the whole nightmare, but my masters never thought to force themselves on .
Min-Cheol said to forget it if it scares .
And Jin-Yeok even said, ’We’re still young, there’s no rush.’ since his goal in buying back then was to create an heir while he stayed with his girlfriend, but his views might’ve changed by now.
And my view as well.
Do I still fear childbirth?
A little bit.
I an, the thought of a baby growing inside , giving all that new feeling filled my heart with warmth and anticipation... I guess it’s because I’ve embraced the nature of an Oga who is expected to experience childbirth soti in their life.
But the thought of painful and twisting contractions making lose my mind makes ache in fear.
If I can get over that, I don’t think there’s any issue but... Do I want to have a child now?
If I get pregnant after my heat, will I want to keep the baby or get rid of it?
Would they even let get rid of it?
I an, they love and care for now but the thought of actually trying to get rid of their heir– their baby, since the baby wasn’t mine alone– could push them to act in ways they never wanted to... Never planned to.
So, I probably have to make up my mind.
"Earth to Jo-Pil," Seo-Jun waved his hand in front of . "Where did your mind travel to in this short mont?"
"Ah, sorry," I said, gulping down with difficulty as my throat and heart suddenly felt heavy. "I was just thinking about sothing."
"Is it what I said?" He asked and then squeezed his temples, as if trying to squeeze out the words from his mory, then he snapped his fingers. "Is it about giving birth?"
"Can we... Not talk about that?" I asked and then he noticed my discomfort.
"Does it bother you?" He asked. "If so then do you not want to have kids?"
"No, I didn’t say that." I suddenly snapped loudly and then looked back at Ki-hoon.
They cannot misunderstand. They mustn’t.
A misunderstanding is always the starting point of tragedy. If they misunderstand for not wanting kids and then when I finally get pregnant, the baby suddenly dies from an accident, they will imdiately conclude that I did it because I didn’t want to have kids.
That’s how it always was in movies and novels.
I can’t afford that to happen. It’ll put a serious dent in our relationship.
"I just never thought of it since no one ever brought it up," I said, my heart thumping painfully. "I never said I didn’t want kids, Seo-Jun. Please don’t say things that’ll make anyone listening misunderstand."
Seo-Jun looked at the uneasiness in , even when I was trying to act like nothing was wrong. The way my eyes shook, as if pleading he would take back his words, and then the way my hand lightly trembled... It was clear I wasn’t calm.
He was confused.
But then he sighed,
"I was just ssing with you," he said, scratching the back of his head. "But maybe I went too far."
My heart still wouldn’t stop pounding.
"Sorry, Jo-Pil." He said and I tried to smile.
"Is sothing wrong?" Ki-hoon asked and we both looked back at him.
I wasn’t scared... No, I wasn’t. So then, why was my hand trembling?
"I think I overworked myself a bit," I said, barely smiling. "I’ll do one more exercise routine and end it."
"I told you not to push yourself too much," Ki-hoon said, driving his hand over my hair and sliding my hair back. "Your hair’s growing out a lot."
"Yeah," I laughed. "Don’t you like it?"
He smiled warmly.
"It’s pretty."
"Perfect for grabbing." Seo-Jun suddenly added and I glared at him.
"Pervert."
"Shouldn’t you just stop it here?" He asked but I shook my head.
"No, I’ll just do the hip exercise Seo-Jun suggested. I should be paying a lot of attention to my hips from now on." I said and Ki-hoon suddenly blushed.
He probably got the sa thought as using my hip for sex as Seo-Jun ntioned but he didn’t voice it and instead cleared his throat.
"Well then, I should get going. I have an online eting in an hour." He said, and then planted his lips on my forehead. "I’ll see you during breakfast,"
"Yeah," I mumbled and watched him walk away. Once he was gone, I turned to Seo-Jun. "So, where is this hip exercising machine?"
"It’s right over there." He pointed at the back and we both walked there.
It was just the two of us now, but I didn’t think about that fact. I was just... Trying to stay calm from the tension just now.
"A bike?"
There were three types of exercise bikes there and I knew neither of their nas.
"Yeah. The best thod for hip exercise." He said. "There’s the upright bike, recumbent bike, and spine back. But we’re going to start with the recumbent bike since you’re a beginner."
It had a backrest that could allow to sit in a reclined position.
It was, according to Seo-Jun, great for lower back support.
He helped get on and told about the things I needed to make sure of, while adjusting the paddles.
"By the way, what was that just now?" He asked. "It looked like you were scared."
"Seo-Jun, do you know what’s the greatest force that can ruin a relationship? Whether it’s by bits or big," I said and he looked at .
"Cheating?" He asked and I closed my eyes.
Typical Seo-Jun.
"No, it’s misunderstanding," I said. "If your partner misunderstands you, even if you try to clear up and succeed, the seed has already been sown."
"Can you elaborate? I don’t think I’m getting it."
"You were asking if I didn’t want to have kids. A mont of hesitation before answering could make you think I don’t want to, right?"
"Hm, yeah."
"But what if I was thinking about sothing else? You’ve already had a thought crossing your mind that I might not want to have kids, anwhile, I do. And then when it’s finally ti for to have kids and I lose the baby, what will be the first thing you think?"
Seo-Jun went silent and then pald his face.
"I get why you were scared." He said. "It could definitely make wonder if you lost the baby on purpose because you still weren’t sure of raising one." I nodded my head.
"Now you see? A little misunderstanding can go a long way. There are also other small misunderstandings that create tiny cracks in a relationship. I don’t want to be a victim of misunderstandings, Seo-Jun."
"I understand. And sorry for making you worry."
That’s why I didn’t want Ki-hoon to hear about our conversation. If he had heard what Seo-Jun said, it would weigh on his mind as well.
This is the world of a novel, we are all characters and coincidences happen to follow certain events... As well as misfortune.
As much as I would like to avoid all misfortune, I also don’t want to create any with my hands. So I’m being very careful.
"But can you be honest with , Jo-Pil?" Seo-Jun asked. "I just want to hear your honest thoughts. I won’t judge you or bla you if you accidentally lose your child later."
As he said that, I already knew what he was going to ask and prepared my response.
"Do you want to have kids?"
"Yes," I said, "But maybe in the future. I don’t know about right now."
"Then, what happens if you get pregnant after your heat?"
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